Kissing, Dating and The Relationship Escalator with Cam Poter

Dr. Megan Stubbs joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her book Playing Without A Partner: A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness (Cleis Press). They explore being single in the U.S. today, body mapping and acceptance, sex with near strangers, and how to live your best single life. Special thanks to Dipsea and Intensity by Pour Moi for their support of this episode.

Comedian and co-host of the popular podcast Sex Talk With My Mom, Cam Poter joins Tristan Taormino to catch up and cover as many topics as they can! They talk about pandemic sex, polyamory, dating apps, the relationship escalator, talking about sex with your mom, and the complex magic of kissing (and why it’s sometimes underrated). Special thanks to Dipsea and Lorals for their support of this episode.

Political theorist Lorna Bracewell joins Tristan Taormino to discuss her new book Why We Lost the Sex Wars: Sexual Freedom in the #MeToo Era. Bracewell breaks down what has been lost in the history of the sex wars and creates a revisionist history which breaks down the narrative of only two “sides” (anti-pornography feminists and sex-radical feminists), reveals how classic liberal ideas infiltrated the arguments of the time, and why the voices of women of color are unrepresented in the history. She connects the contentious time for feminism, sexual politics, and free speech with the current era of #MeToo, Slut Walks, and trigger warnings. Special thanks to Calm and Dipsea for their support of this episode.

Dr. Marie Thouin joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her research on compersion in non-monogamous relationships. She defines compersion as “our wholehearted participation in the happiness of others. It is the sympathetic joy we feel for somebody else, even when their positive experience does not involve or benefit us directly. Thus, compersion can be thought of as the opposite of jealousy and possessiveness.” They discuss compersion as a feeling, a practice, and a goal and some practical ways to access it. Dr. Thouin holds a PhD from the California Institute of Integral Studies.⁠ She is the founder of Love InSight, a mindful dating and relationship coaching practice where she supports growth-minded people of all backgrounds and relationship styles to foster soulful, intentional love. Special thanks to Manscaped and Lorals for their support of this episode.

Professors and longtime scholars on sex work Barb Brents and Ron Weitzer join Tristan Taormino to talk about their work with Scientists for Sex Worker Rights. They talk about hysteria and lack of solid research around sex trafficking, the fight to decriminalize sex work, and what’s happening on the local level in various states. Barb Brents is a co-author of Paying for Sex in the Digital Age (One World/Random House) and The State of Sex: Tourism, Sex and Sin in the New American Heartland (New York University Press). Ron Weitzer is the editor of the anthology Sex For Sale (Routledge). Special thanks to Dipsea and Manscaped for their support of this episode.

Michael Lowenthal reads from his new book Sex with Strangers (University of Wisconsin Press) and he and Tristan talk about the polymorphous perversity of the stories which include a sexy hook up for aging gay man, a hot priest and some surprising confessions, and an unexpected honeymoon night. They also reminisce about missing LGBTQ bookstores, the rise of LGBTQ publishing, and other tales from the 1990s. Michael is the author of four novels: The Same Embrace, Avoidance, Charity Girl (a New York Times Book Review “Editors’ Choice” and Washington Post “Top Fiction of 2007” pick), and The Paternity Test (an Indie Next List selection and a Lambda Literary Award finalist). Special thanks to Manscaped and Pour Moi for their support of this episode.

Sagan Morrow, author of the Polyamorous Passions romcom series, and Tristan Taormino talk about the evolution of romance novels, breaking new ground with different love and relationship styles, grappling with common polyamorous challenges, and the power of representation. In addition to writing, Sagan helps other multi-passionate creatives and solopreneurs save 10+ hours every single week, maximize productivity based on their personality, and take strategic action to finally achieve their dreamy goals—without burning out. Special thanks to Manscaped and Intensity by Pour Moi for their support of this episode.

Lucie Fielding joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her new book, Trans Sex: Clinical Approaches to Trans Sexualities and Erotic Embodiments (Routledge). She argues we must move beyond trans narratives that are defined by trauma, oppression, genitals, sexual loss, and sexual function. She urges us to reject cis heteronormative ideas about bodies (“The presence of a part should not necessarily lead one to presume that an individual wishes that part interacted with in culturally prescribed ways”). Lucie offers real tools for clinicians and gender non conforming clients to embrace erotic embodiment, discover their desires, and redefine sexual satisfaction. Plus, she and Tristan chat about what cis gender folks can learn from trans people about embodiment, desire, sex, and sexuality. Special thanks to Manscaped and Lorals for their support of this episode.

Stella Harris joins Tristan Taormino and they chat about a favorite subject: threesomes! Harris has the goods in her new book The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes which explores everything from myths and common pitfalls to logistics and power dynamics. Tristan and Stella do a deeper dive into the subject, talking about how to take baby steps, setting expectations, finding other folks, and unicorns. Stella even tells us how to explore a threesome fantasy without other people! Stella Harris is a Certified Intimacy Educator and Sex Coach who uses a variety of tools to guide and empower her clients and she teaches everything from pleasure anatomy, to communication skills, to kink and BDSM. Stella is also the author of Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships. Special thanks to Pour Moi and Dipsea for their support of this episode.  

Torrey Peters joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her national bestselling novel Detransition, Baby (One World/Random House). They talk about her unapologetic approach to writing the book (“I wrote this book for trans women”), the sex scenes that Tristan loved, being seen, multiple kinds of transitions, gender anxiety, community, bad decisions, womanhood, and motherhood. And they roll around with the question: how did such a trans and queer book become a mainstream runaway bestseller? Torrey Peters is the author of Detransition, Baby as well as the novellas Infect Your Friends and Loved Ones and The Masker. She also holds an MFA from the University of Iowa and a Masters in Comparative Literature from Dartmouth. Torrey rides a pink motorcycle and splits her time between Brooklyn and an off-grid cabin in Vermont. Special thanks to Lorals and Pour Moi for their support of this episode.