314. There Is No One Right Way: Mindfulness, Over-Accommodation, and the Tension Between Their Way and Yours

What does following your inner knowing actually look like — not in theory, but in real life, with a mortgage, three kids, and twenty years practicing medicine inside an institution? In this solo episode, Jessie shares the long-form version of her story: how she went from Kaiser pediatrician of 20 years to leading 38 retreats, coaching hundreds of physicians, building Pause & Presence with her husband Mark, moving to Nicasio Creek Farm, and stepping onto the TEDx stage.  Every turn was an act of trust. None of it was a plan. This is not a story about leaving medicine.  It is a story about what becomes possible when you stop overriding your inner knowing — and what changes for the people around you when you do. Listen to hear: Why every turning point was an act of trust, not a plan Where the name Pause & Presence actually came from Working backward from how you want to feel The catalyst that actually moves physicians to change Why making decisions from depletion keeps you stuck What intentional healing spaces make possible The unexpected ripple effect on family, marriage, and kids Pearls of Wisdom Every turn we take toward our inner knowing is an act of trust — and trust grows by following it. What we model is far more powerful than what we say. The biggest gift of change is often the ripple effect on the people we love most. You cannot know the how until you get there — you can only set yourself up well for the process. Your best ideas come in a parasympathetic state, not when you are pushing. Without the pause, we react. Without the presence, we miss our own life. Working backward from how we want to feel is one of the most underused tools in medicine. Suffering is not required to make meaningful change. Reflection Questions Where in your life are you choosing fine over alive? How do you want to feel most days — and how do you feel now? What is one small act of trust you could make this week? What are you modeling for the people we love, whether you mean to or not? Where might support help you trust your own inner knowing more? Ways to work with Jessie Mahoney MD 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com CME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

Food can become one more place where we try to get it right, especially in midlife. Perimenopause and menopause add more noise, rules, and self-judgment around food.  In this conversation, Dr. Heather Awad and Dr. Jessie Mahoney explore a kinder, simpler approach to mindful eating in midlife and menopause. We talk about nourishment rather than perfection, eating real meals instead of grazing, and using protein and vegetables as a gentle anchor rather than as another rigid rule.  We reflect on emotional eating, sugar, self-compassion, and how to make supportive choices on the busiest days.  This is not about doing food perfectly. It is about building more trust, steadiness, and ease in our relationship with food and with ourselves. Jessie reflects on the approach to nourishment she and her husband, Mark, share at retreats: food as medicine, culinary medicine, family-style, farm-to-table meals, and a return to the basics. The invitation is to be thoughtful, kind, and intentional about how we nourish ourselves. What emerges instead is a return to the basics: eating like your grandma, choosing real food, and being thoughtful, kind, and caring toward our bodies. It is a mindful and intentional approach to nourishment rather than another performance project. At retreats, nourishment is not only about what is on the plate. It is also about beauty, delight, creativity, and presence. Jessie reflects on tasting with your eyes, on how beautiful food can feel nourishing before we even take a bite, and on desserts that feel special, intentional, and thoughtfully made.  In that spirit, food becomes something to savor and enjoy with attention, rather than another place to strive or follow rules. In this episode, we discuss: How food can become another arena for striving and performance The value of simple meals over grazing all day Emotional eating and the importance of pausing with awareness Protein and vegetables as a helpful foundation in midlife Backup meals and flexibility for busy real lives Why shame and self-criticism do not create lasting change How to be more intentional about sugar and dessert What nourishment can look like in retreat spaces and everyday life Pearls of Wisdom Midlife eating does not have to be a part-time job. A simpler meal structure can support awareness and steadiness. Self-compassion creates more sustainable change than striving. Food can be beautiful, creative, and deeply nourishing when approached with intention. Reflection Questions Where has food become one more place where you try to perform or get it right? What might change if you approached midlife eating with more kindness and less striving? What stories are you telling yourself about your body, and how are those stories affecting you? How might beauty, creativity, and delight become part of nourishment? Dr. Heather Awad's Links: Free Resource: vibrant-md.com/breakfast LinkedIn: /www.linkedin.com/in/heatherawadmd/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/heatherawadmd/ Facebook: www.facebook.com/heathervibrantmd YouTube:www.youtube.com/channel/UC8ksjIG1j7eIRttczBE1o2Q Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

Have you ever been asked to do something in a way that just didn't sit right with you? If you are a physician, the answer is almost certainly yes — and probably this week. We get trained to defer, to accommodate, to keep the peace, to make it work. And somewhere along the way, accommodation stops being a skill and starts being a default. A reflex. A cost. There is a quiet teaching most physicians absorb without realizing it: that there is one right way to do things, and our job is to find it, follow it, and not step out of line. The tension between that conditioning and our own inner knowing is the territory of this episode. There is no one right way. There are many. In this episode, Jessie and Ni-Cheng sit with the exact moment that conditioning gets tested — the bristle, the chest tightness, the split-second pull between complying, refusing, or saying nothing at all. Jessie shares a current dilemma where her expertise and what is being asked of her are not quite aligned. Ni-Cheng offers examples from her own practice, including the automatic bristle that comes when a patient hands her a pre-written letter to sign. Together they explore why over-accommodation is so common in medicine, what it actually costs us, and how mindfulness opens up something better than compliance or conflict. In this episode Jessie walks through the layers underneath that moment of tension — why it is rarely just about the task, and why physicians in particular are so prone to over-accommodation. The episode explores the hidden cost of defaulting to easy, good, and agreeable; the difference between an automatic reaction and a true inner knowing; the third option that becomes possible when we pause; and the four C's that change everything — curiosity, creativity, connection, and co-creation. Above all, this episode is a reminder that there is no one right way to practice medicine, lead, parent, or live. There are many. What we explore Why over-accommodation is so common — and so costly — for physicians What the moment of tension is really about: identity, safety, boundaries, belonging, self-trust How conditioning, hierarchy, and perfectionism shape our reactivity The difference between automatic reaction and true inner knowing The pause, the third option, and the four C's Why there is no one right way — there are many Pearls of Wisdom There is no one right way. There are many. Over-accommodation is a trained response, not a personality trait. It can be unlearned. The moment of tension is not just about the ask. It is about identity, safety, boundaries, belonging, and self-trust. Their urgency is not your urgency. You can choose alignment over someone else's approval — without abandoning the relationship. Not every disagreement means your inner knowing is one hundred percent right. Mindfulness helps us tell the difference. Reflection Questions When was the last time something didn't feel right, but we went along with it anyway? What did that cost us emotionally, energetically, or relationally? Where in our work or life have we confused accommodation with care? How do we recognize our inner yes versus our inner no? Where might we experiment with pausing before automatically agreeing or automatically refusing? What would it look like to trust ourselves a bit more — and stay curious about their perspective at the same time? Ways to work with Jessie 1:1 Coaching: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/ CME Wellness Retreats — Connect in Nature & Nicasio Creek Farm Women Physicians Retreat: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Jessie's Blog: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog Podcast Page: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

Most charting advice for doctors focuses on efficiency tools, templates, dot phrases, AI scribes, and time-blocking. Those things help. But they don't address the real reason so many physicians chart late into the night: the nervous system state we are in when we sit down to chart. If charting is taking over your evenings, weekends, and mental space, this episode is for you. Dr. Jessie Mahoney, a board-certified pediatrician, physician coach, and former physician wellness leader at Kaiser Permanente, shares a mindful, sustainable approach to clinical documentation that doesn't require working faster, working later, or any other productivity hack. In this episode, you'll learn: Why charting feels harder than it should — even when you know what to write The mindset shift that makes notes flow instead of stalling How perfectionism, people-pleasing, and over-explaining quietly inflate every chart A presence-based practice you can use between patients to reset Why "charting with ease" is possible without sacrificing clinical quality This conversation is for physicians who are tired of pajama-time charting and want a sustainable, human approach to EHR documentation. Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast. If this resonates, go deeper with 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/ Connect in Nature & CME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Blog: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog

Are you tired of mothering on autopilot or reactively? Of loving your kids deeply and sometimes losing yourself in the loving?  Of the constant " Am I doing this right?" In our annual Mother's Day episode, we explore "mothering on purpose."  Between us, we have an 8-year-old, a 16-year-old, a 21-year-old, a 26-year-old, and an almost 30-year-old. Each one needs something different.  What is similar is the approach.  "Your approach determines the landing." We get into not fixing, not swooping, holding your tongue, and recognizing that your urgency is not their urgency.  We talk about reparenting yourself in real time and becoming the mother you wish you'd had.  About mothering all the way out into adult children, in-laws, and grandchildren, and Jessie walks through mindfulness tenets as a framework for intentional mothering: patience, non-judgment, trust, letting go, acceptance, curiosity, generosity, gratitude, and paying attention on purpose. Pearls of Wisdom "Your approach determines the landing." Their struggle isn't yours to absorb. Hold it, look at it, put it down. "We are raising children to become adults, not raising children to stay kids." Your urgency is not their urgency. Sometimes love is sitting in silence. You can be the mother you wish you'd had.  Mothering is a long game.  Reflection Questions What tone and energy are you mothering from? Are you absorbing things that aren't yours? Solving problems that aren't yours to solve? What energy or intention do you want to bring to your mothering? Mindful coaching is one of the most powerful ways we know to parent with presence and intention.  Whether you're navigating a teenager, an adult child, or grandchildren, or simply your own urge to fix and swoop — coaching helps you build the skills to mother on purpose. A special invitation: join us at Connect in Nature at Nicasio Creek Farm. Mindfulness and yoga in the redwoods, the yurt, and the gardens. A few spaces are left this summer. Partners welcome. 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/ Connect in Nature & CME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Blog: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

What happens when you've done all the right things, built the life you were supposed to build, and something inside you still won't settle?  This episode is for the physician whose inner self feels restless.  You'll hear Ni-Cheng share the raw truth of being diagnosed with breast cancer at 31 and what her body was trying to tell her. Jessie tells the story of the day she handed in her resignation and felt sick instead of relieved.  You'll meet the concept of expansion anxiety — the feeling that you've lost your mind when really you're just growing — and the idea of jumping into cold water with a life preserver.  You'll leave with permission to stop using struggle as proof of your strength and to let the easy parts be easy. "There are no shortcuts to a big life. There are many shortcuts to a life that looks big on the outside, but is killing you on the inside." - A line, from Enia Oakes' 108 Notes from a Studio in Oakland, is the heart of this episode.   Pearls of Wisdom If you don't choose who you're becoming, circumstances choose for you. Not choosing is still a choice. Jump but with a life preserver. When you feel untethered, it often means you're growing. Let the easy parts be easy. The person you become will catch you when you fall — if you've taken good care of her. Reflection Questions If you were building your life on purpose starting today, what would stay and what would go? Where are you taking shortcuts to a life that looks big but doesn't feel like yours? What life preservers do you already have, and what do you still need before we jump? Closing Invitation If you are in a season where your old life isn't quite fitting and the new one hasn't yet taken shape, you are not lost — you are in the liminal space where real change happens.  I'd love to support you there through coaching, a retreat, or a free live-stream mindful yoga class. 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com CME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga The PAUSE (my blog): www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog Listen to other episodes of the Healing Medicine Podcast page: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Referenced in this episode: Episode 261 with Enya Oakes on 108 Notes from a Studio in Oakland Jessie's TEDx Talk: What Would Love Do? The Question We're Not Asking Join Jessie and Ni-Cheng for the Connect in Nature Retreat at Nicasio Creek Farm: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats. Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

Do you know what you want? Not what is expected. Not what comes next on the list but what you actually want. For many of us, curiosity has been crowded out by pressure, productivity, and the conditioned belief that we should already know the answer. In this episode, we explore what curiosity needs to grow, what gets in its way, and how to start creating the conditions for more of it. PEARLS OF WISDOM • Curiosity does not grow well under pressure. It grows in specific conditions, and those conditions can be understood, created, and practiced. • For most physicians, curiosity has been pushed aside by urgency, productivity, perfectionism, and the belief that we should already know the answer. • Curiosity is physical, not just intellectual. Noticing how it feels in the body — openness, energy, flow, aliveness — gives us clues about how to create more of it. • Solving and fixing mode is the opposite of curious mode. Clarity, creativity, and connection show up when there is more room, not more thinking. • What we practice grows. Small, repeated conditions for curiosity matter more than one big breakthrough. Reflection Questions What conditions help curiosity grow for us, and what shuts it down most quickly? Where do we feel more open, more creative, and more like ourselves? What role do nature, community, and white space play in our own clarity? What strengths in us might be asking for more room right now?     If this episode resonated, and you are in a season of figuring out what is next — or simply wanting to feel more alive and connected to what you love — curiosity is the place to start. Listening to podcasts is a wonderful way to begin. Putting yourself in environments that support curiosity is where things shift. The Connect in Nature Retreat that Ni-Cheng and I co-lead is happening again this summer.  It is designed around exactly what we talk about in this episode: space, nature, community, embodiment, and room for curiosity to grow.  Retreats at Nicasio Creek Farm offer the same optimal conditions.  Coaching, one-on-one or in small groups, is another way to explore what you are asking for more room in your life. www.jessiemahoneymd.com www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

Many of us have had frustrating experiences with AI — not because we lack intelligence or willingness, but because no one has translated it in a way that makes sense for how we actually work and live. This is part two of a conversation with my son Slade about using AI in mindful, practical ways. We talk about real use cases — reviewing a lease, finding a job, making a blog findable, writing show notes — and what it actually takes to communicate clearly with a tool that cannot read your mind. What emerged is something we did not expect: the skills that make AI work well are the same skills we teach in coaching. Get clear on your end goal. Offer the right context. Know where your own judgment and voice still matter. PEARLS OF WISDOM • AI cannot replace your authentic voice. Its output is never you, and that is where your value and job security live. • Communicating well with AI requires the same skills as communicating well with humans — clarity, context, and knowing your desired outcome. • AI can amplify your work and help people find you, but the creative and human parts still belong to you. • Knowing what AI can and cannot help with brings simplicity and reduces the overwhelm of endless possibilities. Reflection Questions Where in our work or life might AI save us energy on tasks that are not our unique gift, so we can protect time for what is? What would it look like to approach AI the way we approach learning a new language — with patience, curiosity, and a willingness to ask for help? Where might we be avoiding AI out of frustration rather than true limitation, and what would one small experiment look like? If you are curious about using AI in a more grounded, intentional way, Slade now offers sessions to help you build your own relationship with these tools. You can find him at AIWithSlade.com. Slade will also share his wisdom and answer questions in a live Zoom session for the Mindful Healthcare Collective and Pause & Presence. April 24th, 9:30 am Pacific Register here: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/curious-about-coaching He will share a practical, grounded, and mindful approach to AI. You will leave able to relate to it more easily, effectively, and efficiently — so you can spend more time on what matters most in your practice, your business, and/or your life. This session will be clear, honest, and jargon-free. No technical background required. About Slade  Slade Mahoney is an AI consultant and strategist based in San Diego — and the son of Dr. Jessie Mahoney, founder of Pause and Presence Coaching and Retreats. He got into this work because he believes AI should make us more human, not less. Too many brilliant, accomplished people are spending their most valuable hours on things that have nothing to do with why they became brilliant and accomplished in the first place — the emails, the scheduling, the follow-ups, the research — tasks that have nothing to do with why they built something of their own. The work that means most to him is helping people like his mom: smart, accomplished people who are curious about what AI can do and want to explore it for their business, their work, or their life. In his career, he has built AI tools for organizations ranging from small businesses to Kaiser Permanente, The Walt Disney Company, and the CDC — giving him a rare view into how AI is actually being deployed at every level and what it means for the rest of us. He works one-on-one with physician entrepreneurs and small business owners — teaching them how to use AI to build real tools for their businesses and get back to the work only they can do. Find him at aiwithslade.com (http://aiwithslade.com). And if you are a physician who wants support in a deeply human space — through coaching, retreats, yoga, or simply being in community with other physicians who understand — I would love to connect with you. www.jessiemahoneymd.com www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast   Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.

What if your hesitation around AI is not a problem, but a reflection of how much you care? Have you noticed how thoughtful, conscientious people imagine the worst-case scenario when something new arrives? Could it be that some of the fear around AI is less about the tool itself and more about our stories about it? And what if you do not need to love it to change your relationship with AI? This is part one of a two-part conversation with Jessie's son, Slade, about AI — not the technology itself, but the feelings it evokes and the stories we tell about it. We explore why AI feels so charged for physicians and high-achieving women, and how we might relate to it with more awareness, discernment, and self-compassion. PEARLS OF WISDOM • Hesitation around AI is often not a lack of intelligence or willingness — it is a reflection of how much we care about doing things well and doing them right. • Physicians are trained to anticipate risk and forecast danger. Sometimes we misapply that training to situations where curiosity would serve us better than caution. • AI is a tool. How we interact with it depends on slowing down, asking ourselves the right questions, and deciding how we want to show up. • The one thing AI does not have is a soul. Original, heart-centered, authentically human work will become more valuable, not less. • Everyone needs support learning this — even people who seem like they already understand it. There is no shame in asking for a guide. Reflection Questions What feelings come up for us when we think about AI — and how might we begin to shift from catastrophizing into discernment? Where are we resisting, rather than showing up with curiosity? How do we want to relate to AI in a way that is aligned with our values and protects our energy for what matters most? This is part one of a two-part series. In the next episode, Slade and I dive into the practical side — real use cases, real tools, and how communicating with AI is a lot like learning a new language. If you are a physician looking for support in navigating change — whether it is AI, career, identity, or how you want to show up in medicine and in life — I would love to connect with you. www.jessiemahoneymd.com www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

What if the unexpected is not an interruption, but an invitation? Have you noticed how quickly a small technical difficulty become a full-on nervous system event? Could it be that some of our frustration is less about what went wrong and more about the stories we tell about what it means? What if we could meet these moments — the glitches, the delays, the disappointments — with a little more awareness, grace, and compassion? Technical difficulties are part of modern life. The microphone breaks, the internet fails, the slide deck disappears. Things go sideways, and suddenly we find ourselves frustrated, urgent, and judging ourselves. This episode explores what happens inside us when things do not go as planned — and offers a gentler, more grounded way to respond. PEARLS OF WISDOM • Technical difficulties show us our patterns of reactivity and our patterns of responding to stress. They are invitations to notice, not just fix.  • When something unexpected goes wrong, our nervous system often responds before our thinking brain catches up. Pausing to notice the body, name the emotion, and observe the story can soften the moment.  • Letting something be imperfect is not the same as not caring. Sometimes choosing presence over perfection is actually caring more. • Impermanence applies to technology, too. A broken thing is not always just broken. It might be a marker of all that has been lived through it.  • We can choose acceptance where acceptance is needed, and action where action is possible. The wisdom is knowing the difference. Reflection Questions What kinds of unexpected disruptions tend to activate you the most quickly? What do you notice in rour body and thoughts when something goes wrong that you did not plan for? Where in your life are you spending energy trying to fix things that might need acceptance instead? Have you ever discovered tenderness, meaning, or beauty in something ordinary when it breaks? This episode offers a gentler lens for the next time something does not go according to plan - in medicine, in life, or on a Zoom call. If you are looking for a community that practices exactly this kind of presence, I would love to have you join me for free livestream yoga most weekends. These classes blend coaching, neuroscience, mindfulness, and an incredibly warm community of women who have been practicing together for six years. You can also join us for a retreat where we practice all of this in real life, in nature, together.   Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.