Breaking the Boy Code

In the midst of everything that was going on, Louis ended up switching to a new school. That meant leaving behind his friendships, but it also offered an opportunity to set aside who had been in the past and try out a version of himself closer to the kind of young man he wanted to become. This is friendship, violence, shame and vulnerability—but more than anything else, Louis’ story is a story of transformation.At a new school and among a new group of peers, Louis noticed a boy in his class who was being targeted and harassed for not fitting in. He risked his social status with his peers—and went behind the teacher’s back—to be the ally that his classmate desperately needed.He still gets called a fag sometimes. But in the journey of discovering true friendship, aligning with his values and standing up for others, he developed social skills, toughness and an unparalleled clarity of purpose. This is the kind of young man our world needs. His story is the roadmap to get there.LinksPart of the Next Gen Men Podcast Network. Support this podcast by becoming a Next Gen Menber. Reach out at [email protected]. Follow @boypodcast on Twitter and Instagram for podcast-related updates and masculinity-related news.

As his friends got out on probation and their victim started to recover, Louis was left to wrestle with immense and challenging feelings about what was going on. He felt guilty that he had hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. He was afraid of losing a group of friends that had meant a lot to him. He felt helpless to stop them from perpetrating further violence.He wanted to be better but he didn’t know how.As he started seeking forgiveness and building a relationship with Matthew, he had to go through the challenge of forging a new friendship, and he had to figure out if it was still possible to hang out with guys whom he no longer trusted. Perhaps most importantly, he had to face himself. Listen to Louis unpack those feelings with me, and share from the heart about his uncertain experience of not being defined by his past, and instead being committed to his future.LinksPart of the Next Gen Men Podcast Network. Support this podcast by becoming a Next Gen Menber. Reach out at [email protected]. Follow @boypodcast on Twitter and Instagram for podcast-related updates and masculinity-related news.

As Louis spent more time with his new group of friends, he started going along with them as they verbally harassed another classmate, Matthew. He figured it was no big deal, but things started to escalate when Matthew decided to tell their teacher what was going on. Louis’ friend group didn’t like getting snitched on, so they got into a fight with Matthew after school.Matthew told on them again. Louis and his friends decided there was hell to pay, and assaulted him so badly he went to the hospital with four broken ribs and had to be monitored for lung damage. This time, Matthew pressed charges.Sit with Louis as he wrestles with the feelings that started weighing on him in the weeks that followed—the guilt and shame of hurting another person, the betrayal of getting laughed at by his friends when he told them to stop, and his growing determination to make a change.LinksPart of the Next Gen Men Podcast Network. Support this podcast by becoming a Next Gen Menber. Reach out at [email protected]. Follow @boypodcast on Twitter and Instagram for podcast-related updates and masculinity-related news.

Louis’ first day at the new school was a grey day in December. He had to get forced out of the car, he got lost in the big, old and crowded building; and he hated the too-cheery holiday decorations. After a couple of days, he started bringing a paperback with him and pretended to read it at lunch in order to avoid the awkwardness of the unfamiliar place and new group of peers.But during gym class on day, a boy named Jackson sat down beside him. Jackson struck up a conversation with him, and before Louis knew it, he had been invited over to hang out with Jackson’s friends after school. Listen to Louis revisit his feelings from that time, reminisce about after-school skateboard sessions and prank calls, and ultimately lay out how much this group of friends really meant to him.LinksPart of the Next Gen Men Podcast Network. Support this podcast by becoming a Next Gen Menber. Reach out at [email protected]. Follow @boypodcast on Twitter and Instagram for podcast-related updates and masculinity-related news.

I first met 11-year-old Louis because he was bullying another boy. Badly. To an extent that included going to the hospital and going to juvenile detention.Over the span of 2021, Louis embarked on one of the bravest journeys I’ve seen a kid his age undertake. He built his empathy for the other boy, he faced his guilt for the hurt he had caused, he switched friend groups and committed to standing up for those who were vulnerable instead of targeting them.So when he told me he wanted to be part of the podcast, I knew he had something to say.Coming soon wherever you listen to podcasts.LinksPart of the Next Gen Men Podcast Network. Support this podcast by becoming a Next Gen Menber. Reach out at [email protected]. Follow @boypodcast on Twitter and Instagram for podcast-related updates and masculinity-related news.

One of my earliest memories with Joseph is hanging out with him at a park when he was around 10 years old. He spent most of his time climbing trees with his friends. Since then, climbing has become a steady passion for him—it’s his primary sport, his job, one of his favourite things to do and one of his biggest aspirations in life.We’ve spent countless hours underneath bouldering walls and pull-up bars. I’ve worked out with him, listened to him blast Apashe, and watched him grow into a remarkable young athlete. I asked him to join for a podcast episode so we could capture this moment in his life.Then I connected with an Olympic medalist named Jason Rogers. This is what we created.FURTHER READINGJason Rogers writes The Mandate Letter, a patient and meaningful exploration of the world of masculinity that features in-depth research and thought-provoking interviews on relevant topics. SOURCESWilliam Pollack, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood →Michael Thompson, Speaking of Boys: Answers to the Most-Asked Questions About Raising Boys →David Cohen, No Boy Left Behind? →Rachel Giese, Boys: What it Means to Become a Man →LINKSIf you thought this episode was worthwhile, support it through Next Gen Men.Email [email protected] to get in touch. Connect with @boypodcast on all mainstream social media. Follow the publication on Medium for more writing and the blog on Tumblr for more masculinity research and occasional podcast-related updates.Part of Next Gen Men Podcast Studio.

I’ve known Jack for several years. We’ve been in touch throughout the pandemic, from the initial school closures and cancellation of his summer camp to the uncertainty of a new school year and ongoing boredom of life without the social closeness and sports teams that he expected to experience in high school.Jack’s story of two-hour online classes and tentative new friends, frustration with masks and enjoyment on Minecraft isn’t representative of every young person this year, but his search for engaging learning experiences and meaningful connections with peers is an important snapshot of adolescence in the pandemic.For those of us who know boys, we’ve got work to do.Continue reading on MediumFURTHER READINGJon’s book My Bad: 24 Educators Who Messed Up, Fessed Up & Grew delves into the importance of vulnerability for educators, and how we can grow my acknowledging our mistakes for ourselves, our colleagues and our students. Michael and Richard Hawley’s research was published in a must-have resource for teachers that work with boys: Reaching Boys, Teaching Boys: Strategies That Work—and Why.You can find out more about the online youth programming I’m doing with Next Gen Men, check out NGM Boys Club, and learn from us through our online course Raising Next Gen Men.SOURCESMichael Reichert and Richard Hawley, Reaching Boys, Teaching Boys: Strategies That Work—and Why →Michael Reichert, How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men →Carola Suárez-Orozco and Desirée Baolian Qin-Hilliard, Immigrant Boys’ Experiences in U.S. Schools →LINKSIf you thought this episode was worthwhile, support it through Next Gen Men.Email [email protected] to get in touch. Connect with @boypodcast on all mainstream social media. Follow the publication on Medium for more writing and the blog on Tumblr for more masculinity research and occasional podcast-related updates.Part of Next Gen Men Podcast Studio.

I often talk about suicide like it’s a statistic—the fact that it was the leading cause of death for teenage boys in Canada in 2018, for example; that rates of suicide attempts among trans youth are as high as 78%; that 70% of mental heatlh problems begin in childhood or adolescence.  Suicide is more than numbers. It’s a difficult and ongoing thing that I face in my conversations with young people, and it’s personal. I wanted to write something for World Suicide Prevention Day, but it was hard. This whole thing is hard.In the end, that’s what made me decide to record this. It’s messy. It has broken edges and a slam poem that I wrote in a single night five years ago. But it’s my effort at saying something worth saying.If you are in crisis, Kids Help Phone is accessible and anonymous 24/7 at 1-800-668-6868, text CONNECT to 686868 or live chat at kidshelpphone.ca. 911 for emergencies.LINKSIf you thought this piece was worthwhile, support it on Patreon .Email [email protected] to get in touch. Connect with @boypodcast on all mainstream social media. Follow the publication on Medium for more writing and the blog on Tumblr for more masculinity research and occasional podcast-related updates.Supported by Next Gen Men .

Several months ago, Evan invited me to see his middle school musical. The night of the show, I rode my bike across town and found a seat next to his dad, who was watching for the second time. The audience filled up, and the lights went down.It ended up being a remarkably good show, but one of the most memorable moments for me took place right away in the opening number. Evan was unmistakeable in the front row, eyes darkened with makeup and shining at the audience. His voice carried through the ensemble. His body committed entirely to the scene. He was captivating. That was the moment I wondered if he had a story to be told.Continue reading on MediumFURTHER READINGYou can read about the Dream Crazier ad campaign that Evan talked about on Nike News, and watch the video itself on Vimeo.SOURCESNiobe Way, Intimacy, Desire, and Distrust in the Friendships of Adolescent Boys →Clementine Ford, Boys Will Be Boys →Michael Chabon, My Son, The Prince of Fashion →LINKSIf you thought this episode was worthwhile, support it on Patreon.Email [email protected] to get in touch. Connect with @boypodcast on all mainstream social media. Follow the publication on Medium for more writing and the blog on Tumblr for more masculinity research and occasional podcast-related updates.Supported by Next Gen Men.

Logan moved to Florida at the end of the summer. I’ll never know entirely what he left behind in California. I know that he had half a dozen friends on his street and the next, that on early mornings he would go to one of their houses for breakfast before bicycling together to school. I know that his grade at school held a lot of trust between themselves and cried at their graduation ceremony. I know that they were almost always together.The new school isn’t the same. It’s a private school built for achievement, serving a highly ambitious student population and no single school district. It’s meant a lot of changes for Logan, with one of the most significant being the depth of his relationships with his peers.Over the months, he’s also noticed changes within himself. While he still identifies the same strengths in himself that I do—his capacity for connection, his thoughtfulness and selflessness—he sees himself reflecting the attitudes and priorities of the people around him. “I don’t know if it’s just high school or being in a new place, or new people or whatever it is, but I feel like I’m changing,” he told me. “Like, I can notice myself…my personality is different from when I left.”Continue reading on MediumFurther ReadingMichael’s most recent book is How to Raise a Boy. He also co-wrote two books on boys and relational learning with his research partner, Richard Hawley, which you can find on his website. They also published the initial findings of their research in a report for the International Boys’ School Coalition called Teaching Boys: A Global Study of Effective Practices.SourcesMichael Reichert, How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men →Julie Beck, Raising Boys With a Broader Definition of Masculinity →Judy Chu, Supporting Boys’ Healthy Resistance to Masculine Norms →The Haverford School, Counseling Services →LinksIf you thought this episode was worthwhile, support it on Patreon.Email [email protected] to get in touch. Connect with @boypodcast on all mainstream social media. Follow the publication on Medium for more writing and the blog on Tumblr for more masculinity research and occasional podcast-related updates.Supported by Next Gen Men.