381. Are friendships REALLY meant to be inconvenient?

Everyone wants a village? No one wants to be a villager? In a world obsessed with protecting our peace, optimising our time, and cutting off anything that feels draining ... have we accidentally made friendship optional? In this episode, we’re unpacking the psychology behind friendship and why the best ones sometimes make you work harder.  We explore: The viral idea that “inconvenience is the cost of community”  The 4 psychological pillars of lasting friendships How much time it actually takes to build a close friend The rise of therapy-speak and how “boundaries” can sometimes become disguised avoidance Why conflict isn’t the end of a friendship 6 practical ways to “be a villager”  When to kick someone out of the village... If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re asking for too much, giving too much, or slowly drifting from the people you care about, this episode is for you.   Watch on Netflix   Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Finally sharing all the details of the last few months ... and what a recent announcement means for the podcast going forward! Happy listening!    Watch on Netflix   Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dating and sex can feel like they come with a hidden rulebook. You’re meant to be adventurous but not too adventurous, confident but not reckless, and always somehow immune to consequences. So the potential of catching an STI – whether it’s a scare, a diagnosis, or a message from a clinic – can feel not only a health impact, but also a judgement on our character. In this episode, we’re unpacking the psychology of STIs in our 20s why they carry so much shame, how stigma shapes the stories we tell ourselves, and what it looks like to navigate disclosure with self-respect. We explore:•        How common STIs really are•        The most common infections in our 20s•        The difference between treatable and manageable•        The role of sexual shame and purity culture•        How shame drives secrecy and avoidance•        When and how to tell a partner, and what to do if you face rejection If you’ve ever felt panicked, embarrassed, or stuck in your head about sexual health, this episode is for you. Watch on Netflix  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

One minute it’s exciting, the next it’s endless options, half-conversations, and the dismissive feeling of being judged (or ignored) by people who don’t actually know you. In this episode, we’re getting into seven tips for surviving dating apps in your 20s, while looking at what they’re designed to do, why they can leave you feeling burnt out, and how to use them in a way that protects your confidence rather than draining it. We explore: •        How dating apps are designed to be addictive•        The rules to stick by to keep your sense of self•        The importance of a clear and honest profile•        Why they’re not a replacement for meeting in real life•        Why you shouldn’t take anything personally•        How to take a step back to avoid burnout If you’re in a cycle of deleting and redownloading Hinge every few weeks, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When we move through our 20s, it can feel like everyone else is making big, brave moves - new cities, new jobs, new relationships - while we’re stuck in the same place, overthinking every possible outcome. Change sounds good in theory, but in practice? It’s terrifying. In today’s episode, we dig into why we resist change, and what it actually takes to move forward even when part of you wants to stay the same. We explore:•        Why change feels so overwhelming in our 20s•        How loss aversion keeps us clinging to ‘fine but not right’ situations•        What we really lose by staying the same•        Why some of the best, most aligned decisions are also the scariest•        How to build a more compassionate, positive mindset around change•        Practical ways to take action with your fear, instead of waiting for it to disappear If you’re stuck in the loop of wanting change, but being scared to action it, this episode is for you.   ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Moving to a new city is one of the most exciting (and emotionally challenging) things you can do in your twenties. Whether it’s for work, study, love, or a fresh start, leaving behind what’s familiar often brings a mix of freedom, fear, loneliness, and growth all at once. It’s a rite of passage, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. In this episode, I’m sharing my personal experience of moving cities multiple times in my 20s, including moving internationally for the first time, alongside the psychology that explains why this transition feels so destabilising—and what actually helps. We explore:• Why moving increases stress, emotional exhaustion, and homesickness• Why it takes around 6 months to truly adjust to a new city• The role of routine, repetition, and place attachment in feeling settled• Why “going home too often” can slow down adjustment• How novelty, social effort, and structure protect mental health during transitions If you’ve just moved, or are thinking about it, this episode will help you feel less alone, more grounded, and more confident that what you’re feeling is normal, temporary, and part of the process. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Navigating friendship in your 20s is already complicated – so what happens when we add a third person into the mix? The group chat might be buzzing, there’s always someone to talk to, and belonging to a group of three can feel like a safe space. But what happens when two start getting closer, plans are made without you, or you’re constantly wondering if you’re the extra one? In today’s episode, we unpack the psychology of friendship trios - why they feel so special, when they can hurt, and how to tell the difference between a rough patch and a dynamic that’s genuinely not good for you. We explore: •        The beauty of a friendship trio•        Friendship dyads vs triads•        The role of Simmelian ties•        When imbalances start to show (alliances, jealousy and feeling like the ‘third wheel’)•        What healthy trio dynamics actually look like (and how to achieve it)•        Hot to know when it’s time to step back If you’re navigating this nuanced aspect of friendship, this episode is for you.   ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In our 20s especially, the fear of regret can seem like every choice has the potential to ‘ruin’ our future - the degree we picked (or didn’t), the person we stayed with, the move we were too scared to make. And then there are the things we didn’t do at all, the opportunities we let pass, the words we never said, that still weigh on us years later.  In this episode, we’re unpacking the psychology of regret – what it actually is, why it’s so tied to self-blame, and how it can either keep us frozen or push us forward.  We explore:•        The role of upward and downward counterfactual thinking•        How regret can both motivate and stagnate us •        The four BIGGEST regrets people have•        The paradox of the ‘perfect’ decision•        Why we fear regret more than we feel it•        How to grow through regret with acceptance and compassion  If you want to quieten the ‘what if’ thoughts, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Modern life has a way of making rest feel suspicious. You can be exhausted, finally take a break, and still hear that nagging voice that you should be doing something more. Somewhere along the line, downtime stopped being a basic need and started feeling like something you have to justify, like a sign you’re falling behind, letting people down, or not trying hard enough. In this episode, we’re getting into the psychology behind rest guilt - why busyness has become a kind of social currency, how work and visibility have blurred the line between ‘off’ and ‘on’, and why so many of us struggle to switch off even when we desperately need to. We explore: •        How busyness became social currency•        Historical and social origins of why rest feels so hard•        How LinkedIn and social media impact comparison and urgency•        The beliefs that keep us from resting•        Why ‘time off’ isn’t always restorative•        How rest can be the most productive thing you do•        Practical ways to reframe rest guilt  If resting makes you feel edgy, unproductive, or guilty, this episode is for you.   ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

So many of us are coming to the realisation that we don't really know who we are anymore. We spend more time consuming other people's lives and personalities through a screen, than actually living out the person, values and passions that we have. On top of that, long hours, loneliness and the growing pains of our 20s mean many of us have no clear view of who we are. In this episode, we break down 7 tips to get your personality back, including:  Why your personality is probably frozen, not lost The value of unproductive goals  The need for geographical novelty  The 5 soul needs you need to fulfil weekly  The journalling exercise we all need to try, today Listen now if you're also feeling lost and disconnected from your true self.  ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.