Lowkey Chaotic

“Just lower your expectations” might be some of the worst advice I've ever received. Because why should the solution to disappointment be to expect less from life and the people around us? In this episode, I'm unpacking why some disappointments barely affect us while others consume us for days. Why we take things personally, how unmet expectations can turn into insecurity and resentment, and why moving on is sometimes so much harder than it sounds. And maybe, just maybe, disappointment isn't always a bad thing.

My summer break got slightly out of hand. So before Lowkey Chaotic officially returns, let’s catch up: losing my job, trying to become a YouTuber, rebuilding the podcast and apparently shocking everyone by revealing that 2hollis is my ideal man.

Before disappearing for summer, I wanted to leave you with one final thought: I think I'm tired of my own narrative.In this episode, we're talking about sobriety, growing pains, outgrowing old versions of ourselves, and why I think I've reached the point where I need fewer revelations and more experiences.Thank you for spending this season with me.See you after summer.

I met someone in LA and immediately found myself doing what so many of us do: trying to prove I was worth getting to know.In this episode, we're talking about validation, attention, self-worth, and why one person's indifference can sometimes outweigh the appreciation of hundreds of others.Because the question isn't why they didn't see us.The question is why we keep letting strangers decide whether we're worth seeing.

a little life update from california.in this episode, i share a realization i've been having about how my first relationship - and the abuse that existed within it - may have shaped my relationship to intimacy in ways i didn't fully understand until now.we also talk about procrastination, routine, perspective shifts, and a few things that have been making more sense lately.

This episode starts with me attending a physiognomy class and somehow ends with me unpacking wanting to feel understood.We talk about the loneliness of being hyper-observant, the difference between attention and recognition, and why so many women feel deeply unseen despite constantly being looked at.

The girl that used to willingly make very self-destructive choices still lives in me. Nowadays the craziest things I do are nothing compared to who I used to be… but she still lives in me.And she came out a little this morning.

I get into:hypervigilance and constantly reading between the linesfeeling like you have to “solve” every interactioninternalized shame and always assuming you’re the problemand how these patterns might come from the environments we grew up inThis episode is about what happens when awareness turns into self-blame and why everything can start to feel personal, even when it’s not.

It’s interesting how loud people get when it comes to correcting misinformation but where is that same energy when the information is actually correct? An episode about how statistics can become a convenient escape and how the focus shifts from the point to the detail.

Apparently I’m pro-cheating now. All because I said that cheating once doesn’t make you a horrible person forever and people did not like that. So let’s unpack it. What even is cheating? Why does it trigger us so deeply? Why do we need it to mean something so clear? And why are we so uncomfortable with the idea that people are more than their worst moment?This isn’t about defending cheating. It’s about understanding people without losing your boundaries.