266: Soapbox Episode: Desire Discrepancy 101

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman is joined by Paula Leech, a therapist and author who returns to discuss her book on overcoming anxiety in sex and relationships. The conversation delves into how anxiety manifests in intimate settings, including performance anxiety, body image issues, and past traumas. Leech explains the importance of understanding and interacting with one's anxiety, offering actionable steps for fostering a healthier mindset, relaxing the body, and improving intimate connections with partners.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:44 Guest Introduction: Paula Leech on Anxiety in Sex01:55 Understanding Anxiety and Its Impact07:31 Anxiety in Sexual Performance and Body Image10:17 Managing Anxiety in Intimate Relationships20:53 Practical Steps to Overcome Anxiety30:05 Conclusion and ResourcesWant to take my quiz, How big a problem is your sex life? https://www.sexlifequiz.comPaula's Bio:I received my Bachelor’s Degree in Family and Human Development at Arizona State University and then went on to receive my Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Massachusetts, at Boston. Post family therapy licensure, I became AASECT (American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) certified as a Sex Therapist and worked with individuals, relationships, and families in private practice in Quincy, Massachusetts for over ten years. In that time, I received AASECT certification as a Supervisor of Sex Therapy, and co-founded a sex therapy agency and training institute where we saw clients in addition to training therapists to become competent, confident sex therapists themselves. I continue to regularly present at various training institutes as well as Universities and therapy agencies across the US.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Navigating Desire Discrepancy: Common Traps and SolutionsIn this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the universal issue of desire discrepancy in intimate relationships. Jessa explains the frequent traps and mistakes made by both higher and lower desire partners, which often exacerbate the problem. She emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing these pitfalls with compassion and offers strategies to improve communication and intimacy. The episode aims to provide listeners with hope and practical advice for navigating their differences in libido.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:57 Understanding Desire Discrepancy02:41 Common Traps for Higher Desire Partners07:54 Common Traps for Lower Desire Partners11:03 Co-Creating Solutions11:52 Conclusion and Next StepsVisit https://www.desirediscrepancy.com for more resourcesWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Join host Jessa Zimmerman on the Better Sex Podcast as she interviews sex therapist Susan Morgan Taylor. They discuss the concept of blocks to pleasure and how different types of tension—mental, emotional, and physical—can impede sexual satisfaction and connection. Susan shares her personal journey from a sexless marriage to becoming a sex therapist dedicated to helping others experience their full sexual potential. They explore strategies for overcoming these blockers, including relaxation, presence, and awareness, and discuss the importance of redefining sex beyond goal-oriented outcomes. They also touch on societal myths, particularly around female sexuality, and the importance of an education that encompasses pleasure and intimate connection.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:55 Guest Introduction: Susan Morgan Taylor01:44 Susan's Personal Journey to Sex Therapy04:45 Understanding Blocks to Pleasure08:56 Principles for Relieving Tension13:51 Connecting with Your Partner19:14 The Myth of Low Desire in Women25:02 Resources and ConclusionDesire Discrepancy resources: https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Susan Morgan Taylor, MA, is a leading somatic sex therapist who helps couples deepen their intimacy and create lasting, fulfilling connections. With over 25 years of experience in somatic healing, she developed The Pleasure Keys Process™, a powerful approach to reigniting sexual and emotional harmony in relationships. After a personal awakening from a sexless marriage, Susan became passionate about helping others remove obstacles to pleasure, love, and orgasm. She is also the creator of the Pleasure Keys Retreats and host of the Sex Talk Café Podcast. When not working, she enjoys hiking and singing karaoke in the mountains of Western North Carolina.https://www.pleasurekeys.comhttps://www.pathwaytopleasure.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the nature of desire discrepancy in intimate relationships. She explains what desire discrepancy is, how it can emerge over time in all couples, and its universal nature. Jessa highlights the relative and situational aspects of discrepancy, emphasizing that roles of higher desire (HDP) and lower desire persons (LDP) can change. She also delves into the inherent control and pressure dynamics in such situations, and how they affect self-worth, relationship tension, and the meaning of sex. Future episodes will address common traps and strategies to bridge these gaps.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast01:08 Understanding Desire Discrepancy01:35 The Universality of Desire Discrepancy02:50 Relative Nature of Desire Discrepancy03:58 Control Dynamics in Desire Discrepancy06:12 Emotional Impact on Relationships08:05 Pressure and Desire Discrepancy09:05 Conclusion and Future Topics09:33 Closing Remarks and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the BetterSex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the concept of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). Jessa delves into why she believes HSDD should not be classified as a disorder, arguing that a lack of sexual desire is influenced by various legitimate obstacles such as trauma, body image issues, relationship struggles, and larger life concerns. She explains the distinction between proactive and reactive desire, emphasizing that reactive desire is a common and normal experience. Jessa rejects the notion that low sexual desire is a pathological condition and offers resources for those navigating desire discrepancies in their relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:44 Host's Soapbox: Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder01:08 Understanding Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder01:58 Factors Affecting Sexual Desire04:26 Proactive vs. Reactive Desire06:48 Resources and ConclusionWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Susan Goldstein, a sexuality educator at the San Diego Sexual Medicine Clinic. The conversation delves into the intricacies of menopause, including personal stories and the experiences of patients. Goldstein emphasizes the benefits of monitored hormone replacement therapy and dispels myths surrounding menopause and hormone treatments. She addresses common symptoms, the importance of a tailored medical approach, and the need for informed decision-making. The episode underscores the significance of understanding one's body and seeking appropriate medical care for menopause-related issues.00:00 Welcome to Better Sex Podcast00:44 Introducing Susan Goldstein: Sexuality Educator01:37 Susan's Journey into Sexual Medicine03:25 Understanding Menopause and Hormone Replacement Therapy05:21 Debunking Myths About Menopause and Hormone Therapy09:01 The Importance of Monitored Hormone Care16:54 Historical Perspectives on Hormone Treatments18:51 Introduction to Clinic Data and Research19:39 Unique Cases and Specialized Treatments20:31 Understanding Neuroproliferative Vestibulodynia21:48 Menopause and Its Impact on Skin Health23:39 Symptoms and Treatments for Menopausal Women26:31 Addressing Low Libido and HSDD28:46 Personal Experience with HSDD Treatments32:04 Finding the Right Clinician and Clinic Information34:27 Conclusion and Contact InformationInterested in my desire discrepancy resources? https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Ms. Goldstein, a graduate of Brown University, is Sexuality Educator and Clinical Research Manager at San Diego Sexual Medicine, responsible for sexual medicine educational programming and clinical research. She works with the SDSM team to develop clinical research projects, write protocols and oversee clinical trials. She also arranges for training in sexual medicine for medical students, residents, fellows and clinicians from all over the country. She works with regional support groups to provide education to providers, students and the public. In addition, she develops programs for The Institute for Sexual Medicine, a charitable corporation dedicated to research and education in the field. Ms. Goldstein co-authored When Sex Isn’t Good to provide education and empowerment to women with sexual dysfunction. She is managing editor of Sexual Medicine Reviews. She is an associate editor of Textbook of Female Sexual Function and Dysfunction, and Female Sexual Pain Disorders, and author of multiple peer reviewed papers. Mrs. Goldstein is Past President of the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH) as well as Industry Relations Chair. She serves on the Scientific Oversight Committee of the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) as well as the Educational Projects, Fellowship and Female Sexual Function Committees of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America (SMSNA). She has contributed educational content for the ISSM Online University as well as the AUA Core Curriculum and SMSNA Fellowship Curriculum. She is also a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and the Association of Clinical Research Professionals (ACRP). She is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and an ACRP Certified Clinical Research Coordinator. Ms. Goldstein, an ISSWSH Fellow, received the Distinguished Service Award from ISSWSH in 2017 as well as from SMSNA in 2017.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Emma Xin Velicky about how to explore fantasies and kink interests within a loving relationship. Emma shares her personal journey to kink, discusses defining kink and BDSM, and offers advice on communicating and exploring these interests with a partner. They delve into the importance of vulnerability, play, and the benefits of understanding one's erotic interests both individually and with a partner. The conversation also touches on common misconceptions about kink, the role of roleplay, and Emma's company, Saturday Box, which helps couples explore their kinky side through curated adventures.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:44 Exploring Fantasies and Kink Interests01:27 Guest Interview: Emma Xin Velicky's Journey03:45 Defining and Understanding Kink07:21 Bringing Up Kink with Your Partner13:26 Role of Solo Exploration in Kink21:22 Benefits of Exploring Kink Together29:30 Saturday Box: Enhancing Couple's Kink Exploration31:28 Conclusion and Listener InvitationWant to share your personal story on the podcast? You can do it anonymously! Reach out at [email protected]: Emma Xin Velicky, a 26-year-old romance author, filmmaker, mobile game writer, and “sexpert” created Saturday Box to redefine kink and make it easier for couples to turn toward each other for fantasy fulfillment. Growing up in a religious community that shunned any talk of sex before marriage, her early interest in kink left her feeling confused and ashamed. As she moved away from the church, she began to experiment, but as a sexually submissive Asian woman, it was difficult to be true to herself without encouraging stereotypes.Inspired by the erotic exploration that occurred in her own marriage, she's created immersive, date night adventures to help couples to embrace their true (kinky) selves and see each other in a new light. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses the impact of written erotica on mental stimulation and sexual desire with her guest, erotic author Avalon Lust. Avalon shares her journey from writing romance to focusing on erotica, and how it helped rejuvenate her own libido. They explore the benefits of erotica for individuals and couples, including mental visualization, tapping into fantasies, and offering quick yet engaging reads. Avalon also provides insights on where to find quality erotica and her process of creating stories that cater to different fantasies. The episode offers valuable advice for anyone looking to spice up their intimate life through the power of the written word.00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:43 Introduction to Erotica with Avalon Lust01:22 Avalon's Journey into Writing Erotica05:11 Benefits of Erotica for Relationships09:56 Exploring Fantasies Through Erotica14:51 Where to Find and Explore Erotica18:23 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsInterested in the quiz? https://www.sexlifequiz.comBio:Meet Lust, the provocative name behind scorching hot erotica that ignites passion and desire.With a focus on short, tantalizing reads, Lust's stories are crafted to arouse and captivate, perfect for those seeking to spice up their intimate moments. But beware, these tales come with a trigger warning, ensuring readers are prepared for the steamy journey ahead. So, whether you're indulging alone or with a partner, dive into Lust's world and let your imagination run wild. Now, ENJOY!Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass