Calm Down, Repair Conflict, and Reconnect: The Wonder Room

Ask Rachel anythingWhat can we do when our baby has technically reached adulthood, but they’re not working, they're drifting in and out of education, living at home with no obvious plan, or still relying on us for things we assumed they’d be managing by now? This week I’m joined by Thomas Miller, a family therapist who works with young adults and their parents on anxiety, addiction, neurodiversity and what’s often called “failure to launch.”You’ll hear:A simple test to tell the difference between a young adult who’s genuinely stalled and one who’s just taking a bit longer to find their feetWhy the whole family, not just the young person, is the key to changeWhere support tips into enabling, and why high-achieving parents are especially prone to overfunctioningHow rescuing our kids can rob them of their dignity, and how to give it backWhy knowing your family’s values gives you a way to talk about what’s going wrongPractical conversation techniques you can start using with younger teens now, to prevent problems laterWhether your child is 13 or 23, this one is about the bigger goal behind all our parenting: raising someone who can manage a life without us.Find Thomas at Four Peaks Parents, where there’s a free workbook to help you assess where your young adult is.Get a full, free write-up of this episode with all the tips by clicking hereThomas Miller Other episodes that come at this from different angles:Dr David Yeager with brilliant tools and deep understanding of how to motivate a young adult (he defines this anywhere beyond the age of 10!))Ken Rabow giving very specific, practical ways of focusing on helping a young adult move forwardElaine Taylor-Klaus on parenting more complex teens or tweens with ADHD autism or other differencesAn old conversation with Susie from 2025 about the rising number of NEETS and how we parents can best support our kids.My very first episode in which I talked about our parenting toolbox and how to delve into it to see what’s already there.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingI've really needed a reminder of how emotional regulation works, and how to see the best in everyone, over the past three weeks. I think Dr Jody gave us the best talk on this and I loved her so much that it was a joy to have the chance to discuss her ideas with Katharine Radice.I don't know about you but it's one of my favourite topics because it comes up all of the time when we're parenting teenagers and I need regular reminders to be kind to myself just as much as I need to be kind to my kids.Here's a summary of what we discuss in this Wonder Room episode:Rachel and Katharine revisit Dr. Jody’s advice, including “walk them home,” “get eyes,” and “tell me more.”We discuss the idea that even attuned parents get it right only some of the time, the number that comes up is 30%! That means we only need to get it right 30% of the time to be one of the best parents. Obviously, that makes repair one of the most important parenting skills.A simple pause to make hot chocolate can prevent conflict from escalating.Modeling repairParents can acknowledge when they have lost their temper and apologize, because it shows children how relationships recover.Naming personal patterns and signs of stress can help families support one another without making children responsible for adult emotions.Repair between adults should be visible to children when possible, so they do not assume conflict is unresolved or their fault.Teen independence and listeningParents need to adjust their support as children mature, balancing practical help with respect for their choices and agency.Listening and asking for more information can make space for children to express difficult feelings without requiring parents to have immediate answers.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingThis episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington, we unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.It fits perfectly with the lessons I've been learning as the mother of a badly injured daughter who needs me to stay strong while she gets back on her feet. You can read all about it by clicking hereIn this episode, we cover:What emotional regulation really isThe “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortexWhy kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to itWhy your regulation matters more than any parenting hack“If the big people aren’t okay, the little people don’t stand a chance”How our phones, watches and constant comparison are quietly dysregulating usBehavior, consequences and connectionWhy a strict rewards-and-punishments model backfiresThe shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child?”Repair: the real superpower in families and classroomsWhy the best predictor of lasting relationships is the capacity to repairHow to apologise to your child (and your partner) in ways that actually healPractical tools you can use todayThe phrases “Tell me more” and “What’s the hardest part?”The “collect before you direct” principleEveryday connection habits: eyes, car rides, bedtime, food, and shared interestsHope for worried, exhausted parentsWhy kids should be “worst” with you (and why that’s a good sign)The 30% rule that lets you drop the perfectionism and keep going.Dr Jody Carrington:https://www.drjodycarrington.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingWho doesn't want a simple answer to their problems? In all honesty I often hope to find one, but it's not really feasible when parenting teenagers. I love talking with experts who give us terrific advice - such as Dr Naomi Fisher and Dr Dominique Thompson - but when it comes to the messy job of parenting it can feel way more complicated in day to day life than we would hope. In this conversation Katherine Radice and Rachel Richards discuss the messy realities; from school being unbearable for our teen to when a group chat turns into a pile-on. We share practical ways to listen without panicking, work with schools, and help young people slow down, make mistakes, and grow.School refusal and taking a pause — Understand why listening to your teenager matters, how to weigh school milestones against their wellbeing, and how to explore alternatives without closing the door on returning.Making parent–school meetings more productive — Learn how sharing key information ahead of time and approaching staff collaboratively can help you understand what support the school can realistically offer.Recognizing when a difficult patch needs action — Spot signs that a problem may be affecting your child more deeply, such as withdrawal or changes in their health, and see why keeping a factual log can help identify patterns.Handling group chats, online conflict, and cancel culture — Get ideas for helping teens pause before replying, avoid escalating online drama, and disagree with someone’s views without attacking their identity.Building resilience through mistakes, shame, and changing views — Explore ways to model openness about difficult feelings, help teens see how they’ve grown, and encourage curiosity and understanding across differences.Episode on bullying teensSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingJust over a week ago, my daughter was badly burned when her hot water bottle split along the seam. She needed specialist care at the Queen Victoria Hospital burns unit which became famous for Archibald McIndoe’s work treating badly burned WWII airmen. Instead of going back to university, she spent her 20th birthday recovering at home, unable to walk.In this community catch-up episode I’ll tell you what happened, what we learned about treating burns, and what I want you to do tonight:If someone gets burned, cool the burn under cool running water for 20 minutes, cover it loosely with cling film, and get medical help.Check your hot water bottle for the daisy wheel symbol. It shows the month and year it was made. If it’s more than two years old, throw it out.Never fill it with boiling water. Let the kettle stand for a few minutes, fill it only two-thirds full, and squeeze out the air before you seal it.Consider a wheat or rice bag instead.I’m also campaigning for every hot water bottle sold in the UK to carry clear warnings and a “throw out by” date.CHILDREN'S BURNS TRUST: https://cbtrust.org.uk/QUEEN VICTORIA HOSPITAL: https://www.qvh.nhs.uk/ADULT BURNS SUPPORT: https://adultburnsupportuk.org/BRITISH BURN ASSOCIATION: https://www.britishburnassociation.org/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingWhat’s behind a teenager’s struggle to get to school—and how can parents help without turning every morning into a battle? In this episode, journalist and host Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologist Dr. Naomi Fisher, author of The Teenagers’ Guide to Taking Control of Your Education, about school avoidance, burnout, demand avoidance, and the questions parents often have about autism and ADHD.Drawing on her own experience of struggling at school and decades of work with young people and families, Naomi challenges us to look beyond labels and ask what a teen is experiencing, what support they need, and how parents can work alongside them. They also explore the importance of connection, curiosity, and making room for young people to take an active role in their learning.In this episode, you’ll learn:What may be behind school avoidance—and how to look for specific school-day stressors rather than assuming a child is simply refusing.How to work with your teen, not against them, while still acknowledging that education needs to happen.What burnout can look like and why stepping back may help some teenagers recover.How to think about demand avoidance and autism or ADHD diagnoses without letting labels replace curiosity about what a young person needs.Why following a teen’s interests and repairing your connection matter—especially when school has become a source of conflict.For more detailed notes and help on this go to my Fearless Parenting Substack Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingHas your teenager come home upset because their friends have suddenly turned against them? Or have you heard that your child is part of a group chat where everyone is being urged to stop talking to someone? When a friendship conflict spreads through a whole group—and onto social media—it can be hard for parents to know what to say, when to step in, and how to help without making things worse.In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by Dr Dominique Thompson, a physician and expert in supporting young people, to explore why teenagers can be so quick to exclude someone, and why it can feel so difficult to stand apart from the group. We talk about the role of peer pressure, black-and-white thinking and social media—and the difference between challenging hurtful behavior and shaming someone.If your child is being ostracized, you’ll hear how to support them, work with the school and help them find other sources of connection. And if you’re worried your teen might be joining in, we discuss how to start a conversation that encourages empathy without simply lecturing or blaming them.We’ll also share practical ways to make home a safe place for difficult conversations—and a simple question that might help a young person pause before they join a pile-on.If this piece has raised anything difficult for you or your child, Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123 (UK).If you want to read Rachel's expanded thoughts on this topic, click hereDr Dominique ThompsonSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingIt’s one thing hearing what experts think, but I’m always left wondering how their advice translates into the real life of a parent. If you’re wondering too then you’re going to love this chat between Katharine Radice and me. In it, we discuss what was said in my interviews with Dr Leonard Sax and Dr Tara Porter. Basically we cover the reality of setting healthy boundaries around gaming and phones, talking with teens about online risks, choosing supportive schools, mentors & building trust, confidence, and independence—without chasing perfection.Don’t forget to tell us what you think. What helped and what advice deserves to go in the bin?Links mentioned in the show:Rachel Richards website & SubstackKatharine Radice website & SubstackDr. Tara PorterDr. Leonard SaxBrendan Kwiatkowski Melanie SandersonMalcolm GladwellEileen GuAngela DuckworthMitchell OsmondDr. David YaegerSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingIf your son seems apathetic, glued to gaming, or strangely unbothered by school, you are not alone, and you are not imagining it. I decided to create this discussion because I have been contacted by so many parents about the lacklustre attitudes they are seeing in their sons, looking for advice on what to do.Around the world, boys are falling behind academically, drifting socially, and retreating into screens. Meanwhile, girls are outstripping boys at school and university, and often hiding their own struggles under high achievement (a topic I recently covered both here with Dr Tara Porter and here with Dr Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell.)In this episode, I talk to Dr Leonard Sax—family physician, psychologist, and author of Boys Adrift and Why Gender Matters—about why so many boys are losing motivation and the practical things parents can do about it, starting now.You’ll learn:What’s really going on with boys today and why we should all care, because this isn’t just a schooling issue; it’s a future-partner, future-father, future-society issue.How modern schooling can switch boys off.Gaming: when it’s harmless and when it’s stealing your son’s life, including clear, research-backed limits and rules you can put in place at home.ADHD or something else? The hidden role of sleep and screens.Masculinity, role models, and “good men” in a disrespectful culture.Porn, AI “girlfriends”, and the pull away from real relationships.Most importantly: how to pull your son back into real life.Dr Sax published his first version of this book twenty years ago and the issues it described; falling male achievement, rising screen immersion, AI companions, and collapsing couple relationships, are accelerating rather than levelling off.The habits and boundaries we choose while our sons are still at home may shape not just his grades, but his ability to form healthy relationships, be a good partner and father, and build a life he cares about in the real world.If you’re worried about an unmotivated, gaming-obsessed, or emotionally flat son, this conversation will give you clarity, language, and concrete steps you can start using today.Don’t forget to share this with anyone who is struggling with the issues or who might find it helpful.Link to my Substack where you can find all of the notes and a handy PDF cheat sheet for parentingSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingAre you trying so hard to be a good parent that you might be doing too much for your tween or teen, and accidentally making life harder for both of you?In this episode of Parenting Teenagers Untangled, Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Tara Porter about her new book "Good Enough" and why good enough parenting is actually the best kind of parenting.Drawing on more than 25 years working in adolescent mental health, Tara explains how so many teens—whatever their diagnosis—secretly feel they are not “enough”: not clever enough, organized enough, pretty enough, or successful enough. She links this to a wider achievement-obsessed culture, fueled by:An education system caught in a “grade arms race”Social media’s like-and-kudos economyThe professionalization of parenting and the tsunami of advice aimed at parentsAgainst this backdrop, Tara shares her three core principles of good enough parenting:A good enough attitude – Letting go of perfection, resisting the urge to optimize every aspect of your child’s life, and accepting that zigzags and setbacks are normal.Relationship-based parenting – Prioritizing connection over outcomes, being “like wallpaper” in the background: present, warm, and available without crowding them or trying to control everything.Firm and kind boundaries – Finding the balance between warmth and firmness (authoritative parenting), gradually letting go of authority through the teen years so that by adulthood, your child is guided by their own internal compass, not your rules.Rachel and Tara explore:Rescuing vs building resilienceTwo common struggle patterns in teensThe perfectionist achiever The rebellious non-complier How to set boundaries that still protect the relationshipBetter conversations with teensTara’s two key listening tools:Empathy – stepping into your teen’s perspective, so they feel genuinely understood.Curiosity – asking open questions rather than jumping in with solutions.Rachel adds the idea of “LUFU – Listen Until they Feel Understood”, and both discuss why advice rarely lands until a teen first feels deeply heard.Mental health labels vs hope and growthRachel's personal blog on getting the balance right Dr Tara PorterSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook