2.02 Boundaries

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called... a season finale! Yes, it's true, today's episode marks the end of the absolute blockbuster that was S2 of Wait, Is This A Date?  To celebrate that ending, who better to come on and discuss the joys and successes of a long distance crush than actor and queer person Elise Bauman? Around these parts, she has another title that is nearly as vaunted: Drew's girlfriend! Yes, that's right, this sparkling twosome was birthed from the great queer tradition: the long distance crush. But what is it about the long distance crush that is so appealing to queers around the world? Is it the relative scarcity of like minded queers around you? Perhaps the ability to flirt long distance takes some of the pressure off? We get into all of it, AND Drew and Elise share some possibly TOO cute details about their relationship!  And of course there is a game! This week, Christina makes Drew play the game that simply took over Twitter and Tiktok for a few fleeting weeks: "They're a 10 but..." It's a good time, all around! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Elise Bauman @baumanelise Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Bottom Culture has become quite a Thing™ Online as of late! But what does it really mean to be a bottom? Why has the culture decided bottoming is synonymous with being afraid to ask for what you want? And how does one go about deciding if they like bottoming?! With all these questions rattling around our minds, Drew and I knew there was only one person we could go to for conversation on bottoming: The Gay Chingy AKA Chingy Nea, AKA The Bottom Supreme! Chingy helps us tease out what it means to be a bottom, why she hates “smol bean” bottom culture, your body as hole, and your body as whole. For our game this week, Drew describes a plot and then dares Christina to guess if it is the plot of a movie she watched as a teen or a dream she had as a teen, and yes, it is hard! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Chingy @TheGayChingy Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Bringing someone home to meet your parents is such a trope it’s an entire genre of movie. But for many queer people there are two families to introduce to a partner: given and chosen. And sometimes the chosen family is scarier. That’s why this week on the podcast we have Autostraddle’s own Yashwina Canter to talk about what happens when your friends don’t like your partner or your partner doesn’t like your friends. We get into Yash’s own dating history and how she’s navigated being on every side of this equation. And we talk about how all of us have navigated the challenge of our friends dating people. We even venture into some biphobia discourse and Drew tries to stir up some drama by asking if anyone has ever liked a friend’s partner too much. We love some chaos! We also begin with a truly inspired game of Hayley Kiyoko lyric or Rupi Kaur poem and end with three especially good crushes. To quote Tessa Thompson, Yash is single and ready to pringle so shoot your shot queers — just be prepared to pass the friend vibe test! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Yashwina Canter @yashwinacanter Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Without our A+ members, there would be no Autostraddle. And without Autostraddle, there would be no Wait, Is This a Date? So this week on the podcast, we’re answering questions sent in by the A+ members who allow us to do what we do! Questions range from how to have a first lesbian experience to how to be horny and demisexual. We give our best advice and if you’re thinking hmm these queers seem to know what they’re talking about then go ahead and send in your own question! We’ll be doing more mailbag minisodes and so submit your questions! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Ah, bodies. The sacks of meat, bones and skin that we must drag our consciousness around in until we come up with a better way to get through life. And if that wasn't embarrassing enough, we have to bring them with us on dates and hook ups! How do we deal with the reality of our human bodies while dating? Does anyone notice the tiny little things we stress out about as much as we do? What does the way we present our bodies to others say about our gender, our sexuality? We knew we needed to dig into this and who better to do it with than the one and only Samantha Irby? We get into what we are preoccupied about with regards to our own bodies, the likelihood that no one cares as much as we do and our personal shower routines. And for once Drew does not drag Christina about her dating issues in a very fun “Would You Rather”! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Samantha Irby on Instagram @bitchesgottaeat and her Substack bitchesgottaeat.substack.com Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Celebrity crushes mean more to queer people than they do to straight people. They can be our first expressions of queer desire or our first expressions of gender envy. They can be a safe place to try out urges that aren’t ready for the real world. That’s why this week we’re talking with writer and podcaster Jordan Crucchiola all about celebrity crushes. We talk about how celebrity thirsting feels inclusive to Jordan as a panromantic gray asexual person. We talk about how Drew thinks most of her celebrity crushes are kind of attainable. And, of course, we talk about the famous older women on Christina’s water bottle. But first! Christina quizzes Drew on a topic she knows little about — lesbian romance novels Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Jordan Cucciola @jorcru Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Being in a public relationship isn’t just the joys of ambitious4ambitious. There’s also the matter of boundaries and privacy. Drew and her girlfriend only have a small amount of fame so this week we’ve brought on someone in an even more gaymous power couple: Grace Lavery. You may know Grace from her memoir Please Miss, from her various writings on the internet, or, if you’re really niche, as your former professor at Berkeley. And you may know Grace’s husband Danny Lavery from his books such as Something That May Shock and Discredit You and co-founding a little website called The Toast. We talked to Grace about her relationship with Danny, how she navigates public opinion, and being a young trans elder. And first! We play a game called Second Moves where Christina has to respond to theoretical opening lines on Raya — yeah, that’s right, she’s on Raya. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Grace Lavery on Instagram @grace.lavery.pangolin Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Whether you’re a dog gay, a cat gay, a snake gay, a ferret gay, or a will I ever find a lesbian who doesn’t have a pet gay, animals likely play a role in your dating life. That’s why this week our topic is Partners’ Pets and we have actor, writer, and friend of Autostraddle’s Brittani Nichols on to talk about her girlfriend’s dog and her girlfriend’s snake. We get into our histories with pets, our boundaries with partners’ pets, and Brittani’s assertion that animals, like people, have their own personalities and should be taken on a case-by-case basis. Christina also bravely says that people should not kill their pets and Drew bravely says that snakes are maybe a bit sexy thanks to a certain pop star. And before that we play another game connected to Drew’s Letterboxd! Christina challenges me to Fix That Movie — pronounced Fix! That! Movie! — where Drew has to explain how she’d fix movies she gave two or two and a half star ratings on Letterboxd. Do you like pets? Do you like movies? Well, what are you waiting for! Give us a listen! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Brittani Nichols @bishilarious Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Whether you're a lesbian who dated men as a teen or a queer person who dates lots of genders, our community is far too mixed and gender is far too complicated to leave men — cis and trans — out of our discussions. That's why this week our topic is Dating Men and our very special guest is writer, director, podcaster, icon, and Drew’s best friend, Gaby Dunn! For those who don't know them, Gaby has been dating men throughout their entire identity journey. They talk to us about dating men when they thought they were a cis woman and dating men now that they're out as transmasculine. We also get into the awful cis men from Boston that Christina dated before coming out and wonder why Drew has a desire to fuck Jon Hamm. But first! We play a game called Netflix & Shill that asks such questions as: How gay is the Olsen Twin vehicle New York Minute? Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Gaby Dunn on Instagram @gabyroad Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

This week’s topic is Boundaries! We all have our own lessons to learn when it comes to boundaries. For some people, the challenge is learning to share less, for others, to share more. Our guest this week, Autostraddle’s editor-in-chief Carmen Phillips, is squarely in the latter group. Christina and Drew get into this with Carmen as we all examine the ways our strengths are our weaknesses and our weaknesses are our strengths. And before that we play our classic game Fuck, U-Haul, Ghost, but a special edition where Christina asks Drew about her favorite actors from Letterboxd. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Carmen on Twitter and Instagram @carmencitaloves Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein