Chapter Five - Fear

Conflict is real for you and for me. These final thoughts on hard questions, myriad answers, and the possibility of wrestling with the tension rather than promising a simple answer where none exists. Compare your conclusions to mine and send them along as you wish.~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)

Recognizing that you have an arsenal of tools provides the strength to know that standing up for yourself comes in all colors. Walking away and not caring what someone thinks can be standing up for yourself, saying no to someone in authority with a willingness to pay the price is standing up for yourself, having a conversation that terrifies you is a strong response to the uncertainty of engage in conflict. Just staying in the room while others are in conflict is yet another way to stand up for yourself and maybe for others. The rainbow contains a full spectrum of colors for you to stand up for yourself~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)

Who among us has not made a mistake and hurt someone else? Even after recognizing it, isn't your mind working overtime to explain why it isn't all your fault? The story begins creating itself almost from the moment you realize what you did wrong. If you can own your part without minimizing it or talking at all about the fault of another, then you will have a magical power to engage conflict. Is it risky and does it make you vulnerable? Sure it does. But in chapter 12, you can consider it with eyes wide open. Maybe your vision will change~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)

When was the last time you listened solely for the purpose of listening? Nearly always, we listen with an agenda to get something we want or avoid losing something we already have. Radical listening is the powerful practice of listening solely for the sake of listening. When you get agitated or scared, listening leaves the building like a rat running from a fire. This is precisely the uncomfortable moment for you to pause and listen without preparing a response. As a coach once told me, practice makes permanent not perfect. If you want to listen better, then pause and practice differently.~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)

Living life on life's terms is just plain hard. Few things are more compelling than the desire to be comfortable in the United States. The market for pain relievers was estimated to be over $7 billion. This does not take into account illegal use of street and prescription drugs and the resulting addictions. Embracing discomfort is counterintuitive. Commercials and social influencers call you to the fantasy of an easy fix. Reaching for the first bit of relief whether it's food, alcohol, or possibly an unhealthy relationship, compels us. If we are going to address the reality of conflict in our lives, then embracing discomfort long enough to consider its causes and the best responses, is an essential ingredient~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)

Conflict does not request consent. It happens anytime things are going differently than you wish. If you don't identify it, you make yourself a victim rather than a player. It always begins with you, whether you invite it or not. Engaging skillfully under the umbrella of believing that you can be okay under a variety of circumstances gives you the most important control. The control over yourself. You can own and choose rather than hide and react~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)

Without trust, the world grinds to a halt. We cannot verify every fact or check every credential. We trust drivers we've never met and an electrical grid we know nothing about. And at the same time, trust is broken every day, sometimes by us. Open your eyes to all the places you trust without knowing it. And maybe the impossible standards you impose on yourself and others. A bit of grace may be more important than unforgiveness, but both come with risks~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)

We all have preferences and put things into categories. When the preferences involve food, the risk is low. When the categories separate dogs from cats, no harm is done. The stakes change when we reject people from our groups because of how they look or decide that everyone who talks a certain way has ironclad values. The efficiency of bias in the stereotype flies in the face of fairness and decency. But without effort, we can gather people around us who reinforce our naturally closed minds. In this episode, I invite you to consider whether you can recognize your bias and decide not to endorse it. It's easier said than done~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)

The feeling of power is like a drug, and like many drugs, it has side effects. But feeling powerful and being powerful are not the same thing. Even those who are powerless find ways to wield whatever power they have. And it can come with devastating impact. Those who have power and use it wisely may do so under the radar. The most skillful use of power often goes unnoticed. The least skillful use of power unwittingly transfers it to others. In this episode, consider the power you have and the power you don't either. Can be a useful tool~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)

Fear exposes so much vulnerability that we routinely disguise it as stress, anxiety, discomfort or concern. You feel it in your bones. You've likely done this in the last 24 hours. If you identify your fear and your natural responses, often anger or sadness, you have taken steps toward courage to move forward in the face of fear~~~~~Website: samardery.comEmail: [email protected] Production Partner: Steve Heatherington of Good Podcasting WorksMusic: A Safe Place by Marco Zannone via Pond5 (marcozannone's Artist Page)