EP62: Three Stories

Have you ever felt like two parts of yourself are at battle with each other--one that knows something is bad for you and another that wants to do it anyway? Or maybe you have a loud inner critic, or an inner toddler that just wants to be seen and heard? We are all made up of different parts, but we can learn how to work with them vs against them. In this episode Jodi talks with therapist and author, Britt Frank, about her new book, Align Your Mind: Tame Your Inner Critic and Make Peace with Your Shadow Using the Power of Parts Work. Jodi and Britt discuss the different types of parts and how to identify them, and how parts work can be helpful in love addiction recovery.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and link to join her newsletter for upcoming announcements For more information about Britt Frank visit her website and follow her on Instagram @brittfank Purchase Align Your Mind here Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

Love addiction is a set of symptoms most often associated with romantic relationships. But these symptoms can also show up in our relationship with work, which might look like this: seeking unconditional positive regard (ie earning validation and worthiness from the work we're doing, the company that employs us, the person who manages us), while we overvalue this company or person (and undervalue ourselves and the contribution we are making at work), all while self-neglecting as we overfunction in order to get that external validation. And all of this leads to exhaustion, health issues, and ultimately burnout.  In this episode, Jodi talks with burnout and productivity specialist, Tamu Thomas, author of Women Who Work Too Much, about toxic productivity, ambition and the cultural conditioning that shapes us. Tamu shares her personal experience with overfunctioning and how this led to a necessary life change; and why women often end up being the "selfless caretakers", how this leads us into a cycle of toxic productivity, and how we can change that...plus much more! Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and link to join her newsletter for upcoming announcements For more information about Tamu Thomas, visit her website and follow her on Instagram @tamu.thomas Purchase Women Who Work Too Much here Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.    

In recovery, we examine the past and how it shaped us. We look at what we learned from our family of origin about life and relationships; plus the cultural messages that influenced us along the way (and may continue to do so). Storytelling can be a powerful tool in recovery, because as we look at the past we uncover memories that lead to feelings and aha moments; we connect dots that help us make sense of what has happened to us, and how it all led us here today. In this episode, Jodi shares three stories that have been on her mind and how these stories relate to her own recovery. Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Helpful books: Facing Codependence and Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody Ready To Heal by Kelly McDaniel Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.      

In love addiction, we avoid our reality through fantasy and other behaviors that keep us stuck and feeling powerless. But even in recovery, reality becomes overwhelming at times, and we might still find ourselves wanting to check-out and shutdown in order to bypass those feelings. In this episode, Jodi talks about her recent experience with checking-out and attempting to avoid reality; our collective issue with self-esteem; and navigating hopelessness while holding onto empathy. Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Books mentioned in this episode: Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody and The Great Work Of Your Life by Stephen Cope Chelsea Handler shared a helpful post regarding "How To Help Texas" that includes resources and where to donate to support flood recovery efforts. In the episode Jodi shares a quote commonly attributed to James Baldwin: “We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.” After recording, Jodi learned that there is some confusion regarding the actual source. According to Snopes: "It wasn't James Baldwin who said this, but essayist and novelist Robert Jones Jr., who used to write online under the moniker @sonofbaldwin. He wrote and posted these words on X (formerly Twitter) on Aug. 18, 2015." However other online sources continue to report it was actually James Balwin himself.  Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.    

Why do women turn on each other? This important question was posed in a recent Substack article, which addressed what Jodi has been wondering for a long time: Is it envy? Fear? Competition? Patriarchy? All of the above? Regardless of the underlying reasons, we might catch ourselves dismissively believing 'there's just something about her that bothers me' (which then allows us to avoid those underlying reasons and blame the other person). In this episode, Jodi and her friend, Brooke, talk more about all of this. They also discuss the documentary, Call Her Alex, and the aforementioned Substack article by Women Are The Medicine.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Link to Call Her Daddy on Hulu Link to Substack article by Rachel Lawlan of Women Are The Medicine   Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.  

Emotional abuse is far too common and yet it can be difficult to recognize, because it's subtle at first and often covert. It can deplete a person's self esteem and simultaneously create dependence upon the abusive partner, which blurs reality and makes it hard to leave. But what is emotional abuse and how can we recover from an emotionally abusive relationship? In this episode, Jodi talks with therapist and author, Leah Aguirre, LCSW, about her new book, Is This Really Love? Recognizing When You're  in a Coercive, Controlling, and Emotionally Abusive Relationship--and How to Break Free. Jodi shares a story about her first addictive relationship and Leah talks about the aha moment that led her to leave an emotionally abusive partner. Jodi and Leah also discuss coercion and control; personality traits of an emotional abuser; and relationship green flags (signs that a relationship or partner is safe). Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Leah's website and Instagram Link to order Is This Really Love? Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.  

"I'm okay as long as you're okay with me": If our wellbeing is dependent upon another person, their opinion of us, or external validation, we are other-esteeming (looking for security outside of ourselves). This is considered emotional dependence, and it plays a big role in love addiction. In this episode, Jodi talks with Allen Berger, PhD, therapist and author of "12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety". Dr. Berger defines emotional dependence, explains why it happens, and what emotional sobriety can look like.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Link to Dr. Berger's website and his book 12 Insights for Emotional Sobriety Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

This is a special tribute episode to the work of Pia Mellody who passed away May 7th at the age of 82. Pia was a pioneer in the field of trauma and addiction recovery; she developed a groundbreaking model of treatment, and authored several books including Facing Love Addiction and Facing Codependence.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Links to Facing Codependence, Facing Love Addiction and The Intimacy Factor by Pia Mellody Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

In love addiction, we may find ourselves feeling betrayed by a partner-- even if we don't know for sure that something is going on--while doubting our instincts, believing we're too sensitive, and giving an emotionally unavailable partner the benefit of the doubt. This feeling adds to our anxiety, and whatever information a partner is withholding adds to the dysfunction of the relationship...and we stay in the cycle of love addiction hoping things will change. In this episode Jodi talks with betrayal trauma therapist, Lindsay Haverslew, about the reality of betrayal trauma. Jodi and Lindsay share personal experiences with betrayal, and discuss signs that a partner is emotionally unavailable, tips for identifying a trustworthy person, and much more.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Lindsay's website and instagram Lindsay mentioned the work of Jennifer Freyd and Dr. Kevin Skinner and the book Unleashing Your Power  Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

Music has the power to shape moods and moments; but do you ever wonder what shaped the music? Or what someone had to experience in order to bring one of your favorite songs or albums into the world? In this episode, Jodi talks with singer-songwriter, Kelly Willis. Jodi shares the personal significance of Kelly's album, 'What I Deserve' and how it provided hope during a particularly painful time in her life; and Kelly discusses how her childhood as an army brat, growing up without her mother, and early disappointments in the music industry shaped that album. Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Read Army Brat by Kelly Willis (and subscribe to her Substack) Link to Kelly's website Listen to What I Deserve by Kelly Willis  Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.