Disrupting the Underfunctioning/Overfunctioning Dynamic (Re-Release)

With 215 episodes of Reimagining Love under her belt, Dr. Alexandra is announcing a pause of the podcast. In this episode, she shares why she made this decision, what’s happening in this transition (which is NOT an ending!), and the invaluable lessons she’s learned from you, the listener, along the way. Thank you so much for listening to the show! Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Reimagining Love episode: Step Into Your Purpose: Using Righteous Anger for Good in a Broken World with Shannon Watts https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/step-into-your-purpose-using-righteous-anger-for-good/id1588419386?i=1000713205840 Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This solo episode is going to explore a fear that many of us carry inside our intimate relationships but rarely say out loud: the fear of settling. What is it? Where does it come from? And most importantly, what does it cost us? Dr. Alexandra will offer you a reframe that is both clarifying and hopeful. We are going to reimagine what acceptance actually means – not as a passive giving-up, but as one of the most powerful and underrated tools available to us in love.  In this episode, you will hear about: The cost of comparison and how to shift from external comparison to internal reflection. How the word “settling” is working against you. What Acceptance is and is not, and how to determine whether you are acting in the spirit of acceptance or resignation. How to tend to the grief that is often built into Acceptance. Grab a pen and paper! Dr. Alexandra has included a writing exercise in this episode, designed to guide you towards acceptance - both of yourself and your partner. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Reimagining Love episodes: Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 1 https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/relational-ambivalence-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-part-1-rerelease/ Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 2 https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/relational-ambivalence-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-part-2-rerelease/ Inviting a Reluctant Partner into Relationship Work https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/inviting-a-reluctant-partner-into-relationship-work-re-release/ “I Think I’ve Outgrown My Relationship!” https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/i-think-ive-outgrown-my-relationship Is There an “Effort Mismatch” in Your Relationship? https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/is-there-an-effort-mismatch-in-your-relationship Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dr. Alexandra explores the common underfunctioning/overfunctioning dynamic in long-term partnerships. She talks about why many couples fall prey to these roles, including cultural messaging and family-of-origin scripts, and she shares strategies for breaking free from this dance so that the relationship can feel more balanced. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Get the companion worksheet for this episode: www.dralexandrasolomon.com/dynamic The Family Institute at Northwestern University: https://www.family-institute.org/ Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/ Take Dr. Alexandra's E-Course, Intimate Relationships 101 (use code LOVEPOD for 10% off at checkout) https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/intimate-relationships-101 “Overfunctioning and Underfunctioning” by Dr. Will Meek: https://willmeekphd.com/overfunctioning-underfunctioning/ “Women Aren't Nags—We're Just Fed” Up by Gemma Hartley (Harper’s Bazaar, September 2017): https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/ “I Live With a Woman—We're Not Immune to Emotional Labor: How LGBTQ couples navigate gender roles at home” by Trish Bendix (Harper’s Bazaar, October 2017): https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12779502/emotional-labor-lgbtq-relationships/ Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/books/fair-play-a-game-changing-solution-for-when-you-have-too-much-to-do-and-more-life-to-live/9780525541943?gclid=CjwKCAjwyryUBhBSEiwAGN5OCMpPV9pDU8oYDF4N2gccTwdOWo4hb8gHLsp3DfY1sTLi7IrxdD83YxoCGiQQAvD_BwE Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath join Reimagining Love to share the story of their relationship—the story that inspired their book, Liberated Love: Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire. In this conversation, they get vulnerable about how they moved from breaking up to fostering breakthroughs; a journey they nurtured through what they call 'a sacred pause.' In the sacred pause, they identified the patterns that blocked their ability to find authentic love so that they could build a new relationship rooted in safety and interdependence. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Liberated Love: Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire by Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath: https://bookshop.org/p/books/liberated-love-release-codependent-patterns-and-create-the-love-you-desire-kylie-mcbeath/40bfe21a1c3c84ad?ean=9781250908957&next=t& After purchasing Liberated Love, access the PDF Workbook and free Meditation: https://markgroves.com/book Reimagining Love episode, "My Partner Wants to Take a Break. What's Next?" https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/my-partner-wants-to-take-a-break-whats-next/id1588419386?i=1000756951793 Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra will be exploring the topic of taking a break from your relationship, which was inspired by a listener email. First, she will talk you through some very specific and perhaps surprising reasons that taking a break is so difficult, with the support of some research. Then you will hear Dr. Alexandra’s Seven-Step Best Practices for a structured or therapeutic separation, with consideration for Before, During and After the Break. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: The Lived Experience of Ambiguous Marital Separation: A Phenomenological Study: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7383873/ “It’s complicated’’: The continuity and correlates of cycling in cohabiting and marital relationships: https://extension.usu.edu/hru/files/Vennum-et-al-2014-Relationship-cycling-and-outcomes.pdf Establishing links between relationship cycling, relational stress, and well-being: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/02654075251378864 Reimagining Love episode, How to Get Closure After A Breakup - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-get-closure-after-a-breakup/id1588419386?i=1000603123829 Reimagining Love episode, Dealing With Breakup Regret - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dealing-with-breakup-regret/id1588419386?i=1000604088930 Reimagining Love episode, "I'm Thinking About Getting Back Together With My Ex." (Part One) - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/im-thinking-about-getting-back-together-with-my-ex-part-one/id1588419386?i=1000607309489 Reimagining Love episode, "I'm Thinking About Getting Back Together With My Ex." (Part Two) - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/im-thinking-about-getting-back-together-with-my-ex-part-two/id1588419386?i=1000608341518 Reimagining Love episode, Conscious Uncoupling: Divorce as an Ending, Not a Failure with Katherine Woodward Thomas - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/conscious-uncoupling-divorce-as-an-ending-not/id1588419386?i=1000650466142 Reimagining Love episode, The D Word: An Empowering Approach to Divorce with Kate Anthony - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-d-word-an-empowering-approach-to-divorce/id1588419386?i=1000642611274 Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Here’s a bonus episode for you with Dr. Alexandra guesting on The Sober Mom Life to chat with Suzanne Warye about intimate partnerships, particularly what happens in a relationship when one partner gets sober. In this conversation, Dr. Alexandra talks about how the tools of Relational Self-Awareness can be brought to navigating transitions, growing both individually and together in a relationship, resourcing different kinds of intimacy from within our marriage and outside of it, seeking couple therapy, taking Your Sexy back (especially soberly), and creating moments of appreciation to strengthen your relationship.  Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Reimagining Love episode, Shifting to Sobriety: Quitting Drinking, Self-Compassion, and Evolving Together with Suzanne & Russell Warye: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/shifting-to-sobriety-quitting-drinking-self-compassion/id1588419386?i=1000743944736 Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Cycles of rumination and overthinking can be hard to break free from, and they can negatively impact us and our relationships. In this episode, therapist Alicia Muñoz joins Dr. Alexandra to address this common thought pattern and shares tools for how to slow down and release ourselves from this headspace. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Stop Overthinking Your Relationship: Break the Cycle of Anxious Rumination to Nurture Love, Trust, and Connection with Your Partner by Alicia Muñoz: https://bookshop.org/p/books/stop-overthinking-your-relationship-break-the-cycle-of-anxious-rumination-to-nurture-love-trust-and-connection-with-your-partner-alicia-munoz/18078243?ean=9781648480034 Alicia's website: https://aliciamunoz.com/ Reimagining Love episode, Connecting Through the Nervous System: Polyvagal Theory with Deb Dana: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/connecting-through-the-nervous-system-polyvagal/id1588419386?i=1000740378605 Reimagining Love episode, Managing Anxiety: Three Root Causes To Help You Find Relief with Noelle McWard Aquino: https://podcasts.apple.com/am/podcast/managing-anxiety-three-root-causes-to-help-you-find/id1588419386?i=1000728011668 Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this solo deep-dive episode, Dr. Alexandra will be exploring rebounds. Maybe you are fresh out of a breakup and you've crossed paths with someone you're interested in, but you're scared that pursuing this feels “rebound-y” and therefore foolish. Maybe you're seeing someone who is recently out of a relationship and you're worried about becoming their rebound. Maybe you've had concerns about a rebounding couple in your world. Or maybe you're simply curious about the process of healing between relationships. Wherever you're coming from, this episode will surely leave you with a unique and nuanced perspective on healing before entering a new relationship that will be useful to you. First, Dr. Alexandra will talk about rebound relationships and dig into the rhetoric around them, including some surprising research that may run counter to the typical view of rebound relationships (and then some caveats to this research - shades of grey galore!). With this groundwork laid out, she is then going to offer you a 9-Task framework for doing a rebound with Relational Self-Awareness – how to keep a new relationship healthy while also continuing to process whatever your previous relationship left you with. And if you're the partner of someone who is rebounding, you can repurpose the framework for your own situation. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: The Surprising Benefits of a Rebound Relationship: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/sex-esteem/202601/the-surprising-benefit-of-a-rebound-relationship-after-a-breakup Reimagining Love episode, Why Self-Compassion is an Essential Practice with Dr. Kristin Neff: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/why-self-compassion-is-an-essential-practice-with/id1588419386?i=1000733838918 Reimagining Love episode, Talking About the Future: Navigating a Pace Discrepancy: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/talking-about-the-future-navigating-a-pace-discrepancy/id1588419386?i=1000578512125 Reimagining Love episode, "I Need Connection & My Partner Needs Space. Now What?": https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/i-need-connection-my-partner-needs-space-now-what/id1588419386?i=1000654782525 Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, founder & CEO of Therapy for Black Girls, joins Dr. Alexandra to discuss her mission to make mental health topics more relevant and accessible for Black women. They also discuss what to look for in a new therapist, the personal growth that comes from breakups and new beginnings, and a listener question from a single mom who's struggling with FOMO. Resources worth mentioning from the episode: Therapy for Black Girls (including the online therapist directory): https://therapyforblackgirls.com/ Dr. Joy's website: https://hellodrjoy.com/ Therapy for Black Girls Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapy-for-black-girls/id1223803641 Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Today, Dr. Alexandra and fellow psychologist, author, and podcast host Dr. Tracy Dalgleish are digging into a dynamic that is notoriously difficult to navigate - if, of course, all the stereotypes and jokes and rhetoric are to be totally believed. Except in this conversation, they’re handling it with the compassion, nuance, and understanding that all relationships deserve. They are dissecting the dynamic between a woman, her husband and her mother-in-law, and the complexities often found in that triangle.  Dr. Tracy’s book You, Your Husband, and His Mother explores this dynamic in such an insightful way and her offerings guide this conversation. She provides tools to help you understand the dynamics at play and to shift those dynamics in the most effective way we can: namely, by seeing our own patterns in relation to others’, meeting those patterns with compassion and understanding, and changing up our own dance moves. In this episode, you will learn: Why this dynamic can be so challenging, as well as the ways each vertice of the triangle might show up to shape the dynamic Strategies for prioritizing your relationship amidst family pressures Dr. Tracy’s Six Types of Mothers-in-Law and Three Styles of daughters-in-law  About Dr. Tracy’s VAULT method, which is an acronym that breaks down the steps you can take with your partner to shake up the dynamics of this triangle Resources worth mentioning from the episode: You, Your Husband, and His Mother: Create a Healthy Relationship with Your Mother-in-Law--and Your Spouse--in Five Simple Steps by Dr. Tracy Dalgleish: https://bookshop.org/p/books/you-your-husband-and-his-mother-create-a-healthy-relationship-with-your-mother-in-law-and-your-spouse-in-five-simple-steps-dr-tracy-dalgleish/ff98565f5a7ef87a Follow Dr. Tracy D on IG: https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd/?hl=en Dr. Tracy D's podcast Dear Dr. Tracy: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/dear-dr-tracy/id1452433255 Reimagining Love episode, Love, Acceptance, & Growth: The Insights We Glean from Couples Therapy with Dr. Tracy Dalgleish: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/love-acceptance-growth-the-insights-we-glean-from-couples-therapy/ NYT article on Mankeeping that Dr. Tracy references: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/28/well/family/mankeeping-definition.html Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530 Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/ Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/ Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.