539. Coaching Hotline: Letting Go Of Hurt When Someone Skips Your Wedding

You can’t just think a new thought and expect your brain to believe it. If you’ve ever tried telling yourself you’re worthy, confident, or beautiful, only to have your brain immediately argue with you, you know what I’m talking about. In this Classics episode, I’m revisiting one of the most powerful tools I teach for changing your thoughts: the thought ladder. I’ll explain why thinking something and actually believing it are two very different things, and why trying to force yourself to believe a thought that feels completely out of reach can leave you feeling even worse.You’ll learn how to use the thought ladder to move from the thoughts you currently believe toward the thoughts you want to believe, one manageable step at a time. I’ll share practical techniques for finding ladder thoughts your brain can actually get on board with, including how to make a thought feel less personal and how to know when you’re ready for the next step. Thought work is not about transforming your brain overnight. It’s about practicing small changes that add up to a fundamentally different relationship with yourself.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/540Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Your maid of honor didn't come to your wedding, and you're still hurt about it. How do you move on when someone you care about misses an event that was supposed to be so important? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener's question about lingering hurt and why we can get stuck replaying someone else's behavior long after the event itself has passed. I'll help you unpack the thoughts you're having about what her absence means, from what you think a maid of honor or a good friend should do to what you're making it mean about how much she cares about you. You'll learn how to separate the facts from your interpretations, question the assumptions you're making about her intentions, and find some room to let go of the hurt without pretending you weren't disappointed. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/539Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Women are taught that anger makes us difficult, irrational, or unlikeable, while men’s anger is often treated as justified or even heroic. So what happens when you learn to suppress your anger, even when something genuinely matters to you? In this episode, I share a coaching story about a client who was angry about the unequal division of household labor in her marriage and refused to accept the idea that her anger was the problem. We talk about how women are socialized to repress anger and why that can come at a real cost.I’ll explain why anger is a normal human emotion, but that does not mean every angry reaction is useful or aligned with your values. You’ll learn how to distinguish between feeling angry and acting out of anger, how to decide whether your anger is telling you something important, and why you can allow yourself to feel it without letting it control your behavior.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/538Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

What does nervous system regulation actually mean, and how does it relate to your emotions? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about the difference between feeling an emotion, experiencing nervous system activation, and being “regulated.”I explain what people are actually referring to when they talk about nervous system regulation, why being regulated does not mean you never feel angry, sad, or ashamed, and how awareness of your body can support your thought work. You’ll learn why the goal is not to eliminate uncomfortable emotions, but to notice what is happening, give yourself the support you need, and choose how you want to respond. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/537Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Have you ever avoided dealing with a problem because facing it felt too overwhelming, uncomfortable, or scary? In this episode, I share a story from my own life that shows exactly how much worse problems can become when we avoid addressing them. We’ll look at why your brain is so drawn to avoidance, even when you know intellectually that avoiding something will not make it disappear.I explain what is happening when your brain tries to protect you from discomfort and why the short-term relief of avoidance often creates bigger problems later. You’ll learn how to identify the problems you may be avoiding, understand the emotions underneath that avoidance, and start approaching difficult situations with more courage and clarity.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/536Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you find yourself comparing yourself to every woman you see when you are out with your partner? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about hyper-vigilantly scanning other women and feeling like you are constantly being ranked against them.I share why this pattern is not a personal failure, but a result of the way women are socialized to see other women as competition for attention, validation, and being chosen. You’ll hear why the solution is not trying to prove that you are the most attractive person in the room, but building a sense of your own value that is not dependent on your appearance or someone else’s approval.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/535Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

What does it really take to own your success? In this episode, I’m joined by two of my clients, Cecilie Nielsen and Megan Negendank, to talk about what happened when they stopped treating their goals as proof of their worth and started building a stronger relationship with themselves. We discuss what it looks like to grow a business, achieve ambitious goals, and still learn how to trust yourself, take care of yourself, and enjoy the life you are creating.Cecilie and Megan share the mindset shifts that helped them move through fear, burnout, self-criticism, and uncertainty while continuing to grow. You’ll hear why success does not eliminate doubt, why the goal itself is not the thing that creates fulfillment, and how trusting yourself can change the way you approach entrepreneurship, challenges, and the next big thing you want to create.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/534Learn more about the Mission Impossible Mastermind here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/mimWatch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Learn more about Megan's work: https://www.lovehealgrow.com/Learn more about Cecilie's work: https://www.cn8.co.uk/

Why does planning a wedding so often bring up feelings of not being good enough? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about why wedding planning can trigger insecurities around your body, age, money, and worth. I explain how weddings have become tied up with social expectations, commercialization, and the pressure to create a perfect version of yourself.You'll hear how thought work can help you untangle the beliefs underneath those feelings, question the unrealistic standards you are holding yourself to, and decide what your wedding is actually about for you.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/533Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

My book "Take Back Your Brain: How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head... and How to Get it Out" is available as an audiobook and hardcover wherever books and audiobooks are sold!Click here to order yours: unfuckyourbrain.com/book

We are all going to age. So why are women constantly being sold the idea that aging is something we should fight, prevent, or fix? In this episode, I unpack why the entire concept of “anti-aging” is worth questioning and how the pressure to look younger keeps women focused on monitoring, improving, and judging themselves instead of living their actual lives.I talk about why anti-aging is an impossible goal, how beauty standards shape the way women relate to themselves, and why changing your appearance cannot create the feelings you are actually looking for. You’ll learn how to take back authority over your own thoughts about aging and build a relationship with yourself that is not based on constantly trying to improve or fix who you are.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/532Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/