this is it actually.

hi! i'm back with a bonus episode! i'm heading to SUMMERFEST to collect stories and memories about my hometown from the people who know it best. for the first 20 years of my life, my whole existence and all the parts that made up me, everything that happened to me, good and bad, were all based out of one particular place. a sweet and serene small town called meaford. with special guests: jessica, candice, michele, laura, mike, matt, wendy, fran and my daughter lola. x.

our wee family of 3 is hitting some serious milestones this week and of course, as it goes, that led me to thinking about the bigger things attached to 'endings'. and listen, i'm well aware that endings bring on new beginnings and even though it's sometimes sad to move on, it's usually where the good stuff lives. but that doesn't make it any less emotional or challenging. there are so many 'endings' that i actually don't remember. i was in survival mode for so long, it was hard to take notice. my wish for my kids (and for you & me & everyone!) is to switch out of survival mode every now and then. time's gonna do what time does. there will be happiness and grief and everything in between. try and see it. sometimes. whatever it is. x. follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

you're going to love today's episode! i want you to meet my friend madison tevlin. i mean, you probably already know who she is. she stars in the movie CHAMPIONS and she's blowing up on social media. (a recent tiktok about potatoes has over 6 million views!) she always says that down syndrome is the 'least interesting thing about her', and trust me when i tell you, it's true... as you will soon find out. madison hosts the show WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? - co-produced by yours truly - where she chats with 10 incredible people about who they are and how people see them. we dig into all the heart stuff and a lot of fun stuff - stick around to hear me quiz maddie with a round of excruciatingly-difficult-to-choose rapid fire - and i hope you enjoy this episode! with special guest: @madisontevlin. x. follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

my sister and brother in law gave a camcorder to my husband and i when my oldest daughter was born. 17 years ago, this was a giant GIFT. two babies born and 1 divorce later, the girls and I stopped using it in 2017, when the tapes ran out. for years i have been meaning to get the tapes digitized. a million excuses later, i finally found a young woman through facebook who does it as a side project and within a few days of chatting, i was driving 15 mini-dv tapes over to her house. i was handing over our snippets of time. it was emotional and so very wild to watch them back. time is weird & wonderful. today's episode is just me, moving through a day, creating more snippets. x. follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

i'm a big fan of voicenoting... i mean, have you met this podcast? sending a voicenote is like the updated version of leaving a voicemail with zero time restriction! (which, let's be honest, can be quite problematic when you fancy yourself a storyteller) i met my friend jess many years ago working on canadian idol. we rekindled our friendship in the pandemic and basically picked up where we left off. don't you love when that happens? but right as we started to get close again, she up and moved across the country! being on the phone for long periods of time with a 3 hour time difference and actual lives to live, wasn't super realistic, so we started voicenoting just before she left. it became this ritual between us. to share in each other's journeys and minutia of the days. 2022 was a complete shit show for both of us, but the one thing we knew we could rely on was our voicenotes. it was like a shared journal. for the ups and downs, but also for gratitude. we wanted to be accountable. we had no idea what it would end up being, but i can honestly say it became a bit of a lifeline. i mean, we said it all. we lost a lot. we were lonely, separately together. we bore witness to each other’s struggles. we laughed, we cried, we kept going and being thankful. gratitude was always the connector, but life seeped in. with special guest, my friend: @jessica.m.wright. x. follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

josee cormier and alicia stafford are doing things their way. and well, your way too actually. hear me out. they are two women who needed to heal their relationship with food. it’s a thing, right? i don’t think i knew until much later in life that all relationships require attention and ya, work. not just love relationships, not just family, but money and health and food and work and clothing and body and and and… so they decided no meal plans, no cheat meals (they let us know that no one is married to broccoli!) and no calorie counting. we don’t have a scale in our house, we never talk numbers, even though that’s kind of the way i grew up – i bring this up in my convo with them – and it was so refreshing to talk about health and our bodies from a bright and light perspective. josee and alicia have helped thousands of women, and they also host the podcast LET'S GET LOUD - which has over 850k downloads – so it's safe to say, they’re on to something. with special guests: @josee_ywwl & alicia_ywwl x. find them on instagram: @yourwayweightloss follow my podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

embarrassing & unfortunate things happen in life. we try things and they don’t always pan out. sometimes life happens TO us. i mean, unmentionables are all around. in relationships, at work, parenting, family stuff, just being out in the world. i loved this conversation because we cover a lot! from hemorrhoids to broken penises to parenting pitfalls to companies profiting off of women's insecurities to a drunken night out in nyc. like, seriously. we get to it. josie dye hosts the crap out of radio – in my humble opinion anyway – and cynthia loyst is one of my fave TV hosts - on THE SOCIAL. she is also a sex expert and has a book and a blog called Find Your Pleasure – which i happen to write for – and i’ve known both of these wonderful women for a long time actually - so i think you're in for a treat. they have a podcast called CYNTHIA & JOSIE'S UNMENTIONABLES and it's fun and funny and also thoughtful and authentic and full of heart, actually. i hope you love our conversation. with special guests: @cynthialoyst & @josiedye. x. check out their podcast @cynthiaandjosie follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually follow me & the podcast on twitter: @jenibesworth

sharron & i met a million years ago through mutuals. but our relationship really turn a left turn when she saw me on a dating app. that’s right. and she swiped right. ok ok, not in THAT way – but more in the ‘i’ve seen you and now i need to acknowledge that i’ve seen you cuz you’re probably gonna’ see me too’ and then she texted me immediately after to say she wasn’t hitting on me. from that hilarious interaction, we realized we’re in very similar dating boats. we are politically aligned - trust me, it's a THING these days - we're of a certain age, both divorced and living in the big city. although our lives are very different, we were connecting on so many similarities. so, we decided to do it together. a dating partner in crime, so to speak.  we decided to see what would happen for 3 months and actually go out and do things – like, out in the world – with the hope that we would each go on one date. just one. mostly to get ourselves back out there. tune in to hear who’s the winner and who’s the loser! my friend sharron is a force. she’s an artist, actor, singer, producer, writer and comedienne. she has a fiercely personal and shamelessly irreverent blog – HOW VERY DARE SHE – where she talks perimenopause, aging, sexism, self-love, dating, and f-bombs. no one drops an f-bomb like my friend sharron. she is PURE JOY and seriously good vibes and easily one of my favourite people. i think you’re going to LOVE this conversation. with special guest: @sharronmatthews. x. follow the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

ivanka siolkowsky is a former teacher who is actually certified in the KonMari way of life. that’s right, she’s marie kondo certified. she’s a professional organizer and de-clutterer, so she totally understands my life with 2 teens. she’s an author & TV personality. she created and runs a children’s organization program – an online life skills camp for kids. when i told a girlfriend about this, she said “um, where do i sign up?” oh and also? she walked directly INTO the war in Ukraine, more than once, as a humanitarian aid volunteer and a strong mental health advocate, despite - or maybe because of - her own struggle with mental health. she’s a helper and a kind human and just really cool and i think you’re going to like her. cleaning up, clearing out & giving back. with special guest: ivanka siolkowsky. x. you can find ivanka on instagram: @tidymoose ivanka's website is: tidymoose.com follow me & the podcast on instagram: @thisisitactually

today’s episode is a doozie. it’s got a tonne of things that i love. stories… obviously. a stranger. big feelings - there’s heaviness and lightness - tears, laughs, and connection. on may 5th, 2021, i found out that my ex-boyfriend had committed suicide. on may 7th, 2021, i sent a message to his ex-wife, asking if we could talk. we had never met and i wasn't even sure she would know who i was. this is our second conversation. with special guest: alexandra golden. x. *if you or anyone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please talk to someone. in canada, call 1.833.456.4566 or visit their website at talksuicide.ca. in the US, call the national suicide prevention line at 1-800-273-TALK. you are not alone.