Episode 88--X & Y On The Fly--The Seasons Of Marriage (20 Years In!)

Dating and relationship advice has gone through significant changes over the last 20 years. Some of it has been good and necessary evolution, some of it downright detrimental and counter-productive. As X & Y Communications marks its 20th anniversary, we look back on the good, the bad and the ugly out there over the years since we opened our doors. First of all, what was up with men having an entire network for getting better with women back in 2005, while women pretty much only had Cosmo articles? And what happened to that "underground society of pickup artists"? What did it quietly turn into...without men even realizing it? As for women, what weird development really established a whole new world of dating advice for them? And what marketing tactic in particular revolutionized all dating advice online...before eventually setting us all back big-time? Whatever happened to all that new-agey dating advice, and the "gurus" who promoted it? Why is so much of the current "dating advice" nothing more that pure clickbait? How did text messaging, social media, dating apps, "toxic masculinity", and the #MeToo movement all play a role in the dating and relationship advice we've been given? And how have Covid and AI affected the whole mix? How have Emily and I ourselves flexed and adapted to change over the years? Most of all, how have mindsets and attitudes evolved (or de-volved?)...on the part of both men and women? Get the free book Dealing With Breakups and more at: https://scotandemily.com === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!

Since our last episode, Emily and I celebrated 20 years together. Over the course of two decades, we've realized there are seasons to a marriage. Now obviously, most couples would hope for an endless springtime rather than the winter of their discontent, but what we're talking about here isn't quite so literal. It's not just that things change both in the marriage and around you. That's inevitable in this life. It's not even about the evolution of the marriage, or the both of you over time, really. Rather, it's a definite smooth and perhaps even rhythmic flow from one major theme of your life together into another. Now, Emily and I met when we were in our mid- and late-thirties, respectively. For the benefit of those of you listening who might be younger, what seasons can younger couples expect? Is it all about being DINKS (or even DINKWADS)? What about the "Honeymoon Phase"? And the dreaded "Seven Year Itch"? Does Parenthood count as a season? As for us, we went through "travel season" and "youth sports season". What's next? We were still having kids at 40 and 45 years old, so we aren't "empty nesters" yet. What might that season look like? What about growing old together? What are some surprises that season might bring? Get show notes and more at: https://www.scotandemily.com === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!

Well, here's the first thing you can figure out, just from the title: Emily and I are obviously not disappointed enough in each other to avoid such a touchy topic. BUT...maybe that's a clue why this relational disappointment thing never gets talked about much. So what are we actually covering here? I mean, isn't it unrealistic to get into a relationship thinking everything is always going to be perfect and ideal? That brings up the concept of "macro-disappointments" vs. "micro-disappointments". And what about other couple's Facebook highlight reels that only show the shiny, happy stuff? Is that driving unreasonable disappointment on the part of the rest of us? Is there really such thing as "the seven-year itch", and if so is it more about disappointment or boredom? And hey, wait a minute. Isn't boredom disappointing? Does long-term disappointment usually start right at the beginning of a relationship? Why is that? And what about this business of "spicing up a relationship"? How does that work to ward off potential disappointment? Why is being each other's best friend a magic elixir to cure disappointment? What if what causes disappointment is legitimately beyond the control of the disappointing partner? What if a partner is intentionally disappointing, and expecting to get away with it? Why does being "nice" disappoint WAGs? How do couples put their relationship at blatant risk for disappointment? Why is comfort the enemy of marriage excitement? Finally, what if you're actually IN a deeply disappointing relationship. Now what? And by the way, is it any wonder that Rupert Holmes was a "one hit wonder"? Check out https://scotandemily.com and download your free copy of Dealing With Breakups. === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!

Here comes a long-overdue conversation on how pets affect relationships between men and women. As you might have already imagined, this went in probably every direction you could think of and then some...starting with Emily's thoughts on how men who have cats are p*ssies. Yeah, well...is that always the case? Isn't there such thing as a masculine pet cat? Should men be 'dog people' instead if they want to attract women? If so, what breeds should men think about getting as opposed to other ones? Which are the chick magnets at the local dog park? And women are certainly not off the hook. What breeds of dog should women avoid getting if they expect to get a boyfriend? And more importantly, how many cats are too much for a woman to have...turning her into 'single cat-lady'? Are chickens only for farmers? What if he has reptiles as pets? What's more, what if SHE does? Is a chick with a snake a dealbreaker, let alone 'lizard lady'? What if the two of you like each other, but his Rottweiler would probably consider her new kitten a tasty snack? What if you're a single parent and the kid tugs at your heartstrings to pick a certain person to date...all because they'd score a new puppy in the deal? What if your new wife starts coddling a duck, bunny rabbit or a baby goat instead of you? And should couples get a pet or two as a trial run before making babies? Do pets make blending families even more tricky? Most of all, discover why guinea pigs are not okay under any circumstances and should be banned from the country. Get the show notes, free downloads and more at https://www.scotandemily.com/podcast === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!

Maybe Emily and I waited almost 20 years to cover this subject because it's a touchy one that hits just a little too close to home for both of us. But hey, it's an important one. How do you deal with your ex...especially if you're now in a new relationship? Check it out, there are at least three categories of ex that could still theoretically be haunting your life after a breakup or divorce. And you'd better believe we'll be covering how to handle the necessarily interactions with each type. But what if your new relationship is being negatively impacted by pesky exes? Or what if your new flame is weirdly jealous of your old one? How do you handle the infamous 'child exchanges' mandated by custody agreements? What if an ex (predictably) tries to drive a wedge between you and your new partner? What if your ex is desperately trying to get you back? Or what if one of you isn't quite over the last relationship? On the other hand, what if you've made a significant upgrade over your ex and they're super upset and catty about your new 'trophy'? And in that case, isn't it weird how we start sort of rooting for our ex to find someone new--and who they like even better--themselves? And on that note, can we actually be friends with our ex, even when we're in a new relationship? Should you delete their numbers from your phone, or not? What if you're in a 'rebound relationship', and it's looking like your new partner might end up back with their old one? Hey...it happens a lot. On the other hand, what if they're toxic and just won't leave well enough alone? And wait a minute, was that a 'Rubberband Man' reference, out of the blue? Get the book Dealing With Breakups and more when you visit https://www.scotandemily.com/podcast === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!

Nowadays we live in a culture that extols selfhood and immediate gratification. As marriage becomes less revered as an institution, lots of people are asking if there's really any reason to hold off from having sex extremely early in the relationship...even on the same day they meet. I mean, if that's what both of you want, why not? But as we all know, life has a way of throwing complications at you...even if you're all about nothing more than a sexually transactional relationship. Whatever happened to connection? What even IS 'connection' anyway, and does it have to take very long to happen? If the two of you are horny and just want to have a fling, to what extent do you even HAVE to connect...at all? Isn't sexual chemistry enough in that case? And what if you're a person of faith and don't believe in sex before marriage? Does that mean you're basically supposed to remain platonic friends until your wedding night? Well, we all know the truth about 'technical virginity' and how fragile even that is vis-a-vis natural human urges and impulses. Does having sex too soon in a relationship negatively affect the prospects for a long-term relationship? I mean, can you trust each other away from home when you couldn't even resist temptation together? But on the other hand, can your sexual relationship suffer if you waited too LONG? Why is what most men's dating advice used to teach really a disservice to both women AND men? But wait a minute...does one partner really HAVE to lie or cheat the other in order to make sex happen fast? That aside, what--if anything--do we miss out on as humanoids by rushing into a sexual relationship immediately? What is 'the talk' every couple should have before having sex? (Well, except for ONE key exception!) Get show notes, the free e-book Dealing With Breakups and more at https://www.scotandemily.com/podcast === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!

Last week we covered how dating and relating between men and women has evolved over the past quarter century. But what about the next 25 years...and indeed the rest of this century coming up? What's going on with gender politics? Are people finally sick of it? Will we be able to define "man" and "woman" again? Is Masculinity back? Will women start prioritizing motherhood over Hofstedian societal gender roles again? Will people continue being social IRL, or will social media make things even worse? Will we return to valuing the life of our own species? Will we halt the aging process? Then what? Will translators minimize the impact of language barriers? Is AI going to continue to make online dating/apps difficult? Have AI girlfriends already failed forever? What will ultimately replace dating? What about cyber partners? (robots) Will the porn be so good in the future that it really is better than the real thing? (e.g. Virtual physical presence) What will the impact of extreme selfhood be? More narcissism leading to more robotics due to less social resistance? And...the question we all REALLY wonder about: Are we seeing things, or is speed dating making a comeback? The first step to getting ready for whatever is coming in your dating life is to visit https://www.scotandemily.com/podcast === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!

Exactly 25 years and one week ago, everyone's attention was on whether or not the dreaded Y2K bug was going to crash the world's computer systems and make planes fall out of the sky. And even as we partied like it was 1999, nobody's nose was buried in their smartphone because those hadn't come out yet. People weren't even texting each other. After all, if on the off chance you had texting on your phone, every message cost like sixty cents. Online dating was in its infancy, but already stigmatized as if any users were desperate losers who 'liked pina coladas'. Indeed, if a guy wanted to ask a woman out the best way to do that was in person (go figure), because picking up the phone and being confronted with an answering machine was just too stressful. But at least actual dating was still a thing rather than simply 'hooking up' or 'hanging out'. Nevertheless, getting quality dating advice from, well...anywhere? Forgettaboutit. Self-help of any kind on the still narrowband Internet was practically unheard of. Even what would become the PUA movement was still limited to 'underground' keyboard jockeys in chat rooms (!) trying to figure out tricks to 'game' women with. Social media was years away, and with it the rise of 'echo chambers' that would shape public opinion (and outrage) on all manner of ways men and women relate to each other. And yes, people were terrified of getting herpes and dying of AIDS, so sexual activity was approached very differently than it is today. Yes, a LOT has changed over the first quarter of the 21st century, and we cover the good, the bad and the ugly in this fast-paced and (actually) fun episode! Download the free e-book How To Deal With Breakups and score other free goodies when you visit: https://www.scotandemily.com/podcast === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!

Okay, I'm going to admit right up front that Emily and I obviously believe relationships are worth getting into, since we've shared a great one together for almost 19 years. But we also completely get that YOU might not be like US. In this episode we acknowledge all the legit reasons why perfectly good, decent and sane people might just swear off getting into any kind of relationship at all with MOTOS, let alone long-term ones. For starters, we talk about how this isn't our grandparents' world anymore and how that affects people's perspectives on relationships. How can either a man OR a woman have a valid point in this context? Even though it may seem sad to think that people are out there completely giving up on finding the relationship they actually want, what if there are folks who really do NOT want that in their lives...and they're simply saying 'no' to societal pressure to conform? Does that societal pressure even exist anymore, by the way? Even if you ARE relationship minded, is it okay to think these thoughts? And well, what are the good reasons to get into a relationship? And why stay in one if it's going poorly? On a related note, is arguing and bickering a sign the relationship's in trouble...or could it be the exact opposite? Well, the easy answer (demanding more elaboration, which we offer) is 'it depends'. Stay tuned as we make the case for getting everything off your chest as perhaps the healthiest sign of all that the relationship is a healthy one. It's just a shame that too many couples never even realize that level of intimacy is open to them. Get on our calendar and talk to us for FREE at https://www.scotandemily.com/podcast === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!

In this episode Emily and I address the sticky topic of dealbreakers in a relationship. Is having too many dealbreakers--or focusing on them--a dealbreaker in and of itself? You know, the 'don't bother' chick, for example? Is being 'high maintenance' a dealbreaker? And if so, what does that even mean? On the other hand, should not having any dealbreakers be a dealbreaker? Next, we list a full litany of good, solid dealbreakers that just about everyone can agree on. Does a couple have to be truly compatible, even if they're only down for a short-term fling? What if you and your partner differ on what terms like 'fidelity' and 'cheating' actually mean...specifically? How about if a behavioral 'dealbreaker' happens without it ever having been discussed as such previously? Should third-parties have any say in what your dealbreakers are as a couple? And hey, what are some specific example of unreasonable dealbreakers? Can there even be such a thing given the reality of personal preference relative to attraction? What's the case for and against building a list of checkboxes prospective mates must tick? But on the other hand, if we don't bother to even think of what we're looking for, how are we supposed to get it? What's the balance? And with that in mind, why do so many people pretty much run away from ever having to evaluate the potential of the relationship they're entering? And what if one of your dealbreakers automatically eliminates a massive percentage of your potential dating pool? As you can see, there's plenty to talk about surrounding this topic...and we pretty much cover it all. Download the free book Dealing With Breakups and more when you visit https://www.scotandemily.com/podcast === HELP US SEND THE MESSAGE === The content in this show is NEVER generated by AI. We discovered it can't handle a joke a long time ago. Meanwhile, we'll keep the practical, actionable ideas coming as well as the entertaining part...all for free. If you love what you hear, please rate the show on the service you subscribed to it on (takes one second) and leave us a review. As we say here in Texas, we appreciate you!