338: [Soapbox] The problem with "you're not meeting my needs"

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist and host Jessa Zimmerman explores the critical importance of focusing on the lower desire partner in relationships struggling with mismatched libidos and desire discrepancy.Drawing from real insights from a recent couples coaching call, Jessa reveals why higher desire partners need to shift their perspective and develop deeper empathy and understanding for their lower desire counterparts. This episode is essential listening for any couple dealing with libido differences, sexual desire issues, or intimacy challenges.What You'll Learn:✅ How to support the low libido partner in your relationship✅ Effective communication strategies for couples with desire discrepancy✅ Ways to rebuild trust after sexual tension and conflict✅ How to create a safe space for vulnerable conversations about sex✅ Why empathy and patience are crucial for resolving mismatched desire✅ How to listen to your partner's struggles and pain without rushing to fix everything✅ Strategies for overcoming sexual tension in long-term relationships✅ Steps toward achieving a more fulfilling sex life togetherPerfect for couples experiencing sexual frustration, relationship conflict, or anyone wanting to improve their sexual relationship and intimate connection.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex01:02 The Value of Focusing on the Lower Desire Partner02:53 Breakthroughs in Communication06:16 Steps to Reconnect and Understand09:10 Final Thoughts and Encouragement09:47 Closing Remarks and Call to ActionWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Welcome back to the Better Sex Podcast! In this powerful episode, host Jessa Zimmerman reunites with returning guest Rob Kancler for an in-depth conversation about transforming your intimate life through body-based practices.🔥 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:✨ Erotic Circuitry & Sexual WellnessUnderstanding your unique erotic circuitry and how to activate itUnlocking your full orgasmic potential through body awarenessHow to cultivate body intelligence for better sex💨 Breathwork for IntimacyThe transformative power of the "Yes Breath" techniqueBreathing exercises for sexual enhancementPhysiological aspects of breathing and their impact on arousal❤️ Emotional & Physical ConnectionEmotional self-regulation strategies for intimate relationshipsHow to reconnect with your body for deeper intimacyThe crucial role of emotions in sexual experiences and overall well-beingThis episode is packed with practical tips, actionable strategies, and expert guidance to help you enhance your intimate connections, improve relationship satisfaction, and optimize your personal sexual health.Perfect for anyone looking to:Improve their sex life naturallyStrengthen intimate relationshipsLearn body-based practices for better intimacyUnderstand the mind-body connection in sexualityDevelop emotional intelligence in relationships00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:45 Welcoming Back Rob Kancler01:47 Exploring Erotic Circuitry04:32 Understanding Breathwork and Somatics10:07 The Importance of Emotional Intelligence11:31 The Role of Cranial Nerves in Emotional and Physical Health13:24 The Connection Between Emotions and Physical Health21:33 The Impact of Suppressed Emotions40:58 Practical Steps to Open Circuitry for Better Sex and Emotional Health46:12 The Power of Breathing46:58 Breathing Techniques for Mental Health48:41 Practical Breathing Exercise57:01 The Impact of Breathing on Sexual Health01:00:09 The Role of Emotions in Physical Health01:03:34 Integrating Breathwork into Daily Life01:11:20 The Orgasm Reflex and Sexual Potential01:19:02 Resources and Next StepsFind all the Better Sex special collections at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/collectionsBio:Rob Kancler is an artist, athlete, entrepreneur, and modern mystic. He runs Men of Substance™, a sexual mastery program serving men worldwide. His revolutionary work gives all people access to the profound sexual experiences hidden in the most obscure spiritual traditions—radically expanding a conversation most people take for granted and revealing the blind spots about sex that everyone carries but no one sees. The truth is this quietly keeps men and women from the confidence, vitality, love, meaning, and deeper fulfillment available in every part of life. Check him out at robkancler.com, take the free assessment at bedroomcompass.com, or explore the foundational Men of Substance™ program at robkancler.com/blueprint.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this soapbox episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman addresses the common misconception that menopause is a temporary phase. She explains that menopause is a permanent change, where hormone production reverts to levels similar to those of a young child. Drawing on a conversation with Dr. Irwin Goldstein, she emphasizes the importance of adapting to or treating this change, often through hormone replacement therapy (HRT). Jessa encourages listeners to research, talk to their doctors, and consider the best approach for them and their partners. She also mentions prior episodes featuring experts on the topic of HRT.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:44 Soapbox Episode Introduction01:00 Understanding Menopause: A Permanent Change01:50 Insights from Dr. Irwin Goldstein02:47 Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Discussion03:25 Adapting to Menopause04:10 Conclusion and Further Resources04:28 Listener Engagement and Support04:58 Credits and AcknowledgementsWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Jessa Zimmerman, host of Better Sex, welcomes back Jess Levith to discuss 'sexual emergence' – the fluid nature of sexuality and its changes over time. They delve into personal experiences and professional insights, covering the impact of life stages and contexts on sexual identity. Jess Levith explains how her unexpected crush led to a journey of self-discovery and the concept of sexual emergence. They also discuss the application of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and the 'sexaflex' model in understanding and navigating changes in sexuality. This episode aims to inspire listeners to explore and understand their sexual identity through different life contexts.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:46 Guest Introduction: Jess Levith on Sexual Emergence02:11 Personal Journey and Realization03:31 Understanding Sexual Emergence05:30 Sexual Contextualism and Ecosystems09:58 Exploring Sexual Fluidity12:26 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)17:22 Practical Applications of ACT in Sexuality18:34 Introduction to Sex Therapy18:48 Deconstructing Sexual Issues19:37 Exploring Values and Spirituality21:22 Present Time Awareness and Acceptance23:05 Sexual Emergence and Midlife Challenges25:48 Proactive Sexual Exploration28:59 Writing and Resources31:10 Conclusion and Listener EngagementFind my new quizzes:For the higher desire partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdpmistakeFor the lower desire partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldpmistakeBio:Jess Levith is a certified sex therapist through AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) seeing therapy clients within the state of CA. She teaches at various colleges around the Bay Area and has specialized training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Attachment Focused EMDR, Out of ControlSexual Behaviors (OCSB), and Modern Attachment Theory (interpersonal neurobiology). In the past few years she's taken a deeper dive into buddhist psychology, completing a certificate program at The Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy. Currently she's working on a book that takes a deep dive into ACT and sexual emergence later in life.@jesslevith_cstsexualcontextualism.comeast-baytherapy.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

n this episode of The Betters Sex Podcast, hosted by sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, the focus is on exploring the implications of framing sexual desires as needs within intimate relationships. Jessa discusses the potential problems that arise when individuals feel their sexual needs aren't being met by their partners, and stresses the importance of viewing desires from a mutual perspective. She encourages listeners to reflect on what they truly gain from sex and consider if those desires can be met through other means or in varied ways with their partners, emphasizing collaboration and shared experiences for a more fulfilling relationship.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex01:06 Exploring Sexual Desires as Needs02:28 Understanding the Pressures on Sex04:10 Shifting the Focus to Mutual Desires06:51 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, hosted by sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, guests Britton and Carolee share their transformative journey from a strict Mormon upbringing to a deeply connected and sexually fulfilling relationship. They discuss the challenges of infidelity, the lack of support within their church, and the pivotal role of trauma-informed healing practices, including psychedelics and yoga. The couple's story unfolds from dealing with church disciplinary actions to exploring substances like cannabis and mushrooms, leading to profound emotional and sexual healing. They also highlight their decision to leave the church, undertake an 18-month pilgrimage, and engage in extensive self-discovery and spiritual growth. Carlee and Briton's story provides valuable insights into overcoming deep-seated trauma and embracing a life of authenticity and connection.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:50 Meet Carolee Britton: A Journey of Transformation02:05 Struggles Within the Church03:58 The Healing Process and Discontent07:48 Exploring New Paths14:56 The Role of Psychedelics in Healing16:46 Mushroom Experience and Church Realization18:31 Carolee's Healing Journey with Mushrooms20:40 Transforming Sexual Relationships23:44 Sexual Reeducation and Moving to Bali26:32 Raising Children with New Perspectives28:48 Healing from Infidelity33:35 Promoting Their Healing JourneyFind Jessa's resources for navigating libido mismatch at https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Britton and Carolee, raised in the strict dogma of the Mormon church, and with infidelity threatening their marriage and family, found themselves at a cliff’s edge. Through a deep commitment to heal, these two left everything they knew to find themselves. Over a period of five years, they rebooted their relationship and traveled the world seeking their truth with four kids in tow. They have emerged on the other side as an embodied and awakened couple with a powerful message to share.www.themagicalstoryofus.com@ mystic and witchWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explores what it means to have a healthy sexual relationship. She introduces the six principles of sexual health as identified by the World Health Organization: consent, non-exploitation, honesty, shared values, safety, and pleasure. Jessa delves into each principle, explaining its importance and providing insights on how couples can apply these concepts to strengthen their intimate relationships. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on these principles and consider areas where they can improve to enhance their sexual health and relationship satisfaction.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:48 Defining a Healthy Sexual Relationship01:56 Principle 1: Consent04:40 Principle 2: Non-Exploitation07:01 Principle 3: Honesty08:25 Principle 4: Shared Values09:47 Principle 5: Safety11:08 Principle 6: Pleasure13:00 Conclusion and Final Thoughts13:28 Closing Remarks and Call to ActionWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Lauren Elise Rogers, a certified holistic sexuality educator and intimacy coach. They discuss the journey from a sex-negative upbringing to crafting a fulfilling and values-aligned sex life. Lauren shares her personal story of overcoming restrictive beliefs rooted in a conservative religious background, through education, therapy, and self-discovery. They explore the concept of sexual scripts and the importance of integrating positive sexual beliefs and values into one's life. The discussion touches on the impact of societal and cultural narratives on sexuality, the role of media, and the significance of writing one's own sexual values mission statement. The episode aims to inspire listeners to rethink and reclaim their sexual identities.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:48 Guest Introduction: Lauren Elise Rogers02:02 Lauren's Background and Upbringing03:47 Marriage and Personal Struggles05:01 Turning Point and Seeking Help07:33 Rebuilding and New Beginnings10:48 Professional Journey and Current Work13:08 Exploring Sexual Scripts and Beliefs16:20 Exploring Sexual Scripts and Improv17:32 Revisiting Sexual Beliefs and Values19:17 Crafting a Sexual Values Mission Statement21:33 Integrating Sexuality into Everyday Life25:00 The Role of Erotic Literature29:14 Connecting and Resources30:35 Conclusion and Listener EngagementFind my quizzes at https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Lauren Elise Rogers is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach, celebrated for her warm and approachable style. Her holistic and embodied approach to education and coaching is deeply rooted in her own pain-to-purpose journey. Lauren brings an empathetic and non-judgmental approach, offering practical tools that empower her clients to take ownership of their pleasure and grow in confidence and connection. She is known for creating shame-free spaces, where she invites individuals and couples to navigate complex topics like long-term partnerships, consensual non-monogamy, life transitions, purity culture and LGBTQIA+ issues.www.sexedforyou.com/free consultpodcast: The Partnership Podcast. Sex Ed for You@sex_ed_for_youWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, hosted by sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, listeners are guided through the complexities behind the lack of sexual intimacy in relationships. Zimmerman discusses the factors that contribute to this issue, such as changes in brain chemistry, desire discrepancies, emotional connection, and life stressors. She provides insight into common feelings, like shame and inadequacy, and offers practical strategies for couples to improve their intimate lives. Emphasis is placed on the importance of addressing relationship problems, rediscovering emotional connection, adapting to changes, and open communication without blame. Professional help is recommended for persistent issues, with advice on seeking certified sex therapists. The episode aims to reassure couples that they are not alone and provide actionable steps to enhance their sexual and emotional bonds.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:57 Understanding the Lack of Sex in Relationships01:41 Normalizing Sexual Struggles03:12 Addressing Desire Discrepancies04:13 Identifying Relationship Strengths06:13 Common Reasons for Reduced Sexual Activity13:06 Rebuilding Emotional and Physical Connection19:43 Seeking Professional Help21:16 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes author Tash Doherty to discuss her work on a spicy coming-of-age novel and a sex writing journal. Doherty shares her goal of helping people explore their sexuality and desires through writing while confronting shame. The conversation delves into her personal experiences, creative process, and the impact of sharing intimate stories publicly. The episode also highlights an upcoming Kickstarter for Doherty's journal, aiming to guide individuals in their sexual exploration. Listeners are encouraged to visit her blog and join the project. Overall, the discussion offers insights into the power of writing to deepen one's understanding of sexuality and reduce shame.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:50 Guest Introduction: Tash Doherty01:41 Tash's Journey in Writing02:50 Exploring Personal Experiences in Writing04:30 Challenges and Vulnerabilities in Writing07:33 The Impact of Writing on Personal Growth13:23 The Benefits of Sex Journaling21:38 Kickstarter and Final Thoughts23:17 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to share your personal story on the podcast? It can be done anonymously. Email us at [email protected]:Tash Doherty is a British-Irish-American writer and author. She is the creator of Misseducated, a blog, and podcast on a mission to help the world be shamelessly sexy. She started writing her first novel, These Perfectly Careless Things, when she was 14 years old and self-published the book in September 2023 (finally achieving her childhood dream). These Perfectly Careless Things is a spicy, coming-of-age Young Adult novel set in London. Tash has also gone viral on TikTok for over-sharing her birth control experience.‍Tash graduated from the Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania, where she studied Business Analytics and Management. In other lives, she worked in analytics at Postmates and Vox Media and still does corporate consulting to pay them pesky bills. She lives in Mexico City.misseducated.substack.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass