Smoke, Mirrors, and the Fear of Being Known with Jay Skeeters

In this episode, Rose Skeeters and Jay Skeeters explore the importance of vulnerability, how smoke and mirrors behaviors develop, and the impact on relationships and personal growth. They share personal stories and practical insights to help listeners understand and practice vulnerability for healthier connections.Keywordsvulnerability, smoke and mirrors, emotional honesty, personal growth, relationships, self-awareness, mental health, BPD, emotional regulation, authenticity Key topicsThe role of vulnerability in personal and relational growthHow smoke and mirrors behaviors develop and their impactThe connection between vulnerability and emotional healthPersonal stories illustrating the consequences of avoiding vulnerabilityStrategies for building trust and practicing vulnerabilityBook a session with Rose or Jay: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thriveonlinecounseling.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Call/Text: 844-984-7483 (844-9-THRIVE)Podcast Website: thriveonlinecounseling.comFollow the show for more on BPD recovery, betrayal trauma, shadow work, values-based healing, and building authentic relationships.You are loved. You are worthy. You are created with purpose .See you next week on From Borderline to Beautiful.

In this episode, Rose Skeeters explores how love, acceptance, and training can transform challenging traits into strengths, especially in the context of childhood development and adult self-acceptance. She discusses practical ways to reframe big emotions, hyperfixation, dissociation, and other traits as potential sources of growth and creativity.Keywordsself-acceptance, emotional regulation, childhood development, mental health, personal growth, trauma, sublimation, dissociation, hyperfixation, therapyKey TopicsThe importance of love, acceptance, and training in childhood developmentHow big emotions can lead to shame or growth depending on supportThe concept of sublimation and turning traits into creative or productive outletsThe role of dissociation and watching oneself as a movie in healingPractical examples of transforming hyperfixation into mastery or craftThe impact of shame on self-identity and how love can reshape itThe significance of training and acceptance in adult mental healthStrategies for turning traits like big emotions and hyperfixation into strengthsFall Group – Starting September 30 ⁠Fall group forming, register today!⁠⁠I’m running a small fall group beginning September 30. Space is limited on purpose so participants can actually practice these skills with support and feedback.If you’ve been wanting structured work around emotion regulation, abandonment fear, and breaking the safety-behavior cycle, this group is designed for that.Individual session openings are also available if you prefer one-on-one work.Details: ⁠⁠⁠⁠thriveonlinecounseling.com⁠⁠⁠⁠Book a session with Rose or Jay: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thriveonlinecounseling.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Call/Text: 844-984-7483 (844-9-THRIVE)Podcast Website: thriveonlinecounseling.comFollow the show for more on BPD recovery, betrayal trauma, shadow work, values-based healing, and building authentic relationships.You are loved. You are worthy. You are created with purpose .See you next week on From Borderline to Beautiful.

Shame says you are the problem. Living amends asks a better question: How will you live now so the same harm is not repeated?Living amends is not another apology. It is the practice of repairing harm by living differently—especially when shame, rumination, or a one-time “I’m sorry” has not created change.In BPD recovery, guilt and shame can become an identity. This episode explains living amends—repair through consistent action rather than endless apology—and how a simple writing practice can open the door to self-forgiveness without self-punishment.Key points• Living amends = ongoing changed behavior, not a transaction.• It is useful when contact would cause more harm, the person is gone, or words have already been overused.• In BPD recovery it counters shame-identity, builds accountability without self-attack, and practices consistency in relationships.• Writing clarifies the pattern, the impact, the new behavior, and the value underneath it.• Forgiveness here is not “it didn’t matter.” It is releasing self-punishment while staying responsible.Fall Group – Starting September 30 Fall group forming, register today!⁠I’m running a small fall group beginning September 30. Space is limited on purpose so participants can actually practice these skills with support and feedback.If you’ve been wanting structured work around emotion regulation, abandonment fear, and breaking the safety-behavior cycle, this group is designed for that.Individual session openings are also available if you prefer one-on-one work.Details: ⁠⁠⁠thriveonlinecounseling.com⁠⁠⁠Book a session with Rose or Jay: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thriveonlinecounseling.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Call/Text: 844-984-7483 (844-9-THRIVE)Podcast Website: thriveonlinecounseling.comFollow the show for more on BPD recovery, betrayal trauma, shadow work, values-based healing, and building authentic relationships.You are loved. You are worthy. You are created with purpose .See you next week on From Borderline to Beautiful.

Fear looks like an ocean. It looks like it will swallow you.Jay puts language on something a lot of people in BPD recovery already feel: the fear is a mile wide and an inch deep. From a distance it looks massive. After you take one step, you find out you can stand.In this episode of From Borderline to Beautiful, Rose and Jay talk about what actually gets you across that threshold — not more confidence first, but action. Confidence comes after you begin.We cover:Why fear looks like drowning when it is often a puddleWhy you do not need confidence before you actHow past experiences make a small step feel hugeWhy “I’m frustrated” is not the same as “I’m leaving”Fight, flight, and freeze — and what each one is protectingHow fear gets used to control, cover, or avoid being exposedTrading humiliation for patienceAligning your fight with the desire of your heart: a life worth living, not comfort in shameIf you keep waiting to feel ready, the fear stays wide. If you take the inch-deep step with your eyes open, you collect proof that you can stand.Try this after you listenName the fear in one sentence. What are you actually afraid will happen?Separate history from this moment. What is old, and what is here?Take one action that matches the life you want, not the comfort you know.After you do it, do not disqualify it. Own it.Fall Group – Starting September 30 I’m running a small fall group beginning September 30. Space is limited on purpose so participants can actually practice these skills with support and feedback.If you’ve been wanting structured work around emotion regulation, abandonment fear, and breaking the safety-behavior cycle, this group is designed for that.Individual session openings are also available if you prefer one-on-one work.Details: ⁠⁠thriveonlinecounseling.com⁠⁠Book a session with Rose or Jay: ⁠⁠⁠⁠thriveonlinecounseling.com⁠⁠⁠⁠Call/Text: 844-984-7483 (844-9-THRIVE)Fall group forming, register today!Podcast Website: thriveonlinecounseling.comFollow the show for more on BPD recovery, betrayal trauma, shadow work, values-based healing, and building authentic relationships.You are loved. You are worthy. You are created with purpose .See you next week on From Borderline to Beautiful.

In this episode, we look at the quiet ways people with BPD try to protect themselves from abandonment, emotional overwhelm, and the fear of losing control — and how those same strategies often keep the fear locked in place.You’ll hear a clear breakdown of safety behaviors, why they feel necessary in the moment, and how they prevent the brain from learning that the catastrophe is either less likely or more survivable than it feels. We also walk through imaginal exposure and response prevention as a practical way to start interrupting the cycle.This is a straightforward, skills-focused episode for anyone who recognizes the urge to check, test, shut down, or escape when the emotion gets big.In this episode we cover:What safety behaviors actually are in BPDThe four main types (avoidance, escape, BPD-specific strategies, and subtle cognitive ones)Real examples of how these behaviors show up in relationships and with intense emotionWhy short-term relief keeps the long-term fear aliveHow imaginal exposure works and the key rules that make it effectiveBuilding a simple hierarchy of feared situations and emotionsWhat tends to shift when you practice staying with the feeling without the usual exitsFall Group – Starting September 30I’m running a small fall group beginning September 30. Space is limited on purpose so participants can actually practice these skills with support and feedback.If you’ve been wanting structured work around emotion regulation, abandonment fear, and breaking the safety-behavior cycle, this group is designed for that.Individual session openings are also available if you prefer one-on-one work.Details: thriveonlinecounseling.comBook a session with Rose or Jay: ⁠⁠thriveonlinecounseling.com⁠⁠Call/Text: 844-984-7483 (844-9-THRIVE)Fall group forming, register today!Podcast Website: thriveonlinecounseling.comFollow the show for more on BPD recovery, betrayal trauma, shadow work, values-based healing, and building authentic relationships.You are loved. You are worthy. You are created with purpose .See you next week on From Borderline to Beautiful.

In this episode Rose Skeeters breaks down the intersection of gaslighting and borderline personality disorder with clear definitions, research-backed explanations, and practical tools. She covers how to tell the difference between true gaslighting and BPD-related dissociation or emotional reasoning, whether people with BPD gaslight others, the problem of self-gaslighting, and concrete steps for protection, boundaries, and repair.From Borderline to Beautiful — Real hope, real tools, real recovery.00:00 Introduction to Gaslighting and Its Relevance in BPD02:55 Understanding Gaslighting: Patterns and Signs04:34 Why Gaslighting Hits Harder in BPD05:53 Recognizing Patterns of Gaslighting09:55 Gaslighting vs Dissociation: Key Differences13:00 Unintentional Gaslighting in BPD16:30 Self-Gaslighting and Internal Invalidations18:29 Practical Strategies to Respond to Gaslighting22:10 Therapeutic Approaches for Reality Testing and Emotional Regulation23:48 Resources and Support for Gaslighting RecoveryBook a session with Rose or Jay: ⁠thriveonlinecounseling.com⁠Call/Text: 844-984-7483 (844-9-THRIVE)Summer group wrapping up soon — Mid-Fall group forming (email today to save your spot)Podcast Website: thriveonlinecounseling.comFollow the show for more on BPD recovery, betrayal trauma, shadow work, values-based healing, and building authentic relationships.You are loved. You are worthy. You are created with purpose .See you next week on From Borderline to Beautiful.

In this powerful solo episode, Rose Skeeters opens up about one of the biggest hidden obstacles in her own BPD recovery: chronic judgmentalism. What felt like harmless criticism was actually a self-protective shield that blocked vulnerability, deepened fragmentation, and sabotaged the very connection and healing she craved.Rose breaks down how judgment functions as projection and shadow material, its damaging effects on mental health, self-image, relationships, and empathy, and most importantly — how to turn every judgmental thought into a golden doorway for shadow work and integration.If you’ve ever caught yourself being harshly critical of others (or yourself) and wondered why real healing felt out of reach, this episode will give you both insight and practical tools to break the cycle.From Borderline to Beautiful — Real hope, real tools, real recovery.Judgment is often a defense mechanism rooted in projection and unintegrated shadow partsHow being judgmental harms your nervous system, self-worth, relationships, and capacity for empathyWhy judgment blocks shadow integration and keeps the borderline brain fragmentedEvery strong judgment is a mirror — a powerful opportunity for healingPractical steps: Pause, own the projection, feel it in your body, journal, dialogue with the part, and integrateJudgment reinforces splitting; shadow work restores wholeness and values-based living00:00 – Welcome & personal story02:26 – Defining judgment and why it matters in recovery04:55 – How judgment harms your mental health07:22 – Impact on self-image and shadow integration09:26 – How it damages relationships and empathy13:09 – Shadow work explained (Jungian psychology & projection)17:32 – Turning judgment into shadow work: practical tools21:32 – Closing & resourcesBook a session with Rose or Jay: thriveonlinecounseling.comCall/Text: 844-984-7483 (844-9-THRIVE)Summer group wrapping up soon — Mid-Fall group forming (email today to save your spot)Podcast Website: thriveonlinecounseling.comFollow the show for more on BPD recovery, betrayal trauma, shadow work, values-based healing, and building authentic relationships.If this episode resonated, take one small action today: Notice your next judgmental thought and ask, “What part of me feels activated here?” Write it down. That single pause can begin to shift everything.You are loved. You are worthy. You are created with purpose.See you next week on From Borderline to Beautiful.

In this inspiring bonus episode, Addis shares a heartfelt journey from homelessness and instability to stability, self-awareness, and happiness. Addis' story highlights the possibility of recovery from BPD, emphasizing self-compassion, resilience, and the transformative power of self-acceptance. If you or someone you know is navigating similar struggles, this story offers hope and practical insights into healing.Need individual support? Schedule a session with Rose here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/individual-sessions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠To schedule with Jay, click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/22608/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Gift cards now available for purchase here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/gift-card/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠**This episode is colloquial not clinical, using personal anecdotes to support conveying information in an informal, relatable way**Thank you to Noah Esreal for sharing his latest song with us, Now Knowing This. If you liked the clip in the beginning of this episode, you can find the whole song at the end of the episode.

In this episode, Rose Skeeters welcomes Bob Drozek, a leading expert in mentalization-based treatment (MBT), to discuss how understanding and improving mentalizing can support hope and recovery from borderline personality disorder (BPD). Listeners will gain insights into the foundational concepts of MBT and practical strategies for fostering better emotional and relational health.Key topics:​Mentalization explained: Accessing, reflecting, and understanding mental states in oneself and others (00:00:41)​The importance of mentalization in everyday life and therapy (00:55:27)​How trauma, rejection, and intense emotions disrupt mentalizing abilities (01:26:00)​The role of psychical equivalence mode—certainty about negative self-beliefs— in BPD (05:03:00)​Differences between skills-based therapies like DBT and relational, reflective approaches like MBT (13:42:00)​The structure of MBT treatment: Formulation, collaborative development, and tailored strategies (16:19:00)​Tools to assess and enhance self-awareness, including worksheets for identifying mentalizing strengths and vulnerabilities (19:00:00)​The certainty toolkit and overcoming rigid beliefs about oneself and others (21:16:00)​Building empathy: Overcoming empathic deficits related to shame and self-criticism (31:00:00)​Navigating unstable self-identity through perspective-taking and understanding emotional validation (38:06:00)​Success stories of MBT applying to real-world recovery, reducing self-harm, and improving relationships (45:30:00)Resources & LinksPurchase Mentalization Workbook here: https://a.co/d/0dIkE170Access Facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/MentalizationBookWorksheets: https://global.oup.com/booksites/content/9780198916857/Contact Bob Drozek here: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/robertdrozek/MBT Boston—an organization that Bob Drozek co-founded that offers training and supervision to clinicians across the world in MBT: www.mbtboston.com/Need individual support? Schedule a session with Rose here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/individual-sessions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠To schedule with Jay, click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/22608/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Gift cards now available for purchase here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/gift-card/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠**This episode is colloquial not clinical, using personal anecdotes to support conveying information in an informal, relatable way**Thank you to Noah Esreal for sharing his latest song with us, Now Knowing This. If you liked the clip in the beginning of this episode, you can find the whole song at the end of the episode.

In this episode, Rose Skeeters explores the emotional landscape of recovering from borderline personality disorder, emphasizing hope, resilience, and actionable mental health strategies. Whether you're just starting or navigating the challenging middle phases, this talk offers practical insights and reassurance for creating a meaningful life.Andrew Huberman Physiological Sigh Clip Need individual support? Schedule a session with Rose here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/individual-sessions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠To schedule with Jay, click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/22608/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Gift cards now available for purchase here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/gift-card/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠**This episode is colloquial not clinical, using personal anecdotes to support conveying information in an informal, relatable way**Timestamps:00:00 - Introduction: Navigating the pain of creating a life worth living after diagnosis00:25 - The importance of mentalization and upcoming expert episode00:45 - The emotional spiral of self-awareness and re-establishing identity01:14 - Understanding the borderline brain's craving for significance and certainty01:44 - The uncertainty involved in building a new life and redefinition of self02:01 - Reestablishing your identity amidst fear and change02:17 - Moving forward with big life decisions despite fears02:36 - Encouragement: your progress isn’t regression—hope exists03:03 - The imagery of falling off a cliff and grabbing branches03:57 - Practical mindfulness: deep breathing and physiological sigh04:26 - Using DBT skills: grounding and checking the facts05:52 - Challenging catastrophizing thoughts with facts and interpretation06:45 - Identifying and reframing emotional responses07:14 - Moving out of chaos into order, acceptance of fears08:06 - Moving from black-and-white thinking to balanced perspective08:34 - Moving from uncertainty to acceptance in a new environment09:07 - Challenging judgments and allowing space for emotions10:07 - Recognizing control and agency in life choices11:25 - Managing assumptions and fear through perspective shifts12:15 - The importance of small, manageable actions to influence outcomes13:24 - Problem-solving and resilience in the face of setbacks14:17 - Visualizing positive outcomes and coping with catastrophes15:15 - Acceptance of outcomes, including setbacks or failures16:12 - Checking the appropriateness of emotional responses17:04 - Affirmation of hope and non-linear growth in recovery17:41 - Final words: you're not alone, and your worth is inherent