Rivertales: A Riverdale Podcast

We recap Season 7, Episode 20 of Riverdale “Goodbye, Riverdale” in which we discuss the final of Riverdale! We get into the uncalley vanny, being young and beautiful, doing Reggie clean, the quad of it all, Jughead dropping death announcements, the return of Chic, the “art” exhibit, grandma acting, referencing Cats 2019, and our ranking of all of the Riverdale seasons! Thanks for listening!

We recap Season 7, Episode 19 of Riverdale “The Golden Age of Television” in which we discuss having a threesome with your dad, bad innuendos, how Riverdale is a theme park, coincidentally having a screenplay for The Comet, Choni being the only endgame, breaking your brain saying #ManCrushMonday, and Jughead watching Cocomelon.

We recap Season 7, Episode 18 of Riverdale “For a Better Tomorrow” in which we discuss how Archie loves knots, Ethel marrying Boss Baby, Jughead’s photoshoot with the palladium bomb, having Stranger Things vibes, candelabras coming in handy, Duck and Cover for homeschooled kids, and remember to Turn That Turtle Up!

We recap Season 7, Episode 17 of Riverdale “A Different Kind of Cat” in which we discuss doing a boudoir photoshoot for your manifesto, Confessions of a Teenage Daughter of Teenage America, Betty being the original Fabio, contemplating if Riverdale has gotten trashier, the hallway scene repeats itself again, the town with hep, and a desire for the good old days of dance battles.

We recap Season 7, Episode 16 of Riverdale “Stag” in which we discuss possibly the worst episode we’ve ever covered, try to decipher the “story” happening, life experience coming in many forms, being horny with your bro while watching the sunrise, and how watching Glee will turn you gay.

We recap Season 7, Episode 15 of Riverdale “Miss Teen Riverdale” in which we discuss how the Gettysburg address is boring, getting a referral bonus for the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, hanging your self portrait in the Guggenheim, seducing your friend’s dad, Evelyn spinning plates, drinking milk being sus, and two Demi Lovato references.

We recap Season 7, Episode 14 of Riverdale “Archie the Musical” in which we discuss the musical and all of its flaws, successes, and questionable plot choices.

We recap Season 7, Episode 13 of Riverdale, The Crucible” in which we discuss Jughead getting dipsy doodled, Cheryl throwing shade at the show itself, the return pf so many guest appearances, the Turtles getting into full measures, Fernefit 541, and a game of Disney, Nickelodeon, or Cartoon Network kid.

We recap Season 7, Episode 12 of Riverdale, “After the Fall” in which we discuss the sister we hate with the crimped hair, a kissy little hand movement, zaddy with a z, being a bro for life in Keyona’s bedroom, an underaged “burleshque” show, the extent of our sports knowledge, and a game of… Rhyme Game!

We recap Season 7, Episode 11 of Riverdale, “Halloween II” in which we discuss putting the ween back in Halloween, getting drip milk straight from the teet, sexualizing Goldilocks, Riverdale’s take on the Great Depression, alphas and sigmas, a bleak burlesque show, and we play a game of Rank the Zaddies.