Two ways to lower overwhelm.

We discuss two keys to keeping your kids moving forward on goals that matter.

In this podcast we discuss taking ownership of your education and using SDL to chase curiosities. Grab resources here: https://www.boldschoolers.com/toolkit Video: https://www.boldschoolers.com/blog/SDL  

Learn what particular kind of rest and relaxation is essential to optimal performance.

How to lower cognitive load and increase flow.

Learn to use the characteristics of flow.

Learn to use brain breaks to get into flow.

Have you ever been working intensely on something and you reach your breaking point? You feel like your head’s going to explode or you’re in total overwhelm. That’s a good thing gone too far. We need frequent breaks to release the pressure building up inside of us, like we do with a pressure cooker or Instant Pot. Our kids are no different. When they focus intently, the front of their brains is on overdrive, trying to make sense and encode what’s in front of them. After that kind of pressure, they need to release. I think of it like my homemade kombucha. During my first few months of making kombucha, I would second-ferment the bubbly drink in a tightly closed glass bottle for a few days to make it extra bubbly and delicious with flavored fruit. The first time I tried it, the glass bottle exploded all over my kitchen…and then… it happened again. I finally figured out that I needed to burp my bottles at least once a day. If I didn’t let the pressure out, it would literally explode. Our kids are the same way, they need to release the intensity of focus and that’s done through a brain break. A brain break is a 5-15 minute break to replenish the resources we’ve expended while focusing. I’ve talked with you, recently, about the struggle phase of learning. It’s the part where our kids are trying to learn new things. It’s a lot of work, so they need to relax and let go before an inadvertent explosion. Release allows our kids to get their conscious mind off of their work and turn on the unconscious mind to take over information processing. The brain likes patterns and it’s often very happy to sort and analyze behind the scenes while our kids’ brains do something else. Help your child learn to watch for signals that a brain break is needed. Kids sometimes get antsy or fidgety, brains start to swim or ache or eyes start to cloud over. Help kids recognize these physical and mental signals and catch them before they meander on. It seems that something mildly physical works the best for this kind of break. You don’t want your child to jump on a video game or the television because those activities keep the brain in active-mode. If we stay in active-mode, there’s no release and kids often feel more anxious and wound up. Here are some ideas for brain breaks to get you started: Drawing or doodling. Playing a musical instrument, if you have some proficiency already. You don’t want your brain actively involved. Going for a walk or kicking around a soccer ball Taking a shower, swim or stretch Building something with Lego or other modeling A brain break isn’t meant to be exhausting in any way, but instead it’s meant to replenish spent resources.

If your child stays in focus and has some skills in the area mastered and automatized, there’s a good chance of finding flow. Remember, flow is that state where you feel your best and perform your best. In flow, time slows down or speeds up, the critical voice in our head vanishes and we’re our most productive and creative self. What often happens in flow, however, is kids are pulled out of flow through some type of interference and once they’re out, it’s back to struggle. The main sources of interference are noise and distraction. These might be in the form of siblings playing, parents interrupting, environmental factors or technology, such as a phone dinging or beeping. It often doesn’t take much to completely sideswipe a kid out of focus. The good news is that a lot of those disruptions are manageable with a little forethought. Clear the environment and place unneeded technology in another room. Another form of interference is negative self-talk, which is harder to eliminate because it’s out of a parent’s control and you might not even be aware that it’s happening. When I talk about the little voice in our head, this is what I’m talking about. That little voice of sabotage lurking in the background to tell us we can’t or we aren’t good enough. When in flow, that voice is quiet and creativity is heightened during a flow state because the brain is busy bending, breaking and reforming what’s known into something new. If the little voice raises its ugly head, that process comes to a screeching halt. Flow takes a lot of energy and brain chemistry to pull off. It depletes our resources dramatically, so if things like sleep, nutrition, hydration or exercise are compromised, it’s going to be pretty hard to stay in the zone reaping the benefits. These wellbeing practices are called precursors to flow for a reason. Kids need to dial them in to enable learning and performing at their best. I’m often asked if flow, once found, can be prolonged. Yes! We can use our flow boosters of novelty, unpredictability and complexity to level-up the experience. For example, you might change the environment to something new or incorporate surprise or raise the challenge level slightly to include additional information. These things cause us to pay even greater attention. A child might add in a social component, such as doing a presentation for friends, which adds an element of risk, thereby deepening flow. Get creative and have fun mixing it up. After experiencing flow, kids need to power down and rest. As mentioned, flow is using a lot of brain chemistry. Resources are depleted and need to be replenished. When kids are learning at their best, they need to store that information in long-term memory for it to be recalled later. That encoding happens in sleep. Other than paying attention to sleep, nutrition, hydration and movement, kids can incorporate a mindfulness practice, breath work or relaxing play with friends to help them recover and reboot.

Using mindset, choice and kaizen to get through the struggle.

When asked what we want for our children, we often say that we want them to be happy. Of course, that sounds right, but when we look closer at happy, what does that actually mean? Think back to the most significant moments in your own life. Do you find happy? Maybe it’s the birth of your children. When I look back at that time, I remember being scared out of my mind, unable to control my body and in a heck of a lot of pain. Maybe it’s getting married. On my wedding day, I remember feeling nervous and worried that it wouldn’t come off as planned. Maybe it’s starting a new job. Is beginning a new job ever a walk in the park? My point is that sometimes the most important things in our lives begin with feelings other than happy. Happy comes later as most things worth doing begin in all the glorious forms of discomfort, as it provides fertile ground for meeting worthwhile goals. If we only chased what was comfortable, not much would get done and nothing new would come of it. Where do your kids spend most of their time? Where do you? We’re drawn to those things we feel competent doing and therefore we spend a lot of time in our comfort zone. Most kids spend way too much time working on things they already know how to do and not enough time pushing the edges of what they don’t yet know. Maybe we all do. Growth springs from discomfort and that’s where we’ll find our most important achievements. And as an added bonus, it’s where we’ll find flow. Flow is a state of consciousness where we feel our best and perform our best. When we are deeply absorbed in an activity we may lose track of time or quiet that annoying and highly critical little voice in our heads. We may feel completely connected with the world or the people around us. That’s flow and it’s where we are our most productive, capable and creative, so if we want to be at our best, we’re looking for flow. You may find it flying down a mountain-bike trail or skittering across a tubular wave. You may find it within creative writing or artistic painting. Whatever your jam, it’s probably waiting there for you. Just as with happiness, flow begins in discomfort and can be elusive. We have to pass through struggle before we can get into flow. So instead of running from frustration, embrace it, knowing that happy…in the form of flow…comes later. Yes, we want our kids to find happy and we want them to find flow, but before that, we want them to dance beyond that edge of comfort. When learning new skills, frustration can be a sign for kids that they are moving in the right direction. A child’s brain is busy loading and encoding information when learning new things, so the brain is very active and the little voice in their head could be protesting with doubts and distractions because it’s fully awake, as well. Have breaks, but stay with the process because mastery and flow will follow focus. In flow, parts of the brain shut down and go quiet, which allows time to bend and the little annoying voice to retreat. The unconscious takes over and skills are deployed flawlessly and creatively. Flow can only happen when our brains know enough to let go, meaning skills are solid and deeply grooved in our brains, they’re automatic. If skills aren’t there, there’s nothing to hand over to the unconscious. Creativity happens in flow, in the empty spaces between things we already know. The more kids know, the more they can find flow…and creativity, but the process begins with that struggle…yes, the one we sometimes try to avoid. We want kids to productively struggle, but not aimlessly struggle. There’s a difference. Where do your kids spend most of their time? Are they dipping into discomfort? Or dancing with things they already know how to do? Here are some tips: Automaticity typically happens after skills are mastered slowly and consciously…that’s the uncomfortable part, but we can ease that discomfort by making sure kids are working on skills that are just above their ability levels, not too easy and not too hard. We can also make sure that kids are receiving enough immediate feedback to course correct and keep moving forward. Poor mood can tank our ability to learn new things. Create an environment of positivity and optimism and tackle a poor mood with practices such as mindfulness, gratitude, and ample breaks throughout the day. Dial in the precursors to flow: ample sleep, nutrition, hydration, plenty of movement and recovery.