Episode 282: Knowing Your Dealbreakers (The 7-Step Divorce Mindset Reset)

I am thrilled to welcome Nikki Tucker, speaker and founder of The FIIRM Approach, to dive into the complex world of divorce for high-income-earning women. Nikki, a Personal Financial Strategist, and problem-solver, is known for her work helping female breadwinners strategically exit their marriages and navigate the path to financial independence post-divorce.  Together, we discuss the unique financial challenges high-income-earning women face, such as managing assets, financial support responsibilities, and the critical role of prenups and postnups.  Marriage as a legally binding business arrangement is one of the most important conversations we're not having. “We place a lot of emphasis on the emotional and relational aspects of marriage. However, equally important—especially in divorce—is the business, transactional side of the relationship,” says Nikki. This episode brings that crucial conversation to the forefront. Featured topics: High-income earning women may be surprised to learn they could be responsible for paying spousal support (2:30) Should you consider a prenup or postnup? Learn how to protect your finances before, during, and after divorce (7:50) Is premarital counseling a smart move? Get insight into whether it can help set the foundation for a successful financial partnership (22:31) What unique dynamics should high-earning women keep in mind when navigating divorce? (31:58) Insightful reminders and advice, like: “You don’t need to be over-accommodating just because you're a woman with a high income.” (32:48) Nikki breaks down her F.I.I.R.M. Approach, empowering women to be Flexible, Intentional, Informed, Resourceful, and Masterful in their financial decisions (33:25) Learn more about Nikki Tucker: Nikki Tucker, a Speaker and founder of The FIIRM Approach, is known as a problem solver since her experience and time involves helping female breadwinners strategically exit their marriage and work on their new financial life post-divorce, as a Personal Financial Strategist. As a 20+ year financial professional, she firmly believes that all women deserve financial security and she enjoys teaching new ideas about money, and reinforcing sound ones. Nikki finds joy in connecting her clients to great resources to help them gain clarity, confidence and control of their finances through live workshops and digital resources. When she is not working with clients, she is eating amazing food and drinking an oat milk latte or a French 75. Her friends and those close to her describe her as reliable, honest and resourceful which comes in handy when she's working with women going through major transitions like divorce. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Nikki's website Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-290-navigating-divorce-as-a-female-breadwinner-with-nikki-tucker-womens-financial-empowerment/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're tackling one of the most frequently asked questions I get from clients: “How do I return to the workforce after being a stay-at-home mom who is now facing divorce?” Stacey Delo, CEO of Your Turn Careers by Après, offers expert advice on reentering the workforce, boosting confidence, and leveraging core skills honed during motherhood. Stacey encourages women to embrace their career gaps and highlights how staying home with kids can be a strength in your professional story. As co-author of Your Turn: Careers, Kids, and Comebacks—A Working Mother's Guide, she shares strategies for financial independence and landing roles that align with your expertise, interests, and aspirations. Join us for a conversation about building your financial future and reclaiming your professional identity! Featured topics: How patriarchal patterns are reflected in the workforce (6:00) Building confidence and owning the gap: leveraging your core competencies and soft skills learned during parenting (17:35) The journey of discovering what you want to do when reentering the workforce (24:03) Rebuilding confidence when you feel beaten down—remember, the skills you had before being a parent haven’t disappeared (33:00) Learn more about Stacey Delo: Stacey Delo is CEO of Your Turn Careers by Après, the premier site for women returning to work after career breaks, and co-author of Your Turn: Careers, Kids and Comebacks--A Working Mother's Guide (Harper Business 2019). She’s an expert in helping women navigate their careers, and in helping companies build strong workplaces to recruit and retain women talent. Stacey spent eight years as a journalist with The Wall Street Journal, where she was a multimedia reporter and the host of Digits, a live video program about technology. Prior to Digits she was a contributing correspondent for the nationally syndicated show CBS MarketWatch. In 2012, Stacey founded Maybrooks, a career resource for moms, which was acquired by Après in 2017. Stacey holds a journalism degree from Northwestern University and a masters from American University. Stacey is also known for her work on The Ford Heights Four case to overturn the wrongful conviction of four innocent men on Death Row. She has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and other live shows in addition to having interviewed many Fortune 500 and startup CEOs in her work as a journalist. She lives in San Francisco with her husband and two children. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Stacey’s website Stacey’s book, Your Turn: Careers, Kids, and Comebacks TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Surviving divorce is one thing, but surviving divorce with a co-parent who abuses alcohol is a whole different ball game. Soberlink is a high-tech breathalyzer system that sends you instant results of a co-parent’s alcohol levels. When your co-parent tests, their identity is automatically confirmed with facial recognition, and tamper sensors ensure no cheating has occurred. You then get instant proof that your kids are safe in their care. Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Help your family thrive in the new year. Visit www.soberlink.com/dsg to learn more and get $50 off your device. -------------- Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-289-careers-kids-and-comebacks-with-stacey-delo-womens-financial-empowerment/ -------------- DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Divorce can be a financial minefield, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Throughout September, we’ll be cutting through the confusion to help you take control of your financial future. Finances are often the hardest part of the divorce process for women. We’re often left feeling financially powerless—disempowered by a system that’s not built for us (more on that topic, in October). Here’s the truth: your path to financial independence is possible. This month, I’m laser-focused on breaking down the money issues women face in divorce. If you’ve had your head in the sand about your finances, that’s okay. The time for financial empowerment is now—without judgment, just clarity and strength.  Some of the topics we’ll be covering this month include:   Navigating financial challenges in divorce Clarity and control over what’s truly yours by understanding asset division Claiming your worth: spousal support and non-monetary contributions From Stay-at-Home to Financial Independence Strategizing your long-term financial future post-divorce And, so much more! Join us as we dive into empowering women through financial independence and support, before, during, and after divorce. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective The D-Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage Divorce Money Guide Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-288-womens-financial-empowerment-intro-to-the-series/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tracy Otsuka, host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women Podcast, joins me for a conversation about how ADHD uniquely shows up in women. We dig into why it’s often overlooked or misunderstood because the symptoms don’t always match up with what you see in men. We break down the top three signs of ADHD, how hormonal changes play a role, and why embracing your strengths is way more effective than trying to "fix" your weaknesses. Tracy also opens up about the emotional toll ADHD can take and offers practical advice for supporting kids with ADHD. Tune in to learn how ADHD impacts women navigating divorce and get tips for handling it all with confidence and self-compassion. Featured topics: How to recognize ADHD symptoms and how to advocate for care and the right diagnosis (3:28) Understanding ADHD in women, including how it shows up and how hormonal shifts shape your experience (7:14) Supporting kids with ADHD and tackling co-parenting challenges with confidence (21:55) Managing ADHD through divorce from diagnosis to treatment (32:25) Learn more about Tracy Otsuka: Tracy Otsuka, JD, is a certified ADHD coach and the host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women podcast. Over the past decade, she has empowered thousands of clients (from doctors and therapists to C-suite executives and entrepreneurs) to see their neurodivergence as a strength–not a weakness. Tracy leverages her analytical skills from being a lead counsel at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission to identify the right questions to ask her clients so they can boost their productivity, improve their finances, save failing relationships and live happier lives. Tracy’s expertise and experience as an adult living with ADHD are regularly sought out by top tier media including Inc, Forbes, ADDitude magazine, and The Goal Digger Podcast. When she’s not sharing her thought leadership around ADHD on other platforms, she hosts her own podcast which ranks #1 in its category and has over 5 million downloads across 160 countries. She also moderates a Facebook group with nearly 100,000 members. A married mother of two, Tracy lives in Sonoma County outside of San Francisco. Her new book, ADHD for Smart Ass Women is due out in December 2023. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective ADHD Smarts for Women Via Character Strengths Survey Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-287-adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tara McMullin, creator of What Works and the co-founder of YellowHouse.Media, shares her journey of receiving an autism diagnosis at 38 and its profound impact on her relationships. She explores the concept of 'biographical illumination,' revealing how understanding her diagnosis has brought clarity and validation to her life. Tara also discusses the intricate dynamics of 'masking' and emotional communication in relationships.  Together, we explore the importance of recognizing and respecting personal boundaries, advocating for mutual understanding, and navigating the complexities of being autistic. Featured topics: How being diagnosed with Autism at 38, transformed Tara’s perspective on work, relationships, and parenting (3:20) The impact of autism on relationships, including getting your social needs met, learning to compromise, and the journey to understanding (10:49) Highlighting the burden on neurodivergent individuals to conform and mask their true selves to meet societal expectations (14:44) The distinction between being autistic and being an asshole—two entirely different concepts (32:35) Debunking the myth that people with autism lack empathy; their empathy is just expressed differently (33:17) Learn more about Tara McMullin: Tara McMullin is a writer and critic who studies the future of work through the lens of philosophy, critical theory, and media. She's the creator of What Works and the co-founder of YellowHouse.Media, a boutique production agency. She believes that care, curiosity, and context create an environment where we can not only learn but experience new and sometimes challenging ideas with grace. She's coached, taught, and facilitated for over 15 years—including more than a dozen classes with CreativeLive. Tara brings her own experience as an autistic feminist, endurance athlete, and amateur baker to everything she does. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Tara’s website Tara on Instagram Tara on LinkedIn “I'm a normal autistic person, not an abnormal neurotypical”: Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis as biographical illumination Catherine D. Tan The Electricity of Every Living Thing, Katherine May Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-286-autism-and-relationships-with-tara-mcmullin-neurodivergence-in-relationships/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zawn Villines, feminist activist and writer, is back on the show! Together we tackle the offensive and ableist ways that neurodiversity is often used to excuse abusive behavior. Zawn makes it clear that being neurodivergent does not mean someone is inherently abusive. In fact, neurodivergent individuals are more often the victims rather than the perpetrators of abuse. In this episode, we dive into the myths around empathy deficits in autistic individuals and how patriarchy keeps these harmful misconceptions alive. Further, we explore how patriarchy weaponizes neurodivergence against women. This episode is packed with practical advice for women dealing with neurodivergent partners, focusing on finding fair and supportive ways to navigate relationships without sacrificing your well-being.  Featured topics: Neurodivergence is not a pass for getting out of household labor (5:12) Patriarchy and the weaponization of neurodivergence against women (15:22) What women can do when faced with a partner using neurodivergence as an excuse (40:05) You can accommodate a partner without sacrificing your life and well-being at the altar of their neurodivergence (41:53) Learn more about Zawn Villines: Zawn Villines is a feminist activist and writer who focuses on misogyny in motherhood and marriage. Her work argues that mothers are central to the feminist project, and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism, and that it limits women's lives and futures. Inequality at home is a form of abuse, and Zawn teaches women to push back on this unacceptable treatment and claim their rightful place in the family, at work, and in their communities. Her weekly Feminist Advice Friday series advises people about how to live better and more just lives, and how to use their relationships as pathways to liberation and joy. Outside of her activism, Zawn has written full-time about science, medicine, politics, and the law for two decades. She writes a weekly reproductive justice column, and runs a nonprofit childbirth justice organization. She hopes to see more mothers claim the power and dignity of motherhood, and to end notions of mothers as irrelevant. Mothers are raising the next generation of resistance. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Zawn's Substack Newsletter Zawn's website Zawn on Instagram Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-285-weaponizing-neurodivergence-in-abusive-relationships-with-zawn-villines-neurodivergence-in-relationships/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist and author, joins me to explore the nuances of ADHD in women, discussing how it often goes unnoticed and untreated. We tackle the complex question, "Do I have trauma or ADHD?"—exploring whether childhood trauma manifests as ADHD or if living with ADHD contributes to traumatic experiences.  Plus, we uncover the superpowers of ADHD, the fascinating link between hyperfocus and procrastination, and how neurodiversity and ADHD affect relationships. Tune in to gain valuable insights and feel empowered to understand yourself better or loved ones living with ADHD. Featured topics: The impact of untreated ADHD on women's lives (3:25) "Do I have trauma or ADHD?" Exploring the relationship between trauma and ADHD (15:22) Coping skills: Embracing change as a compassionate choice (27:02) The superpowers of ADHD + the link between hyperfocus and procrastination (27:44) Healthy relationships, neurodiversity, and ADHD (34:00) The correlation between ADHD and attachment styles (43:30) Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley: Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, author of several books, co-host of The Sensitivity Doctors podcast, and certified meditation and yoga instructor. She is a psychology professor at Yorkville University and a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on SiriusXM Doctor Radio’s The Psychiatry Show as well as NPR’s The Measure of Everyday Life. Her private practice is part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. She is a contributing author for Psychology Today, ADDitude Magazine and the Highly Sensitive Refuge, the world’s largest blog for HSPs. You can find out more about her work at ameliakelley.com. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Amelia’s website Amelia’s book Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-284-powered-by-adhd-with-dr-amelia-kelley-neurodivergence-in-relationships/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am kicking off a new series for August all around neurodivergence in relationships. With my amazing lineup, we delve into topics like ADHD, autism, and other spectrum disorders within a family and how they might affect various aspects of your divorce.  This week I wanted to take a few moments to introduce the series to you. Throughout the month, you’ll hear from incredible guests like: Dr. Amelia Kelley Tara McMullin Zawn Villines Tracy Otsuka These amazing women share their insights and strategies for embracing the unique gifts and challenges that come with being neurodivergent. In this episode, I also open up about my own experiences co-parenting a child who has ADHD.  Here’s why you should tune in: This series is not just about understanding neurodivergence; it's about empowering you with the knowledge and tools to navigate these unique challenges. Whether you're dealing with neurodivergent individuals in your own life or simply want to be a more informed and compassionate ally, this series offers invaluable perspectives and practical advice you won't want to miss. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-283-neurodivergence-in-relationships-intro-to-the-series/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What are your divorce dealbreakers? In the final installment of my divorce mindset reset series, I share why knowing your dealbreakers is important before you enter into your divorce proceedings. I discuss the work required to determine what they are and offer insight into why you should stick to them as you move through your divorce.  Overall, knowing your dealbreakers helps you prioritize what matters most so you can maintain focus during your negotiations.  You’ll hear: Why it is important to know your dealbreakers before you enter into your divorce proceedings Non-negotiables are the issues you feel strongly about and refuse to compromise on, even if it means presenting them in front of a judge Some considerations and strategies for dealbreakers in a high-conflict divorce Resources & Links: 7-Step Divorce Mindset Reset Bundle Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-282-the-7-step-divorce-mindset-reset-knowing-your-dealbreakers/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wondered how to navigate the tricky balance between what's legal and what's fair in a divorce? I dive into Step Six of the 7-Step Divorce Mindset Reset, focusing on distinguishing between these crucial aspects.  You'll hear advice on processing emotions through appropriate channels, documenting evidence of legal matters, and working with a coach or other professional to streamline what's pertinent for court.  My goal is to help you approach your legal team with clear, legally significant information, thereby reducing costs and improving outcomes. You’ll hear: The key to understanding legal vs. fair in divorce “If you’re focusing on what's fair, you're going to get all of your personal feelings in the way.” The importance of emotional processing, legal strategy, and documenting abuse for legal proceedings How to adopt a legally strategic mindset Resources & Links: 7-Step Divorce Mindset Reset Bundle Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-281-the-7-step-divorce-mindset-reset-understanding-whats-legal-vs-whats-fair/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. —------------------------------------------------ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices