135: Our Hot Takes

When did having a full life become having a life that's impossible to manage? And why are we blaming our partners for problems that are actually rooted in the overwhelming amount of stress we're all carrying?In conversation, we tackle: Why splitting the mental load 50/50 DOESN'T necessarily fix your relationship (sometimes the problem is that you both have too much on your plates) How the internet, parenting apps, social media, and even Amazon have created an entirely new layer of mental load we didn't grow up learning how to manage The problem with getting relationship advice from the algorithm, and how endless validation from ChatGPT and social media can actually make relationship anxiety worse Why you don't need 100% certainty about your relationship to make a decision (and why constantly seeking reassurance keeps you stuck) Liz's three strategies for dealing with stress: shed it, prevent it, or adapt to it What happens when one partner refuses to take on more responsibility, and why sometimes you have to grieve the things you can't do because your partner won't step up Why a good therapist shouldn't just validate everything you say, but should actually challenge your thinking Liz Earnshaw is a couples therapist, author, and relationship expert. Her most recent book, Till Stress Do Us Part, explores how stress impacts relationships and what couples can do about it. Learn more about Liz at elizabethearnshaw.com or on Instagram at @lizlistens.WE ARE ON SUBSTACK with bonus episodes, pep talks, episode guides, and more casual conversations like this one! Join us at nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy, reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 43 states across the country and offices if you’re local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? EMAIL [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We’d love to hear what you think!

Listen as we explore our hot takes on ... Why adult love shouldn’t be unconditional  Our real take on child-free flights Are influencers the problem, or is it our internalized misogyny toward female-dominated industries?  Cold plunges, home saunas, 10-step skincare routines: the wellness advice we secretly think is overrated WE ARE ON SUBSTACK with bonus episodes, pep talks, episode guides, and more casual conversations like this one! Join us at nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy, reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 43 states across the country and offices if you’re local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? EMAIL [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We’d love to hear what you think!

Sam's brother, Alex, died and she shares her experience of the ups and downs of grief since it happened.In conversation, we tackle: The messy middle of grief that nobody really talks about (when the immediate crisis is over, but you're nowhere near okay) Sam's complicated mix of devastation, relief, anger, and guilt after her brother Alex's sudden death What happens when being a caregiver has become part of your identity, and the person at the center of that identity is gone The guilt of feeling relief when someone you love is no longer suffering, and why you don't need to be more devastated to prove you loved them Why people stop asking about your grief, and how much it matters when someone is willing to talk about the person who died Why you don't need to have answers about your grief right now. Sometimes you just have to sit with the fact that everything has changed. WE ARE NOW ON SUBSTACK with bonus episodes, pep talks, episode guides, and so much more! Join us at nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 42 states across the country and have offices if you are local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? EMAIL- [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We'd love to hear what you think!

In this episode Amanda sits down with Kayleigh Summers, to discuss birth trauma, grief, having one child and so much other nuance. Kayleigh’s story is about grief, acceptance, and discovering that the life she didn’t choose might actually be better than the one she had planned. This realization really surprised her and was fascinating to hear about.Content warning: This episode discusses cardiac arrest, near-death experience, traumatic birth, hysterectomy, and medical trauma.Some highlights from our conversation: How Kayleigh always assumed she’d have two children The process of waking up six days after giving birth to learn she’d had a hysterectomy The initial response of avoiding grief through action: “I couldn’t touch the white hot grief of not being able to have another child... so I was like, yes, no, I’m gonna have another child. Like you’re not gonna stop me” How pursuing surrogacy strained her marriage The slow journey to acceptance The unexpected shift in perspective: “What’s interesting is where I’m at now... it’s shifted majorly in the last year or two... I like our life better than I think I would if we had another kid” On the power of questioning parenthood Perhaps most powerfully, Kayleigh reflects on how trauma forced her to pause: “I would have never paused to say, hey, is another child a good idea for our family and our marriage? That would have never happened... I have had the opportunity to think very deeply about what it means to add a second kid.”This is truly one of my FAVORITE conversations I have had on this podcast. Kayleigh’s story is so unique and filled with nuance and surprisingly a lot of hope. Don’t be scared by the content warning, its such a great episode!You can follow Kayleigh on social media @birthtrauma_mama and online at thebirthtraumamama.com.WE ARE NOW ON SUBSTACK with bonus episodes, pep talks, episode guides, and so much more! Join us at nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 42 states across the country and have offices if you are local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? EMAIL- [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We'd love to hear what you think!

Tired of hearing that “the way things used to be” was somehow better? A lot of what we romanticize as tradition is actually a tiny blip in history—and women have been paying the price for it.In conversation, we tackle: Why the 1950s weren’t the “traditional” family structure we think they were (and how weirdly specific that period actually was) The wild history of dating, including the fact that some of the first women going on public dates were arrested for prostitution How women became the default safety net for everyone from husbands to children to aging parents The uncomfortable question: if your adult children are your retirement plan, what exactly did you do to prepare for your own life? Why “I raised you” is NOT a lifetime debt—and what actual reciprocity between parents and adult children looks like The connection between estrangement, divorce, and the classic “this came out of nowhere” excuse Why community keeps getting asked to pick up the slack for men who simply aren’t showing up at home WE ARE NOW ON SUBSTACK with bonus episodes, pep talks, episode guides, and so much more! Join us at nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 42 states across the country and have offices if you are local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? EMAIL- [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We'd love to hear what you think!

What does accountability look like when the systems meant to provide it don't? In this episode, we're talking about the Cornell fraternity case and the culture around it, including why we keep having the wrong conversation.In conversation, we tackle: Why "but she said she was fine" tells you nothing, and what most women already know about that Sam's accountability video and the comment section that proved her point ("women don't take accountability either!") The problem with teaching consent as a box to check How brotherhood, hazing, and party culture set everyone up to fail Jessica Valenti's call to get rid of frats entirely, and whether Greek life can be reformed at all "Where were their mothers?" (funny how it always comes back to women) What to do with the rage when you can't fix the whole thing WE ARE NOW ON SUBSTACK with bonus episodes, pep talks, episode guides, and so much more! Join us at nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 42 states across the country and have offices if you are local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? EMAIL- [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We'd love to hear what you think!

When did friendship become something we have to optimize? In this episode, Amanda sits down with friendship specialist Blake Blankenbecler to talk about why we’re overthinking our friendships—and how therapy speak, social media, and the pressure to have “perfect” relationships might be getting in the way of actually enjoying them.In conversation, we tackle: Why your friends don’t need to be your therapists (and why that doesn't mean you shouldn't vent) The friendship “test” that tells you to stop reaching out and see who comes looking for you Why “I miss you” is often more vulnerable (and more useful) than a perfectly worded conversation about your unmet needs The five-person “core friendship” idea—and why not every friend needs to know everything about you Why “your friends like you” might be the radical reassurance we actually need The case for bringing back hosting friends, parallel play, dumb jokes, snacks, and being together without turning every interaction into emotional work Blake Blankenbecler is a therapist and friendship specialist. She is the creator of the Friendship Deck and practices at Fig Therapy. Follow her on social media @blakeblankenbecler and find her online at blakeblankenbecler.com. WE ARE NOW ON SUBSTACK with bonus episodes, pep talks, episode guides, and so much more! Join us at nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 43 states across the country and have offices if you are local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? EMAIL- [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We'd love to hear what you think!

In this episode we're getting into the pressure to be best friends with your sibling, why forcing it backfires, and why it's okay if you just don't like yours.In conversation, we tackle: Why Sam spent her entire childhood wishing her sister ill — and what shifted in 2020 Our advice to parents who want close kids: it has to be their idea, or do something dumb enough that you become the common enemy Why treating "eldest daughter" as your whole personality is a horoscope with better branding "That's cute when you're four. That's not cute when you're a grown adult with a functioning frontal lobe" Why your memory of who was the good sibling and who was the mean one is basically worthless How we've self-helped our way into believing any contention in a relationship is a red flag Regulation is not perpetual calm — it's sitting in the feeling of wanting to throw up while you have the repair conversation WE ARE NOW ON SUBSTACK with bonus episodes, pep talks, episode guides, and so much more! Join us at nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 43 states across the country and have offices if you are local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? EMAIL- [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We'd love to hear what you think!

In this episode, we're tackling the internet phenomenon that's ruining actual discourse: the bean soup theory, aka "what about me-ism."* The viral bean soup recipe that broke the internet—and why people demanding a bean-free bean soup is the perfect metaphor for online discourse right now* How performative advocacy is drowning out actual advocacy * The self-centered arrogance of assuming every piece of content must be caveated for YOUR specific experience* How left-leaning echo chambers have created a "gotcha culture" where pointing out what someone missed becomes performative activism* Why your anxiety is making you think everything is a mortal threat * The difference between actually dangerous content and content you simply disagree with* How we've weaponized words like "accountability" and "responsibility" so much that we can't talk about agency anymore* The radical truth: not everything applies to you, and that's okay* Why distraction is a valid coping skill If you’d like to support the show one of the best things you can do is leave us a review and share the pod! THANK YOU! We have some incredible BONUS episodes on our SUBSTACK! nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 42 states across the country and have offices if you are local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? You can email us [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We’d love to hear what you think!

What starts as our reaction to a lunchbox dispute turns into a conversation about how much of the world you're allowed to rearrange so you never have to be uncomfortable. In conversation, we tackle: The leaked group chat where a mom asked five other moms to stop packing Oreos because her daughter got jealous and the reply that ended it Why this is a textbook case of weaponized boundaries (she never used the word, but she didn't have to) Sam's distinction between access and imposition  Why "my kid came home upset" is a you problem, and the conversation you're avoiding having with them How the internet convinced parents that knowing about a risk makes them responsible for preventing it Sam on her religious upbringing: nobody ever called her friends' parents to ban coffee Why we both ended the episode deciding we're also the problem WE ARE NOW ON SUBSTACK with bonus episodes, pep talks, episode guides, and so much more! Join us at nuanceneeded.substack.comTo learn more about therapy reach out to Therapy for Women Center, therapyforwomencenter.com. We have therapists licensed in 42 states across the country and have offices if you are local to the Philadelphia area.Want to join the conversation? EMAIL- [email protected] or LEAVE US A MESSAGE at 813-444-8683. We'd love to hear what you think!