Rewriting Unspoken Contracts

At one time or another, we all find ourselves in relational situations that leave us with the question: when did I agree to this way of doing things?  We are born into societies, cultures, and families that imprint upon us unspoken agreements. As we grow and strive for greater connection, authenticity, and wellbeing, there will inevitably come a time when we find that the way we have been doing things -- with our parent, partner, or another significant person; with the way that we show up in a role or express a part of our identity -- is not how we want to proceed. In this moment, we have a choice: to maintain the status quo and pay the cost to our soul, or to enter into the scary, uncertain, but transformative portal of transition and find out what is possible on the other side. References: A Little Book on the Human Shadow, by Robert Bly  Robert A. Johnson  The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, by Harriet Lerner Sheryl's course on Healing the Mother Wound: a 40-Day Course for Daughters Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Dr. Lindset Gibson EMDR for Anger Management, by Deborah Kennard Join us on Patreon for bonus content and virtual gatherings: patreon.com/gatheringgold Some of our recent bonus episodes include: When Criticism Hurts | Alcohol & HSPs | Victoria’s Psychotropic Experience | Give and Receiving – Shudder – Feedback | The Problem with Pedestals

What’s the difference between being alone, feeling lonely, and experiencing solitude? Victoria and Sheryl explore the nourishing power of time spent alone, the internal and external barriers that keep us from it, and how solitude helps us reconnect with ourselves, our creativity, and the people we love. References: The Anger Workbook by Les Carter, PhD, and Frank Minirth, MD Rainer Maria Rilke quote about marriage and being guardians of each other's solitude Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh Mothers and Other Fictional Characters by Nicole Graev Lipson Related episodes: Patreon bonus episode: Alcohol & HSPs Gathering Gold episodes about Loneliness and Unrequited Love

Disappointment might be one of the first ways that we experience innocence lost. We hope, we expect, we desire, and then--we are let down. It doesn't happen. The ice cream cone smashes on the pavement. It rains, and we can't play outside. Some disappointments sting like skinned knees. Other disappointments run deep like wounds, turn into scar tissue: the career or relationship that never went the way we wanted. How do we meet the pain of disappointment, find our way through the thicket of pain, and gather some sort of gold on the other side? References: Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery Perennials Episode 67: On Disappointment and Patience Great Expectations by Charles Dickens "Unrequited" by David Whyte

Sheryl and Victoria uncover layers of nuance within the experience of being a seer, a seeker, and a highly sensitive person: these traits can be beautiful compasses pointing us towards depth, meaning, and connection, but they also have their shadow sides. Seeing can shift into blaming, seeking into endless rumination, and sensitivity into controlling behavior. In today's episode, Sheryl and Victoria explore how radical responsibility softens the edges of shadows and clears our path towards empowerment, freedom, and ultimately, love. And, Sheryl shares how a community of responsible seers and seekers, such as the communities created in her courses, offers a safe, healing container for this difficult but life-giving work. References: Sheryl's upcoming round of Break Free from Anxiety: A 9-Month Course on the Art of Living The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl Dialectical Behavior Therapy The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron Other Gathering Gold episodes referenced: "The Power of the Pause" "Resistance to Growing Up"

“I’m afraid of living a small life. Of not living up to my potential. Of never being great.” We hear this often: people wondering whether their life is enough—whether they are enough— and whether they will have regrets in the future about how they chose to lead their “one wild and precious life” (to quote Mary Oliver). In today’s episode, we unpack the paradoxes bound up in considering whether a life is “big enough," and ask the questions: big by what metric? My whose measuring stick?  Sheryl shares personal experiences of touching a certain "bigness" (being on the Oprah Winfrey show and amassing 100,000+ followers on Instagram), followed by unhooking from the seductive but soul-sucking tentacles of a certain kind of success. Traversing stories of Taylor Swift and Doechii, Robin Wall Kimmerer and Jane Austen, we look at messaging from mainstream culture and wisdom traditions about what it means to live a life that is connected, engaged, and meaningful, and how we can resist the “hungry ghost” culture of quantity over quality. Sheryl’s blog post, How to Cool Down Internet Inflamed Relationship Anxiety Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke "The Goodness of Ordinary Life" episode of Gathering Gold Taylor Swift's song “Anti-Hero” and her commentary about it Sheryl’s appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show "DENIAL IS A RIVER" by Doechii Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer Jane Austen’s writing table

Why do we keep searching for the one thing that will finally make us feel complete? Inspired by David Whyte's essay Unrequited Love, Sheryl and Victoria explore the universal experience of longing, and why it is especially familiar to highly sensitive people. Together, they reflect on the ache for perfect connection, the inevitability of disappointment, and the cultural messages that tell us we are only one relationship, achievement, or purchase away from feeling whole. What if longing isn't a problem to solve, but a natural part of being human? This conversation invites embracing life's "beautiful temporary" moments of connection—and finding peace in the imperfect, ever-changing rhythm of love and belonging. References: David Whyte’s “Unrequited Love” from Consolations Enneagram 4 We, Robert Johnson Marion Woodman Dancing in the Flames Olivia Rodrigo “The Cure”

In this solo episode, inspired by a Patreon community member, Victoria reflects on what it means to be a "lazy hard worker"—someone who swings between periods of doing "nothing" and burning the candle at both ends. Through personal reflections, she explores the difference between moving slowly and being truly stuck, the fears that can fuel procrastination and perfectionism, and how understanding our own temperament, rhythms, and needs can help us find a more sustainable middle path. References: Gathering Gold episode: Effort and Ease

Four years ago, we shared an episode on dream work and the gifts that emerge from remembering, recording, and reflecting on our dreams in solitude. Today, we're returning to the subject—this time exploring the power of sharing dreams within a trusted community. What unique wisdom can emerge when we invite others to reflect on our dreams—and when we do the same for theirs? How can dream work expand our empathy, spark creative responses to social challenges, and help us discern how we're called to serve? And how do we find the kind of community where this sacred work can unfold? We explore all this and more in today's episode. References: Jeremy Taylor interviews with Dream Networker and Thinking Allowed Jeremy Taylor's Basic Dream Work Tool Kit Marion Woodman's dream work  Gathering Gold episode: "Living IRL" The Kin of Ata Are Waiting for You by Dorothy Bryant

Sheryl and Victoria reflect on their experiences of Sheryl's first-ever in-person retreat: Another Way. For five days, nestled in a Colorado valley, the retreatants engaged in dream work and rituals; practiced council; moved mindfully; and connected to creativity. Inside a circle of compassion and wisdom, tears and laughter flowed with ease. A web of deep, healing connection was woven--invisible threads of love that now stretch across continents and oceans.  In this conversation, Sheryl and Victoria share the guiding principles of the retreat, emphasizing gentleness, safety, and empowerment; dispel myths about what a retreat experience "should" look like; and explore how, no matter what, showing up with an open heart is more than enough.  References: "Another Way" Gathering Gold episode How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy, Jenny Odell Animal Spirit Deck, Kim Kranz Projective identification dreamwork, Jeremy Taylor Join us on Patreon for bonus content and virtual gatherings: patreon.com/gatheringgold Some of our recent bonus episodes include: Victoria's Psychotropic Experience | The Slipstream of Time | Give and Receiving - Shudder - Feedback | The Problem with Pedestals | Are Intrusive Thoughts like Stray Cats?

Sheryl and Victoria share a favorite bonus conversation from the Patreon library ("Dear Highly Sensitive Parent") and current reflections on why it still resonates so deeply--especially now. Sheryl shares some of her most potent, painful, and life-changing experiences in early motherhood and the practices that held and grounded her in the toughest moments. And, she and Victoria discuss Sheryl's first-ever in-person retreat (!) and her new community offering for mothers: The Gathering Well.  References: "There is Another Way" episode The Gathering Well community for mothers Interested in joining a future retreat? Email Sheryl: [email protected] Join us on Patreon for bonus content and virtual gatherings: patreon.com/gatheringgold Some of our recent bonus episodes include: Victoria's Psychotropic Experience | The Slipstream of Time | Give and Receiving - Shudder - Feedback | The Problem with Pedestals | Are Intrusive Thoughts like Stray Cats?