Choosing Your Own Life and Letting Go of Guilt

Whitney is fired up about Oprah’s recent podcast about going no contact. She also responds to a Mel Robbins/Karl Pillemer article titled "Life is Too Short to Fight With Your Family." She breaks down why these narratives are harmful, who they're really speaking to (and who they're ignoring), and the problematic assumptions embedded in questions like "where did you get this idea from?” Whitney challenges the toxic positivity of telling people to accept mistreatment from family, questions why we're not writing these articles to Uncle Joe who's being racist at Thanksgiving, and explains why "just accept and move on" advice completely misses the mark.Oprah’s podcast: Oprah Explores the Rising Trend of Going No Contact with Your FamilyMel Robbin and Karl Pillemer article: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/26/opinion/thanksgiving-family-fighting.html Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 03:31 Oprah’s podcast 45:05 The Mel Robbins’ NYT article 58:15 Taking a break in December Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Kate Gray (@codependencykate) is back with Whitney to react to one of the most iconic dysfunctional holiday dinners ever depicted on television: “Fishes” from The Bear (S2E06). They break down the infamous episode scene by scene, analyzing how anxiety manifests differently in each of the three siblings, Mikey, Natalie, and Carmy, in reaction to an emotionally volatile mother, Donna. Even if you haven’t seen the episode, you will almost certainly find a way to relate to Whitney and Kate’s breakdown of holiday gatherings and the ways we so often find ourselves trapped in roles we thought we'd escaped. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 02:44 Episode setup 09:58 The kitchen scene 18:38 Natalie and Donna 28:59 Dining room scene 41:28 Mikey throwing forks at Uncle Lee 46:47 Donna loses it at the dinner table Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney addresses one of her recent viral posts about why using therapy speak with family often causes more problems than is useful. She also breaks down a scene from the Peacock show "All Her Fault" about parentified sibling dynamics. Then she answers to listener’s questions about different sibling reactions to a narcissistic family and a mother’s competition with her daughter. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:55 Why you shouldn't call your parents emotionally immature 05:54 Breaking down a scene from Peacock’s All Her Fault 13:45 Listener question #1 18:22 Listener question #2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feeling guilty is one of the most common struggles for people stepping away from a dysfunctional family. Whitney explores how guilt is a learned response, not necessarily an evidence of wrongdoing, and why you were trained to believe that meeting your own needs harms others. She discusses the difference between guilt and grief, how family members use guilt to pull you back in, and offers practical tools for moving forward and coming to terms with these feelings.  Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 1:19 Why guilt shows up when you start doing life differently 03:04 Guilt is a learned response, not evidence of wrongdoing 12:22 Decentering 20:33 Statements for feelings of guilt 26:17 Building a life where you feel safe and supported Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're skipping the family gathering, still debating about whether to show up, locked in for a chair-arm-gripping dinner, or spending the day alone, Whitney has a few tips for getting through the next 24 hours.  Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 02:44 Shut the door on social media that will only make it worse 05:40 Practice radical acceptance of your situation 07:08 Expect people to be who they've always been 08:00 Protect your peace by only engaging where you need to 10:54 You're allowed to have a good time Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney teams up with Samantha Dalton, group facilitator at Calling Home and host of the Nuance Needed podcast, to unpack season three of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. As someone who grew up in the Mormon church and is still actively deconstructing, Samantha provides invaluable cultural context for understanding the relational patterns, power dynamics, and trauma responses playing out in the show. They explore how religion and culture interweave to shape everything from marriages and gender roles to emotional maturity and family loyalty, and how even reality tv moments can create powerful moments of destigmatization and healing for viewers who have dealt with similar experiences. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Content warning: This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault, emotional abuse, and complicated relationship dynamics. 00:00 Introduction and content warning 01:43 Samantha's deconstruction journey 05:57 How Mormonism gets woven into every aspect of life 12:34 Early marriage and the impact on emotional development 23:51 Dad talk and coming to terms with their wives’ success 34:48 Therapy culture in the show 57:24 The power and consequences of sharing trauma on reality tv Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney answers two listener questions that explore complex family dynamics and different responses to dysfunction. The first question comes from someone navigating estrangement from in-laws who rejected their adopted teenager. The second is about what happens when siblings respond differently to the same dysfunctional family system. Whitney also discusses a moment from the show Special Forces where Kody Brown, a TV personality known from the show Sister Wives, takes accountability for his mistakes as a parent. Whitney also reacts to a recent post from Chad and Haley Kultgen from The Necessary Conversation podcast. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Introduction and episode overview 01:40 Special Forces and Sister Wives analysis 08:28 The Necessary Conversation analysis 17:43 Caller question #1 25:07 Caller question #2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney shares an interview with Harriet Shearsmith, author of "Unfollowing Mum: Break Unhealthy Patterns and be the Parent You Wish You’d Had" and host of the Unfollowing Mum podcast. Harriet opens up about her journey from being completely enmeshed with her mother who lived with Harriet, her husband and three children to eventually becoming estranged after asking her mom to find her own home. They discuss the challenges of recognizing abuse in your own family system, the societal guilt of cutting contact with a parent, cycle breaking with your own children, and how to repair when you make mistakes with your own children. Harriet's new book: https://amzn.to/43vKLFO Harriet's website: https://harrietshearsmith.com/ Harriet's Instagram: @harrietshearsmith  Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [email protected] Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Introduction to Harriet Shearsmith and her work 01:43 Harriet's story 15:19 The societal guilt of questioning your parent's behavior 26:07 The difficulty of defining abuse 44:14 Raising children who know their worth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney unpacks a recent article from New York Magazine: “The Therapy That Can Break You” about Internal Family Systems (IFS) and what can go wrong when trauma treatment crosses ethical lines. She discusses the dangers of working with fragile populations without proper training, and what to watch for when working with different therapeutic modalities. She then answers two listener questions about navigating estrangement as the family scapegoat and balancing support for a depressed parent without losing yourself. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 01:06 Introduction to IFS therapy and The Cut article 02:49 What went wrong at Castlewood Treatment Center 09:52 Believing victims and the reality of false memories 18:08 The need for stabilization when working with trauma 25:51 Listener question 1: Navigating estrangement as the family scapegoat 31:32 Listener question 2: Supporting a depressed parent without losing yourself Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney launches a new series exploring family dynamics in pop culture, starting with Netflix's "Nobody Wants This." Joined by Meg Josephson, author of the New York Times bestseller "Are You Mad at Me?", she breaks down the clash between Noah's enmeshed, guilt-driven Jewish family led by his controlling mother Bina, and Joanne's emotionally distant family that hides behind humor. They discuss what happens when parents fuse their identity with their children, the difference between closeness and enmeshment, how cultural expectations complicate boundaries, and whether you'd actually want to sit down at this family's dinner table. Connect with Meg:https://megjosephson.com/ Order Meg’s new book:https://amzn.to/47tyvIi Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Introducing Whitney’s new series 03:49 Character overview 09:07 When Bina’s identity gets fused with her son 14:39 Closeness and enmeshment 27:51 Bina confronts Joanne 34:15 Joanne at Shabbat scene 50:55 The dinner table scale Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices