your earthy black girl

speaking for myself, i know that as somebody who’s focused on growing for myself and the people around me, the journey is definitely difficult sometimes. something that has been getting me recently is the idea that there are so many people i’ve encountered in my past that may have this perception of me and who i may have wronged or handled situations poorly with. for a while that dissuaded me from wanting to change at all until i realized that you have to let the past version of you die and just choose to be better moving forward. you can’t force people to forgive you (nor do they have to), you just have to take accountability for the role you played and choose to do better. it’s not about just forgetting what you did but more about choosing better presently for yourself, the people around you, and the new relationship you’ll form.

Often we spend so much time ruminating on the past, overthinking about situations, or stressing about the decisions we make. I think this is such a waste of mental energy. Trying to use our logical brain (ego) is not helpful in situations like these… I would spend hours in deep thought and come out exhausted and even more confused on what action to take. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves, “I don’t know what to do, but I know I will,” and just let go from there. That’s when you’ll hear what your real self (intuition) has to say and decide.P.s. when it’s your intuition, you’ll know.

I think part of the reason I stayed away from the podcast so long (in addition to laziness) is just being scared to be honest. Instead of dismantling the perfectionism I just avoided it completely so I wouldn’t have to confront any idea of failure. That’s definitely not healthy and why I think instead of trying to make this a paid podcast I needed to keep it as a hobby… because back when it was just a hobby the creativity was flowing and it was fun not anxiety-inducing. I think as creatives this is a tricky thing to balance but balance comes from consistency and consistency comes from showing up at 1% for 100 days not 100% for 1 day.

i'm always like "i have a strong intuition" until it comes time to actually use it. it wasn't until i saw a tiktok talking about how there is nothing that can be done behind my back because i'll always dream it or feel it. and it made me start thinking that i do not lean into my intuition as much as i should and i often take this spiritual gift for granted. not everyone has the ability to discern between what's good and bad for them so that isn't a gift to be unappreciated.

whenever i go through some heartbreak i always get a strange sense of deja vu. it feels like even though it was a different person and a different situation, it was the same lesson to be learned. i realized that the universe is going to keep sending different people to teach me the same lessons until i learn them. its up to me to break the cycle and realize what higher powers think i need to learn.

recently, i've noticed that before i open an application for a scholarship, job, internship, or think about my future career there's been a looming dread and anxiety over it. i start thinking about how much work it'll be, how competitive it is, how likely i am to succeed? these fears were keeping me from so many opportunities that i had to remember two things: i can do anything i put my mind to and what's meant for me will never pass me. these two affirmations have been able to help me out with this anxiety, along with telling myself do it scared, do it with competition, do it with anxiety, no matter what, just do it.

when they say college and learning to balance is hard… believe them! i’ve had to realize that it’s not feasable to bring old routines into new schedules. it ends up impacting all areas of your health (social, mental, and emotional) without you even realizing it.

a lot of times i’ve had to remind myself that someone’s potential is just what i would do in their situation. the more and more i hang onto their capacity to do better as a friend, family member, or partner i waste time when instead i could pour that energy into people who are fully “potenshed.”

throughout high school when i would fall out with friends, i’d have a victim mentality and automatically assume that the other person was just in the wrong. recently, i’ve started to consider the fact that it’s not about whether the person was right or wrong. .. it’s about whether i find that right or wrong (not everyone has the same beliefs) and if i want to surround myself with friends who don’t agree with me. there is no objectivity to the situation, if i think it’s wrong and you think it’s not, then that’s where our friendship ends so we can find people who our values align with.

my mom always used to tell me that a main contributor to my heartbreak was that i give so much of myself to people and then i can't take it back. this has stuck to me and although i'll never not be my open, loving, self, i will slow down and think about my interactions with people and if they are worthy of my time, energy, and love. and you all should do the same. protecting your heart does not mean closing yourself off.