215. What to Do About Unreasonable Expectations - Yours and Those of Others

During times of stress or discomfort old and often maladaptive habits resurface. Many of these habits originate in our childhoods.  This episode sheds light on “reparenting”- what it is and how it can help you meet needs that went unmet in childhood. The intention of reparenting is to move towards healing by creating new healthier patterns. Are there circumstances from your childhood that felt out of your control and like they harmed you?  Might they be influencing your behavior as an adult? “Reparenting is when an adult meets their own needs that went unmet in their childhood. This is often affection, security, routines and structure, emotional regulation, and compassion." - www.verywellmind.com/reparenting-in-therapy-5226096 Many of us in medicine took on the responsible “carer” role in our childhoods.   A few tips to remember while reparenting. All are themes woven into almost every Mindful Healers. Podcast episode. They are also foundations of mindfulness. Stay curious.  Self-compassion Patience Intention Presence Presence can be the ultimate present. Learn more about reparenting in this article: www.verywellmind.com/reparenting-in-therapy-5226096 This podcast is not medical or psychoanalytical advice. Please seek guidance from your own healthcare team regarding whether or not reparenting is something that might be helpful for you.  We encourage you to listen to other episodes in our Parenting with Presence series.  26. What to Do When You Parent Differently 42. Parent with Presence Instead of Worry 45. What to do When Parenting is A Lot 61. Savor All the Moments of Parenthood 63. Cultivating Mindful Families 65. Stop Trying to FIx Your Kids 67. Teen Mental Health 71. How to Be An Even Better Mom 78. Parent from Abundance: Step Out of The Rat Race 93. Coaching in Action - Helping A Mama Bear Find Relief From Anxiety 124. Great Parenting is Often Messy 134. Mindful Wisdom from a New Grandmother 142. Navigating Transitions Tips from a New Dad 150. Parenting Your Athlete with Presence 151. Tips to Launch Your Young Adult Children with Love 167. The Invitation of the College Application Process 187. Opting Out of Toxic Achievement Culture 202. Finding Peace at the Family Dinner Table with Dr. Jaclyn Albin 203. Coaching Can Help you Be a Better Dad with Dr. Adam Was 218. How to Navigate the Early Acute Phase of Empty Nesting with Grace and Compassion We hope you will join us for coaching or a retreat to practice mindful awareness of your thought patterns and tendencies so you can begin to live an intentional, responsive and more fulfilling life. We strongly recommend that you move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats. Information about the location and dates of the 2025 Connect in Nature Retreat will be available in the next few weeks.  In the meantime, hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. Have. us create a team retreat, teach yoga, and/or offer experiential mindfulness for your team, group, grand rounds, institution, or conference. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach #themindfulhealerspodcast

Every parent traverses into the space having an empty nest at some point. We want it to happen and we don’t. If it's not happening we worry. If it is happening we worry.   This episode belongs in both the Parenting with Presence and Transition Well series. Jessie shares about her first week transitioning to an empty nest. The first week of a big life change is, “of course”, filled with intense and often conflicting emotions.     It was a bit like landing in a foreign country. How you feel may be unexpected. It may be different than you think you should feel.   I thought I would be excited…but I wasn’t. As I headed home, I felt chest pressure and was anxious. It was totally unexpected. And it continued to come and go unexpectedly for a week or so.   Below are a few of the mindful tips shared in this episode. I hope they will help you handle the grief, anxiety, sadness or whatever else you might feel in the moment    Pause and breathe and remember to trust and believe in yourself and them. You did the best you could in the moment with the resources, skills and experience that you had in the moment.  Whatever you feel doesn’t have to go away or be controlled. Feel it. When we don’t strive to change it, it passes through more quickly. Somatic work really helps. Join me for a retreat to learn more about this. Be kind to yourself. Hand to heart.  Be patient. Give yourself time to adjust. Try to show up “hands wide open” for the next phase. Be willing to accept the discomfort of uncertainty. Ask yourself “good” questions. What if it’s fun? What if it’s better than you expect? What if you aren’t lonely? What if it’s amazing? Don’t quarterback the past. Did you do a good enough job? Should you have spent more time doing…?    Mindfulness and coaching help tremendously to navigate parenthood and big life and work transitions with buoyancy and grace.    Consider joining me for Transition Well. You can join the fall group until October 1st. If you happen to be a new empty nester or about to be an empty nester, it is also a great time to enjoy a life reset at a Pause & Presence Retreat at Nicasio Creek Farm or Sagrada. Your next chapter will be much more fantastic if you do. Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Enjoy this Curious About Coaching session and learn about the art of intention setting.  Choosing the tone and energy with which you show up is a life changing way to approach challenging situations.    How a plane lands is determined long before the wheels touch the ground. It takes awareness, attention, focus, and intention to land with safety and grace. If a plane pilot were to not approach a runway with care and planning, the outcome would likely not be optimal.   What if you determined “your approach” before you landed at home after work? Or before a vacation? Or before an important meeting? Or before a date with your partner? Or before morning rush or bedtime struggles? Even before a clinic day, an exercise session or dinner. Listen to learn how to approach your life with intention and enjoy much smoother landings ahead.    Learn how and why you should set yourself up for success with mindfulness practices. Learn the art of choosing guiding words to optimize your results and experience.   Choosing your approach is especially helpful in transitions. Join me to learn all the ins and outs of this and many other tools in Transition Well which starts tomorrow! www.jessiemahoneymd.com/transition-well   If you prefer to learn in person, join me at Nicasio Creek Farm or Sagrada for a retreat.  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

We often think we can’t pivot because "what if" …?  What if the job I pick doesn't work out? What if my wife gets cancer? Last year, Dr. Rakesh Jotwani shared his journey leaving a long-time employed hospitalist position to pivot to lifestyle medicine.  Listen to that episode Mindfulness Can Lead You to a Plant-Based Diet and a Fulfilling Career here.   When we take a risk and make a big change, we all worry about the possibility of catastrophic "what if's".    In this encore episode, Dr. Rakesh Jotwani shares what happened when many of these "what if’s" happened to him over the last year. Life-jarring events often give you even more clarity and motivation to follow your passions. Dr. Rak tells how and why chose to not live as a victim and double down on his values.  Rakesh decided his best bet was to bet on himself. He recommends we all do the same. He chose to see all the steps in his journey, whether expected or not, as valuable information. He chose to embrace the acquired skills and wisdom to help him on his next step.  His parting wisdom: “Pick yourself.” Find out more about Dr. Rak’s programs lifestyle medicine program, tribes @ www.rakyourlife.com One of Dr. Rak’s favorite quotes is, “If you want to go fast go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Going far together is the premise behind the Transition Well Small Group Coaching. The fall cohort starts this week. There are only 4 spots left. Your future self in January 2025 will wish you had signed up. Retreats are also a great way to "pick yourself" and move forward on following your dream and choosing to live a more fulfilled life. Join me at Nicasio Creek Farm or Sagrada this year.

Listen to this Curious About Coaching Session with Dr. Jessie Mahoney to learn how to discern when something is unreasonable, what you can do about your own unreasonable expectations of yourself, and what you can do when others have unreasonable expectations of you.   Most high achievers have unreasonable and/or unrealistic expectations of themselves. As parents, children, physicians, friends, and members of society. We were also trained in professional schools to have unreasonable expectations of ourselves (think residency!)   The expectations of our patients and our employers are also often unreasonable and/or unrealistic. We don't have clarity or confidence to stand tall in what our job actually is. We default to it must be our job and we twist ourselves in knots trying to make it all work, please others, be enough, and get external validation. When we can’t do it all. we fall into blame, shame and guilt.  We feel like an imposter.   Others shouldn’t have unreasonable expectations of us. Their expectations should be reasonable (different) – and we can still make a difference with our own responses, thoughts, feelings, and actions.    Listen to learn actionable and specific mindset, coaching, and communication tools that can help you navigate successfully when others' expectations of you are unreasonable.    Learn how to implement these tools in your own life by engaging in coaching. Doing the work is much different than simply consuming this podcast. Join us for coaching or a retreat and change your life. Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Are you frustrated by the constraints that the current healthcare system places on physicians? Is your well-being jeopardized by challenges at work? Would you like to embody practicing whole-hearted medicine? Dr. Michelle Biehl’s inspirational story will galvanize you to feel empowered to take steps towards both living and practicing medicine wholeheartedly. Dr. Michelle Biehl is a pulmonary and critical care physician at the Cleveland Clinic.  She is the founder of the Post-ICU Recovery Clinic and a certified coach. She immigrated to the US from Brazil after her residency. She did another residency in the US, followed by her fellowship.  Before starting at the Cleveland Clinic she and her physician husband worked in South Dakota to fulfill the requirements of their J-1 Visas. Along the way, they had two children. Dr. Biehl shares how coaching and a Pause & Presence Sagrada retreat gave her the courage to cut back to part-time and let go of a part of her job that used to be her passion but was now no longer in alignment.  She shares how hard it was to give herself permission to not work full-time as an immigrant. She shares how she grew the courage to ask her chair and change her life at a recent Pause & Presence Retreat.  Inspired, motivated, rested, and nourished, she returned home, took immediate action, and changed her life.   What did Dr. Beihl learn on her retreat?  How to practice nonjudgmental awareness, tune into her body, and notice alignment and misalignment.   How to trust herself How to slow down and meditate She had previously been making decisions based on what she thought she was “supposed to do” and that she could and wanted to make decisions from her heart It is ok to focus on what she loves. Someone has to be “the first to do it”- why not her? Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. If you would like to change your life, learn to trust yourself, grow courage, and make aligned heart-based decisions about how you spend your life, join a Pause & Presence retreat:  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats If you want to get started right away, sign up to coach with Jessie on Zoom. Join the Fall 2024 Ongoing Presence or Transition Well small groups or treat yourself to 1:1 coaching. Both lead to incredible results. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/coaching *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

We don't like to disappoint people or be disappointed and we especially don't like it when our children are disappointed.   Liam Mahoney is back for an encore episode.  Listen to hear Liam’s story of navigating a big and unexpected disappointment.  Hear how Jessie, as his mother, navigated his disappointment.  Leave with some gold nuggets of advice to ease the bumps of frustration and anger that arise when we face disappointment. Our own or someone else’s. Coaching and mindfulness have dramatically changed how I react to disappointment whether it be with those I love, those I care for, those I work for, or those I am friends with. Life is full of disappointment and learning how to handle it with more ease and grace is truly life- changing. Managing disappointment more effectively and buoyantly is a topic that always comes up in group coaching. This is but one of the tools you will learn when you join me for Ongoing Presence, Transition Well, or an in-person retreat this fall.  True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person.  www.jessiemahoneymd.com  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Do you find yourself frustrated when others show up late? Do you make it mean that others don’t respect you or don’t care when their “timing” and way of working through to-do lists, planning, and chores is different than yours? We hope this episode will leave you feeling liberated from chronic frustrations around timing, urgency, and the preferred paces of others.  We all have different inner rhythms and preferences. Many of us were taught that there is a right and/or wrong way and/or a “polite” pace.  We have stories about what the pace of others means.  What do you make mismatches in pace mean? Those of us who work in medicine tend to have an urgency bias and a quick pace. We have painful stories about late patients and respecting our time. Some people are always late. Some people are always early. It isn't usually about you at all. When you want someone to be different, move faster, act, or respond differently than they are, you are resisting reality. This usually increases your suffering.    Tips to Respond with more ease and grace when others have a different pace.  Notice your bodily reactions, expectations, and stories Pause and breathe Move forward with intention Ask your future self for advice. Ask what would love do How might you respond to future timing mismatches with mindfulness and compassion?    Join us for a retreat to practice responding with grace, ease, mindfulness, and compassion to everything in life that doesn't happen your preferred way. This skill is liberating and will change your life for the better every single day. If you can’t come to a retreat in person, join Jessie for coaching. You will be amazed by how much better your life feels after coaching. Without anyone else changing you will feel much better. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Please consider moving beyond consuming this podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in person. Join us at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice. #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Do you think you don't practice mindfulness “right?" Are you concerned about not being able to “clear your mind?" Does your inability to practice mindfulness the way you think you should make you feel anxious, guilty, or like a failure? Do you have a list of reasons why you think mindfulness doesn't work for you?    This episode addresses all of these questions and more.   Mindfulness is accessible to anyone, anytime, anywhere, doing or not doing anything at all.  Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, and aware of where we are and what we’re doing, while not being overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us. The media has made mindfulness sound complicated. Experts throw out lots of ways to practice that are “right.”  We know you can get huge benefits from mindfulness without being fancy.  It can be as simple as pausing and being present. Slowing down enough to notice. Remembering to breathe.  Just like becoming more physically fit, exercise, repetition, and practice are needed. Mindfulness is exercise for the brain. It enables our minds and bodies to be together at the same place and the same time. Mindfulness has been shown in studies to help reduce burnout, but it doesn't heal or prevent burnout alone. You can’t meditate your way through the practice of medicine today. Medicine is a mess. Physicians and other providers are not the problem.  Mindfulness is a tool to help us function in an inadequate, often harmful system. It is not a replacement for reasonable expectations of responsibilities, appropriate time to meet them, and resources Mindfulness is synergistic with mindset work (AKA coaching) and self-compassion practices. Together they can help you work within the system, if you want to, until it gets fixed. They help you be healthy enough to take care of yourself and advocate for yourself well despite the current situation. Move beyond consuming this podcast. True change happens when you work with us. We strongly encourage you to join us for the Mindful Healers Retreat Sept 6-8th 2024. You will learn all the tips and tricks to finally have a meaningful and impactful mindfulness practice. You will leave with “the lowest cortisol level you had in years.”  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats You can also work with Jessie individually on incorporating mindfulness into your life strategically and effectively. It is the antidote to so many of our trained negative thought patterns. Without it, coaching isn’t nearly as effective. And the effects are not nearly as long-lasting.  If you have tried coaching before and not had the results you wanted, this is likely part of the reason. The other reason may be the coach. Reach out to me if you want to discuss whether we might be the right fit.  www.jessiemahoneymd.com Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach    

If you have struggled with yoga, think you aren't a yogi, or simply want to understand you to make yoga work better for you and your ever-changing body, listen to this episode. Yoga is not what most of us think. With creativity and a good teacher, yoga, in some form, can work for all bodies.   Every body is a yoga body.  Yoga is not about flexibility or standing on your head. Medical conditions don't need to exclude you from enjoying yoga and its benefits. In fact, yoga has been shown to help with almost all medical issues and long-term morbidity, mobility, and mortality. What may get in the way of people trying yoga all or none thinking thinking there is a right way to practice thinking they have to be able to do everything in class or all of a class feeling uncomfortable about needing variations and modifications not understanding that there are many different kinds of yoga not understanding the purpose and intent of yoga Not understanding the structure of a yoga class Yoga is an ancient and complex practice, rooted in Indian philosophy. It began as a spiritual practice that incorporated physical movement. It is about much more than fitness. When taught well, yoga goes well beyond the physical practice.  Yoga is a way of life and a way of promoting physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. It weaves together physiology and philosophy. It is a way of noticing, thinking, speaking, being, and living. Yoga is intended to help you practice being in your body decrease stress better balance your parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system  better balance your outlook and find new perspective  give you tools to help decrease stress teach you how to breathe What makes a good yoga teacher? A good yoga teacher feels like a good fit for you in this moment of your life journey.   A good yoga teacher has a flexible approach. They are open to variations and modifications for every human body.  A good teacher is committed to doing-no-harm and accepts that there is no “right” way to practice. A good yoga teacher is also inclusive and makes their classes accessible. They encourage listening to your body and adapting as needed. They are nonjudgmental, kind, compassionate, and open-minded. They understand yoga philosophically, physiologically, and anatomically and are aware of the interplay between trauma and the nervous system.  When you work with a good teacher, everyone can reap benefits from practicing yoga.  *if you have significant medical issues, 1:1 yoga, in person, and/or yoga therapy is the place to start.   Join Jessie for her free Zoom MIndful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindfulyoga Join Jessie for YouTube yoga: www.youtube.com/@JessieMahoney Join Jessie for in-person yoga at a retreat: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats.  You will discover a kind of yoga that works for you. Invite Jessie to teach her Mindful Yoga for Healers at your retreat or conference: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking .  It's an experience your participants will love. Please share this podcast with your colleagues, friends, and patients. Invite them to do yoga with Jessie too.  The more we all practice yoga the healthier, happier, more calm, and equanimous we will all be.