495. Coaching Hotline: Stop Romanticizing the Future & Why We Chase People Who Don’t Want Us

There is one thought that quietly sabotages almost every goal you care about, and you probably don’t even realize it’s a thought because it sounds like a fact.In this episode, I break down the three words that stop us from following through on what we want and explain why believing this thought can make it feel impossible to achieve the results you are working toward. Plus, I share a three-step practice you can use to rewire this pattern. Listen in, because changing this thought can be the difference between quitting too soon and finally seeing the results of the work you have been doing all along.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/496Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.

Do you ever find yourself planning for the future and imagining how perfect it's going to be? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer two listener questions about fantasies and expectations. I explore why romanticizing the future can take you out of the present and why trying to control your thoughts about someone else only makes you feel more out of control. I break down how our brains trick us into conflating circumstances and thoughts, showing why happiness and fulfillment are created by the thoughts you are having now, not by money, experiences, or other people. You’ll hear why striving to reject negative emotions or desires only gives them power, and why chasing validation from others is ultimately about how you relate to yourself. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/495Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.

How many times have you been doing the work, trying to change, and then completely lost it? You yelled at your kids, said yes when you meant no, or spent money you promised yourself you wouldn't, and thought, "I am failing. This is not working. I should just give up." We’ve all done this, which means we’ve all quit on change when we were already in the process, but just couldn’t see it.In this episode, I break down the six stages of behavior change so you can see that you are already in the process of change, even when it doesn't feel like it. You'll hear why shame keeps you stuck, why self-compassion is the bridge to noticing your behavior, and how observing yourself without judgment allows real change to begin. Plus, I share specific prompts and practical ways to work with yourself at each stage so you can finally create the change you want.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/494Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/If you want to go deeper on what it's like to be a coach or how to bring coaching into your current work, check out my new podcast, The Future Coach! You can find it anywhere you get your podcasts.Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.

Making friends as an adult can feel intimidating, especially when it seems like your upbringing didn't give you the skills to navigate social connections. In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer two listener questions about friendships and social interactions. I explore why it is possible to build friendships while continuing your self-work, and why the story you tell yourself about your friendship skills can keep you stuck.I also tackle the tricky line between honesty and people pleasing. I break down why volunteering opinions that nobody asked for is not automatically people pleasing and why the key is understanding your own motivations behind sharing advice or judgments. This episode will help you distinguish between speaking your truth for yourself and managing your behavior out of concern for others’ approval.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/493Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.

This week, I break down the three foundational principles that will allow you to coach yourself effectively, no matter where you are on your thought work journey. If you’re new to the podcast, this is an essential episode to ground you in the basics of cognitive change. If you’ve been here a while, I guarantee you’ll hear these keys in a new light, ready to take them deeper.Listen in to discover why thoughts create feelings, which drive behavior, and why trying to change your actions to feel better is a recipe for failure. Plus, I explain why self-compassion (or at least self-neutrality) is crucial if you want to truly change your behavior or achieve your goals.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/492Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.

What’s the point of setting goals if you already feel how you want to feel? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener question about thought work and goals, and why it can feel like your whole motivational system breaks when you stop chasing goals just to feel differently about yourself.I also answer a question about the philosophical underpinnings of thought work, moral objectivism, and whether thought work requires you to believe there is no objective good or bad. You'll hear why thought work is not a purity exercise, why it can still be useful even if you do not take it to the same radical place I do philosophically, and why working against patriarchy can come from preference, values, and desire rather than objective proof.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/491Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.

How many times have you promised yourself that this time you were finally going to stop procrastinating? Maybe you bought another planner to color-code, or scoured the internet for the best productivity tips. You want to solve this problem, but what if procrastination isn't the problem you think it is?In this episode, I show you why procrastination is not a character flaw, a willpower problem, or proof that you are secretly broken. It is an emotional avoidance strategy, and once you understand that, you can finally stop trying to solve it at the wrong level. I walk you through the three steps to actually changing this pattern, plus share some specific ways to think about procrastination if you have ADHD or suspect you might.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/490Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.

Social media will happily turn your nervous system into a tiny squirrel hunting for dopamine, my friends. This week, I coach a listener who keeps checking likes and engagement on posts for her business. Instead of treating likes, commissions, creative desire, and income as one tangled emotional knot, I show you how to separate the questions so your brain can stop making Instagram engagement mean everything about your art, your business, or your worth.Then, I answer a deeper question about emotional vulnerability and thought work, especially in relation to Brené Brown’s work. This episode will show you how to untangle social media validation, business confusion, self judgment, and authenticity so you can see what is actually happening in your brain.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/489Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.

So many women think there’s something wrong with their sex drive, when the real issue is how they’ve been taught to relate to their body. In this episode, I sit down with sex coach Laura Jurgens to explore why low libido is not just a mindset problem or a medical issue, and how repeated experiences, socialization, and nervous system patterns shape your relationship with intimacy.If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your desire or unsure how to create a more fulfilling sex life, this episode will help you see what’s actually getting in the way. You’ll learn how to reconnect with your own preferences, communicate what you want, and build a sense of safety and agency in your body so intimacy can feel more natural and enjoyable.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/488Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheilLearn more about Laura's work here: laurajurgens.comGrab Laura's free guide, Get Out of Your Head, here: laurajurgens.myflodesk.com/h1zqbvc842Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.

Do you struggle to feel at peace with your body when you gain weight? Or worry that gaining weight will result in health issues? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I invite you to challenge the beliefs that weight is synonymous with health and that health is synonymous with morality (spoiler alert, it's not).Then, I tackle a listener question about unclear work expectations and how that impacts their perceived success in the role. I show you how to step into clarity and confidence so you can take action on what matters most and stop feeling frustrated by things that are out of your control.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/487Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.The Future Coach Podcast is Here!The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.