I Wish I Didn't Miss You: Rock Bottom

Whether internal or outward, the circumstances we’re thrust into invariably shape who webecome, and the mark we make on the world. Here are the stories of three people who’veadapted to exceptionally harsh environments by tapping into untold reserves of imagination andmoral courage: Ed Dwight, a former Air Force pilot who faced insurmountable hostility intraining to become the first African-American astronaut, and later emerged as a world-renowned sculptor whose art honors racial progress; Monther Altiti, a Mercy Corps officer whoendured life-altering trauma while growing up in the Middle East, then created a wildernesstherapy program to provide similarly troubled youth with the same sense of peace he discoveredin nature; and Cecilia McGough, a radio astronomer whose work in astrophysics has granted apowerful escape from the inner chaos of schizophrenia. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In life and in art, self-reinvention can let us escape expectation and realize our purpose in an otherwise unattainable way. And yet there’s also a danger in drifting too far from the confines of reality. A layered meditation on the fluidity of identity, “A Man Is Not His Song” centers on three people who pushed the limits of persona in their life’s work: Marc Ruskin, an FBI agent who spent over 20 years undercover, juggling 12 different identities as he infiltrated mafia families, drug trafficking circles, and counterfeit money rings; Michael Redhill, a poet, playwright, and author who began writing under the female pseudonym Inger Ash Wolfe at age 40 and found new fame as a mystery novelist; and Jason Beck, an entertainer who adopted the stage name Chilly Gonzales in the late ’90s and soon learned that his outrageous alter ego allowed him to explore forbidden truths in his music and performance.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

No matter what form it takes, abuse leaves us indelibly altered, often consumed by an emotional confusion that feels impossible to untangle. In this episode, we hear from three people with firsthand experience of abuse, each speaking from a profoundly different perspective. Rachel Jeffs recounts escaping the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints after years of suffering sexual abuse by her cult leader and father Warren Jeffs, while documentarian Attiya Khan recollects the domestic abuse she endured as a teenager—and the experience of confronting her abuser two decades after breaking free. And in a particularly fraught account, Tom Stranger narrates the night in high school when he raped his then-girlfriend, who later tracked him down as part of her recovery. In sharing their stories with candid detail, these guests ultimately instill us with a more nuanced understanding of abuse, its impact, and the immense possibility for healing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Though it’s invisible and formless, the wind is one of the most formidable forces in the universe. In this episode, three guests reflect on their life-changing experience with the wind, inviting a new sense of awe for the natural world. A professional storm-chaser known as “the tornado hunter,” Greg Johnson recalls the terror and wonder of getting caught in one of the most monstrous tornados ever recorded. Sailor/adventurer Sara Hastreiter looks back on competing in a nine-month-long race across the planet, and on living at the mercy of the wind’s erratic temperament. And in a poignant merging of story and song, Ojibwe teacher Jacqui Lavalley reveals how the increasingly catastrophic storms of recent years are the Earth’s way of responding to the damage humans have done to our environment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do some years of our lives seem to pass by in a flash, when the smallest of moments can feel infinitely frozen? In “Century,” two voices offer their radically different perspectives on the sensation of time: Centenarian Margaret Shein shares that time speeds by much faster after having lived for an entire century, while Joy Simmonds details a terrifying car accident where she felt suspended in time and found an odd sense of peace. Adding to the mystery of time’s physicality, geology professor Ulrich Wortmann speaks to certain instances in which the passing of millions of years has left no trace in nature. And in a mind-bending reflection on time and memory, physicist and time-travel researcher Ben Tippett breaks down the very real possibility of future time travel, and explains how the past lives on forever in the space-time continuum. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is monogamy really so tied to stability—or can a more open approach lead to stronger and deeper relationships? As social psychologist Lucia O’Sullivan shares findings from decades of intimacy research, two couples shed light on their unconventional partnerships: Adult-film actress/director/writer Joanna Angel and her actor husband Small Hands speak to the complexities of commitment in the alt-porn world, while polyamorous couple Mutamba and Olivia discuss navigating their wildly different backgrounds and supporting each other in striving for total freedom. The result is an eye-opening look at connection and communication, one that reveals how undoing our assumptions of what’s “normal” in relationships may lead to a more expansive experience of love. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does it mean to stay "young"? What does it mean to become "old" before your time? Is age chronological, or is it a state of mind? Is aging inevitable? Or is it a conscious choice, one informed by our sense of what’s possible and by the premium we put on unmitigated joy?In “Young Up,” we’re let in on the secret to turning back the clock, thanks to three ageless women who’ve followed their hearts to extraordinary second acts: Kittie Weston-Knauer, a retired school principal and oldest female BMX racer in the U.S.; The Grindmother, a 69-year-old grindcore singer who counts Ozzy Osbourne among her fans; and Greta Pontarelli, who became the world’s oldest international pole-dancing champion after discovering her beloved hobby at age 59. With a dash of priceless wisdom from 8-year-old Anabel Dixon Lee and 9-year-old Scarlett Day, this episode also features social-science writer Bruce Grierson, who explains how our ideas about our own potential and limitations undeniably influence the rate at which we age. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When the outside world is at odds with our very humanity, everyday life is an endless threat, one that requires constant self-protection. In “I’m Not Running Away,” we meet three people who spent much of their lives hiding their truth, then confronted their fear and courageously stepped from the shadows. Guests include transgender advocate and triathlete Chris Mosier (the first known trans athlete to join a U.S. national team different from his birth-assigned gender), immigration activist Angy Rivera (a Colombia native who fled for New York as a child and later founded a groundbreaking advice column for fellow undocumented immigrants), and thespian Lisa Dwan (an Irish stage actress who suffers from debilitating panic attacks and stage fright). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do we regain hope when our dreams end in ruin? In “Lost Dreams,” we hear the stories of three people who followed their deepest passion and endured devastation: Perdita Felicien, a world-champion hurdler who was favored to win gold at the 2004 Olympics, then tripped and fell in what would be her last-ever appearance on the Olympic track; Dylan Evans, an esteemed psychologist who abandoned his academic career to build a utopian community in the Scottish Highlands, only to see that community unravel and find himself detained in a psychiatric hospital; and Sara Brooke Curtis, a mother whose first child died at just three-days-old and who now readies herself for the birth of her second baby. With a generous and spellbinding candor, each guest details the thrill of nearly realizing their dreams, the heartbreak of loss, and the newfound courage that’s transformed their understanding of fear. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Your first listen to a new podcast from Feist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.