The Healing Trauma Podcast

In this replay episode host Monique Koven speaks with self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff about applying self-compassion to complex and developmental trauma. Neff explains how tender care and fierce boundary-setting work together, shares practical grounding and self-compassion exercises, and discusses why painful reactions during practice can be normal.Resources mentioned Self-Compassion — Kristin Neff’s book https://link.amazon/B0dnu4r2aFierce Self-Compassion — Kristin Neff’s book https://link.amazon/B04aiCdBaMindful Self-Compassion — the program Kristin Neff co-developed with Chris Germer https://link.amazon/B04ilXsbtCenter for Mindful Self-Compassionselfcompassion.orgwww.thehealingtraumapodcast.com Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this rerelease conversation, returning guest therapist & author Deb Dana answers your questions. Deb delves into the Polyvagal Theory, explaining its significance in understanding the autonomic nervous system and its impact on our daily experiences. She discusses the hierarchy of the nervous system, the importance of co-regulation, and the process of befriending one's nervous system. The conversation also addresses the challenges of building capacity in a reactive system, practicing regulating tools, and navigating anxiety. She also emphasizes the need for safe connections and the role of attachment and boundaries in our relationships, providing insights into how to reshape our nervous systems for better emotional health.takeawaysPolyvagal Theory helps us understand our autonomic nervous system.The autonomic nervous system has a hierarchy of responses.Ventral state is where we experience wellbeing.Co-regulation is essential for survival and thriving.Befriending your nervous system is a process of gathering information.Building capacity in a reactive system takes time and patience.Practicing regulating tools is crucial for emotional health.Listening to your nervous system is key to understanding your needs.Safe connections are vital for healing and growth.Attachment styles influence our relationships and boundaries.Deb Dana's Books & Resources:Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory https://amzn.to/3GSm8LjPolyvagal Practices: Anchoring the Self in Safety https://amzn.to/4515qBjThe Nervous System Workbook: Practical Exercises to Ease Anxiety, Find Safety, and Come Home to Yourself Using Polyvagal Theory https://amzn.to/4mdNzOwPolyvagal Card Deck: 58 Practices for Calm and Change https://amzn.to/3TZkw5mPolyvagal Exercises for Therapists and Clients: 50 Client-Centered Practices https://amzn.to/4lYl4ochttps://www.rhythmofregulation.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay episode, Monique speaks with therapist and author Jenna Riemersma about Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and a compassionate way to work with the wounded parts of ourselves. Jenna explains why healing often starts by moving toward what we usually want to avoid, and how that shift can reduce shame, increase self-understanding, and create real internal change.They also discuss the difference between burdened parts and core self, how protective “wall” parts operate, and why healthy boundaries come from self rather than reactivity. Jenna shares a simple three-step practice called move toward: notice, know, and need.Jenna explains how IFS views people as fundamentally good, with a core self that remains intact even after traumaThe conversation centers on the idea that parts of us are not bad, but burdened by traumatic experiences and stuck in protective rolesMonique and Jenna discuss how shame, rage, numbness, addiction, and dissociation can all be understood as parts trying to helpJenna uses the sun and clouds metaphor to explain why core self can feel inaccessible when protective parts take overA practical framework is introduced: move toward, which includes three steps - notice, know, and needJenna gives a personal example involving canceled plans and how an abandoned, rejected part was triggered by present-day stressThe episode explores why even one step of compassionate noticing can be deeply transformativeMonique asks about wall parts, and Jenna explains how protective shutdown can feel like boundaries but usually functions as isolationHealthy boundaries are framed as something that can only come from core self, not from angry, fearful, or manipulative partsJenna explains why “what’s in the way is the way” and how every part can become a doorway to healingJenna's books:Altogether You: Experiencing personal and spiritual transformation with Internal Family Systems therapy https://amzn.to/4y7KLsvMove Toward: A Simplified IFS Therapy Tool to Welcome All Parts of You https://amzn.to/45yy9OQ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this mini episode, host Monique Koven explores the profound impact of attachment trauma, especially from caregivers who are frightening or unreliable. She discusses how these early experiences shape our nervous system, influence our relationships, and how understanding these patterns can foster self-compassion and healing. Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

All New Episode With Dr. Lindsay GibsonYou Can Be The Mother You Needed : In this brand new episode, Dr. Lindsay Gibson shares her groundbreaking approach to parenting, emphasizing the importance of understanding emotional maturity in children and how to foster it. Monique and Lindsay explore the dynamics of emotional immaturity, how past traumas affect parenting styles, and practical mindsets that nurture resilient, emotionally aware kids.About our guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of a number of books, including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child.What you'll discover in this conversation:The core differences between emotionally mature and immature parentschildhood trauma and early attachment influence parentingThe concept of emotional needs: contact, soothing, proximityThe significance of seeing children as real inside with their own inner worldsThe importance of protective parenting and setting a safe emotional foundationThe seven mindsets that underpin emotionally intelligent parentingStrategies to help children develop internal representations of their worldHow to respond to children's behavior as a form of communicationThe role of empathy and sensitivity in emotional developmentPractical ways to show children they are understood, safe, and valuedOrder Lindsay Gibson's new book "How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child ;https://amzn.to/3SBLySEWatch The Full Episode https://youtu.be/c0iuE9szrJA?si=F8uuxa5B6lw-RdRL Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, my guest renowned trauma expert Dr. Janina Fisher discusses her model TIST (Trauma Informed Stabilization Treatment) and the concept of the living legacy of trauma, emphasizing how trauma's effects persist in the body and mind beyond past events. She explores dissociation, fragmentation, and practical approaches to healing trauma by addressing these living legacies.Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-AlienationJanina's BooksHealing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation https://amzn.to/4uyDtMyTransforming The Living Legacy of Trauma: A Workbook for Survivors and Therapists https://amzn.to/4dbcHCCEmbracing Our Fragmented Selves: A Workbook for Trauma Survivors and Therapists https://amzn.to/4cWI4Cihttps://janinafisher.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay interview, trauma expert Kathy Steele explores the complex world of dissociation, trauma, and mental health. She discusses different types of dissociation, the development of self, and practical strategies for healing and integration.Books:Treating Trauma-Related Dissociation: A Practical, Integrative Approach (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) https://amzn.to/4f0KPUACoping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) https://amzn.to/49JG7XC Trauma-Related Dissociation Two-Book Set https://amzn.to/4tSvCsq Kathy's website: https://www.kathy-steele.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay episode, Dr. Lindsay Gibson is back just in time for Mother's Day.About our Guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of the Emotional Immaturity series of books, including her bestseller Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.In this conversation, Monique and Lindsay discuss the complexities of navigating Mother's Day emotions, particularly for those with emotionally immature parents. They explore the conflicting feelings of grief and obligation, the importance of self-validation, and practical tips for managing relationships during this challenging time. The discussion emphasizes the need for self-care and reconnecting with one's true self to foster personal growth and healing.TakeawaysMother's Day can evoke mixed emotions, including grief and obligation.It's important to honour your own feelings during this holiday.Emotional immaturity in parents can complicate relationships.Self-validation is crucial for emotional well-being.Finding a balance between honouring a parent and honouring oneself is key.It's okay to choose how to engage with emotionally immature parents.Reconnecting with oneself is essential for personal growth.Practicing self-care can help manage emotional turmoil.Taking a pause to reflect on feelings can lead to better self-understanding.Find Lindsay's books here:Adult children of Emotionally Immature Parentshttps://amzn.to/4kpLu1lRecovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy https://amzn.to/42YKdHgSelf-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidencehttps://amzn.to/3RTG6XXDisentangling from Emotionally Immature People: Avoid Emotional Traps, Stand Up for Your Self, and Transform Your Relationships as an Adult Child of Emotionally Immature Parentshttps://amzn.to/44qhHRoConnect with Monique on IG https://www.instagram.com/thehealingtraumapodcast/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, host Monique Koven is chatting with trauma therapist and author Michelle Mays. They discuss the concept of betrayal trauma, its connection to attachment theory, and how childhood trauma influences adult relationships. Michelle explains the importance of understanding betrayal trauma as a relational issue and outlines the three trauma traps that betrayed partners often face: fear of loss, shame, and powerlessness. She also introduces her six phases of healing, emphasizing that healing is a complex, non-linear process that requires individuals to confront their fears and engage in deep emotional work.Michelle's Books & Resources:The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worsthttps://amzn.to/3Z6P8VeThe Aftermath of Betrayal https://amzn.to/4qOveKRWhen It All Breaks Bad: 10 Things To Do (And Not Do) After Betrayal https://amzn.to/3ZDwBQi Michelle's Website: https://michellemays.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, therapist and author Elizabeth Earnshaw discusses the challenges faced by trauma survivors in relationships, particularly the need for understanding and effective communication with partners. She emphasizes the importance of empathy, active listening, and creating a safe space for sharing experiences. She also provides strategies for expressing needs to partners and navigating situations where partners may struggle to understand or respond appropriately. The conversation highlights the significance of persistence in communication and the potential for healing through supportive relationships.takeawaysMany trauma survivors feel isolated and misunderstood by their partners.It's essential for partners to listen and hold space for trauma survivors.Survivors need to clarify what understanding looks like for them.Empathy and compassion are crucial in supporting a loved one with trauma.Effective communication requires choosing the right time and approach.Expressing positive needs can reduce defensiveness in conversations.Partners should be responsive and curious about their loved one's experiences.It's important to gauge a partner's ability to listen and support.Persistence in communication can help partners improve their understanding.Safe relationships allow for ongoing discussions about needs and feelings.Liz's book:Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our Relationshipshttps://amzn.to/4bvmjY3Website:https://elizabethearnshaw.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy