
What Happens When a Dismissive Avoidant or Fearful Avoidant Shuts You Out
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When someone you love suddenly shuts down and says “I’m fine,” it can be confusing, painful, and triggering — especially if you know something’s off. In this episode, Thais Gibson and Mike de Zio dive deep into what’s really happening when a dismissive avoidant (DA) or fearful avoidant (FA) pulls away.
They explore how shutting down is rarely about spite or indifference — it’s a subconscious protection strategy. Through personal stories and actionable steps, Thais and Mike explain how to understand these patterns, respond without pushing your partner away, and create safety for honest reconnection.
💡 You’ll Learn:-
Why dismissive and fearful avoidants withdraw when they’re hurt
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The 6 key steps to reconnect without triggering defensiveness
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How to validate your partner’s needs without abandoning your own
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What to say (and not say) when they need space
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How to rebuild communication, empathy, and safety in conflict
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Why clearly expressing your needs is a vital part of healing
00:00 – Intro: Why avoidants “shut down” during conflict 03:00 – Understanding Avoidant Protection Mechanisms 06:10 – Thais’ Past Experience as a Fearful Avoidant 07:45 – Why Avoidants Retreat When Hurt 09:03 – Emotional Safety vs. Pressure in Relationships 11:00 – How to Support a Dismissive Avoidant Without Overstepping 13:05 – The Power of Asking Gentle Questions 16:12 – How Opposite Needs Create Miscommunication 19:00 – Is It Okay to Sleep on an Argument? 21:15 – Reassurance, Timing, and the Hybrid Approach 22:30 – Step 1: Approach Them With Sensitivity 24:45 – Step 2: Offer Support Without Pressure 27:00 – Step 3: “Timebox” the Conversation 30:19 – Step 4: How to Reconnect When They’re Ready 33:10 – Step 5: Communicate Needs Clearly & Calmly 36:00 – Step 6: Take Your Own Needs Into Account 38:00 – Why Communicating Your Needs Builds Emotional Safety 41:00 – Healthy Conflict vs. Avoidance 44:30 – How Validation and Compromise Foster Secure Attachment 46:00 – Final Reflections: Reconnecting After Withdrawal
Key Takeaway:Avoidants don’t shut you out because they don’t care — they do it because vulnerability feels unsafe. The more you understand their patterns and communicate your own needs clearly, the faster you both can reconnect from a place of empathy, not defense.
🎙️ Meet Your Host Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and creator of the Integrated Attachment Theory™. With a Ph.D. and over 70,000 students worldwide, she’s a global expert in attachment healing, subconscious reprogramming, and emotional intelligence.
📚 Helpful Resources: 🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=attachment-quiz&utm_medium=organic&el=podcast
📘 Read Learning Love by Thais Gibson https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love
🎧 More Podcast Episodes https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/podcast?page=1
📝 Read the PDS Blog https://blog.personaldevelopmentschool.com/
📱 Connect with Us: 📸 Instagram: @thepersonaldevelopmentschool 📘 Facebook: The Personal Development School 🎵 TikTok: @thaisgibson 💼 LinkedIn: The Personal Development School ▶️ YouTube: The Personal Development School
#DismissiveAvoidant #FearfulAvoidant #AttachmentStyles #ThaisGibson #AttachmentHealing #EmotionalSafety #ConflictResolution #RelationshipCommunication #SecureAttachment #SubconsciousHealing
Remember: Silence doesn’t always mean disinterest — sometimes, it’s protection. Learn how to bridge the gap with compassion and clarity. 💗
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