256. I'm responsible for [insert chosen person]'s happiness

This week’s deep inquiry begins with a simple invitation: to notice what arises within you when you allow yourself to consciously experience being open to any and all possibilities in life. In this group meditation, what comes up in response to Tom’s prompt is fear. It feels terrifying to open to all possibilities when those possibilities include things we think we very much would not like to experience; things we think we wouldn’t be able to handle. Going back to last week’s episode theme, we are convinced that something truly terrible can happen. This episode expands on that conversation with the idea that we could do something unforgivable. Something beyond forgiveness. We could go somewhere that love cannot reach us.But is that true? If it’s a friendly Universe, how could something we call ‘unforgivable’ be a good and beautiful thing? If you’re up for it, there’s a profound inquiry available this week – one that points to a profound experience of life waiting on the other side of unforgivable.

The mind wonders if there’s even any point in questioning a thought like, “Something terrible can happen.” It seems so obviously true. “Of course something terrible can happen! I could lose my job, my partner/child/parent/friend could die, I could get sick … and that’s not even counting all the terrible things already happening like wars and starvation.” Yes. That is true. All of those things could happen and are happening. But in this powerful inquiry on some sensitive subjects, Tom asks question two of The Work: “Can you absolutely know it’s true?” Can you absolutely, positively-for-sure know it’s true that something terrible can happen? Or could it be possible that the words of mystic St. Catherine of Siena are applicable to this story, that the absolute innocence of all within creation takes awhile to understand. Either way, we have the freedom to check in for ourselves and question painful stories. We have the freedom to notice whether believing this thought helps us show up in the world as truly helpful, happy beings – or not.

This week’s episode explores the thought, “I need to be valued.” This thought can become so insidious with its underlying beliefs – for example, believing our support, our existence depends on being liked by others. There can be a laundry list of things we think we need to be valued for: our time, our presence, our various roles, and most often just … ourselves. But what happens when we believe this? What becomes of our sense of freedom? As Tom often puts it, does it give us a big, fat ‘Yes!’ to life? Or does this thought become a prison shackle that we try to accommodate by contorting ourselves in order to be valued by others, and resenting them when they don’t come through with that validation? If you’re somewhere on your own freedom journey, we invite you to join this conversation and facilitation guided by Tom.

One of the main aspects of The Work is identifying a thought to question. Part of identifying it can be allowing ourselves to really feel it. So in preparation for this week’s episode, we invite you to look at the people surrounding you in life and really, deeply, as-best-you-can, feel the thought “I’m responsible for their happiness.” What does it feel like in the body? Is there someone in particular who especially triggers this belief most of us pick up so young? If you notice the thought feels constrictive and limiting and stressful, but also somehow like the “right” thing, well…you’re not alone. Follow along with your own inquiry into this thought, and notice what your experience might be like without it.

In this week’s short but sweet episode, we look at wanting attention and the high that seems to come when we get it. Tom points out that the high is really just a moment of experiencing what it’s like to let go of the need for attention. Could it be that what we’re really seeking is the experience of letting go? Often Tom will ask, in response to different desires (“I want people to love/like me, I want to matter, I want security…”), what do you want that for? Usually the answer is some variant of peace, relaxing, letting go, feeling okay, just being, etc. If there’s something you notice you want in this moment, the invitation is to notice what you want it for. Maybe, like this episode’s guest, it isn’t finally getting that thing that will give you the experience you’re looking for. Maybe it’s the letting go of wanting.

Join us this week as we inquire into the idea of screwing it up. For most of us, it was at a young age that we internalized the idea that we could make a mistake. Thus was born the fear of being a screw-up. But is that even a thing? Is screwing up even possible? Perhaps it is when we believe it is – or maybe not even then. But either way, we’re curious about what’s on the other side of this belief. What would it be like to step into the next moment of life without it?

Beginning with a meditation on noticing where we hold back, morphing into a couple powerful solo back-and-forth inquiries, and morphing ultimately into a profound group popcorn-style session, this week’s episode dives into themes like wanting to be special and craving attention. In Tom’s usual style of deeper exploration, though, it also eventually uncovers the extremely intense fear of emotional and even physical pain. It traces that initial prompt of holding back to its real fears, and questions them all, leaving no stone unturned and not holding back in this episode of Love Is The Power, ironically titled: Holding Back.

Who’s ready to question a collection of some of our favourite fears? In this episode, Tom brings up the thought, “There are certain experiences I need to be afraid of.” What follows is a popcorn inquiry of a mish-mash of terrifying situations, including: being burned alive, drowning, being judged, being rejected, losing support, hurting other people, and many more. Choose your own adventure: Fear Edition. What the belief in fear boils down to, we notice, is just not wanting to suffer. But as Tom points out, would you consider being constantly terrified of an endless list of possibilities suffering? Is it really intelligent to hold onto suffering in the form of fear in order to avoid future suffering? If you’re getting the sense it might not be, join us in questioning the thought, “I need my fear.”

Can you think of something you wanted your parents to give you? Comfort, safety, honesty, love, consistency, a calm presence, equality, permission to be yourself… Something you wanted from them that, for whatever reason, they were unable to give. This week’s episode delves into what it’s like to be waiting to be given our heart’s desires from our parents. Whether we’re angry with them for how they treated us, or suspect that they were right and we were the problem, could it be time to take care of the little one inside who feels so abandoned? Could it be time to turn it around and give ourselves what we thought only our parents (or partners, children, and friends) could give us? Join in the group inquiry to notice for yourself.

In this week’s episode we’re exploring the thought, “I am not beautiful.” Can you absolutely know that it’s true that who you are, what you are, is not beautiful? Do you? For many of us, life can become veiled in layers of this thought. Believing ourselves to be unbeautiful brings with it a feeling of being undeserving of good things, so we try to become the best. The best in our career, achievements, relationships, finances… and you know, everything else. But how much of the way we treat ourselves comes from an underlying sense of not being truly, exquisitely, amazingly beautiful in every way? Join the inquiry this week that explores what life is like believing this thought, and conversely, what life becomes without it.