Episode 403 - Sex As A Pacifier

In this episode, I'm inviting you to look at a pattern that might be quietly shaping your sex life without you realizing it. We're talking about what happens when sex becomes a way to soothe anxiety, seek reassurance, or calm uncomfortable emotions instead of a place of desire and connection. I share real examples of how this shows up in marriages, why it feels helpful in the moment, and why it often leaves both partners feeling disconnected afterward. Most importantly, we explore what becomes possible when sex no longer has to carry the weight of proving everything is okay. If you want a sex life that feels lighter, more present, and rooted in genuine connection, this episode is for you.

Have you ever noticed how sex can feel like something you "check off," followed by days or weeks of not thinking about it at all? In this episode, I'm inviting you to consider a different way of relating to your sexuality that doesn't require pressure, performance, or forcing yourself to feel desire. The idea is called "simmering" and I will explain how staying gently connected to your sexual self between encounters can make sex feel easier, more natural, and more mutual. We'll talk about how anticipation and awareness create desire over time, especially if you're the lower desire partner. If you want sex to feel less like a mountain to climb and more like something you can ease into, this episode will help you see what's been missing and how to change it.

In this episode, I'm talking about the lies your brain tells you about sex and how those thoughts quietly sabotage connection in your marriage. I explain why your brain is wired to see sexual vulnerability as a threat, how past experiences and conditioning shape the stories you believe, and why those stories feel so true even when they aren't. We look at the specific lies that tend to show up for both higher-desire and lower-desire partners, and how those patterns keep couples stuck in fear, shame, and disconnection. I also share practical ways to recognize when your brain is lying, how to question those thoughts without judging yourself, and how curiosity can open the door to real intimacy again. If sex feels complicated, heavy, or confusing in your marriage, this episode will help you understand what's actually happening and how to move forward with more clarity and compassion.

This episode marks my 400th conversation about sex, marriage, and building a relationship that actually feels good to live inside, and I'm incredibly grateful you're here for it. To celebrate, I dive into why flirting can either create connection and desire or quietly turn into pressure that pushes your spouse away. I explain how flirting is meant to be playful and connective, not a disguised request for sex, and why the underlying dynamic matters more than the behavior itself. We talk about different flirting styles, how mindset shapes how flirting lands, and what to do when affection has started to feel loaded or tense. If you want flirting to feel lighter, safer, and genuinely connecting again, this episode will help you understand what's getting in the way and how to shift it. Find the Podcast Guide here.  

In this episode, I'm talking about what it really looks like to infuse sexual energy throughout your marriage, not just during planned intimacy, but in the everyday moments that make you feel desired, connected, and alive together. I share stories, examples, and real quotes from couples who've learned how to build a playful, pressure-free erotic undercurrent that carries through their whole day. You'll hear how touch, texting, flirtation, emotional intimacy, and even mindset shifts can help you create that simmering connection you loved when you were first dating. I also walk through the difference between healthy sexual energy and unwanted pressure, and how each partner can contribute in ways that feel safe and genuine. If you want a marriage where sexual energy is woven into your daily life in a natural, meaningful way, this episode is for you.

In this episode, I will walk you through a question I've heard from so many women over the years: How do I know if I'm actually having an orgasm? I'll explain what weak orgasms, subtle climaxes, and full-body releases really feel like and why it's so common to be unsure. I'll share the most frequent reasons orgasms feel muted and teach you practical techniques—like the plateau method, pelvic floor engagement, deeper breathing, and mindset shifts—to help you build stronger, more satisfying orgasms. I'll also guide you through why solo and partnered orgasms can feel different and how to bring that same confident pleasure into your relationship. If you've ever wondered whether your orgasms could feel clearer, stronger, or more intense, this episode will feel like the conversation you've been needing.

In this episode, I'm breaking down the practical side of sexual hygiene and why it matters so much for intimacy, confidence, and overall sexual health. I walk through the basics of caring for your body, hands, nails, toys, and the environment you're having sex in, and I explain the common mistakes couples make that lead to infections and discomfort. I share real examples from clients to show how small hygiene habits can make a big difference in your relationship and your body. You'll also hear simple, actionable intimacy tips to help you build safer, healthier, more comfortable sex routines with your spouse. If you've ever wondered what actually matters when it comes to better sex and good hygiene, this episode will give you clear guidance without the overwhelm.

I get asked all the time how to keep sex and intimacy alive after having a baby, so in this episode I'm breaking down what really happens during this huge transition. Last week we talked about sex during pregnancy, and today we're looking at what comes next, because bringing home a baby reshapes your relationship in ways you can't always prepare for. Whether you're expecting your first or remembering those early days, I want you to feel seen, supported, and reminded that nothing is "wrong" with you if things feel off. I'll walk you through what the research shows about why so many couples struggle, and the practical habits that help the strongest partnerships find their way back to connection. My goal is to help you understand what's normal, what's fixable, and how you can rebuild intimacy with compassion - for yourself and for each other. Book mentioned: And Baby Makes Three

Pregnancy brings so many changes, and your intimate life is one of them, but it doesn't have to disappear for nine months. In this episode, I'm answering real listener questions about sex during pregnancy, including what's safe, what feels comfortable, and how to stay emotionally and physically connected through every trimester. We'll talk about shifting desire, body image, and practical ways to communicate and adapt as your body changes. My goal is to help you and your partner approach this season with curiosity, confidence, and closeness instead of fear or frustration. You'll walk away feeling more at ease, better informed, and equipped with real strategies to keep intimacy thriving during every stage of pregnancy. Remember to consult with your healthcare provider about any concerns related to intimacy during pregnancy. Every pregnancy is unique, and individual medical guidance is important.  

In this episode, I'm sitting down with Justin and Natalie Weeks, the founders of Evree Intimate Massage Oil and Lubricant, to talk about how one thoughtful idea completely transformed their intimacy and could change yours too. We dive into the surprising benefits of using a truly natural, skin-loving intimate product, why lube is essential (not optional!), and how communication and playfulness can take a good marriage and make it great. Justin and Natalie share their story of creating a product that's 100% natural, edible, safe for sensitive skin, and doubles as both a massage oil and lubricant, plus how it's changed the way they connect in and out of the bedroom. Whether you're navigating dryness, menopause, or just wanting more pleasure and connection, this conversation is full of encouragement and practical insight for couples of faith. Tune in to hear why investing in intimacy matters and how something as simple as the right lubricant can bring more joy, confidence, and closeness into your marriage.