Ep 190: How I Got Roasted by Dr. Gabor Maté

“You’re too much.” “You’re too emotional.” “Your standards are too high.” “You’re too picky.” “You’re asking for too much.” RED LIGHT, babe. Hold tf up. Listen to me very, very, very closely. You are not too much. “But Michelle, they said—” I don’t give a shit. “But Michelle, I asked for—” Did I fucking ask? You are not too much. Period. Done. End of conversation.  And if people keep telling you you’re “too much” then…maybe the problem isn’t you. Maybe the problem is that you keep dating the wrong people.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com  

I hope you have a mirror on hand, babe…because you’re about to take a good, long, hard look at yourself in it. Here’s the thing: if you feel like you’re always attracting the same emotionally unavailable men, I have good news and bad news. The good news? It’s not bad luck—you’re not just shit at picking men. The bad news? It’s actually wired into you to want these kinds of men. “Wait, that sounds worse!” Yeah…sorry. But it’s true. This pattern is wired into your system…and until you figure out how to get the wires uncrossed, you’re going to keep repeating that pattern. But I have more good news—and more bad news. There is a way to break this pattern…if you sit down and acknowledge the actual common denominator in all of your failed relationships. You.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com  

Buckle up and grab the burn cream, everyone… This is the story of how I got f*cking ROASTED by Dr. Gabor Maté. As most of you know, I recently went through a breakup, and there are a lot of f*cking complicated (and even “contrary”) emotions that come with that. So when I got to go and hear Dr. Gabor Maté speak—and then got the incredible opportunity to ask a question—I asked him how to navigate the clash of deep compassion and intense anger toward my partner. And what he had to say? I’m talking third-degree burn shit. Even though it was painful…it was something I really, really needed to hear. And I’m betting a lot of you need to hear it, too.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

So—we’ve talked before about how butterflies in the stomach, not being able to eat, etc. are actually signs of some fucking MAJOR dysregulation, not being in love… But what happens when you DO start avoiding that feeling…and you end up dating someone who’s boring as batshit? On one hand, it is super fucking easy to mistake “safe” for “boring” when you’re used to dating in dysregulation. But on the other…as my guest says on today’s episode, we’re not out here to do charity work. You don’t need to date someone you don’t have any interest in. So how do you tell the difference between obsession, boredom, and actual healthy love? The infamous Sabrina Zohar, relationship and dating coach and absolute brilliant badass, is here to lay it all out for us. You’re going to want to take notes, babe.   WORK WITH SABRINA: Website: https://www.sabrinazohar.com/    CONNECT WITH SABRINA: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sabrina.zohar/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sabrina.zohar  Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Dsp24A82JkYRXytiA2qRt?si=gCgNRBDiSZOKkTGh8r_-SA&nd=1&dlsi=0d638797b2134735    WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

I got introduced to a new phrase (but not a new idea) by a recent Chappell Roan interview: Walk Away Energy. When asked how she stays so chill despite all her success, Chappell Roan said it was because she has “walk away energy.” And I absolutely had to sit down and talk about that. “Walk away energy”  is similar to the detachment idea we were talking about here recently. It’s the idea that you are never, ever willing to stay in something that is past its expiration date; it’s the concept that you trust yourself enough to walk away from something when it’s over, or when someone isn’t treating you the way you deserve. It’s taking all those thoughts of “But what if this is the best I can get?” and throwing them the f*ck away.  If someone isn’t meeting your standards, you don’t have to stick around and tell them that you deserve to be treated better.  When you have walk away energy, you don’t waste your time begging for the bare minimum. You just walk away. It sounds easier than it is…but once you master it, you’ll find it’s your most powerful tool for attracting the kind of relationship you ACTUALLY deserve.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

It is truly so exciting to watch one of your clients blossom…and my guest this week, Abigail, is a perfect example. Just a short while ago, she was living in her spare bedroom, trying to “fix” herself for the sake of other people…and now, I've witnessed this woman blossom and come into her own as she embodies what it means to be a high-value woman. Too many of you think that these kinds of transformations aren’t possible for you…which is why it’s important to hear these stories from people who have actually DONE the thing.  This work, this change…it’s for everyone. For me, for Abigail…and for you.   WORK WITH ABIGAIL: Arrange a boudoir photography session with Abigail: www.gingerephotography.com Get one month FREE working with Abigail in exchange for an honest review! Use coupon code “michellepanning” now:  www.abigailknows.com   CONNECT WITH ABIGAIL:  Listen to my guest episode on Abigail’s podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7l69B9CLs9KeY6zCytd5s1?si=t1WOYUQfQX-_S7L8Kgdr2Q  Abigail’s Instagram: @kaizenlearninglabs, @gingerephotography Abigail’s TikTok: @kaizenlearninglabs, @bosscamp101 The Kaizen Learning Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/64pxVLoQM8DjmjGtK2YgWF?si=_Mo_sEAmSvqAGthC1DqZEg    WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Here’s what to do if you feel someone pulling away from you. Ready? Let them. I’m serious as f*ck. If someone starts to pull away from you, if someone wants to break up, if someone refuses to meet your standards, if someone won’t pick their shit up off the floor even when you’ve asked a hundred times… Just let them. The “Let Them” theory, coined by Mel Robbins, is literally that simple. People are going to do what they’re going to do whether you try to change it or not…so just let them. You’ll be amazed how much weight lifts off your shoulders. However, as amazing as this framework is, I think there’s a piece missing—and that piece is shadow work.    WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

When you hear “detachment,” what do you think it means? If your mind went straight to the idea of apathy, not caring what happens or what you’re doing, etcetera…you’re not the only one.  But you’re also wrong.  Detachment isn’t apathy. Detachment is power. And when you master detachment…it’s going to transform your whole motherf*cking life. Here are some of the things you need to detach from—and how to begin to let it all go.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Want to experience a profound transformation that lasts a lifetime? Sign up for the Retreats BUNDLE: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/alchemy-retreat-bundle-2026/   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Well. We broke up. You probably got that from the title. But in case you were wondering…no, it’s not clickbait.  My partner Drew and I have decided to split up. It’s sad. And right. And so, so hard.  I’m grieving. I’m excited. I’m struggling. I’m hopeful. There is such duality in breakups, no matter how healthy or unhealthy the relationship might have been…and navigating them in a regulated, healthy way is a fucking BEAST. So it’s a good thing I’m here to give you the play-by-play, yeah? Snap those headphones on and get ready to listen. Let’s talk about my breakup…and everything that’s changing behind the scenes.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Want to experience a profound transformation that lasts a lifetime?  The Retreats: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/alchemy-retreat-bundle-2026/   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Two words: Pretty. Privilege. It’s thrown in the faces of people who happen to be conventionally attractive to imply that they have no right to complain about their struggles, particularly if they struggle with confidence. “Well, you have the perfect body, so you can’t be insecure.” “Well, you’re pretty, so what do you have to feel bad about?” You know what’s really not cute? Invalidating the experiences of other people based on their external reality. I’ve got my bestie Caitlin back on the podcast today, and we’re going over all things CONFIDENCE: our own struggles with insecurity, why your external reality actually has fuck-all to do with how confident you are, our absolute cringiest moments (yeah, we’re getting fucking real today), and ways to actually start boosting your confidence that have nothing to do with dieting, skincare, or anything else. Because it doesn’t matter if you’ve got “pretty privilege” or not…insecurity can still eat you alive if you don’t do the work.   WORK WITH CAITLIN: Website: https://completebycaitlin.com/    CONNECT WITH CAITLIN: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/complete_bycaitlin?igsh=eDVwdGx0a3h5c3Vr   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  This is not your average confidence course. Join MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY: https://michellepanning.com/main-character-energy  Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com