Contentment or Complacency? How to Tell the Difference

Contentment or Complacency? How to Tell the Difference Chasing Brighter | Season 6: Becoming, Not Arriving How do you know if you're truly content with your life, or if you've just gotten comfortable? We're told to slow down and appreciate what we have, and also to keep growing, setting goals, and pushing ourselves. Usually all before breakfast. In this episode, Jessica and Kelly look at the line between being happy where you are and staying somewhere only because changing would be uncomfortable. They talk about why contentment gets mistaken for a lack of ambition, how "I'm fine" can hide avoidance, and how comparison can make you feel complacent when you're really just living by your own priorities. They also share a simple question to ask about any area of your life, and why the next step after "I want something different" can be very small. In This Episode Why contentment isn't the opposite of ambition, and why we don't have to be dissatisfied to make progress Duality: loving your home, marriage, career, or body and still wanting to change something Kelly's takeaway from Barbara Kingsolver's book tour about two things being true at once Signs that contentment has turned into complacency How "I don't need new friends" can really mean "I don't want the awkwardness of meeting new people" The five-year question: if nothing changed in this area, would you be okay with that? How comparison convinces us we're complacent when our priorities have just shifted Aging, beauty, and why going gray and getting Botox can both be acts of self-love Wanting something vs. feeling like you should want it Why the first step toward change can be gathering information, not taking action Timestamps 00:06 – Content or just comfortable? 01:23 – Is contentment the opposite of ambition? 02:19 – Loving something and still wanting to change it 04:02 – Duality and two things being true at once 05:44 – When contentment becomes complacency 06:46 – Friendships: content or avoiding discomfort? 08:20 – The five-year question 10:21 – The comparison trap 10:57 – Aging, appearance, and room for duality 13:34 – Do I want something different, or do I think I should? 14:23 – What to do when you want a change: start small 17:11 – Real Over Perfect Moment 19:01 – Brighter Moves 20:48 – Coming up next week + this month's freebie Real Over Perfect Moment Where have you confused being content with being comfortable? Jessica shares that she does this with routines. She loves them because they make life easier, but sometimes she gets so attached to how she's always done things that she forgets she has a choice. Our lives change, and we can still be running on expectations from five years ago. Kelly adds that "comfortable" often isn't comfortable at all. It just feels easier to do nothing than to change, even when the change would leave us more at ease in the long run. Brighter Moves Kelly: Pick one area of your life and ask yourself, "If nothing changed in this area for five years, how would I feel?" Jessica: If you do want something different, ask, "What is one small action I can take?" One action, not a total life makeover. Key Takeaways You can appreciate where you are and still be curious about what's next. If you keep thinking "I wish this were different" but never take a step toward it, that area may be worth exploring. Wanting something different doesn't require a dramatic overhaul. It may just mean something needs your attention. Someone else doing more doesn't make you complacent. Your priorities may simply have changed. You don't need to map out the whole path before you take the first step. You can also decide that what you have right now is enough, without explaining it to anyone. Mentioned in This Episode Barbara Kingsolver's book tour Atomic Habits by James Clear Past Chasing Brighter November episodes about "shoulds" Coming Up Next Week Next Thursday, Jessica and Kelly continue the November conversations with a topic that connects the last two episodes: how do you decide what success looks like for you, when everyone else's definitions are all around you? This Month's Freebie Want to have a little fun with your style? This month's freebie includes fashion prompts to play with your wardrobe. Get it by signing up for our newsletter at chasingbrighter.com. Keywords & Search Terms contentment vs complacency, content or comfortable, how to know if you're complacent, contentment and ambition, being happy with your life, wanting change, duality, two things can be true, comparison trap, redefining ambition, changing priorities, friendships in midlife, making new friends as an adult, avoiding discomfort, should vs want, aging and self-acceptance, Botox and self-love, going gray, small steps to change, atomic habits, gathering information before change, routines, permission to pivot, five-year question, personal growth for women, real over perfect, Becoming Not Arriving, Chasing Brighter podcast, women's podcast, self-reflection, intentional living Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter: Sign up here  

Superwoman Diaries: Fiber Maxing, Breakfast Ruts & the Case for Parenting Less What happens when you stop doing your kid's homework with them? In this Superwoman Diaries episode, Jessica and Kelly start with snacks, fiber maxing, and the breakfast routines that keep the morning running. Then they get into something bigger: the growing trend of stepping back as a parent. Kelly shares the exhausting reality of 16-hour days split between work and homework help. Jessica talks about the moment she and Justin realized they were reteaching sixth grade every night after full workdays, and what changed when they stopped. Spoiler: their son's grades are better than ever. Together they talk about why a little struggle now builds the self-sufficiency kids need for high school, college, and beyond. In This Episode Kelly's impulse-buy snack and why gluten-free graham crackers win on texture Fiber maxing: Jessica's quest for more fiber and her current favorite sour gummy find The "protein and fiber, protein and fiber" mindset for feeding busy families Breakfast ruts: making the same meal every day until it finally changes (hello, avocado toast) From helicopter parenting to idle parenting: why doing less can mean more A viral parent email about a 21-year-old that put everything in perspective Kelly's "inner tiger mom" and the 16-hour days of homework help How Jessica and Justin stepped back, set clear expectations, and let their son own his work Why teachers want students to advocate for themselves, from high school office hours to college Timestamps 00:05 — Snack talk and gluten-free graham crackers 01:13 — Fiber maxing and Jessica's sour gummy discovery 04:12 — Breakfast routines and Beckett's avocado toast switch 05:57 — Seven years of the same breakfast and "the baconator" 07:28 — The trend of parenting less 09:17 — The parent email that went viral on the college mom algorithm 10:21 — What steps to take at 10, 11, 12 so kids are ready at 21 11:32 — Idle parenting and why less can mean more 12:10 — Kelly's exhausting homework season 13:14 — How Jessica and Justin stepped back from sixth grade 15:19 — Why a C or D can teach more than a hand-held A 15:44 — Building self-sufficiency and self-advocacy for the long run 17:05 — Wrap-up and how to connect Key Takeaways Pulling back from homework doesn't mean pulling away from your kid. Support them, but let them do the work first. When parents quietly fill the gaps, the school can't see where a child is actually struggling. Clear expectations and real incentives can do more than nightly reteaching. Self-advocacy is a skill. Practicing it at 11 makes it easier at 21. Resources Mentioned The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt The Idle Parent: Why Less Means More When Raising Kids by Tom Hodgkinson Shameless Snacks fiber gummies Keywords & Search Terms Chasing Brighter podcast, Superwoman Diaries, idle parenting, parenting less, helicopter parenting, free-range parenting, raising independent kids, homework help, letting kids struggle, self-sufficient kids, self-advocacy for kids, The Anxious Generation, The Idle Parent, tiger mom, working mom burnout, middle school homework, high school parenting, college readiness, fiber maxing, high fiber snacks, protein and fiber, kids breakfast ideas, avocado toast, busy mom routines, sisters podcast, women's podcast, Becoming Not Arriving Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter: Sign up here

Why Her Life Looks Easier (and Probably Isn't) Chasing Brighter | Season 6: Becoming, Not Arriving Ever been having a perfectly good morning, coffee in hand, and five minutes of scrolling later you're questioning your life choices? This week, Jessica and Kelly start November with the comparison trap: why we compare, what it's actually telling us, and how to spend less time measuring and more time living. Social media shows us a dozen versions of a "successful" life at once. There's the homeschooling, made-from-scratch mom, the monthly international traveler, the fast-growing business owner and the picture-perfect marriage. Somehow we decide we should be doing all of it before 6 AM, while also hitting our water, protein, fiber, creatine and sleep goals. Jessica and Kelly talk about why we only ever see someone's outcome and never the help, sacrifices or struggles behind it. They also explain why comparison isn't a character flaw, and how getting curious about the feeling (instead of judging it) can show you what you actually want. In This Episode Why comparison can flip your mood in seconds, even when you were content a minute ago How we stitch pieces of other people's lives into one imaginary "perfect" person Why comparison is normal, and how you can be happy for someone and uncomfortable with where you are at the same time Reframing jealousy: it might not be her house you want, but the peace it seems to hold How comparison changes with age, from milestones like marriage and kids to less predictable seasons like empty nesting, career changes and caring for aging parents Jessica on adjusting to a new family rhythm since Gabby left for college Real Over Perfect moment: Jessica admits she still compares herself in business and content creation, and Kelly opens up about comparing her kids' struggles and her family life to what she sees online Brighter Moves Jessica's Brighter Move: When you catch yourself comparing, ask one question: What specifically am I reacting to? Is it freedom, connection, financial security, adventure or organization? Once you name it, you can decide whether you actually want it in your life. Often you'll find that you don't. Kelly's Brighter Move: Notice which social media accounts consistently leave you feeling worse, and give them a 30-day mute or snooze. Protect your peace. Key Takeaway Someone else's life can look beautiful without meaning something is wrong with yours. You can appreciate what someone else has without deciding you need it too. Next Week Contentment vs. complacency: how do you know when you're genuinely content with your life and when you've gotten a little too comfortable? Free Resource Grab our newest freebie, all about fashion and chatbots, when you sign up for the Chasing Brighter newsletter at chasingbrighter.com. Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter: Sign up here comparison trap, stop comparing yourself to others, social media comparison, comparison and jealousy, how to stop comparing your life, Instagram and self-esteem, comparison on social media, being happy for others, jealousy as information, what jealousy tells you, real over perfect, women's podcast, sisters podcast, personal growth podcast, self-care for women, mindset shift, contentment, contentment vs complacency, protecting your peace, curating your social media feed, mute accounts, social media detox, empty nest, kids leaving for college, midlife transitions, comparing parenting, mom guilt, comparing your career, business comparison, content creator comparison, values-based living, knowing what you really want, giving yourself grace, Chasing Brighter, Becoming Not Arriving, Jessica Colarco, Kelly

Superwoman Diaries: Reading, Resilience & Raising Culture-Curious Kids Chasing Brighter | Superwoman Diaries Kelly recently attended a Chicago Humanities Festival event featuring Barbara Kingsolver, author of The Poisonwood Bible and Demon Copperhead, on the tour for her new novel Partita. The evening paired Kingsolver's readings with live piano performances of the classical pieces in each passage, so the audience could feel the music the characters were feeling. One line from the Q&A stuck with Kelly: Kingsolver writes about characters who struggle so much so that we all know we can get through it. That sparks a conversation between Kelly and Jessica about why fiction is such a powerful teacher of resilience and empathy, and how book clubs, from Oprah's to Reese's to Read with Jenna to BookTok, have opened up who gets read and recommended. Jessica shares why she can read heartbreaking stories she'd never watch on screen, and how books help us understand someone else's struggle, not just our own. The sisters then turn to parenting: how to get kids off screens and into the wider world through books, audiobooks, performances, museums, and festivals. Jessica shares her refusal to ever label a child "not a reader," and the moment her youngest got so absorbed in a new graphic novel that the whole car ride was silent. Kelly talks about wanting to bring more culture into her teens' lives, even if it takes a little pushing. In This Episode What made Barbara Kingsolver's book tour event so memorable, from the live piano to her rules for a good Q&A question Why stories of struggle remind us that we can get through hard things How Oprah's Book Club changed the way books are sold, and how BookTok and celebrity book clubs are lifting up smaller and self-published authors The empathy and mental health benefits of reading Never giving up on a reluctant reader, and finding the books that finally click Exposing kids to culture as they get older and screens get more appealing Books & Resources Mentioned Partita, Demon Copperhead, and The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver Chicago Humanities Festival Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay Crenshaw and The One and Only Ivan by Katherine Applegate The Sherlock Society (audiobook) InvestiGators and Agents of S.U.I.T. graphic novels Oprah's Book Club, Reese's Book Club, Read with Jenna, and BookTok The Smith Center for the Performing Arts November Freebie: AI as Your Personal Stylist Holiday events coming up and no idea what to wear? Our November freebie shares the AI prompts we've been using to figure out outfits for the season. Sign up for the newsletter at chasingbrighter.com/newsletter to get it. Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter: Sign up here Chasing Brighter podcast, Superwoman Diaries, Barbara Kingsolver, Partita, Demon Copperhead, The Poisonwood Bible, Chicago Humanities Festival, author book tour, Oprah's Book Club, Reese's Book Club, Read with Jenna, BookTok, reading for resilience, benefits of reading, empathy and reading, books about struggle, reluctant readers, getting kids to read, graphic novels for kids, audiobooks for kids, Katherine Applegate, Sarah's Key, exposing kids to culture, screen time and teens, family cultural activities, women's podcast, sisters podcast, AI personal stylist, holiday outfit ideas

Ep. 20: Building the Friendships You Want Now We've spent all of October talking about friendship: the ones that last, the ones that change, and the ones we outgrow. To close out the month, Jess and Kelly take on the question so many women quietly wonder about: how do you actually make new friends as an adult? When you're younger, friendships happen almost by accident. You share a classroom, a team, an office, or a preschool pickup line. Later in life, between work, kids, households, aging parents, and the relationships you already have, connection takes intention. In this episode we talk about why adult friendship can feel like dating, why we overthink unanswered texts, and why the "we should get together sometime" that never happens is something almost everyone does. We also talk about figuring out what kind of friendship you're really missing right now. Hint: the answer isn't always more friends. In This Episode (00:08) Why making friends as an adult feels so awkward, and why it's a lot like dating (03:07) Repeated contact: friendships grow from seeing someone again and again, not from one great conversation (04:00) Giving people grace: a slow reply is usually just a slow reply (04:47) Becoming the one who initiates, and getting out your calendar the moment someone says "let's get coffee" (06:21) Taking the pressure off: you don't need to plan the girls' trip before the first coffee (07:28) Different friendships serve different purposes, and "touch points" (the barista, the front-desk regular) count too (09:45) Asking yourself "What am I missing right now?" instead of assuming you need more friends (12:45) Wanting friends who know you outside your roles as mom, spouse, or professional (14:14) Where to meet people: book clubs, fitness classes, cooking classes, volunteering (16:41) Making the ask: following up on a shared interest and putting a plan on the calendar (18:32) Real Over Perfect moment: when life gets busy and six months go by, it's still not too late to reach out (19:39) This week's Brighter Moves This Week's Brighter Moves Kelly: Reconnect Before You Add. Before you go looking for new friendships, think of someone you're already connected to who might just need a little rekindling. Send a text, tell them you're thinking of them, and ask if they're free for coffee. Jess: One Small Invitation. Pick someone you enjoy being around, whether you just met or you'd like to know them better. Invite them to do one simple thing: coffee, a walk, a workout, lunch. Skip "we should get together sometime" and try "Would you want to grab coffee next week?" Last Chance: The Friendship Audit This is your final chance to download October's free Friendship Audit. Sign up for our newsletter at chasingbrighter.com/newsletter to get it. Coming in November: Less Comparing, More Living Next month we're stepping into the comparison trap. That includes the friend group that always seems to be traveling, the family with the picture-perfect traditions, and the quiet "why doesn't my life look like that?" Follow along on social to see what's happening behind the scenes.   Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter signup: chasingbrighter.com/newsletter making friends as an adult, adult friendships, how to make new friends, friendship for women, women over 40 friendships, midlife friendships, loneliness in adulthood, empty nest loneliness, finding your people, building connection, initiating plans, friendship anxiety, overthinking texts, types of friendships, friendship touch points, reconnecting with old friends, where to meet new friends, book club friends, making friends at the gym, volunteering to meet people, identity beyond motherhood, intentional friendship, Friendship Audit, Chasing Brighter podcast, Becoming Not Arriving, Real Over Perfect, Brighter Moves

Retreats, Rising Costs & the Lost Art of the Letter Jessica and Kelly kick off the week admitting they're running on fumes. Jessica blames perimenopause, post-trip fatigue, and those workouts where you show up but just don't care. That leads into a conversation about teen retreats, sticker shock, and why a handwritten letter might be one of the most meaningful gifts you can give someone you love. Kelly's son Wes is heading off on a Kairos retreat, which sends the sisters back to their own Catholic youth retreat days and how differently faith can feel depending on whether it's framed around guilt or around love. They talk about why retreats matter at any age, whether for teens building friendships or for adults who need time to reflect (and yes, they still need to book their own). Then the conversation turns to how expensive everything feels right now, from a $350 weekend retreat to restaurant quotes for a family Thanksgiving dinner. The heart of the episode is the Kairos tradition of family members writing letters to the teen on retreat. Jessica shares how she wrote hers with a little AI help (and why you have to go back and forth rather than accept the first draft), and the sisters reflect on their grandmother's college letters, why we say things in writing that we'd never say in a text, and the idea of creating that kind of love-letter moment for every child. In This Episode (00:05) Surviving the week, perimenopause fatigue, and showing up when your heart isn't in it (01:36) Wes's Kairos retreat vs. the Teens Encounter Christ retreats of our youth (03:49) Why retreats are valuable, for teens and for women in midlife (04:32) Confirmation, choice, and why bonding retreats should come first, not six months in (06:30) Retreat sticker shock and the "everything is so expensive" rant (07:44) Planning a restaurant Thanksgiving with family on a budget (10:03) The Kairos letter tradition, and dropped balls with a college student's paperwork (12:43) Using AI to help write a heartfelt letter (and editing it so it actually sounds like him) (13:45) Grandparent relationships today, and getting Nona on Snapchat (14:56) Creating a "letters of love" moment for every child (16:00) The Correspondent, our grandmother's letters, and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan (17:08) November freebie announcement Books Mentioned The Correspondent by Virginia Evans and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. November Freebie This month's freebie is a set of easy AI prompts to help you use ChatGPT (or your preferred AI tool) as your personal stylist: build a capsule wardrobe, explore your style, and figure out what to wear to holiday gatherings. Get it by signing up for our newsletter at chasingbrighter.com. Reflection Prompt Who in your life would light up reading a letter from you? This week, write one, whether on paper, in a card, or in a longer message than you'd usually send, and tell them what you appreciate about them. Fan, Lisa See, book recommendations, connection, gratitude Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter: Sign up here Chasing Brighter podcast, Superwoman Diaries, women’s podcast, sister podcast, midlife women, perimenopause fatigue, burnout, workout motivation, Kairos retreat, Teens Encounter Christ, Catholic youth retreat, confirmation, teen retreats, adult retreats, self-reflection, introspection, cost of living, everything is expensive, Thanksgiving planning, hosting Thanksgiving at a restaurant, family traditions, letter writing, handwritten letters, letters to teens, grandparents and grandkids, grandmother’s letters, parenting teens, college parenting, using AI to write letters, ChatGPT prompts, AI stylist, capsule wardrobe, holiday outfits, The Correspondent, Virginia Evans, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, Lisa See, book recommendations, connection, gratitude

Your Marriage Is a Friendship Too Chasing Brighter | Season 6: Becoming, Not Arriving When was the last time you got curious about your partner, the person they are right now, not the version you memorized years ago? After a month of talking about friendship, Jessica and Kelly turn to the relationship where it's easiest to assume the friendship will hold on its own: your marriage or long-term partnership. Jess and Kelly have each been with their husbands since '99, and they get honest about how long-term partnerships can quietly shift from romantic friendship to running a household together: schedules, kids, finances, logistics. They talk about what couples counseling taught them, why "if marriage is hard, you're with the wrong person" misses the mark, and why small, consistent moments of connection matter more than grand gestures. Whatever you call your relationship, this one is about tending the friendship at its center. In This Episode Why every relationship takes work, and why that doesn't mean you're with the wrong person How partnerships drift from friendship into "operational partnership" without anyone noticing Jess on the couples therapist who kept steering her and Justin away from talking about their kids "Updating your information" about your partner, because they're becoming too The Gottman question: do you still know your partner's favorite things now? Why small daily rituals beat date nights and grand gestures Laughing together, watching a show together, cooking together: what connection looks like in real life Kelly's three-tier system for friendships and why she doesn't struggle with friendship ambiguity Timestamps 00:05 – Still one of my favorite people, 27 years in 01:18 – Your marriage as a friendship you tend, not a partnership you manage 02:29 – "If marriage is hard, you're with the wrong person"? Not so fast 04:53 – From romantic friendship to operational partnership 05:22 – What couples counseling revealed 06:53 – Knowing your partner vs. knowing who they are now 07:46 – Gottman, Eight Dates, and getting curious again 08:36 – Small things over grand gestures 11:31 – This week's Brighter Moves 12:46 – Apps that help you get to know your partner 13:17 – Kelly's friendship tiers and the Friendship Audit This Week's Brighter Moves Jessica: Take a car ride with your partner, phones away, and focus on a real conversation full of curious questions. Kelly: Ask your partner one real, curious question about what's going on with them right now. Make it something that isn't logistics. Resources Mentioned Eight Dates by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman Gottman Card Decks app (free) Paired app Conversation and family question cards Best Medicine (the show Jess and Justin are watching together) Grab This Month's Freebie Sort out your friendships with our Friendship Audit, the free guide that goes with this month's episodes. Get it when you sign up for the Chasing Brighter newsletter. Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter: Sign up here marriage as friendship, long-term relationship advice, keeping your marriage strong, couples connection, marriage after kids, rituals of connection, Gottman method, Gottman Card Decks, Eight Dates book, couples counseling, getting to know your partner again, curiosity in relationships, small gestures in marriage, date night alternatives, empty nest marriage, partnership vs friendship, laughing together, relationship maintenance, friendship audit, friendship tiers, women's podcast, personal growth podcast, Becoming Not Arriving, Chasing Brighter podcast, Jessica Colarco, Kelly  

Superwoman Diaries: Disco Nights, Builder Gel & Finding the Causes That Move Us It's October in Vegas and Jessica is still pretending it's cozy season in a blazer. In this Superwoman Diaries episode, the sisters catch up on the little luxuries and the big-hearted moments of the past few weeks. Jessica shares her day of beauty before a disco-themed gala (complete with a surprise Vietnamese coffee from the salon's new beverage menu), and she and Kelly compare notes on builder gel, the joy of booking appointments online without ever picking up the phone, and how wildly manicure prices vary between Henderson and Chicago. Then the conversation turns more meaningful. Jessica reflects on attending the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation gala in Las Vegas, the stories that stayed with her from last year's event, and how much she learned about the real, daily impact of these diseases. Kelly connects it to one of the core ideas behind Chasing Brighter: getting involved in a cause you care about is one of the most powerful ways to nourish your heart and soul. Jessica also opens up honestly about her involvement with Moms Demand Action, why one meeting felt too overwhelming, and why giving financially is a meaningful way to show up when you can't do it all. In this episode: (00:07) Still warm in Vegas, and a disco gala recap (01:12) A day of beauty: builder gel explained, and how it compares to hard gel and dip (05:13) Online booking love and a salon glow-up with a beverage menu (05:48) Manicure and pedicure prices: West Coast vs. Chicago (09:41) The surprise Vietnamese coffee (09:57) The Crohn's & Colitis Foundation gala and the stories behind it (14:16) Why getting involved in a cause brings joy (14:49) Moms Demand Action, feeling overwhelmed, and the value of giving (16:10) This month's freebie: the Friendship Audit Mentioned in this episode: Crohn's & Colitis Foundation Moms Demand Action / Everytown October's theme: relationships and friendships Grab this month's freebie: The Friendship Audit is yours when you join the Chasing Brighter newsletter. It pairs perfectly with our October episodes on friendship, so sign up at chasingbrighter.com and take a fresh look at the connections in your life. Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter: Sign up here Chasing Brighter podcast, Superwoman Diaries, women's podcast, sister podcast, builder gel manicure, builder gel vs hard gel, gel pedicure, self-care routine, treat yourself, disco themed gala, Crohn's and Colitis Foundation, Las Vegas charity gala, giving back, getting involved in a cause, charity and happiness, Moms Demand Action, Everytown, compassion fatigue, feeling overwhelmed by causes, Vietnamese coffee, online booking, friendship audit, friendship podcast, Becoming Not Arriving, real over perfect  

Not every friendship ends with a falling-out. Some quietly drift. Some go on pause. Some still exist on paper, with birthday texts and the occasional "we should get together!", while the emotional closeness has faded. In this episode, Jessica and Kelly talk about friendship ambiguity: the friendships that leave you unsure where you stand, how you feel, or whether anything needs to be said at all. Jessica introduces ambiguous loss, a concept from psychologist Pauline Boss's work in the 1970s. It describes grief that has no clear resolution, no funeral, and no script for closure. It was first applied to dementia and missing persons, and Jessica explains why it also fits the friend who slowly drifted but never actually left. Kelly pushes back in her own way. Does drifting always feel like loss? Or can a friendship simply evolve, rest, or go on pause without anything being wrong? The sisters compare their very different approaches. Kelly tends not to overthink it and lets some friendships fade on their own. Jessica wrestles with guilt, obligation, and a newer midlife phenomenon: the sudden "ick," when you realize you just don't have the energy for someone anymore, even though nothing specific happened. They also look at the other side of ambiguity: what to do when you miss someone and the time gap makes reaching out feel awkward. In This Episode (00:05) Why we chose friendship ambiguity, and second-guessing a script written months ago (00:57) Ambiguous loss: Pauline Boss's framework and why it applies to friendships (02:06) Friendship as work, and when we're not always doing the work (03:18) Friendships "on pause": growing up moving around, and staying close to friends you rarely see (04:30) Seasonal communities, like sports team families, and the quiet loss when a season ends (05:08) Why our brains find uncertainty so uncomfortable (06:40) Should you ask "are we okay?" or let it be? (07:37) Kelly's no-overthinking strategy, conflict avoidance, and attachment styles (09:01) Flipping it: what to do when you miss a friend and feel weird reaching out (10:48) The midlife "ick," running out of energy for certain relationships, and being an empath (12:00) Free resource: The Friendship Audit (12:45) Coming up next week Key Takeaways Not all distance is loss. Some friendships go on pause and pick up right where they left off. Others quietly fade. Knowing which is which can ease a lot of anxiety. Ambiguous loss is real. If a friendship's slow fade feels disorienting, there's a reason. Grief without a clear ending is harder for the brain to process. Check in with yourself first. Before reaching out or pulling away, notice whether you're actually missing the person or just uncomfortable with the uncertainty. Leave the door open for the people you love. A simple "I miss you, let's get together" often lands better than we fear. You don't always owe a big conversation. Sometimes drifting away from a relationship that no longer fits is enough. Free Resource: The Friendship Audit Want to sort out where your friendships stand? The Friendship Audit helps you sort your friendships into thriving, resting, or maybe over. It's honest without being brutal. Get it free when you sign up for the Chasing Brighter newsletter at chasingbrighter.com/newsletter. Next Week Your relationship with your partner is a friendship too. Tune in next week as we explore what friendship looks like inside an intimate relationship. friendship ambiguity, ambiguous loss, Pauline Boss, friendship drift, losing a friend, friendships in midlife, adult friendships, friendship breakup, growing apart from friends, friendship on pause, the ick, guilt and obligation in friendships, avoidant attachment, ghosting friends, how to reconnect with an old friend, missing a friend, empath, uncertainty and anxiety, friendship audit, women's friendships, mom friends, Chasing Brighter podcast, Becoming Not Arriving Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter: Sign up here

Super Woman Diaries: White Lies, Chicken Sandwiches & the College Search Jess and Kelly catch up on life as moms of almost-grown and newly-grown kids. Jess shares the college "white lies party", her plan to feed a team of hungry college athletes from 2,000 miles away, and the surprisingly emotional side of parenting an adult child in a different time zone. Kelly opens up about kicking off the college search with Wes, who just announced he might want to "work in nature," and how she's using YouTube "day in the life" videos (and a little help from AI) to help him figure out what actually lights him up. Together they talk about choice overload, letting kids explore, and why the path you picture at 17 rarely matches where you end up. In This Episode (00:06) Butt dials, Apple CarPlay chaos, and the college "white lies party" trend (02:07) Heading to watch Gabby play, why Jess taps out of the parent group text, and the Chick-fil-A catering hack (plus the reward points bonus) (05:44) Kelly's catering rotation for sports teams and why cold food can be the smarter tailgate move (05:59) Parenting an adult child three time zones away, homesickness, and remembering their own tearful freshman years (07:41) The thought that sends Jess spiraling: is this the longest she's ever been apart from her daughter? (07:53) Kelly and Wes start the college search, and how much more choice kids have today (09:04) When your kid surprises you: Wes wants to work outdoors, Dominic is curious about religion and philosophy (09:42) Why schools that let you wait until junior year to declare a major can be a great fit for exploring (12:14) Berry College's massive campus, complete with farms, cows, and cabins (12:56) Using AI to brainstorm ways to explore career interests, including "day in the life" videos (14:06) Unexpected careers that really do pay off, from an anthropologist cousin to a marine biology professor (15:10) Prioritizing internships and applied learning, setting search parameters, and staying flexible Takeaways When the group text gets overwhelming, it's okay to tap out and solve the problem your own way. Homesickness often shows up on the bad days, and having ups and downs during the first semester is normal. Choice overload is real in the college search. Start by talking with your teen about what actually matters to them. Kids' interests will shift. Schools that support exploration can take pressure off choosing "the right" major at 17. "Day in the life" videos are an easy, low-pressure way to help teens picture different careers. Superwoman Diaries, Chasing Brighter podcast, sister podcast, motherhood, parenting teens, parenting adult children, college freshman homesickness, empty nest, college search, choosing a college, undeclared major, exploring majors, career exploration for teens, day in the life videos, using AI for parenting, college internships, applied learning, white lies party, college sports parents, team catering ideas, Chick-fil-A catering, group text overwhelm, time zone difference, Becoming Not Arriving, women's podcast, real over perfect Connect With Us Website: chasingbrighter.com Instagram: @chasingbrighter TikTok: @chasingbrighter Facebook: @chasingbrighter YouTube: @chasingbrighter Newsletter: Sign up here