5 Tips That Made Swinging Work For Us

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.comWhen you finally find your voice in the lifestyle, everything changes. In this episode, Ed and Phoebe explore one of the most transformational shifts couples make in ethical non-monogamy: moving from "going along to keep the peace" to confidently advocating for what you actually want. If you've ever said yes when you really meant no, or felt like you were in the backseat of your own experience, this conversation is for you.Watch this episode on YouTube! What You'll Learn- Why the "caretaker mentality" leads to burnout and resentment in the lifestyle- The hidden costs of performing enjoyment instead of experiencing authentic pleasure- How setting boundaries actually makes you more attractive to potential play partners- A simple three-step framework for shifting from people-pleaser to confident communicator- Real-world scenarios and compassionate scripts for saying no without guilt- Why speaking up transforms not just your lifestyle experience, but your relationship dynamic Key Moments[00:00:17] - When you finally find your voice in the lifestyle, everything changes[00:02:47] - The Caretaker Trap: Why "I don't want to ruin the vibe" is destroying your confidence[00:07:57] - The Backseat Experience: What it costs when you're not driving[00:12:33] - The Confidence Shift: One listener's transformation story[00:16:09] - The Gender Dynamic: Women's opportunity to drive in the lifestyle[00:23:30] - The Power Framework: Three steps to finding your voice[00:32:03] - Permission-Giving Moment: You're not responsible for other people's disappointment[00:33:02] - Real-World Scenarios: How to handle common boundary-pushing situations[00:36:46] - The Transformation: From performing for others to prioritizing yourself[00:40:21] - Why the lifestyle loves boundaries (and how speaking up gives others permission)[00:43:30] - Final Thoughts: Is it about power or permission? Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.comThere's a real debate happening in the lifestyle community: Are "dirty vanillas" (people showing up to swinger events but not actually swinging) ruining the experience? Or is the real problem something we've completely misunderstood? In this episode, Ed and Phoebe dig into the data, share surprising stories, and challenge everything you thought you knew about who belongs in these spaces. By the end, you might see this conversation—and the community—completely differently. --- WHAT YOU'LL LEARN• Why 1/3 of Americans are exploring something other than traditional monogamy—and why this changes everything about the "dirty vanilla" debate• The spectrum of play styles and why there's actually NO official definition of what makes someone a "real" swinger• A real story from a couple in Costa Rica who called themselves "swinger adjacent"—and why their approach is brilliant• How preferences literally shift from event to event, week to week—and why labels fail to capture what's actually happening• The single most important skill that actually works when you're trying to figure out what someone is REALLY looking for at an event• Why swingers have figured out something that the rest of us are still struggling with: how to create genuinely judgment-free, welcoming spaces---KEY MOMENTS (WITH TIMESTAMPS)• [00:01:04] The stat that reframes everything: One-third of Americans want something other than complete monogamy—and why this changes the debate entirely• [00:03:51] Breaking down Gen Z, millennials, and Gen X data on non-monogamy—and why 31% of singles have actually explored this• [00:06:13] The question that flips the script: Maybe it's not "Why are vanillas here?" but "Why are we gatekeeping who belongs?"• [00:08:01] The "Swinger Adjacent" couple from Costa Rica and their unforgettable exact words about the lifestyle community• [00:06:38] Why "soft swap" and "full swap" are way more complicated than they sound—the spectrum within the spectrum• [00:27:00] How to actually ask the questions that matter—the simple framework that changes everything• [00:29:45] The bigger picture: What non-swingers Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.comHow often are you really supposed to be having sex? Spoiler alert: You've been asking the wrong question.Society pushes a "magic number" for sexual frequency that's causing more harm than good. The truth? There is no normal. We're diving deep into why the three-times-a-week standard is BS, how desire actually works in long-term relationships, and the one thing that matters more than counting sessions—quality and connection.Ed and Phoebe challenge everything you thought you knew about sex in relationships, from the myth of spontaneous desire to why 80% of women can't orgasm the way we've been told they should. Drawing on research from Dr. Karen Gurney's "Mind the Gap" and insights from the swinging lifestyle, we reveal practical strategies to build sexual currency without adding pressure, understand responsive desire, and create the conditions where passion can thrive.What You'll Learn:Why comparing your sex life to society's "normal" is killing your intimacyThe two types of desire and why waiting to "feel like it" sets you up for failureHow to build sexual currency through non-sexual intimacy (yes, doing dishes counts!)Why penetrative sex is women's least preferred sexual activity—and what that means for satisfactionThe surprising connection between household chores and sexual satisfactionHow the swinging lifestyle opened up game-changing conversations about sexWhy humans aren't biologically wired for monogamy (and what that means for your relationship)Timestamps:00:00 - Opening: The Question Everyone's Thinking01:02 - The Frequency Myth: Society's Broken Benchmark05:40 - Why We're Having Less Sex: Modern Intimacy Killers11:20 - How Desire Really Works: Spontaneous vs. Responsive16:30 - Arousal Non-Concordance: When Mind and Body Don't Match22:10 - Building Sexual Currency: Practical Strategies That Work28:00 - What Actually Matters: Quality, Communication & Flexibility40:30 - The Gender Script Problem: Why PIV Isn't the Answer46:00 - What Actually Helps: From Chor Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.comWhy does a piece of chocolate trigger the same brain chemical as meeting someone new at a swinger party?This episode reveals the surprising neuroscience behind New Relationship Energy, dopamine addiction, and why the swinging lifestyle can feel impossible to walk away from. Ed and Phoebe break down the science of pleasure—from that 55% dopamine spike you get from chocolate to the 1000% surge from harder substances—and explain why novelty in the lifestyle hijacks your brain's reward system exactly like a drug.In this episode of Swinger University, we explore the powerful connection between dopamine, addiction, and ethical non-monogamy, discussing why NRE feels so intoxicating, how constant stimulation affects your mental health, and practical strategies for maintaining balance in the lifestyle. Whether you're new to the swinging lifestyle, experienced in ethical non-monogamy, or simply curious about the brain chemistry behind attraction and novelty-seeking, this conversation will help you understand what's really happening in your head when you can't stop thinking about that new connection.What You'll Learn in This Episode:The exact dopamine percentages: chocolate (55%), sex (100%), nicotine (1.5x), cocaine (2.25x), and amphetamines (10x)Why New Relationship Energy creates thoughts and feelings you can't control—and how long it typically lastsThe "pleasure paradox": how constant dopamine hits from social media, food, and the lifestyle create chronic deficit statesReal stories of NRE intensity, FOMO at swinger events, and why some people need breaks from the lifestyleHow novelty, secrecy, quantity, and access all amplify your brain's reward responsePractical strategies for seeking balance: recognizing addiction patterns, pacing yourself, and knowing when to step backWhy comparison is killing your enjoyment and how to focus on your own experience📝 Read the full transcript: https://swingeruniversity.com/the-one-chemical-behind-chocolate-swinging-and-addictionNeed support? Chec Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.comIs swinging just a lighthearted hobby… or a defining lifestyle choice? In this episode of our swinger lifestyle podcast, we dive into the hobby vs lifestyle debate that’s sparking conversations across the swinger community and beyond.We explore why some couples embrace swinging as a fun, occasional activity — a playful part of ethical non‑monogamy — while others see it as a core relationship identity tied to trust, intimacy, and community. Along the way, we unpack the emotional depth, communication skills, and social connections that make the swinger lifestyle more than just a weekend pastime.Whether you’re curious about open relationships, navigating consensual non‑monogamy, or simply interested in how language shapes modern relationship dynamics, this conversation will challenge your perspective.What you’ll hear in this episode:Why some call swinging a “hobby” and the benefits of that framingWhy others find the term dismissive or offensiveHow relationship labels influence identity and belongingThe spectrum from casual hobby to committed lifestyleWhy there’s no one‑size‑fits‑all answer📌 Join the conversation — What term do you use, and why? Drop your thoughts in the comments.🔔 Subscribe for more open, honest discussions on alternative lifestyle relationships, intimacy, and community.Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.comIs "reclaiming" in the swinging lifestyle sexy ritual or possessive play? Ed and Phoebe unpack this controversial term, sharing their real experiences and perspectives from within the community.In this episode, we cover:The origins and controversy around the term "reclaiming"How language like "reclaiming" vs "reconnecting" shapes our swinging experiencesThe historical and possessive undertones in lifestyle terminologyThe passionate side of reconnecting after play, including personal rituals and preferencesWhy communication and finding what works for your relationship is what really matters00:00 Public Sex and Prima Nocte04:24 Observing Kink From Afar06:35 History of Marriage Conventions11:07 Misunderstood Acronyms in Play Situations16:08 "Rekindling Romance Through Separation"17:40 Understanding No Kissing Rules21:44 Longtime Relationship Disconnection23:20 "Communication and Relationship Balance"28:47 "Reconnecting: Balancing Desire"29:35 Fluidity in Emotional Reconnection34:03 "Planning Remote Setup Fun"Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.comGet real answers to burning questions about STI safety in the swinging lifestyle. Ed and Phoebe break down common myths, honest risks, and practical tips for safer sex at parties, events, and orgies.Why standard STI tests and "full panels" don't cover everythingThe dangers of a false sense of security with recent test resultsReal talk about latency periods, symptom-free infections, and what that means for your riskBest practices for condoms, washing up, and safe sex protocols during orgiesThe truth about Truvada, antibiotics, and when you should (or shouldn't) rely on medication for STI preventionGet the facts, reassess your own risk, and make smarter choices in your lifestyle adventures.00:00 Intro... and Teaser04:08 False Security in Relationship Testing06:52 Standard STD Testing Overview10:45 Blood Test for Antibodies14:36 Premature Clean Test Results16:22 STI Testing: False Security Concerns22:11 Fake Test Result Concerns24:48 Asymptomatic STI Myth Busting28:32 Soft Swap Orgy Dynamics31:12 Discussing Truvada's Role in STI Prevention33:00 "Prebiotics Superior to Probiotics"37:33 Interactive Sessions & Support Invitation39:39 "Testing and Expanding Offer" Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.comCurious about what diversity really means in the swinger lifestyle? In this episode, Ed and Phoebe break down the surprising variety you’ll find—and why it’s not what you might expect.The wide range of body types, ages, and preferences within swinger communitiesDifferent styles of parties, play, and consent practices (including substance use and communication)How self-confidence, body image, and social dynamics mix at eventsCultural differences (including American vs. European approaches to consent and intimacy)Why the lifestyle evolves for couples over time—plus common myths about drama, “body count,” and relationship risksReady to separate fact from fiction about diversity in swinging? Watch now! Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.comEver wondered what red flags you should watch for in the swinging lifestyle? In this episode of Swinger University, Ed and Phoebe dive deep into real-life stories of dates gone wrong, rude behavior, mismatched expectations, and questionable consent. From couples who show a totally different side on a second date, to partners who don’t seem on the same page, we share the signs that made us question, “Is this really the couple for us?”✨ In this episode, you'll hear about:A disastrous dinner date with an incredibly rude couple (seriously, who sends food back over a heating lamp?!)Stories of awkward power dynamics where one partner speaks for the otherConsent concerns in situations where one person seems uncomfortableThe challenge of navigating mixed signals, unreciprocated flirting, and introvert/extrovert mismatchesTips on spotting red flags before you end up in an uncomfortable or unsafe situationWe want you to enjoy the lifestyle safely, confidently, and drama-free! This episode is perfect for swinger newbies, experienced lifestylers, or anyone curious about navigating ethical non-monogamy and consensual swinging with respect.🔔 Don’t forget to Subscribe to Swinger University for more lifestyle tips, real stories, and candid conversations about the swinging lifestyle, open relationships, ethical non-monogamy, and adult community events. Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.com00:00 - Start01:01 - Tip 1: Pace It Out03:31 - Tip 2: Fears and Expectations06:17 - Tip 3: Get Uncomfortable09:05 - Tip 4: Grow and Change12:40 - Tip 5: Trust21:34 - Lets talk about cheating...22:47 - Wrap Up!Support the showWant More? 👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Search "Swinger University" on YouTube or click the link above.Check SwingerLinks.com for the live schedule! 🌶️Extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products * We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you. 3 Ways to get your question on our show: RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/ EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected] CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.