Haven!

Ever been asked where the birthday candles are—or when your kid last went to the dentist—and realized YOU are the walking, talking family database?In this episode, we unpack the invisible, often unspoken labor of running a household and raising children: the mental load. We define what it actually is: not just doing the chores, but thinking about them, planning them, and carrying the responsibility if they don’t get done. From remembering what jackets the kids need based on the weather to wondering if anyone's had protein today, we shine a light on the constant hum of logistics many parents—especially moms—carry. But instead of just venting, we invited a fresh perspective. Our guest, Nick, is a father who shares how he shows up, takes initiative, and helps shoulder the load in meaningful ways. Together, we explore: Why moms often become the “default parent” What shared responsibility can actually look like in practice Why some dads struggle to take initiative—and how they can learn The unseen mental load men may also carry, from finances to emotional pressure to provide We ask the big questions: Can we talk about the load without resentment? Can we build true partnership? And what are we teaching our kids through our choices? The mental load might not vanish—but it can be seen, shared, and named.  Plus, we read submissions from listeners about their own mental load moments. Let’s get into it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The #1 topic request I’ve received on this podcast has been marriage. So we're bringing back a favorite: my two-part series with none other than the LOML — Aaron Weits, my husband of nearly 12 years, lover for 17, and best friend for 20. I realized I have a lot of new listeners who may not have heard this gem from Season 1 so we're doing something new & special called "Memory Mondays" where I'll pull something out of the archive to repost! Together, Aaron & I officiated multiple weddings and walked couples through pre-marital counseling using a curriculum we developed over several years. In this series, we break down the core topics every couple should talk about — whether you're just starting out or deep into the journey. Part 1: Conflict, Communication & Expectations We get honest about the real stuff: What do you do when you disagree? How do you break the cycle of scorekeeping? What boundaries help you fight fair? Part 2: Money & Sex Yes, we really go there. What's your earliest money memory—and how is it affecting your relationship? Why bartering for sex doesn’t work The “no with an appointment” strategy and the importance of agreed-upon parameters Aaron shares so much wisdom in this series, and our hope is simple: We want you to have great marriages. May these conversations spark something good for you and those you love. 🎧 Revisit the series and share with someone who could use a little (free) marriage counseling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Can marriages even last anymore?” “It’s just a piece of paper.” “Why even get married at all?” These are the questions I hear all the time. And honestly? I get it. In this episode, I’m diving into the real, raw, and often unspoken fears my generation carries about marriage. As a millennial, I’m part of a demographic where only 44% of us are married—compared to 81% of previous generations. Many of us are delaying marriage, pushing back against it, or opting out completely. And I don’t think it’s because we’re selfish or afraid of commitment—I think it’s because we’re scared. We’ve seen it fall apart. We haven’t been given a model. We don’t have a blueprint. But I’m here to tell you: just because we haven’t been taught doesn’t mean we can’t learn. I share my personal story—getting engaged at 20, navigating marriage without a roadmap, facing the pain of my parents’ divorce right as I was stepping into commitment myself, and what it’s looked like to build something lasting with my husband Aaron over the past 12 years. From dry weddings and Disney cruise honeymoons to therapy before engagement, learning to navigate conflict, and remodeling our marriage through life’s biggest changes—this episode is a reflection on what it really means to build a lifelong partnership. Whether you’re married, single, or somewhere in between—this one’s for you. Because maybe, just maybe, the foundation we’ve been longing for is still possible. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything quite as life-changing as having kids. It’s the kind of shift you can’t fully prepare for—yet somehow, we expect ourselves to know exactly what to do. In this episode, Aaron joins me as we talk about what we wish someone had told us before we became parents. From the shock of being sent home with a newborn (and a mom in diapers!) to the way everything shifts every three months, we’re diving into the raw, unexpected realities of parenthood. We’re talking about: 🍼 Why having kids in the 21st century feels like a luxury 🧠 The mental load of parenting and how it affects the way you show up for your kids ⚖️ The duality of loving parenthood while also missing who you were before Plus, listener submissions on what they wish they had known—because honestly, why did no one tell us this before we got pregnant?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are so many things you can’t fully understand about marriage until you’re in it. Like how some seasons will feel 10/90 instead of 50/50. Or how your spouse will do things completely differently than you—and that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Or that even though you live together, you still need date nights outside the house. In this episode, Aaron joins me as we dive into the things we wish someone had told us before we got married. We’re talking about everything from navigating different family dynamics (shoutout to my introverted husband skipping family functions) to realizing that yes, your spouse might give you the ick sometimes—but also, how incredible it is to have someone in your corner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For a long time, marriage counseling was seen as a last-ditch effort—something couples did when they were already on the brink of divorce. While that stigma has lessened, many couples still wait way too long before seeking help—statistically, an average of seven years after problems first begin. In this episode, Aaron and I get real about our own journey with marriage counseling and introduce you to someone who’s been instrumental in our growth: Dr. Jonathan Cude, our longtime marriage counselor. We sit down with Dr. Cude to talk about why he got into counseling, what struggles he sees couples facing most often, and what advice he has for those looking to build a strong foundation in their relationship. We also share the heart behind Pillow Talk, our new e-course designed to help couples navigate conflict and cultivate a thriving marriage. Neither of us had a lot of healthy, long-lasting marriages to look to for guidance, so we wanted to create something that combines our personal experience with expert insight. If counseling feels out of reach or intimidating, Pillow Talk offers another way to access practical tools and wisdom to strengthen your relationship. Join us for this honest and insightful conversation about what it really takes to build a marriage that not only lasts—but is actually fulfilling 20+ years down the road. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, I’m Haven. For as long as I can remember I’ve had thoughts, ideas and questions inside of me that I love to talk about with friends and, usually over a tasty vanilla oat latte, together we pull the thread of those curiosities to explore them in a safe context. But I now have a more demanding job, I’m a mom to two little kids, I still want to have some semblance of a social life and oh yeah nurture my 10+ year marriage.  …I wanted to carve out a space to allow myself to express that again and make it a priority.  So…I did just that.  Haven!, my new podcast, will be a safe space for curiosity. We’ll explore trains of thought to see where they lead us for no other reason than because we want to.  I think we’ll find we are considering or worrying about or contemplating the same things at the same time as other people are too.   I don’t claim to have the answers and we probably won’t find solutions. But I really do believe the questions are actually where the power is. I’m here to be curious. And to talk about it. I hope you’ll join me.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Season 3!!!!! This new season is all about relationships. I took a poll a few months ago asking why you're listening to this podcast and the topics that rose to the top were marriage, parenting, & friendships. So with as our first topic... let’s get into some conflict. What’s your favorite fight you’ve ever had? How do you win an argument? What happens in your body during an argument? And the real question—what’s the best part of a fight? In this episode, my husband Aaron and I dive deep into the messy, unavoidable reality of conflict in marriage. No matter how much you try to choose your words carefully, fights will happen—so the real skill is in how you handle them. Our longtime marriage counselor, Dr. Jonathan Cude, once told us that both divorcing couples and healthy couples fight the same amount. The difference? What they say in those heated moments. You can’t control your partner’s words, but you can control how you respond. So what do you do when you feel criticized? How do you break out of the criticism / defensiveness cycle before it wrecks your connection? Join us as we share what we’ve learned, how our fights have evolved, and why conflict doesn’t have to be a relationship killer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do after you crash & burn from burnout?  I was talking with a girlfriend the other morning over coffee and we realized it’s not “have you experienced burnout” it’s “what did it look like?” When I look back at the time I've run into that issue I can point back to being either hurt, depleted of energy, giving more than I really had to give OR I’m giving something my all and things don’t seem to be successful and I become apathetic, jaded, exhausted... So it’s not only a question of "how did I get here?" It’s also a question of "how do I get out of it? And how can I avoid this again in the future?" My guest for this episode was the author of a book that spurred on these questions for me as I read it alongside my mom book club recently. Debra Fileta wrote “Soul Care” and it’s about finding life-giving rhythms, live restored, avoiding burnout and discovering unspeakable joy.  Some of my favorite quotes from the book... “Burnout is the body’s way of crying out for us to pay attention. It’s the SOS signal from our nervous system telling us to stop and care for ourselves. But rather than see the signs of burnout as a signal to stop and fill up, so many people do the exact opposite - they try to push through” “Whether we’re self-absorbed or self-neglecting, we will end up becoming the center of our own worlds.” “When you’re drained, empty and depleted what do you run to? Most often our method is the thing we do as quickly as possible with whatever is available around us...But let me assure you that is the exact opposite of soul care, because soul care is intentional and thought out”  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How Accurate Is A Mother’s Intuition? A mother's intuition is a deep, often instinctual sense of knowing that many mothers feel when it comes to their children. It can be hard to explain or measure, but it's widely acknowledged by many moms as a guiding force in decision-making, nurturing, and protecting their kids.  Most of us parents can recall a moment when we had a strong gut feeling about our child - how can we dive deeper into that and harness it? I bring in a fellow podcaster Kanika Chadda Gupta (who inspired the title episode of this episode as she is the host of the show “That’s Total Mom Sense”) and we chat a bit more about the questions that come up as we are learning to wield this unique power.  How do you balance listening to your intuition with external advice or guidance from others (doctors, friends, family)? But, also I really am trying to parse through how do you differentiate between intuition and anxiety or fear or some type of triggering from your own wounding?  We each share some of our own experiences with this and then stay tuned as we finish our convo as there is some special added bonus content at the end! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices