LMN Ep 14 – Learning to Live More Authentically

I finally made an art studio, started painting again, and then realized I’d filled my life so completely with work and responsibilities that art was getting whatever scraps of energy I had left.In this episode, over a grape tart, I’m talking about Big Magic, courting inspiration, what happened when nobody bought a ticket to my art night, and a comment from my dad that made me question what I’m actually willing to let this season of my life consume.Nobody is coming to give us permission to make the things we want to make and to live the life that makes us feel truly joyful and alive. Maybe we have to create and protect the space for these things ourselves.

This week I share why I backed out of a six-month teaching commitment, and how it led me to a bigger realization.For a long time, I thought I needed to build a life around the work I wanted to teach. Now I'm wondering if the opposite is true.Over tea and a homemade grapefruit tart, we explore intuition, the pull between the head and the heart, chasing identities instead of experiences, and what it means to create a life that continues to surprise you.

It's been two months since my last episode, and a lot has changed.My partner and I have decided to part ways again. This wasn't a decision made in fear or anger. It came after weeks of sitting with uncertainty, listening, and slowly learning to trust my own inner guidance.In this episode, I share what this season is teaching me about self-trust, financial recovery, creating beauty in the middle of uncertainty, and why I baked myself a lemon cake and recorded this conversation from my parents' backyard.Sometimes the most meaningful chapters begin before we know what's coming next.P.S. A bee stung me just before I hit record, so this entire episode ended up being filmed from my computer instead of my camera. 😅 You can watch it on Spotify.

A chat about feminine and masculine dynamics, survival mode, creativity, receiving support, and what might happens when we stop building our lives entirely around fear, control, and self-protection.In this episode, I talk about my relationship, my resistance to being provided for, the difference between creating from survival vs expansion, and the realization that maybe softness, beauty, art, joy, and creation are not distractions from life…but part of what we’re actually here for.

A real-time breakthrough about shame, expertise, creativity, self-trust, and the life I think I’ve secretly wanted all along.In this episode, I talk about the pressure I’ve felt to become an “expert,” the shame I’ve carried around not feeling qualified enough, and the realization that I may have been building another box around myself instead of following what actually makes me feel alive.This one is raw, messy and feels like a very important realization for all of us to be able to live the free and joyful lives we came here to live.

After months away from the podcast, I’m sharing a story from an art and somatic dance workshop I went to in Da Nang, Vietnam.What started as movement and drawing exercises turned into something much deeper about the patterns we carry in our bodies, the ways we keep ourselves small, and what it feels like to finally take up space again.This episode is about expression, inner child healing, creativity, embodiment, and remembering that it’s good to be alive.

In this episode, I’m sharing about a recent experience in a small, women-only, consent-based space where we stood in our bodies and allowed ourselves to be seen without performance, without comparison, without judgment. It brought up old stories I didn’t realize I was still holding, and it softened something in me that had been hard for a long time. We spoke about the parts of our bodies we’ve struggled with, and we received reflections that felt like medicine. This really wasn't about nudity but more about reverence. About meeting my body again as an ally in life. I’ll leave you with a couple of gentle questions to explore your own relationship with being seen.

In this episode, I share about a fun and slightly edgy game I’m playing alongside thousands of other women. A game that’s challenging how I show up in the world, how I relate to power, and how willing I am to take action before I feel fully ready or qualified.The Game invites us to stretch. To notice where we hold ourselves back. To look at who we let into our lives, who we ask for support, and where we’re still waiting for permission, quietly wondering, am I allowed to do this?I talk about the energy this has been bringing up in me: feeling alive, a little scared, a little naughty, and deeply empowered. About what happens when we stop hiding in the shadows and start moving from self-trust instead.This game was created by Kasia Urbaniak, whose work has been deeply inspiring me as I unwind old conditioning and step more fully into my power.If you feel curious or activated by this, you can learn more and sign up at: https://www.kasiaurbaniak.com/the-gameIt's high time for us to have courage, take action, and let ourselves move before everything feels perfectly aligned. Sometimes the power comes after the step, not before.

In this episode, I didn’t have anything prepared, I just felt called to riff.My heart felt very full of love, excitement for life, and a deep appreciation for human relationships and the connections we’re capable of creating. And my thoughts kept returning to men’s hearts.I reflect on how easy it can be for us, as women, to take men’s hearts for granted or to not care for them as the precious things they are. I speak honestly about my own experiences of knowing I had the power to manipulate men, and how choosing not to use that power has changed the way I approach relationships.I share a recent conversation with a man who trusted me with something very vulnerable, and what it meant for him to feel seen, appreciated, and held without shame or regret for sharing what was on his heart.This episode is about the tenderness of men’s shares, the responsibility that comes with being trusted, and the shift from outdated relational dynamics into deeper integrity, self-respect, and embodied leadership.My hope is that the next time a man shares something from his heart with you, you remember what a gift that is.

The other day, a series of dawning realizations made me see that I didn’t actually know how to meet myself and my emotions.Not how to understand myself.Not how to heal myself.But how to be with myself…when something uncomfortable is here.What opened from that realization was a wave of grief and relief at the same time (what I ended up calling grieflief). Grief for the years I spent functioning, fixing, reframing, and moving past my feelings. And relief in discovering that my heart was never gone, it had just been hibernating.In this episode, I speak from inside that moment.About believing I was a robot.About my heart thawing. About feeling like Pinocchio, nervous system safety, unmet relational needs, and what it’s like to feel yourself come back online.If you’ve ever felt numb, overly strong, highly functional, disconnected, or like you move too quickly past what you feel…this is a gentle place to land.Love,Lila