Lessons from the Search: Parent POV

Like so many things, a college search often looks—and feels—better in hindsight. Parents are important eyewitnesses to a search as it unfolds and concludes, and they have plenty of stories to tell. Two parents from suburban communities full of high-achieving, ambitious students share thoughts and lessons from their children's respective searches a year ago. From the parental POV, they reflect on managing their own expectations and worries, processing the "silent treatment" from a child while "keeping quiet" themselves as they formed opinions and impressions, navigating the chatter of suburbia as well as the instincts of an independent-minded applicant, and planning to do it all again—with lessons learned—as a second child begins an admissions journey.

From the annual conference of the National Association for College Admissions Counseling in Columbus, Ohio, an all-star cast of 12 deans and college counselors joins AB host Lee Coffin and recurring co-host Jacques Steinberg as they ponder the role of community in a college search and the ways an admissions committee "shapes" its campus vibe from the applicants it considers. "An applicant must suss out the institutional DNA," one counselor advises. Another adds, "and then help us see the person who will sit in the classroom or residence hall...and make the place zippy."

For decades, coming to America for university (or "uni," as it's known in the UK) has been the shared goal of students around the world. Today, that plan is less certain as geopolitical issues raise questions about the wisdom—and even the possibility—of coming to America for undergraduate studies. College advisors from the UK and India join AB host Lee Coffin to ponder the enduring value of an international student body as the classes of the 2030s queue up for their admissions journey.

The national admissions beat is abuzz with fast-breaking stories as the next admissions cycle gets underway. “The fundamentals are the fundamentals,” AB host and Dartmouth Dean Lee Coffin tells recurring co-host and former New York Times reporter Jacques Steinberg. “But some policies are in motion.” The AB duo is joined by Matt DeGreef, longtime college counselor at Middlesex School in Massachusetts and a former admission and financial aid officer at Harvard, for a conversation about how best to consume recent news about higher education as you make and shape your college list. 

In the eighth season premiere, AB host Lee Coffin and his guests map the shift from discovering college options to applying to those choices. As high school seniors embrace the next phase of their college search, the Dartmouth dean is joined by a guidance counselor from Connecticut and the deans from Colorado College and Princeton as they offer tips about refining a college list, pondering whether a “frontrunner” has emerged or not, and developing a plan to manage the preparation of the application itself. “It’s time to embrace uncertainty and trust a good result,” Colorado’s Karen Kristof advises.

Meet Luis Aguero, a first-generation college-bound student from San Bernardino, Paraguay. Self-taught in English as well as the unfamiliar ways of the college admissions process in the United States, Luis navigated his admissions process entirely on his own: "I didn't have any information at all, I had to go out of my way to learn about the colleges, to learn about admissions and how it works..." He followed his dream toward an American undergraduate experience with the help of the U.S. State Department's EducationUSA program in Paraguay, a book he found about college admissions, and a certain podcast that appeared in his newsfeed. "There's a lot of talk about holistic admissions, but listening to you made me believe it," he tells Coffin. To anyone without a working knowledge of selective college admissions, Luis offers an accessible playbook for self-advocacy. 

Mindy Kaling joins AB for its 100th episode as the multi-talented Hollywood star and Dartmouth alumna remembers her own college admissions process in which "I wasn't thinking about the correct things." A high-achieving "comedy nerd" who had been weaned on "mountains of flashcards,” Mindy ponders her journey from home to college as she battled procrastination and a lack of confidence and  faced her immigrant family’s high expectations for admissions “success.” Mindy candidly muses about "striving to feel special" as she "chased the feeling of acceptance" as a Latin-loving, theater-focused high school student. She shares the salient lessons of disappointment after her initial college ambitions did not materialize as well as her serendipitous "pivot" towards new opportunities as she moved forward. Whether auditioning for a role, creating a script, or penning a college essay, Mindy underscores the value of "authenticity and freshness" in one's storytelling as she advises future applicants to "be unafraid to be yourself."

Extracurricular activities, which are essential ingredients of any college application, yield lessons and skillsets that animate a student's story. Reflecting on his own experience in the drama club at Shelton High School in Connecticut, AB host and Dartmouth Dean Lee Coffin welcomes Gary and Fran Scarpa, the longtime directors of Shelton's drama program, for an unusually personal conversation about what Coffin learned from being actively involved in their productions. "You made me an extrovert," he tells them. The trio reflects on how lessons from the stage—or from a playing field, lab, or church youth group—inform the discovery phase of a college search and provide rich material for the application narrative. Although everyone wants to be a winner, "you don’t aways get the part,” Lee advises applicants. “You’re not all going to be the valedictorian of your class. How do you perform, learn, grow from what you have? Why are you doing what you do when you are not in class? How does it enliven the story of you? Bring that forward.”

Veteran college counselor Doug Burdett, from Brunswick School in Connecticut, joins his longtime colleague and AB host Lee Coffin as they ponder the lessons from their 30-year careers on both sides of the admissions counseling desk. Drawing from those innumerable interactions with students and parents, they muse about the unintended pitfalls that can misdirect a college search just as it gets started. Burdett advises prospective applicants and parents to "focus on community, not the name" as the impulse to "dream big" is balanced against a more pragmatic need to proceed with a sense of what's responsible and realistic. "A terrible list," warns Burdett, "is imbalanced." And if you don’t like an option after exploring it, Burdett says that's "fantastic," because "everything you learn helps test your assumptions about what you like.”

Marcia Hunt, past president of the National Association for College Admission Counseling and the longtime dean of college advising at Florida's Pine Crest School, joins AB host Lee Coffin as he recreates his "Advice to Parents" presentation from Pine Crest's junior kickoff in January. As he shares his tips for successful admissions parenting, Hunt offers context for what he advises as she channels her work with literally thousands of families over the course of her long tenure. She also shares thoughts on how to be a cooperative parent and how to maintain a happy home as a college search kicks into high gear. "Children will listen," Coffin muses as he highlights a memorable passage from Sondheim's poignant musical, Into the Woods. "They do," Marcia concurs.