Splitting: Why Do I Suddenly Hate Someone I Love?

Your partner isn't loud or arrogant. They're insecure, sensitive, and somehow every conflict ends with you comforting them. Is that just low self-esteem, or is it what people online are calling vulnerable narcissism? Licensed therapist Kati Morton answers 10 questions about this term that's all over social media. We cover why vulnerable narcissism is not a formal diagnosis, how it differs from covert narcissism, the line between ordinary insecurity and a more self-focused pattern, why some people flip a little feedback into "you think I'm horrible," how a constant sense of being the victim can be part of this, social anxiety vs. vulnerable narcissism, how it can look similar to BPD in relationships, whether these patterns can change with treatment, and what to do if you're listening and thinking this might be you. Chapters: 00:00 What is vulnerable narcissism? 01:04 Is this what vulnerable narcissism looks like? 11:49 Is vulnerable narcissism an actual diagnosis? 15:55 Vulnerable vs. covert narcissism 20:39 Where's the line between insecurity and vulnerable narcissism? 26:14 Why does feedback turn into "you think I'm horrible"? 32:14 Can always being the victim be part of vulnerable narcissism? 39:17 Vulnerable narcissism vs. social anxiety 47:11 Vulnerable narcissism vs. BPD 52:45 Can these patterns actually change? 54:48 "Am I secretly a narcissist?" 1:00:30 Final thoughts Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do I suddenly hate someone I love after one small thing? Licensed therapist Kati Morton explains splitting: when your view of a person flips to all good or all bad, especially when you feel hurt or overwhelmed. We cover what splitting is and is not, how it differs from black-and-white thinking, why it hits hardest with the people closest to you, why it doesn't automatically mean BPD, catching it in the moment, splitting vs. real red flags, splitting on yourself, and what helps. Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you keep asking people if they're mad at you, even after they say no? Licensed therapist Kati Morton explains why reassurance seeking feels good for five minutes before the doubt comes right back, and what to do instead. We cover support seeking vs. reassurance seeking, why relief wears off so fast, how an unpredictable past can make someone else's mood feel like it's about us, what to do when a partner gets frustrated by "are we okay?", practical tools, and rebuilding self-trust. SPONSOR - Thank you to OneSkin for sponsoring this episode! Get 15% off with code KATI at https://oneskin.co/KATI Chapters: 00:00 Why do we need so much reassurance? 00:48 Reassurance seeking isn't inherently unhealthy 01:28 Why do I keep asking if people are mad at me? 02:42 Support seeking vs. reassurance seeking 08:16 Codependency: only okay when you're okay 12:00 Why does reassurance only work for five minutes? 20:30 Am I being too needy or asking for something normal? 27:19 Why does my brain make someone else's mood about me? 35:15 Can asking for reassurance make me more anxious? 40:37 Should I just learn to reassure myself? 43:22 "Do you still love me?" Why one answer isn't enough 47:10 My partner gets frustrated when I ask if we're okay 52:20 "Everyone says just stop asking." Then what? 53:29 Tools to use instead of seeking reassurance 59:15 "I don't trust myself": rebuilding self-trust 1:04:58 Final thoughts Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Am I being manipulative, or am I just expressing how I feel? Licensed therapist Kati Morton answers 10 questions about emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, the silent treatment, and healthy communication in relationships. We cover whether crying in an argument is manipulative, manipulating without realizing it, boundaries vs. ultimatums, childhood communication patterns, reassurance seeking, why BPD doesn't automatically mean manipulative, taking space without shutting someone out, and how to apologize and repair. SPONSOR - Thank you to Hero Bread for sponsoring this episode! Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to https://www.hero.co/ and use code KATI at checkout Chapters: 00:00 Am I being manipulative? 01:02 What actually counts as manipulation? 08:06 Can manipulation happen without planning it? 16:21 Expressing hurt vs. guilt-tripping 24:06 Is crying during an argument manipulative? 29:24 Taking space vs. the silent treatment 32:31 Reassurance seeking and relationship anxiety 35:22 Am I repeating my parent's guilt-tripping patterns? 38:40 BPD, fear of abandonment, and manipulation 43:22 Healthy boundaries vs. controlling ultimatums 47:55 What if I recognize these behaviors in myself? 51:24 Four questions to help break the pattern 53:30 How to apologize and repair a relationship Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your therapist actually care about you, or are they just good at their job? Licensed therapist Kati Morton answers 10 of your most vulnerable questions about the therapeutic relationship. We cover why therapy feels one-sided, whether your therapist thinks about you between sessions, attachment and transference, lying to impress your therapist, ruptures and repair, why you can't be friends after therapy ends, graduating from weekly therapy, and how to ask "Do you care about me?" Thank you to our sponsor: Get 15% off the new OS-01 FACE Rich cream from OneSkin with code KATI at http://oneskin.co/KATI Chapters: 00:00 Intro: is the therapeutic relationship real? 00:51 Q1: Is my therapist's care real if I'm paying her? 05:39 Q2: Why does she know everything about me when I know nothing about her? 11:35 Why I say "patient" 13:19 Q3: Does my therapist think about me between sessions? 17:45 Q4: Why am I so attached to my therapist? (transference explained) 25:07 Q5: I lied to my therapist to impress her 29:36 Q6: My therapist said something that made me angry (ruptures and repair) 36:29 Q7: I think I love my therapist 42:18 Q8: Why can't we be friends after therapy ends? 46:04 Q9: I'm finishing therapy, so why am I devastated? 50:40 Q10: Can I ask my therapist if they care about me? 53:10 Final thoughts Mentioned: Erotic transference · Ending therapy Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does psychosis actually feel like? Licensed therapist Kati Morton separates myth from fact, breaking down what psychosis is, how delusions and hallucinations develop, and what recovery looks like. We cover whether psychosis means schizophrenia, hallucinations and delusions, grief-induced perceptions, what the brain does during a delusion, sleep deprivation, stress, and drugs, how to respond to paranoia, violence myths, lack of insight, and early intervention and relapse. EPISODE SPONSOR: Looking for specialized trauma therapy? Learn more about Rebound: https://hellorebound.com/askkatianything Chapters: 00:00 Introduction to Psychosis and Common Misconceptions 01:47 Does Having Psychosis Mean You Have Schizophrenia? 07:07 What Does Psychosis Actually Look Like? (Hallucinations & Delusions) 14:09 Breaking Down the DSM Criteria for Schizophrenia 19:30 Hearing Your Name vs. Experiencing Real Psychosis 24:12 Grief-Induced Perceptions vs. Psychotic Episodes 27:56 What Is the Brain Doing During a Delusion? 39:59 Can Sleep Deprivation, Stress, or Drugs Cause Psychosis? 48:26 Memory Gaps and Trauma Memories During Psychosis 56:15 How to Respond to Someone Experiencing Paranoia 58:34 Is Violence Common in Psychosis? (Media vs. Reality) 1:00:52 How to Help Someone Who Lacks Insight Into Their Illness 1:03:30 Full Recovery, Early Intervention, and Managing Relapse Fear Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is a trauma bond, and why is it so hard to leave an unhealthy relationship even when you know you deserve better? Licensed therapist Kati Morton breaks down what trauma bonds actually are and how to break free. We cover shared trauma vs. trauma bonds, intermittent reinforcement and the "hope trap," trauma bonds vs. anxious attachment and codependency, why leaving feels worse at first, grieving the death of the dream, and whether no contact is always necessary. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction to Trauma Bonds 02:39 Shared Trauma vs. Trauma Bonds 08:22 Why You Can Miss Someone Who Treated You Terribly 12:51 Intermittent Reinforcement and the "Casino" Effect 22:10 Can You Genuinely Love Someone Who Hurts You? 26:42 Trauma Bond vs. Anxious Attachment vs. Codependency 32:55 Why Do We Keep Going Back? 39:59 Why Leaving Feels Worse at First (Cognitive Dissonance) 46:36 Childhood Trauma and Vulnerability 49:08 Grief, the Death of the Dream, and Practical Autonomy 53:03 Is "No Contact" Always Necessary? (Safety First) 56:30 How to Actually Break a Trauma Bond Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you struggle to make decisions without someone else's approval, constantly seek reassurance, or stay in unhealthy relationships because leaving feels terrifying? Licensed therapist Kati Morton takes a deep dive into Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD). We cover the DSM-5 criteria, how DPD differs from anxious attachment, codependency, BPD, and avoidant PD, why it develops, the reassurance cycle, transferring dependency onto a therapist, and practical steps to rebuild self-trust and confidence. Episode sponsor: Specialized virtual trauma treatment is available through Rebound. Founded by survivors and psychologists, Rebound provides clinically effective trauma therapy covered by leading insurance plans: https://hellorebound.com/askkatianything Chapters: 00:00 Introduction: Understanding Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) 01:31 Q1: Am I Needy, Depressed, Traumatized, or Is It DPD? (DSM-5 Criteria) 10:30 Q2: Capable at Work, But Indecisive at Home (Capability vs. Self-Trust) 15:15 Q3: Asking Multiple People Before Making Decisions: Advice vs. Permission 18:54 Advice vs. Reassurance: Finding What You Really Think 20:42 Q4: Backtracking During Disagreements & Fear of Conflict 24:00 Q5: Why Staying in Bad Relationships Feels Safer Than Being Alone 29:31 Q6: Urgently Jumping Into Rebound Relationships 35:40 Q7: DPD vs. Anxious Attachment, Codependency, BPD & Avoidant PD 44:33 Q8: Where Does DPD Come From? (Genetics, Childhood, Overprotective Parenting) 53:32 Q9: Why Does Reassurance Never Feel Like Enough? (The Reassurance Cycle) 56:31 Q10: Transferring Dependency onto Your Therapist 1:02:03 5 Actionable Steps to Build Self-Trust and Overcome DPD Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you constantly craving connection but terrified of rejection? Licensed therapist Kati Morton explains Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), which goes beyond typical shyness or introversion and can keep you trapped in a cycle of loneliness and an intense fear of judgment. We cover the symptoms of AvPD, how it overlaps with social anxiety and differs from avoidant attachment, why someone might want friends but avoid them, where it comes from, the role of negative cognitive bias, and therapies like CBT, exposure, and schema therapy. Episode sponsors: OneSkin: Get 15% off scientifically backed peptide skincare with code KATI at https://oneskin.co/kati Hero Bread: Enjoy 10% off high-protein, high-fiber baked favorites with code KATI at https://hero.co Chapters: 00:00 What is Avoidant Personality Disorder? 04:08 The DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for AvPD 10:08 What makes AvPD a personality disorder rather than just a preference? 16:50 Social Anxiety vs. Avoidant Personality Disorder 23:56 Avoidant Personality Disorder vs. Avoidant Attachment 27:08 Why we automatically assume people won't like us 32:16 Skipping opportunities and making your world smaller 36:49 The paradox of canceled plans and sudden loneliness 40:18 Where does Avoidant Personality Disorder come from? 46:58 The struggle of needing proof before letting people in 50:15 Is it fear of rejection or a negative cognitive bias? 54:15 Why avoidance feels safe but costs you deep connections 56:12 CBT, Exposure, and Schema Therapy for treating AvPD 1:00:18 Can you fully recover from a personality disorder? Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are disturbing intrusive thoughts a sign of OCD, or are they just severe anxiety? Licensed therapist Kati Morton explains how obsessive-compulsive disorder is clinically diagnosed and how to tell the difference between tidy preferences and true compulsions. We cover why Pure O and taboo obsessions are frequently misdiagnosed, the neuroscience behind the obsessive-compulsive cycle, why constant reassurance backfires, and how exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy helps you break the loop. Sponsor: Specialized virtual trauma treatment is available through Rebound. Founded by survivors and psychologists, Rebound provides clinically effective trauma therapy covered by leading insurance plans: https://hellorebound.com/askkatianything Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok? Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link). Watch more from Kati on YouTube Kati's website: katimorton.com Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices