The Silence After IVF: What Happens When It Doesn’t Work

In Episode 76, Berenice, Michael, and Sarah have the conversation they’ve avoided for six years: what happens after failed IVF. With raw honesty and compassion, we explore the emotional aftermath of a process that’s gruelling, often isolating, and rarely discussed when it doesn't lead to parenthood. We reflect on grief, lost identities, anger at misleading success rates, the mental and financial toll, and the uncomfortable silence surrounding childlessness after IVF. This episode holds space for everyone who has ever felt abandoned by the system, and those seeking to understand.

We welcome Professor Gayle Letherby, a pioneering sociologist whose deeply personal and academic work has transformed how we think about childlessness, grief, identity, and storytelling. Gayle reflects on her journey, beginning with a miscarriage in the 1980s that altered her life trajectory and became the foundation of a groundbreaking academic career. Her research into involuntary childlessness, pregnancy loss, and the status of parenthood spans decades and she’s still going strong About Professor Gayle Letherby Having worked as a nursery nurse prior to the miscarriage (in the early 1980s) of my, to my knowledge, one and only pregnancy, one and only baby, I gave up my job and listlessly, sometimes desperately, wandered through my own life feeling that I had no purpose and no future. Finding Sociology saved me with an A Level at a local FE college being followed by an undergraduate degree, a PhD and 30+ years of teaching, researching, writing and mentoring. The significance of mother or not has always been part of my academic labour and I have undertaken research and written much on the experience of those who do and those who do not mother (and father) and the implications and impact of this. My PhD was specifically concerned with the identity and experience of ‘infertility’ and ‘involuntary childlessness’ (which I write in quotation marks to highlight problems with definition). I interviewed and corresponded with more than 80 individuals, mostly women but some men too, and when writing up my thesis included some of my own experience in the text. Alongside other academic work I have also conducted a number of auto/biographical research projects on reproductive loss and on pregnancy and early motherhood (parenthood). Fifteen years ago I began to also write fiction and memoir, for both academic and lay audiences. My personal experience and my research interests are often the stimulus for the fiction I write and my significant others regularly appear in my memoir pieces. This includes my baby, the child who died months before her or his expected birth date, and also my mother, Dorothy, and father, Ron, and my husband John (all deceased). I find this writing both cathartic and energising. My own, and others’, experience of Covid-19 and of ‘growing older’ has led me to reflect on, not least, the differences between solitude and loneliness and the experience of growing older as a childless not by choice individual. In addition to my academic writings I publish some of my work on the open site ABCtales.com writing as gletherby.

Welcome to this episode of the Full Stop podcast, where we’re joined by our guests John and Ben to explore the joys and complexities of being a childless aunt, uncle, or godparent. Together, we reflect on how these roles offer meaningful ways to nurture, support, and build a legacy when one is childless not by choice. Listen for advice on boundaries, freedom, and the unique impact of chosen relationships across generations. Please note that we do cover what it’s like not to be an aunt, uncle or godparent, as one of our presenters does not have this caring role. This might be a challenging listen for some of our audience. (Members of our online community can carry on the discussion in our safe space.) Download the transcript

In this episode of the Full Stop podcast, hosts Berenice, Michael, and Sarah are joined by returning guest Robert Nurden to discuss the complex and often underexplored topic of how childlessness impacts friendships. We get curious about personal experiences, societal reactions, and the emotional complexities surrounding friendship dynamics in the context of childlessness. How to contact Robert Robert can be found via his website and Instagram, and you can buyI Always Wanted To Be A Dad:Men Without Children on Amazon. Watch Robert performing Empty at The Old Red Lion theatre on Instagram.

We welcome Anne Altamore, founder and owner of Life After IVF Counselling, Psychotherapy and Coaching. Anne shares her insights on the importance of visibility, the emotional toll of exclusion, and how social media can be used to broaden conversations about childlessness. We tackle International Women’s Day, discussing the need for allyship, the gendered expectations placed on women, and how we can all work towards a more inclusive and equal society that is inclusive to childless women. We’re talking about … The emotional impact of childlessness in professional and personal spaces The importance of acknowledging childlessness in the International Women’s Day narrative Breaking stereotypes and gender roles in society How men can be allies and support gender equality The historical and modern-day challenges we face in being heard and valued Follow our guests Connect with Anne Altamore on LinkedIn for helpful posts on childlessness and workplace inclusivity, You can follow her on Instagram and Facebook too. Anne is a postgraduate degree qualified counsellor holding a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy and experienced in supporting grief of involuntary childlessness with many communities - CALD, heterosexual men and women as well as in the LGBTQIA+ community.  More to explore Join in the conversation in our Full Stop online community for childless people from £5 a month with a free month on us Buy a Virtual Coffee to keep our podcast free to air and accessible to everyone. Download Finding Connections, a booklet by Sarah and Berenice with links to groups, books, events and other resources for childless people. We hope you find it helpful. Join our newsletter for behind the scenes info, wellbeing tips and news from the wider community and alerts to our podcast as it publishes direct to your inbox. Access the Transcript

  In this deeply moving episode, Sarah and Michael open up an honest and heartfelt conversation about miscarriage, pregnancy loss, and the isolation that follows. Joined by special guests Lori and Sandra McNicol, we share personal journeys of loss, infertility, and coming to terms with a life without children. From the emotional highs of pregnancy to the devastating impact of loss, they explore the grief, silence, and stigmas surrounding miscarriage, as well as the challenges of finding support in a society that often struggles to acknowledge this type of grief. Topics covered: The emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy loss The societal silence and stigma around miscarriage and childlessness The hierarchies of grief and the challenge of feeling seen and supported How miscarriage impacts both men and women differently Finding community, support, and healing after loss This episode is a raw, open, and necessary conversation that provides a safe space for those who have experienced loss and a learning opportunity for those who want to support them. Trigger warning: This episode discusses miscarriage, pregnancy loss, and infertility. If these topics are difficult for you, please listen with care. Follow our guests Sandra is the founder of Childless.Life is a life coach, grief therapist and this year’s World Childless Week People Champion.  Contact her via email at [email protected] Childless.life zoom groups are open for new members in March 2025: Healing Horseshoes now in its 5th year is a 5 month grief circle with live zoom community calls and workshops for permanently childless-not-by-choice women Embracing Us is a community for women permanently childless not by choice, seeking purpose beyond motherhood join for 5 months and stay for as long as you need. Follow Lori on her blog Join in the conversation in our Full Stop online community for childless people from £5 a month with a free month on us Buy a Virtual Coffee to keep our podcast ad free and accessible to everyone. Download Finding Connections, a booklet by Sarah and Berenice with links to groups, books, events and other resources for childless people. We hope you find it helpful. Join our newsletter for behind the scenes info, wellbeing tips and news from the wider community and alerts to our podcast as it publishes direct to your inbox. Access the Transcript Disclaimer The Full Stop Podcast and content posted by the Full Stop is presented solely for general informational, and educational purposes. The guests views may not represent those of the Full Stop or the co-directors of the Full Stop CIC. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.  

Welcome to the 70th episode of the Full Stop Podcast! We’re joined by returning guests Bindi Shah and Lisa Kissane, alongside co-hosts Berenice and Michael Hughes, for an inspiring conversation about setting intentions, goals, and how we navigate life as childless individuals. What We Discuss: Gentle Intentions vs. Rigid Goals: Lisa and Bindi contrast the pressures of goal-setting with the more flexible, empowering practice of setting intentions. Writing as Healing: Writing plays a pivotal role in self-expression and healing. From Bindi’s poetry to Lisa’s intention to write her first novel, we explore how creativity can unlock personal growth. Adapting to Life Challenges: How can we be kind to ourselves in the face of life’s challenges? Michael opens up about family dynamics and the importance of taking life’s reins, while Bindi highlights the transformative power of meditation. Seasons of Change: We discuss how the rhythm of the seasons—especially spring—can offer renewal and inspiration. Creating Safe Spaces: Lisa shares her intentions for “Flow,” her unique business community for childless and child-free individuals, providing a supportive environment away from parent-centric norms. Contact Lisa on Instagram, LinkedIn and via her website for Really Honest Business and Flow. Contact Bindi though her website and on her Youtube Channel: Soul Wisdom. Read her World Childless writing on adoption bias and watch her WCW webinar. Did you enjoy this episode? Join in the conversation in our Full Stop online community for childless people from £5 a month with a free month on us Buy a Virtual Coffee to keep our podcast ad free and accessible to everyone. Download Finding Connections, a booklet by Sarah and Berenice with links to groups, books, events and other resources for childless people. We hope you find it helpful. Join our newsletter for behind the scenes info, wellbeing tips and news from the wider community and alerts to our podcast as it publishes direct to your inbox.

We are thrilled to be joined by Karin Enfield De Vries from Pure Transformations and Scared Woman Retreats for an honest exploration of boundaries, grief, and finding joy during times of celebration. Holidays like Christmas are often painted as joyful and magical, but for many, they bring up emotional complexities—especially for those navigating childlessness and changing family dynamics. We join Karin to unpack what it means to honour yur needs, set healthy boundaries, and create new traditions that reflect who you are today. We’ll talk about the courage to say no, the art of self-care during the holidays, and the power of embracing a more authentic way of celebrating. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by family, work or friendship obligations, feeling lonely or looking for ways to make this season meaningful on your terms, this conversation will inspire and empower you. Karin established Pure Transformations in July 2022 and she works as a self-employed grief and loss counsellor, a wellbeing coach and a change management consultant offering support (online and in person) in English and Dutch. Sacred Woman Retreats offers supportive and heart-led spaces for women who are childless not by choice or circumstance. Did you enjoy this episode? Join in the conversation in our Full Stop online community for childless people from £5 a month with a free month on us Buy a Virtual Coffee to keep our podcast ad free and accessible to everyone. Download Finding Connections, a booklet by Sarah and Berenice with links to groups, books, events and other resources for childless people. We hope you find it helpful. Join our newsletter for behind the scenes info, wellbeing tips and news from the wider community and alerts to our podcast as it publishes direct to your inbox.

Drawing from their panel discussion at the Storyhouse Childless event in Chester, we explore what it means to navigate society and self-perception as men without children—whether by choice or circumstance. Featuring insights from Michael, Andy Harrod, Mark Briggs van Leeuwen, and Sam Ryley, this candid conversation highlights the challenges, the societal silence, and the journey to self-acceptance faced by childless men across generations. The importance of providing visibility and voice for childless men, challenging societal silence, and creating safe spaces for men to openly discuss their experiences.   Support for childless men: Andy Harrod on Substack Dr Robin Hadley’s research and website Robert Nurden’s website (author of I Always Wanted To Be A Dad: Men Without Children) The Full Stop online community is open to all genders. Michael and Andy are co-admins of The Childless Men’s Collective Gateway Women’s men’s page. After The Storm, run by Sarah Lawrence, our co-founder and podcast host, provides counselling for childless people. World Childless Week Men Matter Too along with resources and support spaces Chrissy Pantlin on Men’s Mental Health

In this conversation, Dr Jay Zigmont discusses the unique financial planning needs of childless people. He emphasises the importance of understanding the different life scripts and financial goals that come with being childless, and we have a chat about the societal judgments and perceptions that often accompany being childless not by choice. We talk about the challenges of systemic change in financial services to better help us, the significance of legacy and the power in building supportive communities. Childfree Wealth® and his website Childfree Wealth®.