How A Perfectionist Learns to Accept Herself - Coaching with Joe

The practice that rewires how you see yourself: one of the foundational practices we teach → For more practices like this, try the Connection Course. A 3-week experience in having the conversations that change how you relate to yourself and others: https://yt.artofaccomplishment.com/gratitude-to-enough What if feeling "not enough" is a loop you're running on yourself? You're doing it to yourself hundreds of times a day. This is a practice you do with another person, out loud, for 7 minutes. It's not journaling. It's not saying thanks at dinner. It rewires how you see yourself - from lack to having - by replacing the story you've been telling yourself hundreds of times a day. Joe walks through why it works, how your self-talk defines your reality, and the three ways most people accidentally sabotage it. Then he does the practice with you so you can feel it in your system. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When it comes time for a relationship to end in its current form, people often focus on saying the ‘right thing’ to make those final moments as smooth as possible. But this is rarely where the real work happens. In this episode, Joe and Brett explore how to end relationships gracefully with attention to the full arc: before, during, and after the big transition. Whether you're parting ways with an employee or boss, a romantic partner, a friend, or a business relationship, the same principles apply. Brett and Joe discuss why the difficulty of the ending conversation is a symptom of conversations that didn't happen earlier, how ending a relationship with awareness can be a great opportunity to break lifelong patterns, and tools you can practice to move through the process without collecting new evidence for the same old story. Together, they explore: Any relationship you're ending is probably repeating a pattern you've been in before The three ways we recreate patterns: manipulate, attract, and prove Why asking for what you want is the practice that saves the relationship (or reveals it isn't a match) If ending the relationship feels like a shock, the garden hasn't been tended How grieving the relationship before it ends allows you to see more clearly How to be open-hearted, undefended, and direct in the big conversation Being open to the relationship transforming rather than ending The trap of keeping the door open in an unhealthy way vs. genuinely staying in relationship Why grief on the other side is the #1 predictor of not repeating the pattern Community implications: doing it consciously vs. forcing someone out Reframing power dynamics changes everything Why expecting another person to meet all your needs for you gives them impossible power Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

→ Joe says it at the very end of this one: the stuff that got hurt in groups is often best healed in groups. That's what the Connection Course offers a space for: https://yt.artofaccomplishment.com/rapid-coaching/perfectionism  In this session, a woman asks Joe how to stop being a perfectionist "for good" and he points out that the question itself is perfectionist. From there he opens it up. Follow along to learn what may be living beneath your perfectionism and how to meet it with more understanding. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Self-reliance sounds like a virtue until you see the ways it quietly runs your life, sabotages your relationships, and keeps you stuck in the very patterns you're trying to escape. In this follow-up to a previous episode on self-reliance, Joe and Brett go deeper into the five specific patterns that show up in people who learned early on that their needs weren't going to be met. They walk through each pattern, how it developed, how it self-sabotages, and why the way out is deceptively close to the way that keeps you stuck. It's especially relevant for leaders, entrepreneurs, and anyone who has ever felt like it's all on them. Together, they explore: Why self-reliance is rooted in learning as a child that you had to take care of your parent, not the other way around The five patterns of self-reliance: difficulty owning wants, ignoring needs, issues with authority, taking responsibility for others' happiness, and inability to express hurt How to spot the pattern in your own life Why self-reliant leaders create power vacuums and political environments The distinction between wants (evolutionary drive) and needs (nervous system nourishment) Why self-reliant people crave a kind of care no adult can actually provide How resentment quietly builds when your asks come out as demands The "stray cat" analogy: training people to depend on you, then resenting them for it Why every self-sabotage move creates evidence that confirms the pattern The Truman Show trap: how the way out looks almost identical to the pattern itself Why owning your fear of interdependence unlocks real agency How self-reliance limits leverage and prevents the decentralized growth that scales Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this special episode, Joe and Brett engage directly with the audience by reading and responding to comments from their recent episode on narcissism. They navigate what's true in the pushback as well as what they'd want to add or clarify. It's an honest, unscripted conversation about the limits of framing narcissism as a spectrum, the difference between abuse and narcissistic personality disorder, and the long journey from victimhood to empowered compassion. Together, they explore: The critical distinction between narcissism as a trait and narcissistic personality disorder The pros and cons of framing narcissism as a spectrum Why the natural progression often goes from "I'm the problem" to "you're the problem" before real healing becomes possible The difference between engaging with narcissism in the workplace vs. in an abusive relationship Why any love that makes you feel ashamed or turn away from yourself may not be love worth keeping Rebuilding a relationship with a narcissistic parent Why compassion and boundaries actually go together, not in opposition What abuse survivors actually need Why the option to leave isn't psychologically available until certain internal work is done Joe's story of meeting a mother in a homeless shelter and what it revealed about capacity and choice Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What does it actually take to build a marriage that lasts? In this special episode, Joe sits down with his wife Tara for an honest, unfiltered conversation about the 29 years of their relationship: how it started, what they got wrong, what they figured out, and the lessons only decades of shared life can teach. Together, they explore: The single want that mattered most: someone who would grow with them Tara's three non-negotiables before saying yes The moment they learned they couldn't change each other Why the person questioning the relationship is often having a "me" issue, not a "them" issue What it actually means to "get in your body" How love gets wired with guilt, criticism, or abuse The dynamic where one partner is "the better one" and one is "the problem" The pivot from litigating who's right to honoring each other's realities Aggressive vs. passive-aggressive anger as mirror images of the same shame Marriage (and kids) as the fastest way to peel the onion of identity What they'd do differently: bringing more consciousness to vision and creating the practices together Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Learn to have a better relationship to your inner critic - the Connection Course: https://yt.artofaccomplishment.com/inner-critic-cc  That voice in your head that's constantly riding you — telling you you're not enough, reminding you of every mistake, nagging you while you're trying to focus — where did it actually come from? And why do you still listen to it? In this video, Joe Hudson breaks down the inner critic: its origins, why you think you need it, and how changing the way you relate to it can quietly transform your life. You'll learn a simple practice you can try today, and why the critic's power dissolves the moment you stop treating it like your boss. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The word "narcissist" has been thrown around so casually that it has effectively replaced calling someone an "asshole." However, this reflexive labeling often prevents the very thing that could actually heal the dynamic. In this episode, Joe and Brett offer a different lens on narcissism: not as a category of "bad people," but as a spectrum we are all on, rooted in an inability to feel. Together, they explore what's actually happening underneath narcissistic behavior, why the person on the receiving end is often doing very similar internal work, and how genuine healing happens on both sides of the dynamic. They discuss: Why "narcissist" has become a defensive way to call someone an asshole Alexander Lowen's definition: narcissism as the inability to feel The spectrum from aggressive to passive narcissism (and how everyone lands somewhere on it) Why the "I'm more humble than you" move is still narcissism The role healthy narcissism plays in leadership, art, and building anything meaningful Containing vs. confronting: how to hold a loving boundary that doesn't trigger shame Why so many people who get called assholes actually want to be met with a boundary The symbiotic pull: why some people go through life looking for a narcissist to attach to Handing off your doubt as the seductive comfort of narcissistic relationships Why healed narcissism becomes the leadership we all actually want Working with your own anger to meet the attack without collapse or counter-attack Owning your own narcissism: the shadow work required on both sides Seeing the innocence: the child who was never cared for, built for war Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Something unlocks in this session when she lets herself speak from the discomfort instead of past it. Connection Course is 3 weeks of practicing exactly this: https://yt.artofaccomplishment.com/rapid-coaching/beingseen In this session, Joe works with a woman who is struggling with allowing herself to be seen and share her story. Through the coaching session, she finds out what's underneath it. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What's it actually like to be raised by two parents who teach emotional work for a living? In this special episode, Joe sits down with his 17-year-old daughter, Oona for an honest, unfiltered conversation about what she thinks he and her mom got right, what they got wrong, and what her generation is really navigating right now. They talk about being seen by a whole community of adults, what it's like to have parents recognized in coffee shops, the voice in her head that got mad about an A minus, and why she thinks trust and boundaries are what her generation needs most. Together, they explore: Five words to describe how she was raised and why "I'm so proud of you" was never one of them The unexpected pros and cons of being pointed back to yourself instead of praised What it's like to be deeply seen at home and struggle to find that connection with peers Being coached by people who watch the podcast (and why she hates it) Growing up with a community of aunties and uncles Seeing patterns in strangers at restaurants without realizing it's unusual The voice in her head, the A minus, and the moment she recognized her inner critic Why she chooses discomfort How she's watched her parents grow (and fight differently) over the years Why she thinks kids her age are so hard on themselves Trust and boundaries as the missing pieces for her generation Phones, shame, and the dopamine spiral kids are aware of but can't escape Watching her parents navigate a sudden wave of public recognition Learning to let strangers' gratitude actually land Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.