The Selfish Woman

What if being a 'good woman' is the very thing keeping you stuck?  Be nice. Be reasonable. Keep everyone happy. Don't disappoint people. Don't make a scene. And whatever you do, don't be selfish.  I followed those rules for YEARS. I stayed married for 24 years, raised 3 kids, tried harder, kept the peace and did everything I though a good woman was supposed to do.  And I was fucking miserable.  In this episode, I'm breaking down the Good Woman rules so many of us have been following without even realizing it, why leaving a marriage doesn't necessarily free you from them, and the difference between being a Good Woman, a Bad Girl and a Selfish Woman.  Because you can leave the marriage and still live like you need permission.  You can stop pleasing your husband and start pleasing your kids, your ex, your parents, your friends or the entire fucking internet instead.  Different people. Same prison.  And if you've spent your life trying to do everything 'right' and still find yourself wondering when the hell your life gets to belong to you, this epsiode is for you.  IN THIS EPISODE: The invisible rules women learn about being 'good'  Why self-abandonment can feel like virtue  How Good Woman programming follows you into divorce and your next chapter  Why becoming the Bad Girl isn't the same as becoming free  The difference between rebellion and self-posession  How to catch yourself obeying rules you never consciously chose  The questions that changes everything: Who gets to write the rules for your life?  Being a Selfish Woman isn't about not giving a fuck about anyone else.  It's about finally refusing to abandon yourself to prove that you're good.  Your life belongs to you.  READY TO STOP ABANDONING YOURSELF?  If you're questioning leaving your marriage, preparing to leave, or navigating divorce and you want me beside you through it, I now offer a small number of six-month private coaching engagements.  This is the work we do in real life: when you're second-guessing yourself, terrified of making the wrong decision, trying to manage everyone else's feelings, or you know what you need to do and can't seem to make yourself do it.  Explore Private Work with Valerie   

What if burnout isn't evidence that you're doing life wrong?  For high-achieving women, burnout can come with an extra layer of shame. We think we should be able to handle it. Mange it better. Be more disciplined. Get it together.  In this episode, I'm joined by Wendy Meadows, author of Sparkle & GRIT, for a conversation about creating a life that holds ambition, meaning, joy, and the inevitable harder seasons too.  Wendy shares her Sparkle & GRIT framework and we talk about what happens when the balance gets lost, and why women have been conditioned to experience burnout as a personal failure rather than something we can respond to with awareness and empowered choice.  In this episode:  The balance between sparkle and grit in a meaningful life  Why high-achieving women are particularly vulnerable to burnout  Releasing the guilt and self-blame we attach to burnout  Wendy's definition of burnout and how it can shift you toward empowered choice  The Groundhog Day framework for when life feels monotonous  Bringing more joy into your life in ways that actually work for you  This is an inspiring conversation with a lovely reminder at its centre: a meaningful life gets to contain ambition and effort, pleasure and play, darkness and light. The whole colour palette.  About Wendy Meadows  Wendy is a seasoned family law attorney, former litigator, and certified life coach. She is also a mediator and author of the best-selling book, Sparkle & GRIT: Live a Technicolor Life by Finally Finding Balance, Escaping Montony, and Beating Burnout:  a framework that helps high-achieving women break free from burnout and live on purpose. She blends practical strategies with compassionate mindset work to help them reboot their habits, re-ignite their purpose, and build lives that actually fit.  Wendy's Website  Get Wendy's book  Grab Wendy's FREE Sparkle & GRIT Playbook

You feel the pull. The idea keeps returning. Some part of you knows you're meant for something bigger.  Then...the other voice arrives.  Who do you think you are? What if you're not ready? What if everyone realizes you have no idea what you're doing?  In this episode, I'm joined by award-winning media personality, coach, and podcast host Christine Blosdale for a candid conversation about why imposter syndrome follows so many talented, high-achieving women into the very rooms they've earned the right to occupy.  We explore how deeply women have been conditioned to doubt themselves, downplay their gifts, and wait until they can do something perfectly before allowing themselves to begin. Christine also shares the perspective shift that can pull you out of imposter syndrome almost immediately.  In this episode, we talk about:  Why self-doubt is so deeply embedded in women's conditioning  Why accomplished women still feel like frauds, even when the evidence says otherwise  How perfectionism disguises itself as preparation and keeps you from taking action  The inner pull that tells you there is something bigger you're meant to do  Why you don't need to know exactly where that pull will lead before following it  How shifting your attention from yourself to the person you can help quiets imposter syndrome  Why your quirks, personality, and humanness are part of your power  What becomes possible when you finally stop hiding and own your spotlight    If you've been circling an idea, waiting to feel qualified, or overthinking everything instead of taking action, this episode is your loving kick in the pants.  Christine Blosdale is the Expert Authority Coach  - a visibility strategist and personal branding expert who helps entrepreneurs, coaches, authors and thought leaders get seen, trusted, and paid for what they already know.  Connect with Christine   

You can love someone and still outgrow the version of yourself that exists around them.  And nobody warns you about this part of changing your life.  We talk about the habits you'll have to change, the risks you'll have to take, the courage it takes to walk away from something familiar.  We don't talk nearly enough about what happens when the people you love are still connected to the person you used to be.  This episode is about friendship, growth, and the strange, sometimes painful experience of realizing that a relationship that once fit your life may not fit the life you're building now.  Because every room has an invisible definition of what's normal.  What you're allowed to want. What feels possible. What seems too ambitious, too risky, too expensive, or simply not like you.  And sometimes, all it takes is getting close to one woman who is already doing the thing you thought was impossible.  She doesn't have to coach you. She doesn't have to give you a ten-step plan.  Sometimes another woman gives you evidence.  In this episode, we're talking about:  What it actually means to outgrow people  Why the people you love may still be relating to who you used to be  How the people around you shape what feels normal and possible  Why outgrowing a room isn't the same as abandoning the people in it  Why courage, desire and aliveness is contagious  Powerful questions to audit the spaces you're spending time in  Why I created The Society and why it's the antidote to being stuck  This isn't about deciding your old friends aren't 'good enough' anymore  It's about recognizing that you may need people in your life who have evidence of where you're going, not only memories of where you've been.  And maybe the question isn't simply, 'Who have I outgrown?'  Maybe it's, 'Who do I become when I'm around the people in my life?'  You're invited to The Society's Opening Weekend  From July 24-26, we're gathering for three live experiences:  Happy Hour, Coffee Chat, and Sparkle Party.  Come to one. Come to all three. Opening Weekend is completely free.  SAVE YOUR SEAT HERE  Your next chapter may begin with one conversation, one new room, or one woman who makes you realize that the thing you want isn't nearly as impossible as you thought.  Go find her....or maybe, come find us.    

What if the same conditioning that teaches women to abandon themselves in life is also showing up in the bedroom?  In this fascinating and often hilarious conversation, Valerie sits down with intimacy expert Susan Bratton to explore what happens when women reclaim their desire, their pleasure, and their right to experience the full spectrum of who they are.  Together, they unpack the impact of cultural conditioning on intimacy, why so many couples struggle to talk openly about sex, and how creating a thriving intimate relationship has less to do with performance and more to do with curiosity, communication, and connection.  Susan shares surprising insights on everything from libido difference and orgasmic potential to the male loneliness epidemic, erotic play, and why great sex can continue to evolve throughout our lives.  Whether you're single, partnered, divorced, dating, or simply curious about your own relationship with desire, this conversation offers a fresh perspective on intimacy, pleasure, and what it means to come fully alive.  In This Episode:  The hidden impact of cultural conditioning on men and women in the bedroom  Why living as your full self transforms intimacy  The intimacy gap many people aren't discussing  Orgasmic cross-training and expanding your pleasure potential  Practical ways to get your partner engaged in the conversation  Why orgasms are the fountain of youth!  About Susan Bratton  Susan Bratton is a leading advocate for passionate relationships and lifelong intimacy. She is known for helping people create deeper connection, greater pleasure, and more fulfilling relationships through practical, approachable education about intimacy and sexual wellness.  Connect with Susan Please subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with a friend. 

Nobody teaches women how to leave.  You get handed a lawyer's number, a horror story from a friend, and the quiet impication that if your marriage ended...somethig must have gone wrong.  But what if divorce didn't have to become a bloodbath to be real?  In this episode, Valerie sits down with Kate Daly, co-founder of Amicable, to talk about the divorce conversation almost nobody is having:  How to end a marriage without destroying yourself in the process.  This conversation is practial, honest, emotional, and surprisingly hopeful. Especially for women trying to navigate the impossible tension between choosing themelves and carrying everyone else's emotions too.  Whether you're considering divorce, in the middle of one, or rebuilding after it, this episode witill change the way you think about what's possible.  IN THIS EPISODE:   How to have the conversation without it becoming emotional warfare  What to do before lawyers get involved, and why it matters  The mistake women make when managing their partner's emotions  What 'amicable' actually means (and why it's not weakness) The two things that truly impact kids during divorce  How to co-parent without losing yourself  The new rules for communicating with your ex  Why divorce may not be the end of your life, but the beginning of finally living it.  THE SELFISH WOMAN TAKE:  Most women spend years managing the marriage long before they ever leave it. Managing moods. Managing tension. Managing disappointment. Managing themselves. This episode is about another way. Not perfect or painless, but conscious, clear, and far less desructive than the story we've been sold about what divorce has to look like.  Go to Amicable for free resources 

The Confession Booth is open!  I'm calling BS on the 'reinvention trend'....one that I was fully participating in for the last few years.  Nobody reinvents themselves on purpose. Not the way the industry sells it. Real change doesn't start with a plan, it starts with one thought that won't let you go:  I want something different.  In this episode, I'm dismantling the whole reinvention myth, and replacing it with something that actually works.  It's a confession, a rallying cry, and the most extravagant permission slip I've ever handed out.  You'll hear:  The reinvention lie  Why your perspective is supposed to shift as you grow  What real change looks and feels like, and why there's no parade for it  The one sentence that starts everything  Why 'terrixciting' is the most honest word for where you are right now    Resources mentioned:  The Selfish Year The Phoenix  The Quiz: why you keep holding yourself back  Book a call with me! 

We've all been there: a plan falls apart, a deadline shifts, or a minor inconvenience feels like the end of the world. Or, we spend way too much of our time and energy worrying about 'what if.' We usually blame the situation for how we feel, but today's guest says the 'problem' isn't what's happening - it's how we're wired to react to it.  I'm joined by Dr. Rachel Goldman, a clinical psychologist, NYU professor, and a leading expert in the mind-body connection who has shared her insights alongside icons like Oprah and Mel Robbins.  Ahead of the April launch of her highly anticipated book, "When Life Happens," Dr. Rachel breaks down the science of CBT and explains why we need to stop trying to 'delete' stress and start building a Coping Toolbox.  This episode is a survival guide for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the weight of 'doing it all' and is ready to reclaim their peace of mind.  What We Discuss:  The Stress Reframe: Why stress is inevitable, but our physiological and mental reaction to it is a choice.  The "All or Nothing" Trap: How to break the cycle of perfectionism when things go sideways.  Building Your Coping Toolbox: Specific strategies to regulate your emotions in real time.  Mindset as a Skill: Why resilience isn't a personality trait - it's a strategy you can train.  When Life Happens: A deep dive into the mindset shifts needed to navigate life's messiest moments.  Resources & Links:  Pre-Order the Book  Follow Dr. Rachel  Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Spotify  Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Apple 

I left Spain to figure out what was wrong with me.  I had the dream life. The cobblestone streets. The European light. The copper bathtub imported from England that cost eleven thousand euros.  And I was miserable in ways I didn't have words for yet.  So I left. Convinced I was the problem.  I was wrong.  In this episode I'm recording from Harrison Hot Springs - sitting in a mineral pool, in the middle of a meditation that turned into a download - and I finally understand what I was actually running from. And why leaving was the most sane thing I ever did.  This is the episode for the woman who has spent years trying to fix herself. The woman who has read the books, done the work, followed the rules - and still feels like something is fundamentally broken.  Nothing is broken.  But something is wrong.  And until you figure out what that is, you will keep building beautiful lives on foundations that cannot hold you.  This is where we start.  Join The Phoenix  Get the book 

What if your life isn't random?  In this episode, I sit down with numerologist Ann Perry to break down what your numbers reveal about you, and how they shape your relationships, your patterns, and the way you move through the world.  We also dive into:  What if your soul chose this life?  What if the challenges you've faced weren't random...but selected?  And how do you hold that idea without dismissing real pain or turning it into toxic positivity?    What You'll Learn:  What numerology is, and why it works  How your numbers influence your identity and decision-making  Why you keep repeating the sane relationship dynamics  How to better understand your kids, partner and coworkers  The controversial idea that your soul chose this life (and what that really means)  How to stop overthinking and start trusting yourself  Links:  Ann Perry's website: https://www.annperrynumerologist.com   Ann's book: https://amzn.to/4icbFsq   Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/nwkCP4v_atI?si=QjWGaBPy7zNER2jy     And if you're ready to stop overthinking and step over the edge and into your next level.... Join The Phoenix: subscribepage.io/4M2VOU