Tenderoni Hotline #8: From Self-Abandonment to Self-Love: Ending Emotional Outsourcing with Mary Jelkovsky

Tenderoni Hotline #11: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself. In today’s episode, we’re diving into three listener questions that so many of us face, especially during the holiday season when old patterns and roles come rushing back. First, why do I feel so guilty every time I say no during the holidays? We’ll explore why guilt isn’t always what it seems, and how your nervous system might be misreading safety and danger based on old programming. You'll learn how to recognize when guilt is actually fear and how to respond with compassion and clarity. Next, we unpack why you overexplain your decisions to family and others. If every boundary you set comes with footnotes, this segment is for you. You’ll learn how childhood experiences can lead to this habit and how to start saying less, not more, without shame or shutdown. Finally, we answer: how can I protect my energy during the holidays without avoiding everyone? I’ll guide you through somatic tools and practical strategies to help you stay grounded, present, and connected to yourself and to what really matters. You’ll walk away with insight, support, and simple nervous-system-centered practices you can use right away. So grab your coziest blanket, pour a warm drink, and come settle into the tenderness with me. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Order your copy of End Emotional Outsouring here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/Apply to my group coaching program, Anchored: Overcoming Codependency: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Episode 85 - Guilt Guilt Guilt: beatrizalbina.com/85Mentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

#356: Does the thought of holiday gatherings make your chest tighten? Maybe you're the one who always accidentally says the wrong thing. Or maybe you're the one fielding invasive questions about your relationship status, body, or life choices for the 473rd time. Either way, you're not alone. In this episode, I'm addressing something that happens at every family gathering: those seemingly innocent questions that assume everyone wants the same milestones, and that life happens in some neat and tidy order. Questions about marriage, kids, weight, work, and why you're still single - they often land like judgment even when they come from a loving place. Tune in this week as I lay out the worst holiday table questions (and what to ask instead), and exact scripts for responding to invasive questions without starting a gravy boat war. You’ll also learn how to stay grounded when someone crosses your boundaries, and five connection-building questions that actually bring people closer. 12 Days to End Emotional Outsourcing is my free, live daily program that I’m teaching from December 15th, 2025, to the 26th. This is where you’ll learn how to help your nervous system stop scanning everyone else so you can start hearing you again. Save your spot here: https://beatrizalbina.com/twelve/ Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/356 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #10: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and coming home to yourself. In today’s episode, we’re doing something a little different and a lot of fun. I’m joined by my dear friend and fellow coach Sara Fisk for a warm, thoughtful, and deeply validating conversation about people pleasing, fawning, and how to find your voice again after a lifetime of being trained to shrink. Together, we unpack what it really means to be a “good girl,” how people pleasing shows up as both a social strategy and a nervous system response, and why so many of us freeze or default to yes even when we mean no. Sara also shares a powerful communication tool that helps you speak with more clarity and confidence without swinging into harshness or abandoning yourself in the process. This episode is filled with laughter, real talk, and body-based insight you can start using right away. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “Why didn’t I say what I really meant?” this one is for you. So get cozy, pour yourself a little something soothing, and come laugh, learn, and heal with us. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Order your copy of End Emotional Outsouring here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Learn more about Sara Fisk: https://www.sarafisk.coach/ Mentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

#355: We need to talk about burnout - and not just the kind that comes from working too many hours or answering emails at 10 p.m. This week, I'm addressing that bone-deep exhaustion that's become the background noise of so many of our lives, where your body feels like it's moving through wet cement and everything feels like way too much. I'm talking about the burnout that happens even on maternity leave, even in retirement, even while doing things you genuinely love. This isn't a work problem that a vacation can fix. It's about the chronic, relentless abandonment of yourself in the name of keeping everyone else comfortable. Tune in this week to discover how emotional outsourcing keeps us trapped in the burnout cycle. You'll learn why your nervous system reads disappointing others as life or death, and most importantly, you'll get a practical remedy for starting to source safety internally and becoming your own North Star once more. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/355 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #9: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself. In today’s episode, we’re exploring two questions that are as vulnerable as they are common, and I know so many of you will see yourselves in them. First, why do I apologize for everything? From “Sorry to bother you” to “Sorry I exist,” we unpack the deep conditioning, especially for those socialized as women, that teaches us to shrink, submit, and soothe. You’ll learn why your nervous system uses over-apologizing as a protection strategy and how to gently shift into honoring your presence, your voice, and your needs without guilt. Then we move into a question about body twitches, spasms, and random shudders that seem to come out of nowhere. If your body moves without your consent and you’re wondering what’s going on, this one is for you. We’ll explore how these movements can be stress-related, why your body might be trying to discharge stored tension, and how to support your system with simple, effective somatic tools. You’ll walk away with insight, relief, and real strategies for honoring your body, your boundaries, and your healing. So pour a cozy cup, get comfy, and let’s drop into the tenderness together. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Order your copy of End Emotional Outsouring here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

#354: You know that feeling when your mom rearranges the table you just set, or your uncle makes that comment about your career, and suddenly you're spiraling?  That's the first arrow - the hurt. The second arrow is all the stories your mind creates about how “she always does this” or “nothing I do is right.” But there's a third arrow that I haven't found anyone really talking about, and it's the most damaging one. Join me this week to discover how to recognize the third arrow when it shows up. You'll learn specific remedies you can use right now when that shame spiral starts, including how to name it, change your nervous system state before trying to change your thoughts, and talk to yourself like someone you love. Because once you see the third arrow, you can't unsee it. And that awareness gives you a choice you didn't have before. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/354 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #8: This week on Feminist Wellness, I’m joined by the wise and wonderful Mary Jelkovsky, author, podcast host, and founder of Mary’s Cup of Tea, for a deep and playful conversation on healing emotional outsourcing, letting go of perfectionism, and reclaiming your self-worth. We explore how so many of us were conditioned to earn love by being agreeable, productive, or self-sacrificing, especially those of us who are eldest daughters, children of immigrants, or socialized as women in patriarchal systems. Together, we unpack the invisible pressure to be “good” and how it robs us of self-trust, the link between people-pleasing and nervous system dysregulation, and the cultural and generational stories that shape codependency and first-gen expectations. We talk about how to stop managing other people’s feelings and come back to your own, how projection shows up in relationships, and the power of presence work in interrupting old survival patterns.  You’ll laugh, reflect, and walk away with new insights into how emotional outsourcing shows up in your life and what it truly means to begin choosing you. Order your copy of End Emotional Outsouring here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Check out Mary’s podcast: Mary’s Cup of Tea: www.maryscupoftea.com Mentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

#353: My love, it’s that time of year again. The holidays are coming, and so are the family dynamics that can send your nervous system into overdrive. If you find that walking into your family home instantly turns you into your teenage self, you’re not alone… and you're not imagining it. Your nervous system is time-traveling. The smell of gravy, the sound of that one family laugh, your dad's aftershave - these sensory cues can fling your nervous system back to being thirteen before your brain even registers what's happening. Join me this week as I walk you through those real holiday moments that tend to light up an emotional outsourcing nervous system. You’ll learn my favorite pre-holiday prep tools that will help you stay grounded and teach your body what choice feels like in an environment where you never had any, one sensory detail at a time. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/353 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #7: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of The Feminist Wellness Podcast, where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and reclaiming your self-trust. In today’s episode, we’re diving into two deeply relatable questions that so many of us carry quietly. First, what’s really going on when you can’t stop thinking about your ex and keep reaching for “closure,” even though you know they won’t give you what you need? We’ll explore why this craving is less about them and more about your nervous system’s longing for completion, and how to create that sense of closure from within. Then we turn toward the ache of constantly seeking reassurance, even in a loving, safe relationship. If you find yourself asking “Are we okay?” again and again, this part is for you. We’ll unpack the roots of that pattern and talk about how to gently retrain your nervous system to trust safety, love, and steadiness without outsourcing your emotional security. You’ll walk away with nervous system-informed tools, a whole lot of compassion, and a deeper understanding of why your brain and body respond the way they do. Because you’re not broken. You’re healing. So settle in, grab your cozy beverage of choice, and let’s get into it. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Order your copy of End Emotional Outsouring here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

#352: Ever catch yourself saying "yes" to something while your soul is screaming "absolutely not”? Maybe it's baking three dozen cupcakes for the office party when you're already running on fumes. Or RSVPing to an event that makes your spirit shrivel like a forgotten grape. Here's what might surprise you: these exhausting habits that I’ve coined emotional outsourcing aren’t character flaws. They're actually proof of your brilliance. Join me this week to learn how emotional outsourcing in action isn’t proof that you’re fundamentally broken, but rather survival skills that worked their adorable little hearts out for us and that need to be celebrated. You’ll learn what happens when we genuinely appreciate our survival strategies, and the difference between shame-based and love-based change.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/352 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Buy Your Copy of End Emotional Outsourcing Today!Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale