512. Most Habit Change Advice is Wrong - Inconsistency is the Key to Success (Greatest Hits)

Are you staying in a relationship because you truly want to stay, or because you are afraid of what you will think about yourself if you leave? This week, I answer a Coaching Hotline question from a listener who is wondering whether she is staying in her marriage because she wants to or because she is scared of how mean she will be to herself if she chooses to leave. I share why you cannot make a clear decision when you are also preparing to punish yourself for one of the options, and why learning to trust yourself is the first step to making choices from confidence instead of fear. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/513Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Most habit advice tells you to be perfectly consistent, show up every day, and never miss a beat. But that pressure is exactly what keeps people from forming habits in the first place. In this episode, I explain why embracing inconsistency is actually the key to building habits that last.You'll hear why perfectionism makes setbacks feel like failure, how small repeated actions gradually become automatic, and why flexible, forgiving practice aligns with the way your brain actually learns. This Greatest Hits episode gives you a fresh approach to habit change that reduces shame, removes pressure, and helps you make lasting changes without needing to be perfect.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/512Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you catch yourself resenting opportunities others get, even when they’re designed to increase fairness or diversity? In this episode, I answer a listener struggling with scarcity thinking at work and explain why it’s the thought, not the circumstance, that creates anxiety and resentment. You'll hear how women are socialized to wait for rewards instead of creating them, and why taking responsibility for your own success lets you see opportunity and achievement as something you generate, not something handed out.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/511Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

It’s so easy to get burned out by the nonstop flood of political news, social pressure, work, and everything else we carry. But it doesn't have to be this way. You can choose how you engage, stay informed, and still be fully present in your own life without sacrificing your happiness, and my guest this week is a great example of doing just that. I'm joined by Zerlina Maxwell, a SiriusXM radio host, author, and political analyst, to talk about reclaiming her time, attention, and happiness while staying engaged with American politics and media. We discuss how gender, race, and social expectations shape the pressure women feel to exhaust themselves and why making intentional choices matters. Tune in to learn how to take ownership of your happiness, set boundaries around your time and attention, and show up in the world on your own terms. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/510Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Follow Zerlina Maxwell on Instagram: instagram.com/zerlinamaxwell/

Do you notice old patterns creeping back in when you start dating someone new, even after making real progress on your thoughts? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener who finds herself feeling needy and seeking validation in new relationships. We unpack why this happens, why it’s completely normal, and how understanding what’s going on in your thoughts can help you navigate these familiar patterns without judgment.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/509Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

If you’ve ever answered “fine” when you weren’t really fine, this episode is for you. Saying “fine” may feel safe in the moment, but it trains your brain to ignore your desires, feelings, and needs, leaving you disconnected from yourself, burnt out, and frustrated.In this episode, I explore why socialization and evolutionary wiring make women suppress anger, disappointment, and discomfort to avoid judgment, and why that tiny word hides so much more than you realize. You'll hear the two steps you can take today to start rewiring this pattern in your brain and rebuild your connection to yourself.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/508Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Does receiving feedback make you spiral into shame, anxiety, or self-doubt? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener who struggles to separate her self-worth from professional critique. You'll hear why those intense feelings are actually avoided emotions showing up, how your brain prioritizes short-term discomfort over thoughtful response, and why trying to get through the feelings quickly keeps you stuck. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/507Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

If you’ve ever eaten a sandwich when you really wanted dumplings, turned down help you needed, or stayed silent in a meeting because it felt safer to bite your tongue, listen in. Your brain focuses on the short-term pain of asking for what you want and the anxiety or shame that follows, but avoiding those feelings comes at a much bigger cost.In this episode, I slow everything down and examine how a single choice, from the tiniest to the biggest, can ripple across your day, your relationships, and even your career. You'll learn why socialization and internalized beliefs train women to suppress wants and prioritize others, and how speaking up even when it feels awkward is the key to preserving your energy, your agency, and your connection to what matters.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/506Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Why do we wear makeup, and does it even matter? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener question about makeup and body image. I explain why wearing makeup is a personal choice and often a form of self-expression, not a reflection of whether you have done the inner work to love your body.I also tackle a question about humility and how it can be useful in managing your mind. This episode shows how examining the thoughts behind your choices, about humility, appearance, and social expectations can shift your perspective and reduce unnecessary self-judgment.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/505Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoachingFollow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

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