EP54: A Mind That Never Stops with Aly Dearborn, MFT

Why do women turn on each other? This important question was posed in a recent Substack article, which addressed what Jodi has been wondering for a long time: Is it envy? Fear? Competition? Patriarchy? All of the above? Regardless of the underlying reasons, we might catch ourselves dismissively believing 'there's just something about her that bothers me' (which then allows us to avoid those underlying reasons and blame the other person). In this episode, Jodi and her friend, Brooke, talk more about all of this. They also discuss the documentary, Call Her Alex, and the aforementioned Substack article by Women Are The Medicine.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Link to Call Her Daddy on Hulu Link to Substack article by Rachel Lawlan of Women Are The Medicine   Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.  

Emotional abuse is far too common and yet it can be difficult to recognize, because it's subtle at first and often covert. It can deplete a person's self esteem and simultaneously create dependence upon the abusive partner, which blurs reality and makes it hard to leave. But what is emotional abuse and how can we recover from an emotionally abusive relationship? In this episode, Jodi talks with therapist and author, Leah Aguirre, LCSW, about her new book, Is This Really Love? Recognizing When You're  in a Coercive, Controlling, and Emotionally Abusive Relationship--and How to Break Free. Jodi shares a story about her first addictive relationship and Leah talks about the aha moment that led her to leave an emotionally abusive partner. Jodi and Leah also discuss coercion and control; personality traits of an emotional abuser; and relationship green flags (signs that a relationship or partner is safe). Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Leah's website and Instagram Link to order Is This Really Love? Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.  

"I'm okay as long as you're okay with me": If our wellbeing is dependent upon another person, their opinion of us, or external validation, we are other-esteeming (looking for security outside of ourselves). This is considered emotional dependence, and it plays a big role in love addiction. In this episode, Jodi talks with Allen Berger, PhD, therapist and author of "12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety". Dr. Berger defines emotional dependence, explains why it happens, and what emotional sobriety can look like.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Link to Dr. Berger's website and his book 12 Insights for Emotional Sobriety Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

This is a special tribute episode to the work of Pia Mellody who passed away May 7th at the age of 82. Pia was a pioneer in the field of trauma and addiction recovery; she developed a groundbreaking model of treatment, and authored several books including Facing Love Addiction and Facing Codependence.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Links to Facing Codependence, Facing Love Addiction and The Intimacy Factor by Pia Mellody Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

In love addiction, we may find ourselves feeling betrayed by a partner-- even if we don't know for sure that something is going on--while doubting our instincts, believing we're too sensitive, and giving an emotionally unavailable partner the benefit of the doubt. This feeling adds to our anxiety, and whatever information a partner is withholding adds to the dysfunction of the relationship...and we stay in the cycle of love addiction hoping things will change. In this episode Jodi talks with betrayal trauma therapist, Lindsay Haverslew, about the reality of betrayal trauma. Jodi and Lindsay share personal experiences with betrayal, and discuss signs that a partner is emotionally unavailable, tips for identifying a trustworthy person, and much more.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Lindsay's website and instagram Lindsay mentioned the work of Jennifer Freyd and Dr. Kevin Skinner and the book Unleashing Your Power  Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

Music has the power to shape moods and moments; but do you ever wonder what shaped the music? Or what someone had to experience in order to bring one of your favorite songs or albums into the world? In this episode, Jodi talks with singer-songwriter, Kelly Willis. Jodi shares the personal significance of Kelly's album, 'What I Deserve' and how it provided hope during a particularly painful time in her life; and Kelly discusses how her childhood as an army brat, growing up without her mother, and early disappointments in the music industry shaped that album. Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Read Army Brat by Kelly Willis (and subscribe to her Substack) Link to Kelly's website Listen to What I Deserve by Kelly Willis  Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

What does it mean to be "good"? Unfortunately, for women, being seen as "good" often requires conforming and playing along vs standing up for one's values or against wrongdoing--if you've seen the movie Wicked, you know how this story goes. In this episode, Jodi begins the process of imperfectly unpacking what she's learned throughout nearly a decade of recovery (and 55 years of life): the insidious power of cultural messages; why being seen as a "good girl" can feel so important, but keeps us stuck; and how all of this prevents us from speaking up, being real, and getting to know our true strength.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Read Jodi's blog  Jodi mentioned the book Ready to Heal by Kelly McDaniel Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.                  

Emotional dysregulation, compulsive behavior and obsessive thoughts: if you've struggled with love addiction, all of this might sound very familiar...but these are also symptoms of ADHD. Is there a connection? In this episode, Jodi talks with Aly Dearborn, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist with specialized training in recognizing female presentations of ADHD and Austism. Aly and Jodi discuss the shared symptoms of love addiction, ADHD and Autism; the estrogen connection and why girls and women are often misdiagnosed; and Aly shares her personal experience with love addiction and being an adult diagnosed ADHD/Autistic. Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources More resources and information about Aly Dearborn can be found here Aly mentioned the work of Bo Forbes Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.    

We live in a time of constant communication and short-form media, with unlimted data at our fingertips and an abundance of "experts" at the ready. While this access to information and opinions is functional at times, it can also feel overwhelming and lead to dysregulation, regression and dysfunctional behavior. So how do we handle this? In this episode, Jodi discusses the the importance of discernment and the power of pausing; why the symptoms of codependence and love addiction lead to undervaluing our instincts while overvaluing the opinions of others; and how pausing can reveal the most useful information of all. Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody Here's a very handy feelings wheel @ feelingswheel.com Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

Love addiction is more than 'just' love addiction: It's a set of symptoms rooted in codependence, and fed by cutural messages that lead girls and women to believe they are unworthy, unwell, unlovable--and all of this starts early in life. Anna Christie's story is an incredible example of the influence those messages can have on us. As she explains in this episode, Anna knew at a young age that she was queer; but through feedback from her environment, she learned this wasn't acceptable, and spent years of her life conforming. Anna's powerful story is an example of the distances we'll travel in search of the belonging we crave, as well as proof that we can find ourselves again.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Jodi's website and link to the JOLA Network (online recovery community) and Fall 2024 Mother Hunger online group.   Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.