Unconditional Parenting with Alfie Kohn #83

Why kids stop listening to parents (and how to rebuild connection without power struggles or punishment).If your child suddenly seems more influenced by friends, more sensitive to what others think, or harder to reach at home, you’re not imagining it. This video breaks down what’s actually happening beneath the surface when kids become more peer-focused, why it can lead to emotional instability, defiance, or withdrawal, and how to gently re-anchor your relationship without forcing control. If you're dealing with backtalk, disconnection, big emotions, or a child who just won’t listen anymore, this will help you understand the “why” behind it—and what actually works.What You’ll Learn: Why kids become more attached to peers than parents (and when it becomes a problem)  The early signs your child is “pulling away” (before it gets worse)  3 simple ways to rebuild connection without nagging, yelling, or control  How to become the safe place your child actually turns to (even during meltdowns)  What attachment really means—and how it shapes behavior, listening, and emotional regulation This approach is grounded in developmental psychology and neuroscience, but translated into real, usable parenting tools. No scripts, no quick fixes—just a clear way to understand your child’s behavior and respond in a way that strengthens your relationship instead of straining it.If parenting has been feeling harder lately, more pushback, more second-guessing, more distance, this is exactly the kind of shift that makes things feel easier again. Subscribe if you want practical, research-backed guidance that helps you stay calm, feel more confident, and actually enjoy your child again (even in the messy moments).Send us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

If you feel stuck in tantrums, power struggles, or constant “do this / don’t do that”… this shifts how you see it completelyMost parenting advice focuses on fixing behavior, timeouts, consequences, sticker charts, but what if that’s the very thing keeping you stuck? In this conversation, we unpack why common tools like rewards and punishments often lead to more resistance, more meltdowns, and less real cooperation over time. If your toddler refuses to listen, pushes boundaries, or seems “unmotivated” unless there’s a reward, this will help you understand what’s actually driving their behavior, and what to do instead when you’re overwhelmed in the moment.What You’ll Learn: Why rewards and punishments often create short-term compliance but long-term struggles  What’s really happening underneath “bad behavior” (and how to respond to it)  How to shift from control-based parenting to connection-based cooperation  A simple mindset shift that reduces power struggles immediately  What to focus on instead of “getting your child to listen” This approach is grounded in developmental psychology and decades of research on motivation, behavior, and parent-child relationships. It’s not about being permissive or “letting things go,” it’s about understanding your child deeply enough that you don’t have to rely on control in the first place. When you shift the goal from obedience to long-term growth, your responses start to change in a way that actually works.If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself in hard moments, and you want a clearer, calmer way to handle tantrums, defiance, and everyday struggles, this is exactly what we focus on here. Subscribe so parenting starts to feel more manageable, and you feel more confident in what you’re doing, even on the hard days.Here's a link to Alfie Kohn's book: Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards and Punishments to Love and ReasonSend us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

If your child jumps from toy to toy, asks for screens, or says “I’m bored” all day, this might be the real reasonIf your toddler or preschooler seems overwhelmed, constantly switching activities, refusing to play independently, or needing you to step in all the time, it’s easy to assume they need more stimulation. But often, the opposite is true. Too many toys can lead to shorter attention spans, more meltdowns, and less meaningful play. In this video, we break down what’s actually happening in your child’s brain, and how simplifying your environment can reduce overwhelm, support emotional regulation, and help your child engage more deeply (without you constantly entertaining them).What You’ll Learn: Why too many toys can lead to boredom, frustration, and shorter attention spans  What’s happening in your child’s brain when they feel “overwhelmed” by options  How to reduce toys in a realistic, doable way (without going full minimalist)  The difference between open-ended play and “quick dopamine” toys  How to handle “I’m bored” without jumping in, and why that moment matters This approach is grounded in developmental psychology and neuroscience, but translated into real-life parenting, what actually works when your kid is melting down, ignoring you, or bouncing from one thing to the next. The goal isn’t perfection or rigid systems. It’s helping you create a calmer home, reduce power struggles, and raise a child who can focus, play, and think independently.If you’re tired of second-guessing your parenting or feeling like you have to constantly “fix” your child’s behavior, this channel is here to make things clearer and easier, one small shift at a time.Send us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

When to step in vs. hold back, so you don’t accidentally raise a more anxious, less capable kidIf your toddler is constantly climbing, jumping, or doing things that make your heart race, this video will help you understand what’s actually happening and what to do about it. We’re talking about risky play: why kids need it, how it builds real confidence (not just reassurance), and how overprotecting, often without realizing it, can lead to more anxiety, hesitation, and power struggles. If you’ve ever said “be careful” on repeat, worried about injuries, or felt judged at the playground, this will give you a clearer, calmer way forward.What You’ll Learn: The difference between real danger and healthy risk (and why it matters)  Why risky play actually reduces anxiety and builds better judgment over time  What’s happening in your child’s brain when they climb, fall, and try again  5 simple, practical ways to support risky play without feeling reckless  How to stop interrupting learning in those high-stress parenting moments This approach is grounded in developmental psychology and neuroscience, but translated into what actually works in real life, when your kid is halfway up the playground and your instinct is screaming to intervene. The goal isn’t to step back completely, it’s to step back intentionally, so you can raise a child who trusts themselves, not just relies on you to keep them safe.If you’re tired of second-guessing every decision at the park or at home, and you want to feel more confident knowing when to step in and when to let growth happen, this is exactly the kind of support that will make parenting feel lighter and clearer over time.Send us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

If your child resists helping, makes a bigger mess, or melts down during cleanup—this changes how you’ll see it.If you’ve ever thought “it’s just faster if I do it myself,” you’re not alone. When your toddler refuses to listen, turns simple tasks into chaos, or has a meltdown over cleaning up, it can feel pointless to even try. But what looks like small, frustrating moments—spilled food, ignored requests, messy “helping”—are actually shaping your child’s emotional regulation, confidence, and long-term behavior in powerful ways. This video breaks down what research really says about chores, and how to use them in a way that reduces power struggles instead of creating more of them.What You’ll Learn: Why chores build confidence, emotional resilience, and real-world skills (not just “helpfulness”)  The hidden reason kids resist helping—and how to shift it without bribing or nagging  How chores reduce entitlement and increase empathy over time  3 simple, age-appropriate ways to start involving your toddler or preschooler today  Why paying for chores can backfire (and what to do instead) This approach is grounded in developmental psychology and neuroscience—but translated into real-life parenting. No scripts that fall apart the moment your child is overwhelmed. No pressure to be perfect. Just practical ways to help your child feel capable, connected, and motivated to contribute—without turning every moment into a battle.If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself or feeling like every small moment turns into a struggle, this is exactly the kind of shift that makes parenting feel lighter. Subscribe so you can handle these everyday challenges with more clarity, more confidence, and a lot less stress.Send us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

Jess and Jon talk about tae kwon do, obedience, and navigating different cultural values with kidsSend us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

If your 3–5 year old refuses to listen, tests every rule, and melts down when you get stricter… this is what’s actually going on...If you feel like you’re saying the same thing 20 times a day—“stop jumping,” “come here,” “we’re leaving”—and your child still pushes back, this video will help you understand why. What looks like defiance or disrespect is actually a normal part of brain development, especially in toddlers and preschoolers. We’ll break down what’s happening beneath the behavior (impulse control, autonomy, emotional regulation) and why common strategies like repeating, warning, or getting stricter often make things worse—not better. What You’ll Learn Why toddlers and preschoolers naturally test boundaries (and why it’s not personal)  The mistake most parents make when kids don’t listen—and why it backfires  How to hold firm boundaries without escalating the situation A simple shift that reduces power struggles and gets more cooperation  What to say (and do) in the moment when your child ignores you This approach is grounded in developmental psychology and what we know about how kids’ brains actually work—not just what sounds good in theory. The goal isn’t to make kids obedient or “perfect,” but to help you stay calm, reduce constant battles, and raise kids who can eventually regulate themselves.If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself, repeating everything, or feeling like every day is a power struggle, this channel is here to make parenting feel simpler and more doable. Subscribe if you want practical tools that actually work in real life—especially in those hard, in-the-moment situations.Send us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

In this episode Jon explores the tension many modern parents feel between connection and control and why “validation is not the same thing as leadership.” He reframes one of the hardest identity shifts in parenting: having “the courage to be disliked” in the moments that matter most. Listeners will walk away with a clearer, calmer way to lead their kids through big emotions, without losing connection or authority. Send us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

In this conversation, Jon Fogel and Thais Gibson delve into the complexities of attachment styles and their impact on relationships and parenting. Thais shares her personal journey from experiencing a fearful avoidant attachment style to understanding and teaching about attachment theory. They discuss the dynamics of different attachment styles, how they manifest in relationships, and the importance of self-awareness and emotional regulation. Thais provides practical tools for rewiring attachment wounds and emphasizes the significance of treating oneself well to foster healthier relationships. The conversation concludes with resources for further exploration and personal development.Send us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

In this episode, Jon speaks directly to parents worn down by constant power struggles—especially those navigating an ODD or PDA diagnosis—starting with the raw truth that holding the line often makes everything explode. Instead of doubling down on consistency or control, he reframes defiance as a nervous system response to perceived threat, not a character problem or a parenting failure. Listeners will walk away with relief, language for what’s really happening in these moments, and a steadier way to hold boundaries without becoming the enemy—grounded in safety, flexibility, and the radical idea that a child’s push for autonomy is not something to extinguish, but something to work with.Send us Fan MailSupport the showLinks to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube