114: How to Despair

What does it mean to give yourself a soft landing when the world hasn't made room for one? My friend Jovian Zayne joins me to talk about her book, Soft Landings for Hard Days, and the practice of meeting our humanity with grace. We talk about the hard days that shaped her work, the particular necessity of softness and spaciousness for Black womxn, the fear and perfectionism that accompanied writing her book, and why companionship—not fixing—is sometimes the greatest gift we can offer. Find more about and from Jovian at jovianzayne.com. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

Adulthood asks us to confront a difficult truth: life rarely unfolds the way we imagined. In this episode, laura explores the difference between acceptance and approval, why acknowledging reality is essential for wise action, and how staying in relationship with what's true can become a profound practice of love, grief, and resilience. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

In this episode, we explore why truly living our values—like inclusivity, growth, and liberation—requires more than good intentions. It demands the uncomfortable, ongoing practice of changing our minds. Drawing on neuroscience and real-life examples, laura breaks down an actionable process for recognizing when our thinking is limited, pausing our defensive reactions, and expanding our capacity to hold complexity. If you've ever found yourself shutting down opposing perspectives or clinging to certainty, this conversation offers a powerful reframe: inclusivity isn't just a belief—it's a skill. And learning to update your thinking, even slightly, can transform how you relate to others and move through the world. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.  

This episode is about the habit of making someone wrong—-and how quickly that instinct shapes the way we relate to each other. I'm asking what becomes possible if we loosen our grip on blame and instead choose something more curious, and more human. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

What happens after you let go of forced hope? No breakthrough. No surge of inspiration. Just life—continuing. In this quiet, honest episode building off of last month, we explore what it means to stay put when nothing feels especially promising. Not grit. Not toxic positivity. Just the radical act of not turning away. If you're tired of pretending things will "work out" and still want to remain in love, in care, in contact with life—this one's for you. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

How do you hope when there's no logical reason to? In this episode, we explore what hope really is—and what it isn't. Rather than treating hope as optimism, belief, or confidence about the future, this conversation reframes hope as a present-moment orientation toward life, even when things feel bleak, overwhelming, or hopeless. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

What does it mean to stay human in a world that fuels disconnection, numbness, and productivity? This episode digs into everyday forms of dehumanization—and offers five messy, honest practices to help you rehumanize yourself and the spaces/relationships around you. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

laura reflects on the paradox of fighting for liberation while remembering we are already free. Through Buddhist practice, personal story, and practical tools, she invites listeners to live from wholeness now—even in the midst of struggle. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

In this deeply human episode of How to Make Love, laura invites us to practice despair—not as defeat, but as an act of love and honesty. Together, we explore how to face the unbearable truths of our world—genocide, displacement, climate crises, and quiet suffering—without turning away or being swallowed by numbness. This is not an episode of false hope—it is an invitation to stay human in a breaking world. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

Let's explore the radical, often uncomfortable practice of believing in others—even when life, systems, and personal history give us every reason not to. This episode challenges our instincts to withdraw trust and explores belief as a choice to see people as unfinished, capable, and still becoming. It's not about ignoring harm—it's about holding complexity with integrity, courage, and care. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.