Breaking the Boy Code

“We carry guilt and regret on the calm blue waters. We carry the carnage of our home. We carry the dreams of our ancestors on our young backs.” — 14-year-old YoelI heard back in one of our first recording sessions that the boys who participated in season four of Breaking the Boy Code had written spoken word poems as part of a school assignment—poems where they reflected on their identities and experiences with racism and expectation and past, present, future. There was a lot of pride in their voices, so I said we’d come back the next week and record their poems so that the world could hear them speak from the heart.First you’ll hear from Betsaleel, then Siddig, then Yoel and lastly Aksayan. CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

You have to imagine us in the school library one last time—wearing masks and sitting six feet apart, having persevered through multiple delays from school closures and the unpredictability of the pandemic—the boys giving their hearts and speaking their truth, joking with each other, learning from each other, and volunteering to imprint part of their adolescence online in a podcast.As we wrap up season four of Breaking the Boy Code, Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel finish their adapted Skills Assessment worksheets from The Umbrella Project and examine what they’ve learned about themselves and each other. They explore their kindergarten memories, how they manage emotions like anger and sadness, and the impact of self-efficacy and masculinity on their lives.From heartwarming tributes to practical mindfulness tips, this conversation covers the joys, challenges, and cultural significance unique to their individual identities.And as we sit alongside them, Adrian and I once again witness the enduring resilience of young Black and South Asian boys.SOURCESThe Umbrella Project, Prepare Your Students for the Rain Of Life → CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

Before this session, my friend and past colleague Adrian and I played around with the Skills Assessment tool developed by The Umbrella Project—ultimately adding two categories called ‘resistance’ and ‘culture’ to discuss with our group of seventh- and eighth-grade boys of colour.In this episode, we unpack some of the complexities boys face in cultural communities and staying authentic. Siddig stresses the importance of self-compassion and being true to oneself, and Adrian shares candid thoughts on the difficulties of expressing emotions and the vital role of support systems.We explore the significance of community in overcoming daily challenges and systemic barriers, debate kindness versus respect, and discuss adopting a growth mindset for personal development.SOURCESThe Umbrella Project, Prepare Your Students for the Rain Of Life → CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

This week on Breaking the Boy Code, we continue our discussion on the power of representation in the media and on screen. Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel explore the impact of seeing themselves in characters like Miles Morales, Naruto, and Will Smith's iconic Fresh Prince. From the startlingly low percentage of BIPOC characters in children’s books to the increase in lead roles of color in films, it’s evident that while progress is being made, there’s still a long way to go.The takeaway? Representation matters. It fuels dreams, builds confidence, and shows young people the heights they can achieve.SOURCESSpider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, What’s Up Danger →The Opportunity Agenda, Media Portrayals and Black Male Outcomes → CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

Whether it’s TikTok or Fortnite or the MCU, you can’t talk with preteen boys without talking about media. This week with Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel, we discuss the damaging stereotypes in media, the need for more authentic stories, and the powerful impact of seeing oneself reflected on screen and in the media.The boys share firsthand accounts of how these representations affect their lives and their desires for the future. We also touch on some heartfelt personal stories, illuminating why visibility and accurate portrayal in the media are more important than ever.SOURCESSpider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, What’s Up Danger →The Opportunity Agenda, Media Portrayals and Black Male Outcomes → CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

With that in mind, we discuss the dynamics of trust within family and friendships, the impact of racial stereotypes, and the emotional masks boys wear to navigate societal expectations. Through exercises and reflections, we unpack what it means to choose what to show the world and what to keep hidden.From Betsa’s struggle with being misjudged at school to Siddiq’s battle with exclusion and stereotypes, their stories shed light on the resilience required to stay true to oneself despite societal pressures.SOURCESAshanti Branch, The Masks We All Wear → CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

This week on Breaking the Boy Code, we explore the intersection of boyhood and race. Seventh- and eighth-graders, Yoel, Betsa, Aksayan, Kamari and Siddig, share heartfelt stories of navigating cultural identity, racial stereotypes, and societal expectations for boys.We candidly discuss tough topics, including being watched and judged, while also celebrating the rich heritage and customs that shape who these young men are. The episode wraps up with empowering messages on staying curious, proving doubters wrong, and a call to action for positive masculinity. Join us on this inspiring journey to understand and embrace our diverse identities.SOURCESSentell Harper, Alternative Names for Black Boys →Christina Caron, Why Are More Black Kids Suicidal? A Search for Answers. →Carl James, We Rise Together → CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

Season four of Breaking the Boy Code is a collaborative project with a group of five students at a nearby middle school. Together with my friend and past colleague Adrian, we engage the boys—seventh-graders Betsa and Siddig, who identify as Congolese and Sudanese; and eighth-graders Aksayan, Yoel and Kamari, who are Sri Lankan, Eritrean, and Jamaican part Indigenous—in a series of discussions on the intersection of masculinity and race.This week, the boys talk about gender norms and how they impact boys who look like them. They unpack the difference between the ‘boy code’ and the ‘bro code’ and what they mean for boys’ friendships—highlighting both the positive aspects, such as bringing friends closer and providing emotional support, and the negative aspects, like ego issues or not having each other's backs in tough situations.From restrictions on clothing choices to societal norms limiting emotional expression, the boys share personal stories and start exploring what it feels like to challenge these stereotypes. CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

In the midst of everything that was going on, Louis ended up switching to a new school. That meant leaving behind his friendships, but it also offered an opportunity to set aside who had been in the past and try out a version of himself closer to the kind of young man he wanted to become. This is friendship, violence, shame and vulnerability—but more than anything else, Louis’ story is a story of transformation.At a new school and among a new group of peers, Louis noticed a boy in his class who was being targeted and harassed for not fitting in. He risked his social status with his peers—and went behind the teacher’s back—to be the ally that his classmate desperately needed.He still gets called a fag sometimes. But in the journey of discovering true friendship, aligning with his values and standing up for others, he developed social skills, toughness and an unparalleled clarity of purpose. This is the kind of young man our world needs. His story is the roadmap to get there. CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

As his friends got out on probation and their victim started to recover, Louis was left to wrestle with immense and challenging feelings about what was going on. He felt guilty that he had hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. He was afraid of losing a group of friends that had meant a lot to him. He felt helpless to stop them from perpetrating further violence.He wanted to be better but he didn’t know how.As he started seeking forgiveness and building a relationship with Matthew, he had to go through the challenge of forging a new friendship, and he had to figure out if it was still possible to hang out with guys whom he no longer trusted. Perhaps most importantly, he had to face himself. Listen to Louis unpack those feelings with me, and share from the heart about his uncertain experience of not being defined by his past, and instead being committed to his future. CONNECTBreaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn