
Ten Years After Losing My Son to Suicide: Life Changes Shape Again
Ten years and two months after losing Alex, life has changed shape again.
Ten years after Alex died, I’m beginning to recognize just how much life has grown around the devastation of suicide loss. An unexpected return to my career as a chef has me thinking about identity after grief, integration, rebuilding, and what it means to reclaim parts of ourselves without going backward.
Today, I share why I took a 'pause' on the podcast for a few weeks, what it has meant to unexpectedly return to my career as a chef after more than a decade, and why this transition feels less like going backward and more like reclaiming a part of myself in a completely different form.
We talk about the long landscape of grief: surviving, finding hope, tending trauma, learning to carry loss, evolving, integrating, and eventually discovering that new growth can appear in places that once felt completely barren.
This episode is also about the “and” of grief:
You can still miss your child deeply and build a meaningful life.
You can feel fulfilled by helping others and realize you need something that feeds you too.
You can return to an old part of yourself and know that you are no longer the same person.
You can be grateful for who you have become and still know you would trade every lesson to have your child back.
If you are early in grief, you do not need to know who you will become.
If you are years into this and wondering why life keeps changing, you are not doing anything wrong.
Sometimes the roots are growing long before we can see what is coming next.
In this episode:
- what ten years and two months after suicide loss looks like for me
- why this unexpected career transition feels deeply connected to grief and integration
- returning to an old identity without going backward
- why rebuilding does not mean recreating the life you had before
- the importance of making room for parts of yourself outside of grief
- the duality of growth after devastating loss
- what it means to let life expand without leaving your child behind
And as always, fellow grieving soul-- take what serves you and leave the rest. -
XO - Melissa
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