Understanding How Others Communicate | Jason VanRuler

Do you ever feel like you and the people you love are having the same misunderstandings over and over again? In this episode, Gabe and Rebekah Lyons sit down with psychotherapist, speaker, and longtime friend, Jason VanRuler to dive into the five Communication Types that people tend to fall into in relationships. Jason spends his days sitting with couples, teams, and executives in high-pressure conversations, and over time he started noticing a pattern: even when someone's intentions were good, there always ended up being a disconnect. That question, “why doesn't this land?” became the seed of his new book and this conversation today.Whether you're trying to stop the same argument on repeat with your spouse or wondering how to get your teenager to say more than one word at dinner, this episode offers a practical, faith-rooted way to understand yourself and the people you love, and actually get through to them.In this episode, you'll hear:The PATHS Framework: Jason walks through all five communication types (Peacemaker, Advocate, Thinker, Harbor, Spark) and why every one of them is necessary on a healthy team or in a healthy family.The Peacemaking vs. Peacekeeping Trap: Why wanting a room to look calm isn't the same as real peace, and how peacemakers can end up burying their own needs (or other people's) just to avoid conflict."Not Every Fight Is Yours": Jason's word to Advocates, and to parents, on the hard discipline of watching someone you love walk into a mistake without jumping in to fix it.The Two-Minute Rule: A simple, practical family practice for drawing quiet kids (and quiet husbands) into consistent conversation.Losing Our Humanity to AI: A sobering conversation about teens using AI to write "more empathetic" texts to their own parents, and why real, clunky, face-to-face conversation is a skill worth protecting.Resources:Buy Jason's book: Discovering Your Communication Type: The 5 Paths to Deeper Connections and Stronger RelationshipsJason's website: jasonvr.comTake the PATHS Communication Assessment: jasonvr.com/pathsGet The Fight for Us book and curriculum: The Fight For UsTake the THINQ Assessment: https://thinqassessment.scoreapp.com/Create a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at http://thinqmedia.comJoin us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code EH200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreat More from the THINQ Podcast Network: NextUp with Grant SkeldonThe InFormed Parent with Suzanne PhillipsTHINQ Media Podcast

In this episode, Gabe and Rebekah sit down with a longtime friend of the RFL community, child and adolescent counselor Sissy Goff. For 34 years, Sissy has walked alongside kids and parents at Daystar Counseling in Nashville, and in this conversation she brings all of that experience to one of the hardest, most necessary topics a parent will ever face: grief.This episode centers on Sissy's new book, Helping Kids Through Grief, and the wisdom she's carried through walking alongside the Covenant School community after the tragedy that shook Nashville and the nation. Together, they talk about the interesting ways kids tend to process grief, the importance of a safe, steady adult in their lives, and specific tools that can be used in their healing journey.Whether you're helping a child process the death of a loved one, walking through the loss of divorce, or simply looking for the right words in the first raw days after tragedy, this conversation offers hope and a clear path towards healing and renewal.In this episode, you'll hear:Post-Traumatic Growth over Stress: Gain hope from research showing that post-traumatic growth occurs far more frequently in children than post-traumatic stress when given proper support.  Grieving in Doses: Discover how children process loss like coming up for air while swimming, moving rapidly between intense emotion and normal play.  The Power of One Safe Adult: Unpack why a child doesn't need perfect circumstances to heal, but rather one safe, steady adult who stays close and present.  Empathy Without Enabling: How to validate a child's hardest emotions while still holding the line on behavior.The Memory Box: Be equipped with a simple, powerful practice for helping kids remember, honor, and carry forward what they've lost in a healing way.Resources:Buy Sissy's new book: Helping Kids Through GriefSissy's website: raisingboysandgirls.comFollow Sissy on Instagram: @sissygoffDaystar Counseling Ministries: daystarcounseling.comGet The Fight for Us book and curriculum: The Fight For UsTake the THINQ Assessment: https://www.thinqassessment.scoreapp.com/ Create a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at https://thinqmedia.com Join us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code RFL200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreat 

In this episode, Gabe and Rebekah Lyons are joined by international speaker, theologian, and author Amy Orr Ewing. Together, they dive into the radical forgiveness of the Gospel, and how a true understanding of it allows us to meet the current cultural moment. In a world where many people are increasingly focused on harm and moral reparation, it can be easy for many to be driven to disunity and anger. In this episode, Amy makes the case that a true understanding of Biblical forgiveness is a powerful antidote to these, as well as an incredible opportunity for Gospel truth to be spoken. In this conversation, you’ll discover the power of forgiveness in political disagreement, familial conflict, and finding healing from trauma.In this episode, you’ll hear:Shifting Objections Around Christianity: Learn how popular and intellectual critiques of the Christian faith have shifted towards a focus on harm and moral wrongdoing.Defining Biblical Forgiveness: Discover how the grace laid out in Scripture allows us to find healing in relationships without ignoring the harm that was done.  The Cross Empowers Forgiveness: Find the supernatural ability to forgive from the work of Jesus, even when we feel forgiveness is impossible on our own.Forgiveness As Anxieties Antidote: Gain actionable steps towards rewiring your brain out of a place of anxiety.Resources:Buy Amy Orr Ewing’s Book: https://a.co/d/02n68T13/Amy Orr Ewing’s Website: https://www.amyorr-ewing.com /Follow Amy Orr Ewing’s on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amyorrewing/Get The Fight for Us book and curriculum: https://a.co/d/0ifwylwc/Take the THINQ Assessment: https://www.thinqassessment.scoreapp.com/ Create a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at https://thinqmedia.com /Watch Gabe and Kennedy's father-daughter dance from the recent wedding!: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dcj_XZOkzpw/?stkn=MTY5c3B6ZDQ2a3Nodg==Join us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code EH200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreat/

Welcome to the first episode in our new season of the Rhythms For Life podcast! In this episode, Gabe and Rebekah Lyons sit down with longtime friend Dr. Emerson Eggerichs alongside his daughter, author and literary agent Joy Eggerichs Reed. Bringing together two generations of wisdom, they unpack how parents and grandparents can guide children to communicate deep, virtuous principles in a way that is fun, engaging, and sticky.Parenting often tests our patience when kids blurt out awkward truths or react out of impulse, but learning to look past surface behavior reveals what is happening in a child's heart. In this candid conversation, Emerson and Joy share how their collaborative children's book set in the "Land of Nuf" offers a roadmap for families to practice emotional health, discipleship, and intentional rhythms. You’ll discover how shifting from heavy-handed consequences to gentle redirection can transform your family's culture, leaving you with actionable steps toward building resilient, grace-filled relationships.In this episode, you’ll hear:The Four Pillars of Communication: Learn how filtering speech through whether it is true, kind, necessary, and clear provides a practical framework for wise conversation.The Power of the Do-Over: Discover how offering a lighthearted do-over gives children an accessible path toward repair and resilience without falling into shame.Decoding Childhood Behavior: Unpack the three distinct drivers behind acting out—helping parents discern between open defiance, normal childishness, or a child feeling unloved.Why Tone Precedes Meaning: Explore how a child's brain senses tone before processing spoken words, showing why gentle delivery is crucial when offering correction.Seeing Virtue Underneath Vice: Gain encouragement to assume goodwill in your family and recognize the hidden strengths behind a child's headstrong tendencies.Resources:Buy Joy Reed Eggerichs & Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ Book: Beega Gets a Do-Over: A Gigglies Adventure About CommunicationDr. Eggerichs’ Website: https://www.loveandrespect.com/Join us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code EH200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreatGet The Fight for Us book and curriculum: The Fight For UsTake the THINQ Assessment: https://thinqassessment.scoreapp.comCreate a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at https://thinqmedia.com

As the dogwoods begin to bloom here in Nashville, Gabe and Rebekah are leaning into a conversation that sits at the very heart of our emotional and spiritual health. In this episode, they sit down with their friend and author Jennifer Barnett, Executive Director of Freedom Prayer. Jennifer shares her raw and beautiful journey—from her days as a college student battling intense anxiety and fear to now stewarding a global ministry focused on inner healing and restoration. Together, they dive into why prayer is a vital rhythm of discipleship that allows us to disclose our hearts to the Father and find the freedom we were made for. Whether you are navigating unholy lines in your family history or looking to build a more intentional prayer culture in your home and church, this conversation offers a practical roadmap for finding peace in the midst of spiritual warfare. In this episode, you’ll hear: The Origin of Freedom Prayer: How an engineer’s mind gave structure to a model for inner healing and spiritual formation. Breaking the Grip of Fear: Jennifer’s personal story of moving from spiritual torment to the expectant peace found in Christ. Identifying the Hindrances: How to recognize the blocks and entanglements that keep us from a mature relationship with God. Prayer as Discipleship: Why the next generation is rediscovering the power of the spiritual realm in an increasingly dark culture. Building a Team: How your local church and community can be equipped to support couples walking through seasons of crisis. Resources: Buy Jennifer’s book: First Freedoms Freedom Prayer website: https://freedomprayer.org/ Get The Fight for Us book and curriculum: The Fight For Us Join us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code EH200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreat Take the THINQ Assessment: https://www.thinqassessment.scoreapp.com/ Create a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at thinqmedia.com

How do we parent well in a world that feels increasingly chaotic and confusing for our children? Today, Gabe and Rebekah welcome their author, speaker, and professor Dr. Laurie Krieg to the podcast for a deep and necessary conversation on navigating the most challenging questions our kids are facing today.  As a mother of three and a specialist in human sexuality for over a decade, Laurie brings a unique blend of professional expertise and gospel-centered grace to the table. This conversation dives into the heart of Laurie and her husband Matt’s book, Raising Wise Kids in a Sexually Broken World. Together, they discuss how to move away from a posture of fear or legalism and toward a foundation of security built on God’s original design.  Whether you are navigating the toddler years or the onboarding of the teen stage, this episode offers a roadmap for engaging your children’s hearts with intentionality and truth.In this episode, you’ll hear: The Act One Perspective: Why starting with God’s good creation, rather than just the brokenness of sin, is the key to calming parental anxiety and giving kids a beautiful vision to hold onto. Soil and Wind: A powerful metaphor for how parents can provide the good soil of a nurturing home while allowing for age-appropriate wind to help children build deep spiritual roots. Moving Past Silence and Legalism: Practical ways to engage difficult topics like gender and sexuality without retreating into silence or relying on rigid rules. Proactive Parenting: How to stay ahead of the questions your children will inevitably face in the world, from the playground to the screen.  Resources: Buy Dr. Laurie’s book: Raising Wise Kids in a Sexually Broken World Dr. Laurie’s website: https://lauriekrieg.com/ Get The Fight for Us book and curriculum: The Fight For Us Join us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code EH200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreat Take the THINQ Assessment: https://www.thinqassessment.scoreapp.com/ Create a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at thinqmedia.com

In this episode, Gabe and Rebekah sit down with their friend Dr. Lee Warren—a neurosurgeon, Iraqi veteran, and author who understands the brain at its deepest levels. Together, they explore the fascinating intersection of faith and science, specifically how God has uniquely designed our brains to be part of our own healing and repair. Whether you’re navigating personal anxiety or looking for ways to support your spouse through a difficult season, this conversation offers practical hope. Dr. Warren shares how we can move from being victims of our thoughts to taking agency over our mental health through what he calls "self-brain surgery"—the intentional process of re-wiring our brains to align with the sound mind God has promised us.In this episode, you’ll hear: Mind vs. Brain: Understanding the eternal difference between your physical brain and your soul-led mind. The Art of Self-Brain Surgery: How changing your thoughts for just a few minutes can literally create new hardware and synaptic connections in your brain. Agency Over Your Story: Why you aren't stuck with your genetics, past traumas, or personality scores, but have the power to build a new brain. Scripture for Mental Health: How to apply truths like 2 Timothy 1:7 and 2 Corinthians 4 to find peace and flourishing in the middle of a crisis. Resources: Subscribe to Dr. Warren’s YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@drleewarren/ Buy Dr. Warren's Book: The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery Dr. Warren’s Website: https://wleewarrenmd.com/ Get The Fight for Us book and curriculum: The Fight For Us Join us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code EH200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreat Take the THINQ Assessment: https://www.thinqassessment.scoreapp.com/ Create a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at thinqmedia.com

In a world that constantly tells us more is better, Gabe and Rebekah welcome longtime friend, simplicity expert, and prolific author Joshua Becker to the conversation. As the founder of Becoming Minimalist, Joshua has spent over 15 years helping people realize that our possessions don't just take up physical space—they often take up the time and mental energy we were meant to give to our families and our faith. This conversation dives deep into the heart of Joshua’s new book, Uncluttered Faith, which explores how the practice of owning less can free us spiritually. Together, they discuss the maintenance trap of modern life and how clearing the clutter allows us to finally hear God’s voice clearly again. Whether you are feeling overwhelmed by your home or just longing for more presence in your marriage, this episode provides a roadmap to help you choose Becker’s Great Pearl over the distractions of the world.In this episode, you’ll hear: The Garage Light Bulb Moment: Joshua shares the story of how a Saturday spent cleaning the garage opened his eyes to the cost of his possessions. The 10-Minute Reality Check: A startling statistic on how much time the average person spends on their things versus their faith. Why God Got Loud in NYC: Rebekah shares her personal experience of selling 75% of their belongings and the spiritual freedom that followed. The Matthew 13 Principle: Why we can’t hold onto the treasures of this world while trying to fully embrace the Kingdom of God. Minimalism for Couples: Practical ways to align your home with your family's mission and calling. Resources: Buy the Joshua Becker’s New Book: Uncluttered Faith The Website: https://www.becomingminimalist.com/ Get The Fight for Us book and curriculum: The Fight For Us Join us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code EH200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreat Take the THINQ Assessment: https://www.thinqassessment.scoreapp.com/ Create a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at thinqmedia.com

Gabe and Rebekah welcome their longtime friends and marriage experts, Doctors Les and Leslie Parrott. As the co-founders of eHarmony and New York Times bestselling authors, they have spent their lives fighting for the health of relationships in a culture where marriage is often challenged. In this conversation, they dive into their game-changing new project with Gary Chapman, The Love Language That Matters Most. While many are familiar with the five love languages, the Parrotts take a step deeper into the “dialects"—the specific nuances that help you move past the guessing game and hit the bullseye of your spouse's heart. From navigating the pressures of cultural advice to rediscovering how research backs up biblical wisdom, this episode is an invitation to move from languishing to true connection in your most important relationship.In this episode, you’ll hear: The State of Marriage Today: Why there is a reason for optimism and hope for lifelong love, even as cultural trends shift. Love Languages 2.0: How identifying your specific dialect provides a shortcut to making your spouse feel truly seen and loved. The TikTok Trap: Why following general social media evangelists can lead to unnecessary pressure and how to find guardrails for your relationship instead. Real-Life Breakthroughs: A personal look at how shifting from encouragement to compliments changed the rhythm of the Lyons’s own marriage connection. Resources: Buy the Parrotts’ New Book: The Love Language That Matters Most Join us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code EH200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreat Get The Fight for Us book and curriculum: The Fight For Us Take the THINQ Assessment: https://www.thinqassessment.scoreapp.com/ Create a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at thinqmedia.com

Welcome back to another episode of the Rhythms For Life podcast! In this installment, Gabe and Rebekah sit down with author and friend Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Emerson and his wife, Sarah, have been such a steady source of wisdom and grace in so many marriages over the years, and this conversation is one every couple needs to hear—especially if you feel like you’re just managing life rather than truly connecting. In this episode, they tackle the sobering reality that sometimes, the greatest enemy of a great marriage isn't something bad—it’s the good things. They talk about how saying yes to too many noble commitments can slowly turn a vibrant partnership into a roommate dynamic filled with drift and resentment. Emerson shares his signature wisdom (and plenty of laughter!), teaching us how to find our way back to one another and stay guarded against the subtle divisions that can pull us apart.In this episode, you’ll hear: The Trap of the Good: Why saying yes to every noble opportunity might actually be the thing that ruins your connection. From Partners to Roommates: Identifying the subtle drift and undercurrent of resentment that happens when we stop truly hearing one another. The Power of Mentorship: Why every couple needs models of faithfulness to look up to as they navigate different seasons. Laughter as Medicine: How being able to cry and laugh together helps us see the humanity in our spouse again. Just Stop It: A lighthearted look at breaking the cycle of negative patterns and choosing a better rhythm for your home. Whether you’re in a season of flourishing or feeling a bit of that distance, this conversation should encourage you to tend to the heart of your relationship today. Resources: Buy the book: Love and Respect Dr. Eggerichs’ Website: https://www.loveandrespect.com/ Join us November 19-20 for our Emotional Health Retreat in Franklin, TN. Register now and save $200 when you use the code EH200. https://www.rebekahlyons.com/ehretreat Get The Fight for Us book and curriculum: The Fight For Us Take the THINQ Assessment: https://www.thinqassessment.scoreapp.com/ Create a free THINQ Account: Access more trusted content at thinqmedia.com