330 – And Here’s To You, Master Barliman

No admittance between sundown and sunrise; except for Shawn, he can come and go as he pleases. Join The Man of the West as he welcomes back The Lord of the Mark as Frodo and friends return to a much-changed Shire in the first of five episodes on The Scouring of the Shire. Merry calls out a fellow Bucklander, Sam recognizes an old friend, and the hobbits are taken downtown for mug shots. We watch as Bill Ferny leaves the scene without a trace, complain about high taxes, and redraw Tolkien’s map of the Shire. Also, Shawn apparently has a cop story to tell us.

Tom talks in trochaic tetrameter today, triggering a trend. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South in his last episode (this season) as we answer listener questions in our 27th Questions After Nightfall! From popular misconceptions about Tolkien to keeping Gandalf on-task, from the nature of hope to the nature of Gothmog, our listeners pose questions — often in limerick form! Alan looks for any excuse to read Quenya, and we decide Norman Fell would have made a good Gildor.

Dark shapes and dreadful things are terrifying Barliman; James and Alan will try not to make it any worse. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as the hobbits conclude their visit to Bree in the final episode on Homeward Bound. Barliman is deeply confused about this whole king thing, the hobbits wonder exactly what Barliman means by “funny goings on”, and Gandalf makes it clear the Shire isn’t his circus and the hobbits aren’t his monkeys. We discuss land-use plans near Bree, and wonder if we should invest in real estate nearby. Also, The Lord of the Mark joins for a Philology Faire — Italy called and wants to talk to him.

Not all wounds can be healed, and not all episode descriptions can be clever. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as we accompany Gandalf and the hobbits on their journey home from Rivendell in the first of our two episodes on Homeward Bound. Frodo provides an accounting of his wounds, Nob’s grammar skills nearly cause a tragedy, and Barliman puts on a brave (albeit talkative) face. We wonder if Erestor gets migraines, discover James is descended from Bill Ferny, and decide to write Barliman and Ioreth fanfic. Also, never ask a valet to park your Bugatti.

Wormtongue wishes he could leave Saruman; James is stuck with Alan for a few more episodes: make of that what you will. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as we get to Rivendell in time for a party in the last of our three episodes on Many Partings. Saruman offers some parting words to the hobbits; the Keepers of the Rings offer total silence; Bilbo offers gifts he’s already given. We note that Gríma and Zathras have something in common, discuss the items for sale on Middle-earth eBay, and agree wholeheartedly with Bilbo about packing. Also, James does a pretty good Aussie accent.

Legolas is at a loss for words after visiting Aglarond with Gimli; Alan is at a loss for words after… well, never, really. Join The Man of the West and The Sage of the South as The Fellowship of the Ring head out on their farewell tour in our second of three episodes on Many Partings. Treebeard speaks his mind about orcs, gives excuses about Saruman, and offers Merry & Pippin just one more drink. Our simple minds speculate about poetry, revisit Gimli’s rizz, and wonder if Thranduil and Treebeard went to the same school for jailers. Also, one man’s treasure is our confusion.

Gimli offers to speedily fetch his axe, while James offers to speedily fetch his microphone. Join The Man of the West in welcoming back The Sage of the South as Théoden is laid to rest in our first of three episodes on Many Partings. Arwen offers Frodo a lovely parting gift, Aragorn gifts the Grey Wood to the Drúadan, and two kings struggle with gift ideas. We talk about Éomer & Gimli’s deathmatch, wonder how you can give away what you’ve already lost, and discover two long lost names for Frodo & Sam. Also, we all need to use plenipotentiary a lot more. 

The reign of Aragorn Elessar begins, as the reign of Sara ends - quite possibly with her sailing off on a ship filled with cats. Join The Man of the West and the Shield-maiden of Rohan as Gandalf and the new king go mountain-climbing in our last episode on The Steward and the King. Frodo tries to be patient, Aragorn looks for a sign, and Arwen arrives with an entourage. We reconcile questionable timelines, and do the math to figure out how tall Mindolluin might be. Shawn joins Alan for a Philology Faire on ye utúvienyes — which apparently means, “Did you know I broke my toe when I kicked that helmet?” Also, Sara considers making apple crumble… from the fruit of the White Tree.

It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for: The Return of… Ioreth. Join The Man of the West and The Shield-maiden of Rohan as Faramir tenders his resignation in our third episode on The Steward and the King. Ioreth educates her kinswoman, Faramir uses his Ask the Audience lifeline, and Aragorn gives Beregond a fright. We wonder why Dol Amroth harpers are the most skillful, agree that ‘never accept single combat with the Witch-king’ is good advice, and relish some more beautiful Quenya. Also, we observe the difference between the Rod of the Stewards and Rod Stewart.

Put your own priorities aside and get ready to do the hard thing as you join us for the PPP’s ninth annual celebration of Tolkien Reading Day, observed every March 25 in honor of the destruction of the Ring and the fall of Barad-dûr. This year’s theme, as chosen by the Tolkien Society, is Service and Sacrifice — and wow, there are lots of great passages to choose from! The Man of the West and The Shield-maiden of Rohan join forces to highlight this powerful theme seen throughout Tolkien’s writing: from Éowyn and her frustration with ‘duty’, to the obvious Húrin moment; from Galadriel’s diminished joy, to a wet bicycle ride. Plus, Amandil’s private island is now head canon.