286. Desire for a partner (re-release)

This week we're bringing you another old favourite episode from the vault (November 2021!) as the Love Is The Power retreat last week meant no new recordings. Enjoy! We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Have you ever considered that desire, lack, and fear might go together? For example, you believe something’s missing from your life (like a romantic relationship) and then you desire to fill that gap. Or, you desire to be with a partner and simultaneously fear rejection. Many of us have bought into the idea that the formula for bringing something into our experience is to identify lack and to desire what is evidently missing. But if lack and fear bookend desire, wouldn’t you rather choose a more effortless and natural way to live? Rather than playing the desire, fear, and lack game, what if you let people and relationships come and go as they may? Who would you be in this moment if you were completely free of desire?

Hey Love Is The Power friends! This week we're coming to you with an old favourite episode from all the way back in 2020: The cost of careful living. When we know who and what we are is good, we want to see our blind spots. We stop living carefully and live more honestly. Which pretty much guarantees that someone will be offended. To the mind, the path of unconditional peace can look like silence or being a "doormat." But is it? Luckily, there is only one way to find out. Join in this inquiry with a situation from your own life, or just enjoy the shares from participants.

This week’s episode explores an experience that’s probably familiar to a lot of people who practice self-inquiry or another spiritual practice. On any kind of ‘spiritual’ path, it’s easy to experience a lack – a desire for what you might call ‘enlightenment.’ We can hear about and understand the idea of oneness, that in reality nothing is separate, and want to know that for ourselves… sometimes to the point of causing a lot of stress in our day-to-day experience. What would it be like to drop that desire for a moment? Or to drop the idea that since we’ve done The Work so much, we should be okay with everything by now. If you can relate to any of these experiences of self-beratement in the name of ‘enlightenment,’ this episode is for you!

This week’s episode is a group inquiry into what it’s like when we believe we have to change something about ourselves. Whether it’s big (like an addiction or relationship pattern) or small (like a tendency to leave wet laundry in the washing machine), most of us tend to pick up this idea somewhere along the way in childhood that who we are, exactly the way we are isn’t enough or acceptable. What can go hand in hand with that belief is the belief that the people around us aren’t allowed to be the way they are either. And then we tend to throw in the whole world at that point and condemn it too. But if we get still, how does this thought actually affect us? What if we could let go of needing to change something about ourselves or anyone else for a moment? What would that be like? Join in this group inquiry and experience your answer for yourself.

This week’s meditative contemplation begins with an invitation to notice what comes up internally in response to Byron Katie’s statement that just when you think it can’t get any better, it has to – it’s the law. You might notice the mind brings up every opposition possible. It seems so backwards, doesn’t it? On planet Earth we’re accustomed to thinking, “Well, it can always get worse,” and trying to prevent whatever that is. But could Katie be right? What if it really is the nature of the Universe that it can just get better and better, and as Tom puts it in this episode, when we struggle it’s because we’re attached to struggling? Sometimes when we question these long-held beliefs, a vague sense of lacking the authority to create our own reality through our powerful minds can surface. That’s why The Work is so powerful – you get to ask you what is true. Enjoy this beautiful flow of conversation and insight on living self-inquiry, led by Tom Compton as he begins another joyful lap around the sun.

This week’s episode is for anyone who has ever felt the paralysis of trying to make a decision while the thought “I could get it wrong” is playing on a loop in your mind. In this group inquiry, we’re looking at that thought; whether it’s actually true, how it affects us when we believe it, and who we would be without it. What if life isn’t constantly measuring us and judging every action or inaction? What if it’s like a car GPS that, when we miss an exit or take a ‘wrong’ turn, simply reroutes and shows us the fastest way from where we are to where we want to be? What if the condemning is all an inside job–and inside job we could simply let go of?

This week’s episode is an inquiry into our concepts of time and space. We can be very devoted to our belief in time and space, to the point that we begin to see ourselves as dependent on it. The body may be subject to the rules of time and space, but is the body you? Or are you the awareness that the experience of the body is located in? That pure awareness, as Tom puts it, is the location for everything. An analogy for that pure awareness that we are is light; light has no texture, no substance. Objects can come into the light to be reflected and therefore experienced. We can often get caught up in identifying with the object being reflected in the light, but who we really are is the pure light – the pure awareness that has room for everything.

One beautiful aspect of working in a group setting like the Love Is The Power meditation calls is that one person’s brave and vulnerable share can create a whole ripple effect of profound awareness for everyone. That’s exactly what happens in this week’s episode when one inquirer’s childhood comes up to the surface and exposes the universal experience of wanting to be wanted. Whether by a parent, sibling, lover, boss, teacher, or anyone else the mind can come up with, that desire to be wanted is one that most of us can really struggle with. We all know that one specific way we imagine being wanted–how it would look and feel. In this episode Tom asks: Could you want yourself in exactly that way? If that feels hard to imagine, the invitation is to listen to this episode and follow along. Even if it feels easy to picture, this episode is rich with deep awareness for anyone wanting to step into a lighter experience of themselves.

This week’s episode is a deep dive into the world of body odour–actually, better said: it’s a deep dive into the world of doubting our goodness. You may be asking yourself, What does that have to do with B.O.? Well, have you ever sat next to someone with what you might have experienced as an unpleasant smell? Some people in the Love Is The Power inquiry group have, and many experienced the awkwardness of either telling the person and having them be hurt or offended, or suffering silently in fear of offending. And as the meditation gets deeper, what surfaces is the fear that who and what we are (as in humanity) is not truly good, and how it can make us so afraid of ‘causing’ someone else’s hurt. So, the question remains: what do you do if you’re experiencing someone’s behaviour (or odour) unpleasant? Follow along with the group inquiry to find out for yourself.

When we find ourselves in a process of self-inquiry, the way that our perspective shifts is truly miraculous. We see things differently. The people in our lives, the situations we’re in, the resources we have, and most of all, ourselves. In this experience of seeing life differently, one of the fears that the mind will often bring up is the fear of going ‘crazy’ or losing our minds. (It’s actually quite a literal fear: the ego-mind is afraid to not exist, thus the terrifying images of what it must look like to “lose” it.) This week’s group inquiry centers on this fear while also looking at the sidebar fear of being proclaimed “unacceptable.” Who would we be without even these stories? As Katie says, there is nothing so dark that we cannot put it on paper, question it, and set ourselves free.