(BEST OF) Why Date Nights Don’t Work (and What to Do Instead)

What does it look like to keep showing up when the world gives you every reason to disappear? Writer and artist Chanel Miller joins us for an unforgettable conversation about depression, healing, and her definition of success: refusing perfection and exhaustion, and continuing to show up as exactly who she is. - Chanel’s brilliant way of understanding depression: seeing life through “toilet paper roll binoculars”—and why we shouldn’t make big decisions when our vision has narrowed; - Why healing might sometimes be the permission to finally let go and move forward; - How Chanel learned that presence—not perfection—is success; - Why refusing to give up can itself be an act of resistance; and - The extraordinary moment Chanel returned to Stanford, was “held in sound,” and heard the message that set her free: We got it. You can go now. About Chanel:  Chanel Miller is a writer and artist who received her BA in Literature from the University of California, Santa Barbara. Her critically acclaimed memoir, KNOW MY NAME, was a New York Times bestseller, a New York Times Book Review Notable Book, and a National Book Critics Circle Award winner, as well as a best book of 2019 in Time, the Washington Post, the Chicago Tribune, NPR, and People, among others. She is a 2019 Time Next 100 honoree and a 2016 Glamour Woman of the Year honoree under her pseudonym, “Emily Doe.” Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

The most shocking thing about the Cornell and LSU sexual assault cases? That Cornell and LSU delivered more substantial results to those survivors than that afforded to 95% of college women brave enough to report their assaults to Universities.   So what actually happens when a student reports a sexual assault to their university? Amanda sits down with sociologist and On the Wrong Side author Dr. Nicole Bedera—the researcher who spent a year embedded inside a university Title IX system—to pull back the curtain on the process we tell our kids to trust. They reveal: - How the vast majority of sexual assault reports lead to absolutely nothing; - The crucial difference between filing a report and a formal complaint; - The profound conflict of interest at the heart of a system run by the same institution whose reputation, liability, and finances are threatened by what it uncovers;  - What specific questions we should ask to actually find out if a college is a safer place to send our child; and - Most importantly: If your child calls from college and tells you they have been sexually assaulted, who should you to talk to first, what specific things should you do, and what should you not do? This episode is for every parent with a child in college, every student heading there, and  anyone who cares about keeping our children safe. About Nicole Bedera, Ph.D.: Nicole Bedera, Ph.D. is a sociologist and author of the book On the Wrong Side: How Universities Protect Perpetrators and Betray Survivors of Sexual Violence. Her research broadly focuses on how our social structures contribute to survivors’ trauma and make sexual violence more likely to occur in the future. Her work has been featured in many popular media outlets, including The New York Times, NPR, Time Magazine, and Teen Vogue. Nicole puts her work into practice as an affiliated educator at the Center for Institutional Courage, as a co-founder of Beyond Compliance Consulting, and as a co-founder of the nonprofit The Survivor Alumni Network.  Read more from Nicole Bedera: https://slate.com/human-interest/2020/03/daughter-advice-sexual-assault-college.html Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

After The Episode That Wasn’t, we received nearly 1,000 voicemails in two days from women saying: This is my life at work. So we invited Emmy and Peabody Award-winning sports journalist Sarah Spain to talk about what actually works when you’re navigating sexism, harassment, and power on the job. - Why telling women to “just report it” isn’t enough; - The difference between what’s right and what actually works; - Why women learn to laugh off behavior that isn’t funny; - What to do when you finally have enough power to speak up for someone else; and - Sarah’s reminder: You’re not making it awkward. The person who did the harmful thing already did that. Listen to Ep 147 The Episode That Wasn’t here. About Sarah:  Sarah Spain is an Emmy and Peabody Award-winning sports journalist. In her 12+ years at ESPN she has worked as a radio and podcast host, writer and TV analyst. She's a minority owner of the Chicago Red Stars of the NWSL, a co-founder of “Hear The Cheers,” which provides hearing aids and equipment to kids so they can continue participating in sports, and is on the board of Embarc, a program that provides community-driven experiences and learning opportunities to low-income Chicago high school students.  Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

Stefanie Fox, Executive Director of Jewish Voice for Peace, joins Glennon, Abby, and Amanda for an urgent, eye-opening conversation about the fight for Palestinian freedom, the powerful forces keeping America complicit, and what each of us can do to make a difference.  Glennon also shares the story behind her recent arrest outside the United Nations and the unexpected hope she's found in taking action. - Why America continues to fund and arm Israel—and who profits. - What Zionism and anti-Zionism mean, and how to recognize and fight antisemitism. - How political pressure, money, and fear are used to silence support for Palestine. - How to move beyond outrage and despair into meaningful, collective action. More about Jewish Voice for Peace:  https://www.jewishvoiceforpeace.org/ About Stefanie:  Stefanie Fox is the Executive Director of Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP), a grassroots membership organization that organizes and mobilizes hundreds of thousands of Jews into solidarity with the Palestinian freedom struggle and a vision of Judaism beyond Zionism. Stefanie joined JVP in 2009 as the organization’s first National Organizer (when the organization had six chapters and a few hundred members) and played multiple roles as part of the team that grew the organization into one of the largest progressive Jewish organizations in the world. Prior to JVP, Stefanie came up as a grassroots organizer, educator, and public health practitioner inside the global AIDS movement of the early 2000s, and spent about a decade in local and issue-based community organizing toward racial and economic justice before joining JVP full-time.  Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

What does it take to survive the unimaginable—and then build a life filled with joy? Singer, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist Allison Russell shares how she survived childhood abuse, found lifelines in music and chosen family, and learned to put down the pain she’d been carrying and return to her body, her joy, and herself. - How to stop carrying the pain of what happened to you - Why chosen family can change—and even save—your life - How to break cycles so your children inherit something different - The artists who showed Allison that another life was possible - Why healing doesn’t mean becoming an “unmarked page” About Allison: Allison Russell has spent her career in multiple bands, including Po’ Girl, Our Native Daughters and Birds of Chicago. After a career spent as a gifted multi-instrumentalist, backing numerous other artists, she finally dared to release her solo project in 2021. She made her Opry debut and appeared at the Country Music Hall of Fame and performed at the 2022 GRAMMY’s Premiere Ceremony. In addition to her four GRAMMY nominations, she has earned three 2022 Americana Award nominations and a win for Album of the Year, two International Folk Music Award wins, a 2022 Juno nomination for ‘Songwriter of the Year,’ and her first-ever Juno Award win for Contemporary Roots Album of the Year. Russell received two 2021 Americana Awards nominations, won three Canadian Folk Music Awards, two UK Americana Music Awards, and more. She was nominated for Song of the Year and Artist of the Year for the 2023 Americana Awards.  Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

If you don’t feel like yourself lately, it might not be stress, aging, or “all in your head.” Dr. Rachel Rubin tells us what every woman deserves to know about perimenopause, menopause, and the hormones that can affect everything from our sleep and mood to our brains, bodies, relationships, and sex lives. - The surprising signs of perimenopause—and how early they can start - Why a “normal” hormone test doesn’t mean you’re not in perimenopause - What doctors were never taught about menopause - The truth about HRT—and why generations of women were taught to fear hormones - Estrogen, progesterone & testosterone: what each actually does - How to advocate for the care you need to feel like yourself again Find more information at https://www.rachelrubinmd.com/ and sign up for Dr. Rubin’s newsletter here.  About Dr. Rubin:  Dr. Rachel Rubin is a board-certified urologist and sexual medicine specialist who is changing the way we talk about menopause, hormones, and sexual health — especially the things women have historically been told to accept, endure, or simply stop talking about. She practices in the Washington, D.C., area as well as Los Angeles and is an Assistant Professor of Urology at Georgetown University. A nationally recognized educator, researcher, and advocate, Dr. Rubin has become a leading voice for greater awareness and access to treatments like vaginal estrogen and testosterone use in menopausal women. She is known for making complicated science understandable — and beloved for telling the truth about women’s health, which medicine has too often failed to say. Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

What if the voice telling you there’s something wrong with your body…isn’t actually yours? Carson Tueller joins us for a radically freeing conversation about disability, desire, and refusing to postpone your life until your body becomes something else. After an accident left him paralyzed from the chest down at 23, Carson discovered that much of his suffering wasn’t coming from his body—but from the stories the world had taught him to believe about it. - The question from Carson’s sister that changed the story of his life; - Why your deepest Self will never tell you that you’re broken; - What ableism teaches all of us about which bodies are “good” bodies; - Why Carson says disability led him to the best sex of his life; and - How to stop waiting for your body to change—and start living now. About Carson:  Carson Tueller is a coach, speaker and activist whose work provides people with the tools they need to live authentic, fulfilling, and powerful lives. He identifies as queer and disabled. Carson grew up as a Mormon in a military family moving around a lot before settling in Utah. His own journey into powerful living began in 2013 when, in the same year, he came out, and was then injured in an accident that paralyzed him from the chest down. Since then, Carson has brought his work to international nonprofits and presidential campaigns – and when he isn’t coaching or speaking, Carson can be found at the gym, reading non-fiction, or playing Pokemon with his niece and nephews. Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

This life-saving conversation is for anyone who has—or loves someone who has—breasts. Amanda shares what to know about breast density, the screenings you actually need (not just what’s offered), and how self-advocacy helped lead to her own breast cancer diagnosis—and helped save the lives of Pod Squaders who listened to our episodes. Then, Amanda’s renowned surgeon, Dr. Lucy M. De La Cruz, walks us through the choices you may face after a breast cancer diagnosis—including the options you may not even know are options.  For more on Amanda’s Breast Cancer journey:  - Amanda's Diagnosis and What's Next (Part 1) - Amanda’s Diagnosis and What’s Next (Part 2) - Amanda Returns Post Surgery: Here’s What She Wants You to Know  - What Amanda’s Learned About Life, Love & Community (Post Surgery Pt 2)  - Early Detection, Mammograms & Breast Cancer Care with Dr. Rachel Brem  - Expert Advice on Genetic Testing, Cancer Prevention & Care Disparities with Dr. Rachel Brem  About Dr. De La Cruz:  Dr. Lucy M. De La Cruz is an internationally recognized breast surgical oncologist and the youngest Latina Chief of Breast Surgery in an academic institution in the United States. She serves as Chief of Breast Surgery and Director of the Betty Lou Ourisman Breast Health Center at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital, a nationally ranked center of excellence in breast cancer care. Dr. De La Cruz specializes in nipple-sparing mastectomies with structural preservation and resensation, with a focus on highly specialized single-stage implant reconstruction. Patients describe her not only as a world-class surgeon, but as a fierce advocate and mentor—especially for women navigating the complexities of diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship.  Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

What if the goal of staying in love isn't getting to know your partner better—but learning how to un-know them? Glennon, Abby, and Amanda discuss why the same old dinner date can leave us feeling stuck, why novelty is one of the biggest predictors of lasting connection, and how small shifts can make your relationship feel new again. - Why date nights aren't enough - The science behind keeping the spark alive - How to create more curiosity, play, and adventure together - The "date bowl" idea you'll want to steal immediately Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

Six minutes on a New York City subway became a Rorschach test for America. Amanda invites Anand Giridharadas back to look beyond the certainty surrounding the Jordan Neely and Daniel Penny case—and toward an uncomfortable truth: We may not be as divided as we think. Across the political spectrum, Americans are crying out with the same fear: No one is coming. We’re on our own. Amanda and Anand dig into how that shared sense of abandonment can push us toward vigilantism, what we lose when we reduce complicated human beings to heroes and villains, and why reclaiming curiosity, complexity, and each other’s humanity might be essential to democracy. About Anand: You know Anand Giridharadas from our WHY ARE BILLIONAIRES?!? episode. He is the author of the New York Times bestseller The Persuaders, the international bestseller Winners Take All, The True American, and India Calling. A foreign correspondent and columnist for The New York Times for more than a decade, he is an on-air political analyst for MSNBC, and publisher of the newsletter The Ink. Today we dive into Anand’s spellbinding book, out today – MAN IN THE MIRROR – reporting on Jordan Neely's life and death, Daniel Penny's life and trial, and the way six minutes on the NYC subway holds a mirror to the city and the nation. Don't miss Anand's Man in the Mirror docuseries, too.   Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠